15 Year Old Boy refuses to come Home.

Suzanne - posted on 03/13/2012 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Is there a legal remedy to make my son come home and stay. His friends parents are letting him stay with them as long as he likes. i would rather them, then someone else, but I want my son to come home and work out our family problems.

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Wandadamico - posted on 02/08/2013

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I can so relate. My 15 year old son is doing the same. Children and families said to me that it is okay for him to live with a friend. He is smoking weed and not going to school. I'm about to contact a local judge to see if he can help. Children have to much freedom. We need to lobby, to have the law changed to save our children. We have no rights as parents. Just keep praying!

Tabitha - posted on 03/17/2012

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Why are you waiting for him to want to come home? He is a minor, go over there and get him. If he won't leave and they won't make him leave, get the police involved. I realize that sometimes a child or anyone needs to get away. But there is no reason for a child to just stay gone or for the other parents to be ok with him practically living there. Yes, kids sometimes need a refuge. But why is he staying gone? Has he been in trouble? If that's the case, then he should absolutely be made to come home and face the consequences. Parents these days coddle their kids too much. Everyone wants to be "friends" with their kids and no one wants to hurt feelings. The real world isn't a nice place to be all the time, if he's not made to follow the rules or face the consequences of his actions as a child/teenager, he won't do it as an adult. If there are issues that don't include him being in trouble, bring him home and go to a family therapist, he also needs time with a therapist on his own so that he can speak freely. But the main point is...he needs to be home and you as his parent, need to enforce that. Also, I would probably restrict the time he spends with that family as they are teaching him that it's ok to disobey your parents, which is disrespectful on their part.

Sheena - posted on 06/10/2012

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I can totally sympathize with you on this subject. My son is only a week past he's 15th birthday, hasn't been home in in 3 weeks. I reported him as a runaway and yet the police said all they can do is make sure he is safe and well and DO NOT have to return him home.
Social services have more or less said that he is ok to stay at he's friend's house without my permission. It was he's wanting to stay with this friend that got him into trouble in the first place!

He's currently on a referral order from the court for stabbing he's teacher at the special needs school he attends. He was also smoking cannabis which I was understood was coming to an end. Then totally out of the blue he flipped, tried to have he's step dad arrested for assaulting him. When the police told him it was legal chastisement he went berserk. Threatened to stab me, waving a screwdriver directly at me. Then proceeded to scream profanities from he's bedroom window and headbutted it hard enough to crack the surrounding brickwork. I was seeing the police back to their car at this point and could see the whole of he's window move with the force, but the police continued to leave the premises as if to say "it was my problem now"!
I didn't get to sleep until 5am that night through fear of being stabbed by my own son, when I awoke at 9am the following morning he was gone. That was the last I saw of him!

Since he's been with he's friend's family, he has since taken up solvent abuse, missing school and just last night I had he's friend's sister call me to tell me he had taken Ecstasy and was refusing to do what the friend's mum had asked of him. I had reported him to the police early yesterday for possession of cannabis.

There is nothing that I can physically do to stop him from doing what he is doing, I cannot form him to come home and I cannot the police to do anything with him.

Oh and the best bit... Social services are laying the blame on me for it all because I have said that there is something wrong with him, since he was 3 years old.
I had him assessed for a number of reason's, and the medical professionals mentioned Autism and ADHD to me, not the other way round. So i'm a bad parent for fighting to get my child help!

I'm so angry with the system, because they won't help a child with problems but are more than happy to go all out if it's the parent that is the problem.
Maybe I need to be the one smoking pot and drinking 24/7, cos it seems to get you alot further in life than trying to raise a family with positive values.

Emily - posted on 03/20/2012

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I agree with Tabitha.. go over there and get him. You are the boss, not him. He is your child, your responsibility. If he's refusing to go home, police or social services needs to be involved. Get some professional help, family therapy, etc.

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9 Comments

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Shanika - posted on 03/07/2013

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go get him and go out to lunch and talk no yelling just talking and fix it than go home and be a family but remember to listen to him

Misty - posted on 03/25/2012

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Report him as a runaway to the cops. But he may play end up in juvy and in trouble with the courts and dcs if you do.

Gwen - posted on 03/19/2012

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Where do you live? In Canada the age is 14 when they can decide where they want to live whether its with a family member or a neighbor. I know this because I have the same problem with my 14 year old daughter. Last summer she decided she wanted to live with her dad. I went to court to fight this because its not in her best interest. The judge asked if she decided this on her own then he appointed her a lawyer. Pissed me off because the judge never asked why this wasn't in her best interest. Just asked if she decided on her own and gave her a lawyer. I was NOT having my daughter have a lawyer, to me that is really dealing with adult stuff and no 14 year old should have that power.

Melodii - posted on 03/14/2012

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What is there for him to come home to? Create a space that he can call his refuge. He will return.



If his home is in disarray and there is strife, he will stay out.



Also, where has he learned this "self-defense" of flight/running from? Start there.

Louise - posted on 03/13/2012

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At 15 he is a minor and should be at home with you. In England a child would be returned to its parents by the police or social services would be involved.



I suppose the issue is why is he there?



You have to sit down with him and tell him that he cant stay at his friends house forever so you need to remedy what has made him feel he needs to move out and work on things from there.

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