Am I the only working mom who doesn't feel guilty about working?

Terry - posted on 12/22/2009 ( 1065 moms have responded )

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I have been working since the day I graduated college....most would say I'm a workaholic...it's in my DNA! When I had my two kids, I took the 3-month maternity leave our company provided for each, and then although a little scary, I went back to work.



I can't say it's ever been easy, but truly I feel like part of my role in the family is to bring home the bacon so that I can provide the best possible life for my kids.



Sometimes I think I'm the only working mom that doesn't feel guilty? Did I wish I could've been in the carpool or been class parent, which my daughter begged me to do. No doubt. But reality set in and I knew I had was doing what I had to do to ensure we lived a good life, in a good neighbood with a great school system.



Tell me, am I alone in this?



Submitted by Terry Starr, Co-Founder of MyWorkButterfly.com in partnership with Circle of Moms

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[deleted account]

I don't necessarily feel guilty. However, my corporate climb is no longer the passion that it used to be. In recent years, my desires have begun to shift toward being a stay-at-home mom. Unfortunately, this is not feasible given our finances. Meanwhile, I just began (this year) making it a point to plan my vacation time so that I am able to be with my kids. I believe this will make a difference and allow me to feel more of a balance between my role as a mother, wife and bread-winner.

Felicity - posted on 04/09/2010

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No, you are not alone. Times have changed, not all woman wants to stay home alone 24/7 with their kids. Me personally felt the time away from them, made me love them more, I did believe that now I've achieved motherhood that everything was complete, I had a career too, which I believed kept me "sane" in the most part... that is only my own personal experience...My maternity leave was the same amount of time, I have 2 beautiful children who I love to death, it's not a crime to want more, even if it's just for yourself....you stay an individual after all... ;-)...you don't have to attend EVERY parent teacher meeting, showing up for the special events would work just fine...

Lynda - posted on 04/09/2010

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I feel guilty about working when my children are sick. As being a single mum I have no one to look after them i have to ask my mum which is un fair. But now a days the government says you have to work after your younget turns 7. I think the government needs to look at who will look after sick children if we have to work

Danielle - posted on 04/09/2010

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No!! Hun, I don't feel Guilty for working, My babygirl is almost 14 months old When I had her I took off 8 weeks from My job than I was right back at work, and I work Everyday.. There is times when I am working all the time I'm like Dang I rather be home playing in the floor with all her toys, and when she is sick it's like Man I need to be the one taking her to the doctor but I have to work and bring in Money to help Support and Raise my family, and I can't always be out of work when things need to be done, but I am so Thankful for my Mother and Father In Law... My mother in law is a stay at home Granny and Father in law works 3rd Shift they are there to take care of the baby when Me and my Husband have work and they are ALWAYS there when she is sick and needs a doctor or anything that has to be done during my work hours, But No I don't feel Guilty and neither should you, we have to work to raise the families!!!

[deleted account]

You are so not alone here. I know that my kids and I are better off because I work. I admire the women who can (and want to) stay home with their children, but I never wished to be one. Yes we do miss some things that our kids are involved in and I try to attend when I can. I know, however, I am a far better mother because I am not with my kids all day long.

Dionne - posted on 04/09/2010

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You are SO NOT alone in this. I feel the same way. There are just some women who are not cut out, as you said, in their DNA to be stay at home moms. I know that I'm not. Usually when I take a week off for let's say spring break, I am so ready to be back to my regular schedule by that week's end.

There are things that I can do to help out w/my child's school, however. There are always night time activities going on, arranged through our local Parent Teacher Council, that I can help with. And I help out my child's grade teachers by making copies about once a month of all the papers they hand out to the class. When my child's teacher knows that I plan to be "in house" for something else, she usually finds an excuse to send my child on an errand so she sees me in the hallway.

Here's my other tip for the non-guilty working moms: who cares if you skip a week or two of knock down, dragged out cleaning on the weekends? It's more important to spend that time with your kids - even if all you're doing is watching them ride their bike outside - than to worry about the dust setting on your bookshelves.

Rhonda - posted on 04/09/2010

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no way r u alone we all feel guilty but u r doing the best u can. stop giving yourself a hard time.

