Am I the only working mom who doesn't feel guilty about working?

Sharon - posted on 06/08/2010

Here's one more mom feeling guilty, but not willing to trade the pleasure I receive from my career for the lack of guilt. Let's ask the working men how they manage all the guilt :)

Shauna - posted on 06/08/2010

I remember that my post partum depression was kicking in hard when Hannah was 6 weeks old. My husband just got laid off and I just finished my RN degree before I went on mat leave. I desperately wanted to go back to work. I felt guilty about wanting to go back so bad but I realized that I am setting a better example for my daughter by being the woman I am meant to be and that includes being a working mom. It's really hard but I love it.

Grace - posted on 06/07/2010

Why should we be guilty? We live in an age where it's a challenge to make meet ends, even when both you and your spouse work. If anything I know my kids are proud that I am empowered to provide for them. Of course it's sad that you can't be there your you loved ones 100%. But kids are smart enough to understand that.

Becky - posted on 06/06/2010

Hi Terry

No you are not alone in this, I work three days a week and have been back at work since my little girl was 18 months old, I love my job and I love being a mum, and you can have both and feel great about it. I go to work because I enjoy it not because I have to. My husband works away every 9 days and has been for two years now and so mostly its just me and charlize and we make it work. :-) I take my hat off to you for what you are doing for your family :-)

Bianca - posted on 06/06/2010

I am a mother of 2 beautiful girls, i work full time and sometimes i do stop and think what i may be missing out on and then realise i am doing it for my Girls... I had 12 months off when my first daughter was born and then only had 6 day's off after my 2nd daughter was born although it was hard it was something i had to do for my whole family i LOVE MY GIRLS so much but i also love my work, my girls understand i love them but work is something we all have to do and i don't feel guilty for that xx

MASHANDA - posted on 06/05/2010

Don't feel guilty, we have to work to provide for our kids. As moms we have to multitask and do things that we really don't wanna do.

Stacey - posted on 06/05/2010

I don't think you are. I am a single mom and I wanted to go straight back to work after having my daughter, but I couldn't. I had a c section and move back home from Texas to Washington after having her. So after 10 long months of not working I was itching to get back into the swing of things. Now that I am working I have not felt guilty until today. My daughter is really sick and her doctor yesterday told me I need to stay home with her and I had no one to cover my shift. So I am at work right now...Now is was the hardest thing I have had to do so far....

Fitri - posted on 06/05/2010

sometimes i do feel guilty, but i agree with Daphne.

we did this for our son..

Daphne - posted on 06/04/2010

i dont feel guilty about working because if i dont my son wont have a roof over his head a good education, food, clothing or entertainment from his parents working he is benefitting the most dont ever question you are definitely NOT ALONE

Pamela - posted on 06/04/2010

No you are not alone. I feel that by working I have a bit of a break from the kids & husband. It makes you also feel important at the end of the day that you can give them a bit extra than if you didn't work. I however love spending time with them on the weekend as we have a fun schedule setup in the week.

Christa - posted on 06/01/2010

of course not! I'm in the same boat. I sometimes wish I could be the stay at home mom who worked on crafts all day with my babies and have playdates with the neighbors. then i remember that it's because of the fact that my husband and I are both military and bringing in 2 paychcks that we can have amazing family trips, like spending 3 days in san diego, going to disneyland, the zoo, trips to texas every other month and buying them goodies and amazing toys when we want. i'd rather know that I'm giving them the life I never had as a child than be at home pinching pennies.

Myesha - posted on 06/01/2010

No defin. I think it teaches children the same lessons that they learn from a working father...that adults have to be responsible by working and earning a living i norder to provide for their family.. As well as showing them that work has to be done whether one feels they want to or not.

Emma - posted on 06/01/2010

I dont feel guilty at all. I think it makes me a better mum because i have had my time to be away so enjoy the time more when with Leah. Also i see it as a good role model for her. I started work when she was 18 months and work in the evening when its her bedtme so works out well. I only work 20 hours a week but it makes me feel better, and more independant so feel good, which makes me more happy around her. She does go to nursery 2 days a week, although she doesnt need to because of my working time, but thats for her benefit because she is very intelligent and out going.

Carly - posted on 05/31/2010

As a working mom myself and a Life Coach for moms, I can tell you if you are someone who likes to work and feel like it fulfills you, then there is no room for guilt. I believe in order to be the best mom you can be and the most positive role model, you have to do what makes you happy. If that means working, go for it. If you love being a stay at home mom, that's great too. Make the choice based on your needs and what's best for you. The results will trickle down to your family.

