advice with helping my 14yr old while she pregnant

Dusty - posted on 01/14/2012

As a mother with a daughter also, I'm dreading the day (& also praying it DOESN'T happen) when my daughter comes home & tells me she's pregnant before she's even out of highschool. So first off, let me say how terribly sorry I am for your situation & for your daughter to be going through this. Pregnancy is supposed to be such a wonderful time, & her being so young, it probably isn't much to be happy about. I think that you need to sit back & have a talk with her about what she is going to do with this baby. Is she willing to give it up for adoption? If so, I would say that would be the BEST route to go unless YOU want & can afford to raise another child. If she doesn't want to place the child for adoption, I would tell her that she needs to be getting a job & signing up for state assistance. If she is going to choose to be a full time mother to this child then she needs to know the reality of the situation. I know this sounds harsh, because you never want your kids to struggle, but too many parents let their teens keep the children they get pregnant with, yet the teens don't pay for anything, & most of the time, end up getting pregnant again. Of course, regardless, if she keeps the child, she will still probably need a little help from you, so truthfully, it's also your choice as to whether or not the child is placed up for adoption. Just remind her that their are plenty of loving families out there who can't have children & would be able to take better care of the child than she would. She's so young, & she can always have more children when she's out of school & financially stable. If she still wants to see the child grow, I would suggest doing an open adoption.

Natalie - posted on 01/13/2012

I won't get into her 'boyfriend' since you stated that he's already getting dealt with by the state. As far as your daughter, I'm glad that she's back with you, and I hope that she is starting to understand the ramifications that are involved with having a child so young. I had my first when I was 19, and I went to a school for pregnant teens. There was a girl in there that was almost 12 so your not the first parent and unfortunately you won't be the last. But you should try to look at some of the state programs that may be listed in your area. Most states have info for pregnant teens and also provide medicaid (if she doesn't have it already) along with WIC and other aid that she will need. Also you should look into schools that are close by that either have daycares or are strictly for teens who are either pregnant or have children. The focus isn't just on education....but they have mandatory parenting classes, etc. I wish you and your daughter luck, and just know that she will more than understand when the baby comes. I beg you to please make her take care of her responsibility since you already have a lot on your plate. That doesn't mean to not help sometimes, but she made her choices and she has to live with this one for the rest of her life. You can also find jobs that she can do through the school or through the department of labor. God bless

Manon - posted on 01/13/2012

Stay positive and encourage her through every step of her pregnancy. I am the adoptive mother of two boys. My boys were born from similar circumstances. Adoption is a great option and depending where you live, open adoptions bring the baby, adoptive parents and birth family together. I'm certain you are a great mom and you will support her regardless of the challenges you both will face.

Kelly - posted on 01/06/2012

In these kinds of situations, it is hard to give advice. It is easy to tell someone else what they should do when you don't have to live with the consequences. Maybe you just want someone to understand your problem; I just want to say that I can't tell you what is best for you and your family and i know you are struggling to do the best you can. I will pray for you and your daughter and the baby she is going to have...The best of luck to you as the situation will not get easier, but you have to lead the way for her.

Laurie - posted on 01/06/2012

The 23 year old man NEEDS to be prosecuted for statutory rape and be made to register as a sex offender. Your daughter needs to be returned to you by the state - if she wants to be emancipated, let her hire the attorney to try. Until that time, she is your responsibility (unless the state places her in foster care.) Either decision (abortion or keeping the child) NEEDS to be followed up with counseling and education for her (and maybe you). Your daughter needs additional help. Perhaps more then you can offer her on your own. Check out what your state offers. BUT FIRST - GET THE GUY ARRESTED AND IN JAIL. HE IS A SEXUAL PREDATOR!

