10 year old boy - disrespect, upsets easily, argumentative

Rebecca - posted on 10/31/2011

I understand how you feel I am also a single mother of a 10 year old boy. He doesn't seem to take responsibility for anything, yells at me, tells me he never wants to talk to me again. If he stubs his toe on something he swears its somehow my fault! I don't know how many days and nights I have spent crying and hurt over this, I just can't imagine how my child who I do everything for could treat me so bad...i would never want to hurt my mother's feelings like this. I am now in counseling and soon he will be joining me, I hope this helps for me and hope it gets better for you

Hilary - posted on 08/27/2011

Don't you two worry about making this a single parent thing, I have just the same and am very happily married, with a very hand's on husband. Mine has just given me a lecture on what a bad mother I am because after 15 minutes of listening to him whinging like a three year old on the way to the shop (which was a small detour before playing table tennis with him in the park!) I told him to go home as it was too boring to listen to any more. So I get back to a reasonably pleasant & contrite boy, but when I tell him calmly that it's not acceptable and that he sounds like the two whingey boys he hates in the road (because they whinge) , he spouts all the psychobabble from the many books I have read, telling me that I shouldn't have given in to him and should have made him come all the way to the shop and that and the fact that he is like this is my fault and nothing to do with him. I think the lady below is slightly more fortunate with her children also, my boy's friend is distraught if his mother tells him off, mine just thinks up 101 ways why he is actually right or it's nothing to do with him. He will be a good lawyer I think.

Lindy - posted on 09/09/2010

i FEEL SORRY FOR YOU AS I HAVE HAD THIS SIMILAR PROBLEM BEFORE. I AM ALSO A SINGLE WIDOW MOTHER OF A 10 YEAR OLD I UNDERSTAND EXACTLY WHAT U R GOING THRU. MY SON HAD THIS PROBLEM ON N OFF BUT I MANAGED TO PUT A STOP TO IT ONCE AND FOR ALL. ESP BEFORE IT GETS WORSE. COMMUNICATION IS A VERY IMPORTANT TOOL HERE. DUN TALK TO YR SON AFTER AN INCIDENT. TALK TO HIM FIND OUT SHOW YR CONCERN N LISTEN. BEING A SINGLE MOTHER TO THE ONLY CHILD IS VERY DIFFICULT. V HV TO BE EXTRA SENSITIVE TO THEIR FEELINGS. FOR ME I TRIED LISTENING AND ASKING HIM QUESTIONS AS TO WHY HE BEHAVES SO ROTTENLY. I TOLD HIM I WAN AN ANSWER AS I WILL NOT STAND FOR ANYTHING LESS. IT IS EXPLAINED TO HIM THT WHY THIS BEHAVIOUR IS UNACCEPTABLE. I TOLD MY SON THT IF I CAN SPEAK NICELY TO HIM THEN HE SHUD DO THE SAME TOO. I AM SURE THERE IS A REASON FOR HIS BEHAVIOUR SO FIND OUT WHAT IT IS. THEN WORK ON IT. NO POINT IN GETTING ALL WORKED UP EACH TIME HE GIVES U THE ATTITUDE. IT WILL PILED UP TO MORE ANGER N FRUSTRATION N THAT ADDS UP TO UNHAPPY GROWING UP FOR HIM. STAY CALM N DEAL WITH IT WITH UTMOST PATIENT N LOVE. GOOD LUCK. EMAIL ME AT lindy_tam@yahoo.com IF U LIKE. LASTLY REMEMBER THT THERE IS JUST YOU IN HIS LIFE SO TRY YR BEST TO MAKE HIM UNDERSTAND THAT.

Deidre - posted on 09/09/2010

Does he have sensory issues and that is why he won't eat an apple unless it's peeled?? My sons have some sensory issues and will not eat a banana if it's bruised as they think it's "rotten". Also one of my son's likes his apple peeled as he does not like the way it feels on his teeth and mouth if it's whole. I would ground my boys too if they told me they hated me and were being disrepectful. Will he do a reward chart for you to try to help him control his yelling/disrespectfullness? Maybe you can tell him if he earns so many token/stickers he can go to dollar tree or earn a bigger prize if he earns a lot. That's what we do with our boys when they start going through that phase.

Rose - posted on 09/08/2010

My first impression is that you need to teach him how to do things for himself. If he wants the apple he can have it (that's your decision) if he wants it cut up (his decision) then he needs to make that happen on his own. Explain that he's old enough to do these things and show him how to use a veggie peeler and apple cutter thing (they sell them everywhere now). You are right by punishing for disrespect but you should never get into an argument with your child. You are the ultimate authority and he needs to know it. If he tries arguing with you say NO. Often kids say "but" this and "but" that. the answer is "No, I'm the mom and this is my decision you will listen and obey" It sounds old fashioned but it works. My teen boys are very respectful and responsible for themselves and their actions. Make sure he knows his choices are his responsibility!