Yana - posted on 05/30/2010

I worked the day I delivered my daughter and went back to work a week later, part time, then full time 3 weeks later. That is the naure of my job. Absolutely no need to feel guilty. Being a stay home mom is not for everyone and it makes no difference at the end how your children turn out. My parents both worked long hours, never showed up at any PTA meetings and I could care less. I finished school with high honors, got into college on my own and love my parents to death, It is not what they did or didnt do at school that mattered- it was the quality time we spent together when we could.

Rehana Yasmin - posted on 05/26/2010

Well, I do feel guilty sometimes, that I don't get to spend enough time with my 14 months old baby. But I've been as rest of you working from the young age. When i go home I spend productive time with my son, work is must to help yourself and your husband, and provide a better future for your children. If you secure their future now, then its easy for later stages of their lives. I'm glad I read all of your comments and I feel less guilty, each one of you got valid points. But, take time off for things which are important in your childs life. Enjoy being mother, its great thing and valuable gift you can have ever.

Keya - posted on 05/26/2010

I don't feel guilty at all for working because not only am I providing for my children but teaching them a great lesson as well. Studies have shown that children especially male children are far more motivated to work when their mom works. However it is very important to find a balance so that your children aren't denied that precious mommy time. I work full time but try to minimize any extra hours so that I can be present for all of their activities and just spend QT. It sounds like you're a great mom I hope ur getting some u time as well. :-)

Kate - posted on 05/26/2010

Dont feel guilty. I work 5 days. My son has been in daycare since he was 11months. We leave at 7.30am home by 6.15 long days for a little boy (2 and 1/2 now) I love our day care centre and they love him which is important to me, We fill in our time together with lots of special adventures which I hope he wil remember for always.

Londa - posted on 05/25/2010

I enjoy my job and love my kids as well. I do not think I would be a very good stay at home mom. I need some time away but I enjoy every minute we are together. I do take days off to go to school activities and we get the whole summer together since I teach.

Thanuja - posted on 05/25/2010

Nope, you are not the only person who doesn't feel guilty. I dnt feel it anymore. when i get the feeling i kill it by asking few questions to myself like "Will i be happy being stay at home mom?" "What will happen to me as an individual, as an separate person who is just me? I want to be know as me, not as someone's mom, wife, daughter or daughter in law. There are times when my daughter asks me y can't i stay at home, y i need to work? I answer i like to work so i go to work. It will be tough to make a child understand. Eventually they will respect for being urself and loving urself.

Jayde - posted on 05/24/2010

With my job I love the posting I have at the moment 3 days/week and its perfect for me and no i dont feel guilty cos it gives me quality time with my daughter AND i get to work its perfect! But i will feel guilty when i have to go back full time its going to suck i love the quality time with my daughter i'll never get that time back...

Nicole - posted on 05/24/2010

You are not alone. I have a work-from-home job where I have to leave my 2 month old with a relative for a 3-4 hours 3-4 times a week. I felt guilty like the first week. Then I just looked at myself and said that it is me time. I had to start right back up because it is my own business and the only way I earn money is working. So from day one, I had to run my business. He is happier because he gets to spend time with Grandmas and Auntie, and I am happier because I get me time and a break. It is the best of both worlds.

Heidi - posted on 05/24/2010

No should not feel guilty, but all I can tell you is my children are now 20, 18, and 16 and I raised them by myself so I worked all the time, and you are going to wake up one day and they will be grown. So all I can say is just make sure you are there as much as you can be and enjoy them because when they are grown up and move out you can't do a do over. I never felt guilty when I was working it was what I had to do. I am just sad now that I missed out on so much and there are no do overs:(

Dorothy - posted on 05/24/2010

Don't feel guilty. I didn't feel guilty I just didn't want to leave them. If Icould have taken them with me I would have.

Dorothy - posted on 05/24/2010

No, you don't have to feel guilty. I didn't feel guilty. I just didn't want to leave them If I could have taken them with me I would have.

Dorothy - posted on 05/24/2010

It is all right not to feel guilty. Most families have to have two incomes these days. I didn't feel guilty about l just didn't want to leave them behind. If I could figure a way out I would have taken them to work with me

Gbemi - posted on 05/23/2010

v been working since the day i graduated college too and its nt easy leaving your kids in the day care. EAch morning is heartbreakening for me. What keeps me going is that am working to provide the best for them .

Janise - posted on 05/23/2010

You're not alone in that. I had my second son right after I finished college, and I tried staying home and I didn't work for 5 months. I almost went out of my mind. I like contributing to my household, but I also like to know that the money in my pocket is my own, not money that my husband gave me. Right now I am pregnant and due in August, I plan to take maybe an 8 week maternity leave but after that, right back to work, and I don't feel bad about that. I have a few friends who think that I should stay at home until my kid is one but, no thanks. I don't feel guilty about it, and neither should you.