Shaz - posted on 01/05/2012

my neice had a baby at 14. the boy also 14....she was given the choice. she chose to keep the baby.... oddly enough she was going off the rails a bit before she got pregnant. For a highly intelligent person she did sum really stupid things. but it was probably one of the best things that happened to her. kasey was 3 months premature when she was born and she turned her mother into one of the most responsible people i know. I dont advocate babies having babies....y cant they wait? but i would never take the choice away once it happened already. they would hate you the rest of their lives....I know I would if I was made. At the end of the day ur her mother 23 is way to old but your fixing that situation. if she is pregnant, when she has the baby help her, support her but you make her look after the baby and what that means. she can still get an education but shes gonna have to work at it. your a working mom youve already shown her how to do that. goodluck x



it just occurred to me that I think you need to sit down and have a series of serious discussions with your miss...and you may need to push her into talking.

theres reasons girls look to 23 yr old men. and reasons why girls want to have babies at 14 on purpose. I sincerely hope that nothing bad has happened to ur miss and that it is something stupid like peer pressure. but what ever the case is with your miss all you can do now is arm her mentally and emotionally against men like that. men that would take advantage of her, abuse her, control her and manipulate. build her self esteem and make her feel loved and important because I know she is to you but kids get the most stupidist ideas in their heads.....like i said good luck xx

ValeriE - posted on 12/24/2011

Omg, though i have had friends back in jr high and hs, but i would slap her across her face and put him in jail. Yes show her the toughest love possible. Just like one of the posts stating on you waking her up a few times a night to let her know how it feels not to sleep just to feed the baby. Make her do all the laundry in the house for everyone and the cleaning too. Make her carry a fake baby thay has sand inside to let her know how hardnit is to carry a baby and do chores. Hell i would force my daughter to abort if she ever gets like that. Im not one flr abortion, but shit, 14 is still a baby. Your daughter needs to learn that raising a baby aint all that cracked up to be. Im 29 with my first child, and im glad to be a mom at this age. Yo, you should step up ur status as a mom and put her on lockdown. And let her know that babies aint a toy. They are a full time lifetime responsibility.

Hope - posted on 12/20/2011

I strongly disagree with most of these woman. I'm sorry but I don't agree with abortion at all. Whether it's being yet or not you ar killing a child that God has choosen to. Give you! But that's not the issue here. I do think you should let her know how hard it is and is going to be to raise s baby but she is still a child. I still think she should be able to do. Some things like dances but not just go hang out with friends a time she wants. Us mothers know it can be difficult at times not having time to ourselves. How do you think a kid feels? I would be there to support her as a mother. You don't need to like this guy. He's lucky if you decide to let him in the child's life! But whatever you do I know will be in the best interest of your daughter and caving her up like a wild animal is NOT the answer. Things just happen and we have to deal with them. Good luck to you and your family.

Shellie - posted on 12/14/2011

I am sorry to say this but I think the first step is going to a counseling session. You need to find out the behavior issues that lead her to this first. I have to say I was a mom at 15 and now he is 20. I did a great job but I can say that my mother wasn't around. She was a single mom of 2 worked 2 jobs and never talked to us. I can say if I knew what I do now I would of waited, but I do love my son. I can also tell you if you do not get the root of why she did the behavior she will keep doing it and you will end up with a houseful. As for the baby I do not think a program will help kids know they aren't real and it really don't simulate a real baby so she will think she can do it regardless. I think you just need to start with counseling and hope you guys can figure it out. I have an off the hook 13 yr old girl that I have started going to counseling with and our realtionship has become much better! Good Luck honey

Shamica - posted on 12/14/2011

lisson may be i was not clear what fool would not have called im shocked that u think i didnt chill wit the please i said the state picked the case up read ok read or dont sAY ANY THING AT ALL IM STILL PISSED OFF I DONT NEED TO TAKE ANYTHING OUT ON HELP OK now gm everyone he is going down she is back n school god has this an me an mine

Marjorie - posted on 12/13/2011

Wow, I am shocked that you are not most concerned about your daughter having sex at 14, and with a 23 year old man. That is RAPE! He should be arrested, and if I knew where you lived, I would send the police right now. Really, you are thinking of letting her keep that baby? I fear for all of their futures. Call me judgmental, but if she is having sex without protection she is in no position to care for nor raise a child.

