Am i being selfish?

Hannah - posted on 04/19/2010 ( 17 moms have responded )

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Hi i have a 8month old baby and i am starting back at work on monday from maturnity leave. my partner is going to be the stay at home dad. my problem is my partners birthday is coming up and all his family are flying up north to have a get together the problem is my partner wants to take our baby with him. i havnt even been a night away from her and i don't want him to take her that far way from me. he would probly be staying 4nights away with her if they go. i have said i don't want him to take her up north and its to soon for her to be away from her mum. but now im starting to think am i being selfish?. plus he is getting the impression that i don't think he can look after her. which isn't true hes a great dad. its just its my baby. :) anyone got any ideas around this one?

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17 Comments

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Lisa - posted on 04/26/2010

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So then does it make me a bad mother...a bad mother is a little harsh lol but does it make me seem like I don't care, if i let my son stay overnight places! Of course these are all people I know and trust. But if they want him (they usually ask if he could stay) I say why not...I need me time too!

Angel - posted on 04/23/2010

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My son is two years old and I have never left him with anyone over night. i think you should go with your gut feeling, as mums we do have instincts that let us know when something sits uncomfortable with us. I think that until you feel 100% comfortable, then you should not allow him to take the baby. I feel uncomfortable even just going to work and leaving him with his dad- let alone going to stay for 4 days, i think when the child is older say about 5 years and above its easier and makes more sense but anything before that to me is abit too soon, unless i absolutely trust the people that will be around my baby..

ALISON - posted on 04/23/2010

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Always difficult to juggle work and children, but have also had to leave my children with their dad at home while I go to work. He also did an excellent job but as a mum I think we always feel more guilty, so give the impression to our partners that they are incompetent. Could you suggest to your partner to stay away for fewer nights (4 does sound a long time)? Compromise is hard but in my experience always works out well, even if it feels very hard at the time. Wish you all the best.

Hannah - posted on 04/23/2010

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hey i have decided that my partner Kevin can take Amber our baby up north with him to see his family.For his birthday. i will try fly up to on my days off. its a long trip up its 3hour drive to airport. 1hour and half on plane and then a hour drive to kevins family and its expensive. but kevin will have holiday pay so we will be able to afford to fly me up.
it will be hard being away from my baby. but i will try and have some me time. :) thank you everyone for your comments.

Magda - posted on 04/22/2010

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If it's really important to him, let him take her. Sure you'll miss her but she won't remember any of it and will probably have fun being adored by his fam! I went on a week long vacation when my baby was 6 months old and it was a wonderful break for me - and he couldn't care less! Relax - take the time to pamper yourself, catch up with your friends, see a movie, go dancing - whatever!

Rachael - posted on 04/22/2010

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I don't think the impulse is selfish, of course you want to be with your baby...but the reality is it is HIS baby too. And daddy's have fears of separation and the like as well. Maybe he takes the baby for the first few days and then you join them with the promise of a video conference or at least phone call each day. Maybe you can split the time. I don't know. There are no easy answers. I would just try to realize that moms want to be with their babies but so do dads.

Joy - posted on 04/21/2010

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I never left my son overnight until I had to - when his dad and I split up (he was almost a year old) and then he would spend the occasional night at his dad's house. Maybe I was selfish, but I couldn't handle being away from my baby overnight. I'd miss him too much.

Just talk with your partner and voice your concerns. Maybe you'll welcome the opportunity of several days of "me time" or maybe you just won't be comfortable with that idea. Good luck!

Kristy - posted on 04/21/2010

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I don't think your being selfish, it is the hardest thing to let go of a child. I went back to work at 2 months and struggled with my partner taking my son anywhere to a party or his mother without me. I dont know why i felt uncomfortable but trusted my fiance. But i would just talk to your partner about it. Even try a couple of night instead, im sorry i have no real idea. But i do know the feeling.

Anita - posted on 04/21/2010

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it is hard to let go and if you really dont want it go with your gut feeling.mums have these for a reason talk to your partner about this and take on board his feelings too if its a party for for your partner what would a baby be doing there only to be passed around. at the end of the day you are its mum and you have the final say.

Dawn - posted on 04/20/2010

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I know how you feel. It was hard for me to let my oldest stay overnight with family when she was that age. There is no way I could have let my husband take her out of town for 4 days. You're not being selfish, you are being a mom. It is hard to be away from them when you carried them for 9 months.

Diane - posted on 04/20/2010

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I dont think your being selfish at all. Your baby will be fine but will you. I think he has to understand your feeling and not wanting ot be away from the baby that long. Its not a matter of him taking care of the baby its your wanting not to be seperate and that is norma. Is there any change you could go with or he could stay only 2 days?

Tiffany - posted on 04/19/2010

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I completely understand and sympathize. My work wants me to travel soon, and I cannot imagine leaving my baby for 5 days. I asked her father to come along and care for the baby in the hotel, but since she will only be 5 months old, he doesn't want her to fly. I don't really either, but the thought of being away that long KILLS me.



Any chance you could take a few days off and go on the trip as well? Some companies when you return to work from maternity leave don't expect you to be 100%. Maybe you could work remotely or work extra hours before the trip?



Definitely, whatever you do, explain WHY you don't want the baby to go. It's very easy to misinterpret things when you have a new child.

Dominique - posted on 04/19/2010

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I don't think you are being selfish, I do think you are a caring mom, i was the same way. I would like to ask if your partner leaves for four days than who will keep the baby while you work? Maybe you should consider him taking her for one night than you meet them up there and bring her back home.

Karen - posted on 04/19/2010

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I know how you feel - but now that my son is almost 6 - I would say to enjoy the 4 days in peace and quiet ;-). But the descision is yours! I know how bad your heart can ache when your baby is away from you!

Haley - posted on 04/19/2010

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I would tell him how you feel and not expect him to understand but do expect him to respect your decision. I DO NOT let my daughter sleep overnight anywhere accept my mom's house. And that has only been once. My husbands mom has inquired about it but I simply tell her no. I have no ideas I''m sorry, and good luck with this one. :)

Hannah - posted on 04/19/2010

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i don't know if i should suck it up and let them go. or some how try explain to him that i would be really upset with our baby being away from me. :(

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