Tania - posted on 05/23/2010

Im a working mum too and I believe that I am sacrificing my time with my daughter to provide her with a good life (better than I ever had growing up). I am fortunate though to have flexibility in my job where I can attend to her needs be they school or health. I believe that you need to make sure that you dont always sacrifice your childs needs for work to give them what you think is a good life. To your child, having you be the class mum is the good life she wants. We cant go to all their trips, meets, games, recitals ect, but we do try.

Melissa - posted on 05/23/2010

I agree that being a working mother can have its downfalls (missing out on somethings that you may never be able to get back) but it also has its ups, and i think you mantioned a few which i totally agree on. some of us women decided to get a college education, and actually do something with it afterwards. I believe that some women like us are just not meant to be stay at home mother. we were meant to work to help provide the best for our kids so they will not have to do without or struggle in life. i commend stay at home moms if you are able to do that but some moms dont have that luzery and even if they did would just not be happy being a stay at home mom. i know for me i feel better and more like im doing something to help my family by working. so i do agree with you on this issue and im sure their are more mothers out there like us. who knows maybe one day i will decide to stay at home with my son but only if i know for sure that he will not want for anything and we are set finacally. until then off to work i go....

Lynn - posted on 05/22/2010

Good suggestions Kizzy. I don't feel guilty either, but I do think it's important to go on the occasionally field trip or school party when you can!

Melanie - posted on 05/21/2010

Nope.... I am a much better mother for it :)

Ashley - posted on 05/21/2010

i on the other hand am not a workolic but i did return to work each time after i had a baby and it was hard at first but i nevear felt guilty about it i look at it as a part of life and being reprosable as an adult and besides work does benifit you to it gets you out of the house into a new invirement and around different people to soclize with. This type of interaction does wounders for the body mind and soul

Shing - posted on 05/20/2010

With my oldest daughter i was a full time stay at home mom,i was happy that i took care of her 24/7.But a part of me was longing to do something for myself,like a career maybe but i coudn't do it at the same time,with my second child,it was so extreme that after taking care of him for 3 years,i left my country to work to canada for almost 2 years,i was earning yeah but i feel horrible leaving my 2 kids just to earn a living,now im back in my country ,had a baby last December,i am taking care of him full time and running my own business that keeps me at home.It feels good that i can take care of them at the same time earn a decent amount of money.

Kendall - posted on 05/20/2010

No Way!!! I worked hard for my college degree and I want to use it. My mother in law made me feel bad when I told her that I was returning to work after my daughter was born b/c that is not what she did when her kids were born but it is 30 years later and things are different now. I carry the medical, dental, and vision insurance for my family and I think that alone is a major reason to have a job. If I did not work who is to say that my daughter would have had as good medical care as she did with the issues that she has endurred. I am lucky enough to have a good enough job that I can afford to work parttime but also we need adult time away from our kids and work is good for that. You are not alone :)

Gbemi - posted on 05/20/2010

Not only you. i felt so bad leaving my baby this morning in the creche. With the rain i feellike sleeping home today with my baby but i have to go to work and once i dropped her at the daycare i cld hear her cries till i left the building. I felt so bad.

Lorriane - posted on 05/19/2010

NO you are not ALONE!! I am a workaholic as well.. I don't feel guilty for leaving my baby to provide the good life for her!! Of Course I miss her during the day, but the time we do spend together is prescious.

Dawn - posted on 05/19/2010

I'm sure there are others out there. I am definitely not one of them and would like to be able to be there for everything with my kids, but my job keeps me from doing that most of the time. My mom was one that worked all the time and never had time for me and my sister. We have both come to resent her for not volunteering her time in our lives when we were younger. Yes we did live well, but we also wanted our mom around and that never happened. My mom rarely came to my school functions or extracurricular activities. I can tell you from the child's perspective, my relationship with my mom would be a lot better if she would have taken the time to be there for me. I hope I am not offending anyone. I just know what it is like to be the child. Having a great income and place to live and great school is wonderful, but you can't get back the time you miss with your child and they don't care what is in the bank account. All they care about is you being there to experience their life with them.

Adejoke - posted on 05/19/2010

Waooh.... you can say that again, kids really do have expensive taste these days!! My eight year old wants a digital camera and ipod for the summer ............so i guess we need to work, thumbs up to all the working moms out there!!

Adejoke - posted on 05/19/2010

Two years ago i was in your exact same situation and it was realy difficult ( but i have my post grad now!!) my remedy to making up for the lost time activity wise is, that i spend almost all of my free time doing stuff with my kids. I hardly ever involve in any activity outside work that doesnt involve them. We go watch movies, play, party e.t.c together and i make sure i attend all the school activities.

Sometimes it's realy hard on me cos its like i dont have "me" time ( but for me thats not too much a price to pay for ensuring that i am where i expect to be career wise and i have the means and get to spend quality time with my kids).