Nakita - posted on 04/09/2010

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No mam, there is no need to feel gulity, I am also a working mom to support my family, and I dont feel gulity. There is nothnig wrong with us and believe me there is more of us out there

Danielle - posted on 04/09/2010

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No you aren't. I have three children, ages 6, 2 and 4 months. I was on bedrest for all of them and I went nuts! My story is a little different, I had my first son at 19 and now I am 26 and I work and go to college part-time. I am a much better mom when I work. It allows for adult interaction which is HUGE for me and it allows you to make money to provide for them and to be able to afford to take them places. It also allows for some separation, which for me makes mevalue the time I have with them more!!

Penny - posted on 04/09/2010

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No I feel guilty all the time it is just a balance of the mind. Do I want my children to eat and have a decent life or do I want to be homeless and starve. I receive no child support and it is very frustrating having to work more than one job to make ends even meet.

Irene - posted on 04/09/2010

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You are not alone. Although my friends and family say things to try to make me feel guilty. I feel in my heart, that doing this is the best thing for me and my family. You go girl!

Amy - posted on 04/09/2010

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I wish I could be a stay-at-home mome; however, I am the bread winner. You have to do, what you have to do, and I know that my daughter will be better off with me working. My health insurance alone is worth it. I just make sure that I make time for her, and I feel like I appreaciate her more when I'm away from her during the day!!

Elisabeth - posted on 04/09/2010

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I use to feel guilty for working, while my Mother watched my daugther. But you work to provide for your family. There is nothing wrong with that, that and some time I look forward to work. More I work the more money I make for my family. Though I try not to work over time so I can still raise my daugther and spend time with her. But no your not alone.

Shannon - posted on 04/09/2010

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I have a 13 month old with another on the way. I went back to work with the first one after 6 weeks due to some changes at my job that were beyond my control. It was hard to go back to work and I missed him but I didn't feel guilty. I changed my schedule so I am home 3 mornings a week then daddy comes home and I go to work. It works well for us and makes me feel good that he is spending quality time with both parents. I feel that working makes me a better mom because at the end of the day, the time we spend together is that more precious and spent doing something other than trying to get a few minutes to myself.

Nicole - posted on 04/09/2010

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No, I'm a working mom and feel no guilt. I have a 3yr old son and he asks me almost every morning to "stay home" and "why do you have to work?" and yes I do wish I could tell him in a way he'd understand but I think that being able to provide a roof over his head, food for him, clothing, etc. means more staying at home and not being able to provide. I've recently started telling my son that "Mommy has to work to make money to buy toys." He seems good with that answer =)

Sheri - posted on 04/09/2010

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You are not alone.Although I would love to stay home, I feel that I would not be complete not working outside the home. It is difficult and time is a little limited but I like working.

Jennifer - posted on 04/09/2010

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No guilt here! I work for two reasons. The first being that I have to in order for us to have the things we have (a house, a car, etc.) and do the things we do (get pizza, go to Florida, etc.). The second being, I would lose my marbles at home. I was home for 10 weeks when my son was born and could not get back to work fast enough. That does not mean I am a horrible parent, it just means I can be a wonderful parent that works. I do agree with making sure you take off time to do the classroom time and the occassional surprise lunch - those things are very, very important!

Joana - posted on 04/09/2010

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I believe you should be proud of yourself, being a mum and also having to work its a great challenge...perhaps in the back of your mind you feel a bit of guilt, but just for the fact that you can provide for your kids, makes you the best mum ever...just remember to compensate them with a trip to the park, or a kids party during the weekend, otherwise you won´t get to know your kids....



Working mums´ ROCK!!!!

Carmella - posted on 04/08/2010

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I don't feel guilty, I only work part-time, but now a days, at least western north amerca for sure, it's really hard not to have two incomes and live comfortably. Also, I know, that I would go nuts if I was home 24/7 (I'm going on mat leave end of this month too) I love my daughter sooo much, but I am not a stay home person, but that's why i do part time to balance it out, i can still work, have adult time, and make money to help out, but have lots of time to be with my kids and do the mom/ home keeping stuff, and also working gives me and edge to get my husband to help out more lol, so we don't have the "well your job is a t home" crap of an argument so we both have outside home jobs, and in home work :) and yes, i do sneak out once in a while and leave my daughter at home with daddy, that usually means she is gong to bed a little later, but that's ok, they need they're time too :)

Amanda - posted on 04/08/2010

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i constantly feel guilty evertime i walk out the door to go to work i always feel like i am missingout on spending time wiht my son, so no you are not the only one who feels guilty my son will even go to the extent of mommy do u have to go and then i feel like crying all the way to work.

