Am I in the wrong for doing this?

Emerson - posted on 05/17/2011 ( 20 moms have responded )

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I've had the same best friend for 15 yrs. We did everything together. Boys, prom, homecoming, you name it. About 9 yrs ago I met my husband and got married and we have a 5 yr old child. My bff was happy for me and always there. Now she met a guy and got prego about 9 months ago and I was happy for her! We were both trying to have a baby and she got preggers right away. Of course I was bummed, but supportive. After awhile she rubbed it in my face 24/7. All she talked about was baby!! When we went shopping we looked at baby stuff. When she called it was baby this and that. Mind you I'm still trying to have one of my own. I decided not to go to her shower and explained why. She told my friends it was really bc I was jealous & mad bc I can't have a baby of my own while she can and mocked me. She didn't care about my feelings. Then dumped me as a friend. She said we had nothing in common anymore and never spoke since. Was I wrong 2 nt go 2 her shower?

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Kelly - posted on 05/17/2011

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i actually had a friend that i barely even spoke to remove me off her facebook because i was pregnant and she was jealous. i didnt rub it in or nothing. just more or less letting relatives overseas know what was going on in my life. some people just cant see past their own noses.

Dianna - posted on 05/17/2011

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It's one thing to be happy, but to purposely rub things in or call you names to yours or her friends is wrong. She has every right to be happy, but not hurtful. She should be more mindful of her surroundings.

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Emerson - posted on 05/25/2011

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Yes, I have fertility problems. I have been trying for 5 yrs and I went to see a specialist that stated that it would be very difficult considering I have scarring and PCOS. Apparently you must of missed the part where my best friend wasn't there for me while I was pregnant, didn't come to my baby shower and didn't want to talk about babies with me part. So don't say I am being selfish.

Lyndsay - posted on 05/25/2011

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Personally, if I was your friend I'd be pissed too. If she's a first-time mother, she's obviously going to be thrilled and want to share the excitement with her best friend. If you've done everything together up to this point, it makes perfect sense for her to want to go through the baby stuff with you too. I'm sure you can expect her to be sensitive to your situation, but at the same time you need to be sensitive to hers. To me it sounds like you're being very selfish, especially since you already have a child and it's not like you are desolately infertile.

Dawn - posted on 05/24/2011

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I haven't had the opportunity to read all the comments but, if she was rubbing it in on purpose, then what you should have done is confronted her with your feelings and how you felt and let her know that your upset and can not come to her shower. NOW, after that if she would have said those things to your friends about you, then you should be really glad she is not your friend anymore.
I want to encourage you to continue trying for your baby, they are a blessing from GOD. Don't be discouraged and don't ever let anyone make you feel bad. GOOD Luck to you and hoping to say congratulations soon!!!

Danise - posted on 05/24/2011

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We also struggled to become pregnant for about 2 years but my other friends was pregnant before me was the same. They are just so excited about the baby and I indulge into that happiness. When I got pregnant they were so excited for me.

I also felt jelouse sometimes but I knew that one day it will be me. Never give up hope your day will come.

Christina - posted on 05/22/2011

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There is a big chance she said that crap at her babyshower because she was so hurt you didn't go! She might have felt that you didn't care enough about her to show up up just because you are not pregnant too.
Although I agree she should have been more sensitive. I had a really good friend whom I ended a friendship with because while I was going through a very difficult divorce (that dealt with abuse and me having to relocate 1400 miles away to keep my kids safe and start my life over, away from my family!) she would call and brag about her anniversary plans and how wonderful her husband was.

Emerson - posted on 05/22/2011

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Thanks for the words of encouragement. For those that say I that they KNOW I did talk baby this and baby that when I was pregnant. You are misjudging me. No I really didn't. When I became pregnant my BFF lived 3000 miles away and was still in her teens. She wasn't gung ho about babies. She at the time wasn't a fan of children. I never talked to her about it. She didn't attend my shower. I wasn't like that. All the rest of my friends already had children and we talked about it. None of them had trouble conceiving.
When I saw people in public and they would walk to me and ask me about my pregnancy and they would tell me their struggles, I'd never in a million yrs gush over my pregnancy to them. How insensitive. I care for people's feelings and everyone is different. NOT ALL mothers brag about their pregnancy. I know a few besides myself who didn't. There is a place and time.
Don't get me wrong, My BFF and I discussed her plans and pregnancy, but when she began to act like momzilla is where I drew the line. Unrealistic expectations. So thank you to those who understand.

Alison - posted on 05/19/2011

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I am not going to tell you that it was wrong not to go to her shower. It is your decision to make, and I understand that those moments are particularly challenging when you are TTC. I think that if you can get past it, it is best. If you really can't, you can't. I agree that your friend was probably just really excited about being pregnant, you were particularly sensitive about the subject and she was obviously insensitive.

I hope you will be able to get past this hurdle and restore your friendship. I am sure she really would love for you to be a part of her life.