Tah - posted on 12/12/2011

you need to have him put in jail...i can't see past the fact that you haven't done that yet and the fact that he has been sleeping with her since she was 12 is a major problem for me and MOST of all for her. Where is her daddy, uncles, cousins, somebody....he is a predator and will probably move on to someone elses child...

Mandee - posted on 12/11/2011

I would start by calling the police as well as local DCFS or child protection agency. I would also let her know that this is NOT an option. She is not to have a relationship with a man who is over 18. Then, I would ask her what she intends on doing in regards to the pregnancy (adoption, keeping it, etc.) make sure she has all the facts, and then support her through the process. However, I would also let her know if she chooses to keep the child, that SHE is raising it not you, unless you feel okay with raising another child as well.

Jane - posted on 12/11/2011

Looks like you have it figured out just fine as you have posted a question and then come back and read the responses, posting your own responses to boot.

Shamica - posted on 12/11/2011

just n box me i dont know how to work this site

Shamica - posted on 12/11/2011

the state picked the case up and yes he steped up and got a job but he take her away from me she been lieing for 2 yrs about everything now she wants me to like him n order for her to act right but its hard i also have a 9 yr old and a 11yr old its not a good look

Shamica - posted on 12/11/2011

thank yall soo much

Michelle - posted on 12/11/2011

first off I would start by pressing charges on the 23 year old man as the reality a man of that age with a 14 year old girl is a pedophile. Normal 23 year old men aren't interested in a 14 year old. 2nd I agree with Jane you have to hit her with tough love because if not she will never understand what it is to truly be a parent. My niece got pregnant at 16 and her mother caved and for the first year she basically let her daughter do whatever she liked as if she hadn't had a baby and now mom is having a hard time making her daughter take responsibility for the 2 year old that she only has time for if she is not busy partying with her friends. Let her know all her options but after watching what my nieces little girl is going through either step up and take on the raising of the child, or encourage your daughter to give it up for adoption as there are many childless parents out there who are ready and willing to love and take care of a precious new baby.

Nicole - posted on 12/11/2011

Jane, you are so right reality hits you dead smack in the face, I know Us mothers would do just about anything for our kids. But where would her future be / end up. Thinking Educationally

Brianna - posted on 12/11/2011

hes 23???!!!!!!!!! that is soo not legal id be called the police!

Jane - posted on 12/11/2011

You could enroll her in one of those classes where the kids have to tote around an electronic baby for a week, one that cries when set down too long, so she starts to see how much work babies are.

You could make her help out with someone else's baby so she can learn about poopy diapers, crying that won't stop, colic, and never having time to oneself.

You could show her what baby stuff costs and ask her how she plans to pay for it all. Also, ask her where she plans to live, and how she plans to rent a place without money and being too young to sign a lease. There is a reason that people can't sign contracts or leases until they are 18. She might not like it but it is the law, not your rule. If she wants a baby then she needs to wait until she is at least 18 so she can get a job, rent a place, and so on.

You could introduce her to other girls who become mothers at 14 and discovered how hard it actually is.

You could wake her up several times a night, as if she had a baby needing to be fed or changed, and make her take her drowsy butt to school so she can see what babies do to you.

Make sure she knows that she will no longer be able to go to school dances or games, or hang out with friends or go to the mall because she will have to stay with her baby. Tell her flat out that you had your babies and you are NOT raising another one.

Make her watch a "16 and Pregnant" marathon so she can see what life is like for other people who decided to have a baby when they are too young.

She is not going to like any of this, She will shout that she hates you, that you are being unfair, that she is old enough, but that is all proof that she is NOT old enough and NOT mature.

Shamica - posted on 12/11/2011

i just need to know how to deal with her thinking that she is ready to have a baby i just need advice

Jane - posted on 12/11/2011

Depends on what you want and need to do. Is he stepping up? Is she willing to place the child for adoption? Are they wanting to marry? Are you willing to raise another baby? Do you want him arrested for statutory rape? What is it you need to do?