Casey - posted on 04/08/2010

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I don't feel guilty, per se.



It's a trade off... I wake up a little bit earlier than my spouse to get all the daily chores done before either of us have to go to work. I time getting everything done so that when my daughter wakes up, I devote the rest of the morning to her, before we leave.



I'm lucky that the 2 jobs that I work at have working moms on the clock, as well as working dads.. and they give me the hours and benefits we need. (My weekends are off-limits, for instance). When I'm at work, I try to (oddly) cherish work as "me-time". I also try to take work as a learning opportunity, to better myself, and try to figure out what additional values I could teach her. I've already got her interested in marine life and conservation (and even SCUBA)... and that's important, considering the fact that I'm a SCUBA instructor. I mean, she's almost two, and even though she cannot say the names, she can accurately identify various sea animals on a fish identification slate.



I also dig that she goes to a montessori, so it's like she's already in school with lots and lots of playtime.

Julia - posted on 04/08/2010

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well...actually you don't have to feel guilty, I understand that being a mom it's not an easy job to do.You have to work to give the best life for your kids, but I think, sometimes you have to take the time with them. Let say once a month you can go out together, like going to the mall, museum, beach, etc. In every performance at school, you have to be there, just to make them proud and happy to have a mom like you.

Jessi - posted on 04/08/2010

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i would say i do feel somewhat guilty because i am the sole-parent which also makes me the sole-provider. i have to work double time making sure i'm there for my son when he needs me & to see him grow & also making sure i'm able to take care of him financially.

Shannon - posted on 04/08/2010

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I Was fortunate to to be able to stay at home with my boys for 9 yeaars. As they got older they needed more so we discussed it as a family and decided as a family (mom dad and 5 boys) that I should go to work. I am a natural care giver and they began to need me less and I got depressed so really me working helps the whole family including me. I now work as an Activity Director/CAN in a nursing home and feel needed again and alive again.

Mel - posted on 04/08/2010

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me too is a working mom self employed to be exact,i work for almost 12hrs a day and i dont feel any guilt about it.i still manage to have time for my 3 kids. talking and asking them about their day. thank god i got a very nice and understanding kids.btw my husband is out of the country.

Brenda - posted on 04/08/2010

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No, I can totally relate. I work 40 Hours a week, but blessed to have a supporting Husband. I was a single Mom for 2 years before him so I know what it's like to be in both situations not easy. My Husband has been out of work for 2 years so he's been the one to stay at home with the kids and I'm the one who brings home the Bacon. It's like our roles got reveresed. When I get home from work I take the kids & the dog for a walk and we stop at the park and watch the kids play. Gives me more energy and the Dog gets Her walk and I'm spending quality time with the kids. Thank God I have the weekends off. I try to do something fun with the kids. It's the little things that matter. Don't feel guilty I explained to our kids I have to work in order for them to have everything they have. Neither one of us get Child support from our ex's so it's just my income. When I go on Vacation I make every day of it special for them. They love it when I just pick them up from school.

Naoimh - posted on 04/08/2010

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No your not alone.... I have worked since my little boy was born I went full time there last year cause his daddy lost his job... I love it... It gives you that freedom away from the house, kids and even partners/husbands.It's time that you would not get otherwise.. I'm really worrying now cause I have a second one on the way and the question is how will I manage to go back full time but that is my goal......I think the time you get to spend with kids away from work is extra special... its true what they say absence makes the heart grow fonder in both cases.....My son hates that I work be cherishes the time we have together...

Lauren - posted on 04/08/2010

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my kids were all 5 weeks old when I went back to work. They were put into a proper nursery and pre school which was great to start them off in primary school as they were well on their way to learning and had loads of friends. They have a much better life with me working as, like Leslie said, they have treats which other single mums couldn't afford. Also its being a good role model in my eyes as they dont have to sit indoors all day living on benefits, you can make a go of things and nothing holds you back. I am not guilty at all plus work is my time!!