I am consoled by the fact that i know i will be better off working and plannig now than late into retirement age!!

Cheers and all the best!

Adejoke - posted on 05/19/2010

Waaoh, i love your post!! Also when we work now we autualy prepare our kids for the feature cos we not only enable ourselves to provide for them but also put ourselves in a position to help them navigate through the right career path.

I definately dont want to have to explain to my kids were i was, or what i was at, when the neighbours kid got his degree at Yale or Harvard while he went to the local polythecnic!!

Adejoke - posted on 05/19/2010

i absolutely understand how you must have felt, i remember the first time i had to travel abroad for work though it was for only four days, but my heart absolutely broke when i said goodbye to my kids, i think as working moms we need to accept the fact that we might not always be there when our kids need us. That is a fact i have come to accept and live with daily. All the best !

Adejoke - posted on 05/19/2010

Noooooooooooops you're definately not! I dont feel guilty now, but always do when i have to return to work after maternity leave. I have 3 boys ages 8,5 and 10 months, i love my kids as every other working mom does, but i do realise that i need to earn an income to part support the family needs.

I belive strongly that by working i get the exposure i need to be a better mom and also have the balance life should have i.e work/life balance. Though i never seem to have enough hours in one day and my needs are always the last on the list.

I am not saying its easy cos it definately isnt, but i enjoy what i do and get a great deal of satisfaction from my work, i learn so much from work and am able to put into practise the knowledge i aquired while studying for my degree. My collegues at work are nice to be around and i have the opportunity to express my self in another sphere of life!!

I cant imagine being a stay at home mom ( i think i would become bored and depressed!!).

Amy - posted on 05/18/2010

Thats really all we feel guilty about not being able to be there when something little but still important to them happened like class parent or driving the car pool. Not that we work and defiantly not why we work. We all want the same thing, the best for our children and I'm sure most people in this group say that that includes working our butts off at our jobs to "bring home the bacon" In fact I get paid today, but I also get my little one a beach toy set because that's where we're going!

Amanda - posted on 05/17/2010

You are not the only one out there that doesnt feel guilty!!! I actually was a stay at home mom for 5 years and just got back into the work place i stayed home with my daughter during the time she needed me the most and i feel it is my time now to do something for myself lol

Juanita - posted on 05/11/2010

I know the feeling I want to do something like go have lunch with my son he is in kindergarden.

Zita - posted on 05/11/2010

Hi Terry, after browsing some responses to ur big Q, it made me difficult to give a response without thinking I might be a black sheep to this group :-)

So I guess i will just share one moment in my life as a "working mom" and let others decide what they can make out of it.

I am a mother for 8 years now and been working since I was 8. I live here in Europe and somehow together with my husband's effort its not necessary to say that I "work" to provide basic needs of our son. I work because just like you I think my life will not function properly without it, and since I am a mother, it makes me fall to a category "working mom". Although I have a "help" I make sure that I take care of my son's personal needs as much as I can, and since my work demands is internationally, I need to travel every now and then outside my country, someone I thought I will compensate my absence of giving my son a better life/stuffs, so everytime I travel I will make sure I get something for him. One day *he just turned 5 then) on way to say goodbye to him, I asked my usual question of what he wants me to bring for him from the country I am going...and it really made me cry to hear his answers..."NOTHING MAMA, JUST BE HOME AS SOON AS YOU CAN"...after this I decided to leave that company (with all benifits and stuff) and move to "lesser" company that requires less travel and responsibility for me, this decision does not even gave me second thought, I just know I need to live with my choice and that is to be a mother of this 8 year old boy and make my time useful when he does not need me around by WORKING..and this sense I can say I am a working mom :-)

Telika - posted on 05/09/2010

i feel guilty sometimes but i'm there their fulltime parent and they understand now this yr i wasnt able to participate in their schooling like i wanted to but like any sitiuation you plan btter,since i'll be in school parttime,i'll try to find out about activties early so i can schedule work and school accordingly,i do things at night while the children are asllep and i hold meetings to catch up its not easy but eventaully it'll tack on like a habit good luck

Iris - posted on 05/09/2010

I think Im in the same boat as you. I sometimes feel guilty for leaving my little one when I have to go to school or go to work. But then again, I cant feel like that. You've gotta do what you gotta do.

PEBBLES-PATRICE - posted on 05/08/2010

NO NOT AT ALL... I ONLY TOOK OF TWO WEEKS AFTER HAVING MY BABY AND WORKED ALL THE WAY UP UNTIL THE WEEK BEFORE I HAD HER....WORKING IS WHAT ENABLES US TO GET WHAT WE WANT FOR OUR CHILDREN AND NOT HAVE WISH LISTS OR WAIT TO SEE WHAT AWESOME GIFTS WE GET ON CERTAIN OCCASIONS