Lenora - posted on 05/18/2011

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Sounds to me that she's pretty hurt herself because her bff didn't want to talk 24/7 about her pregnancy and do all the fun things bff's do when one of them is having a baby. Think back to when you were pregnant with your 5 yr old, I'm sure it was a constant baby this and baby that with you. However, your not attending her baby shower doesn't excuse back stabbing. You've seen her true colors and I kinda expect you've seen it in the past but ignored it because it wasn't directed at you. Now that you do see it and feel it, my suggestion is to say good riddance and move on. Life is too short to have people like that in your life. Those people she talks to about you will see it as well and regard comments made by the source from which it comes.

Christina - posted on 05/18/2011

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I had a friend like this who became pregnant in high school and she told all of her friends, including me, that we were jealous because she's going to be a mother and we were't. Just don't listen to your friend, you were not wrong for not going to her shower. She was being a jerk and she needs to know it. I realize it's her first kid, but I never did that with my daughter. I was very respectful to the people around me. Especially my sister who was trying to get pregnant, finally did and then miscarried. I never said a word about my baby to her because I didn't want her to feel like I was rubbing in the fact that I have a healthy pregnancy and she didn't.

Louise - posted on 05/18/2011

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I know how emotional being around women who are pregnant or who have just had their babies is when you are having trouble conceiving. I found it very difficult when I had a string of misscarrages. Your so called friend should of had more consideration for you. If she has turned out like this then your better off without her.

Amy - posted on 05/18/2011

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Yes you were wrong to not go to your supposed best friends shower. What your friend was doing is what a lot of first time moms do they live and breathe babies. I have to listen to my SIL talk about all the great stuff my nephew does, he's a month older then my daughter. I know people I work with probably get sick of hearing about my kids but they've never told me that and my kids are my life so I really don't have anything else to talk about. I understand where you're coming from but to not be there for your best friend while she's going through this exciting time in her life makes methink that you probably weren't all that close to begin with.

Nikki - posted on 05/17/2011

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I think she wasn't trying to rub it in, but to enjoy it. You have to understand this is her first child too. It's something new for her and she loving every minute of it. But in this amazing part of her life she also forgot about your feeling and that part is wrong. You guys should have probably talked it through before getting upset. Maybe she didn't mean to do what she did. It could all be a misunderstanding. I hope one day maybe you cans forgive each other and talk about it. It's not worth a friendship over anmisunderstanding if it is one.

Heather - posted on 05/17/2011

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I think the best course of action would have been to distance yourself from her. It's hard when you want something so bad to decipher the line between someone being insensitive and you being envious. It sounds like your friend was just being really insensitive and yes that was selfish and rude of her but instead of returning the favor you could have just told her how you felt and if she continued to be that way you could have started to take her in smaller doses and if she started to miss you she would have taken the hint on how badly that affected you. If you guys were truly thick as thieves I can see why she would be deeply hurt that you didn't go to her shower. I think if you guys were that close it might be worth trying to talk to her one more time, she will have a lot to gain in the future with having you, an experienced mom, as a friend.

Kristin - posted on 05/17/2011

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I do think you were wrong to not go to the baby shower. When you were pregnant with your first child, you too had every thought process revolved around the pregnancy and expected baby. Being excited but not talking about it would have been nearly impossible. My friend had to deal with that when I was pregnant. I got pregnant by accident when she had been trying for two years. Never once, even though I am sure it was difficult for her, and she did make it to my shower. However two wrongs don't make a right and I don't think she should have broadcasted your pain. Of course you are jealous, jealousy itself is a human condition when someone wants something so badly, especially a baby. Allow yourself to be jealous, just work on a positive outlet for that jealousy. Like maybe coach your childs soccer team, help out in their class, do something that will help take the sting out of this. My heart is with you in this difficult time.

Ashley - posted on 05/17/2011

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your right she should never of talked to you or about you in that way and she must not of been as much as a friend as you thought because friends dont treat each other like that find some new friends and possibly later she will realize what she did as wrong.

Emerson - posted on 05/17/2011

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No I didn't rub nothing in when I was pregnant. She was struggling and I'd never do that. It's one thing to be excited, but to tell people that I need to 'get over it, it's my day, she's just a jealous hag" that's uncalled for. The fact that she only took her feelings inconsideration is what hurt the most.

Ashley - posted on 05/17/2011

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Yes this was her first child of corse she was going to talk about it none stop she is excited even if it wasent her first i highly dobt that she was trying to rub it in your face you simply took it like that because you wanted a child instead of being supportive you became hurt by everything she said. That is your problem she shouldent have to hide the fact that she was expecting to make you feel better. Did you do that with your first child. Just my thoughts I hope you get your wish sone it is an emotional roller coaster waiting to get pregnant.

Toni - posted on 05/17/2011

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No, I don't think so. It sounds like your friend was being momzilla. It's not right of her. Especially since you have been friends so long. Yes it's natural to be upset, but it's not natural to have something so sensitive rubbed in your face.

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