Jill - posted on 04/07/2010

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I totally understand that concept! I love my son dearly, but I was going nuts sitting at home on maternity leave! I was only off for 4 weeks due to finacial reasons, but secretly I was happy about going back to work. I am a nurse so I only have to work 3 days a week and the rest of the time is all for Nathan! Don't feel guilty as long as you remember to spend some time with your munchkins before they grow up and don't wanna spend any time with you.

Tracie - posted on 04/07/2010

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Nope, you are not alone. I do not feel guilty about working after my kids were born. I was never class mom, but I sent the cupcakes, and I managed to find time to watch their basketball games, plays, and band recitals, if they were after 5. They don't complain because they know they have a good life and are blessed, more so than alot of their friends, some who also have working moms. So, no I do not feel guilty about providing the best life possible for my kids.

Tracy - posted on 04/07/2010

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absolutely not - I also work full time and feel it makes me a better parent. My kids are social and more independent. They are not attached to my leg. I'm with you I went to college for a reason and it wasn't to sit at home. I work because I like my profession and I want to provide a better life for my children. Could we make it on 1 income, probably, but because I work we have and can do much more. I take days off to spend just with the kids. My husband and I make the most of every weekend and take mini vacations through out the year along with a couple longer ones through out the summer. Me working allows us to do those extra things and I feel my children appreciate it more.

Ashley - posted on 04/07/2010

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I work mon-fri 645-315. My son is at a home daycare 3-4 days a week for 10 hr days. the other days he is with his father. I want to work 11 hrs but i feel guilty that he is at daycare too much.

Jerlyne - posted on 04/07/2010

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Hell no I don't feel guilty for having to work. I am a single mother who is taking care of my mother with no help. I know that everyday I go to work is for the better-ment of my family. Yes I know that my daughter misses that we have a small window of opportunity to spend time with each other, but my working is a necessity.

Julie - posted on 04/07/2010

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Terry you are so not alone. I love working. I love my job, and even if I had the option of not working, I would still stay right where I am. I have bosses who completely understand that family comes first, so when the kids are sick, it is not an issue.



There is so much guilt involved in being a mother, and this is one of those rare times where I feel no guilt. My boys are both in daycare--one in an excellent preschool and the other in a wonderful daycare center...I can't ask for better care than they receive, and I am grateful for the love they show my children every day. I don't feel like I am doing them an injustice at all, rather I'm contributing to taking care of my family and I believe that is a good thing for them to see.

Tanya - posted on 04/07/2010

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My husband lost his job the same month I had my daughter. I could only take the two months paid maternity leave (in Jamaica). For the first year my sister and mother took care of her so lI was o.k. Then my sisterl migrated and my mother was not able to manage by herself. I took her to Day Care - she would not eat and cried all day. Every evening when she saw me coming she behaved as if she got a gift. I finally got someone from my church to come to my home. I didn't feel guilty for working but I was deeply distressed when she was unhappy. I cried and prayed and asked everybody until she was o.k.

Migdalia - posted on 04/07/2010

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No, I understand. Like you I too worked since high school. It's not easy, however, when it comes to provide for the family. I feel so proud to be able to work and give back. On weekends, it's nothing but the kids and family. On Thursdays, is getting together once a month with other mothers.

Robin - posted on 04/07/2010

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No Terry, you are not the only working mom who does'nt feel guilty about working. I am a mother of two adult children and I have been working since I was sixteen years old. In fact I am a career student. I plan to attend school until I can't attend anymore. In the end the entire family benefits from your extensive work schedule. My mother and my father were both work aholics. I used to feel a little guilt, but I often made up for lost times by taking my kids out to eat and to the movies. Believe me when I say your kids appreciate you for you.

Robin - posted on 04/07/2010

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No Terry, you are not the only working mom who does'nt feel guilty about working. I am a mother of two adult children and I have been working since I was sixteen years old. In fact I am a career student. I plan to attend school until I can't attend anymore. In the end the entire family benefits from your extensive work schedule. My mother and my father were both work aholics. I used to feel a little guilt, but I often made up for lost times by taking my kids out to eat and to the movies. Believe me when I say your kids appreciate you for you.

Tracy - posted on 04/07/2010

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I went back to work 9 weeks after having my twins. I'm the primary wage earner in our family and have the benefit of husband who works part-time so he can handle some of the emergency care issues. I like my work and I'm good at it; hopefully I will be able to teach our children the benefits of work and contributions to society. I try to balance work/life and find ways to participate in some of their events and then make sure we have quality time in the evenings and weekends. There is no reason to feel guilty for doing something you love and providing for your family.

[deleted account]

I do feel guilty a little when I see how much fun my husband and daughter have and I can't join. I don't though at the same time because I am one who has worked since I was 10 years old because I wanted to, I like it. I did finally get a better position though to where instead of a rotating schedule I had in retail....now it's set. I work 6 am until 3 pm. It helps so now I can be home for most of the afternoon and evening before my daughter goes to bed. I like it so much better now. I don't feel like I'm missing out on nearly as much now. :-)

Chantia - posted on 04/07/2010

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No, you should not feel guilty about providing a good life for your children. I too am a mother who went back to work after taking maternity leave and although I hate leaving my little one with someone else, I feel it is my responsibility to contribute to my household. I love being able to do things for my children and support them in everyway possible. In todays economy most families need to have two incomes to get by.

Mercedes - posted on 04/07/2010

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How many dads feel guilty? Women have the pressures of society where we are expected to bring home the bacon and still complete all the tasks of a stay at home mom with out missing a beat. I must admit I feel guilty, but there is no reason you should.(course don't ignore your children, but I have a feeling you do not.)

Elaine - posted on 04/07/2010

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I have to say i thought i would feel guilty and that i would miss her horribly but i don't. She seems much happier and she is getting on great with the childminder. I love my job but it makes it a lot easier when i know she is happy.

Wendy - posted on 04/07/2010

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Reality is inflation has us working, so whether or not we like it, for most of us it is inevitable, we need to teach our kids to take care of ourselves and our family doing whatever it takes. I have definately felt guilty at times...like one day I did take my daughter to school instead of daycare taking her (like usual) and she said "do you even know where it is"? I make it a point that both parents attend every conference so the teachers know WE CARE, WE ARE HERE. I do 1/2 day Halloween for school and the V-Day party...which soon I will have two in school, so they will have to split ME up for those...and then because my oldest is 9 and youngest is 4...since the baby came along I always schedule one vacation day off work, and plan a surpise date with my oldest...I surprise her the morning of and we call it "HOOKY"...so she still gets her mommy time, away from sister! I am currently laid off and STILL paying and taking the kids to daycare, I feel it is important for them to keep their schedule and for me to spend my 8 hours looking for a job. (or writing on here)... so yes, you can feel guilty sometimes, but not ashamed. I have had to look at my kids a time or two and say, "no I will not bake cookies with you right this moment, I am doing homework, (whatever), don't you make me feel guilty girl, I baked with you on Tuesday and we painted the other day, this is ME time, I work hard too! I think they respect me for that, especially because when it is OUR time, they know IM REALLY THERE and really serious about being there! I couldn't be a stay at home mom, but I also support people who choose that for themselves or are able too!

Natasha - posted on 04/07/2010

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O honey, we all have something that we feel guilty about when it comes to our kids, but for me feeling guilty that i am working is not one of them. If i were not working my babies would not have all the things that they have now. I have on occasion felt guilty that i was not able to spend as much time with them as they would like but my 9 year old told me one day when he was 7 "moma, i know your busy and sometimes i miss you alot, but when you spend time with me even when you are tired I know you love me" and i remember those words as if it was yesterday. It is when you are gone and still not even spending time with them on the days or time that you are not working that may pose a problem for the kids. I am so tired some days, but they are my babies and i will always do what is in the best intrest of them. And for those that down us working moms for not being there All the time well i say we are not just teaching them how to have good work ethic but effective communication as well, because we have to explain to them even though it may hurt some times that we can't be at a certian place or time, but that we share that 5 or 10 min talk about their day on the way to the sitter or to school, from school..

NIDIA BERENICE - posted on 04/07/2010

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Hi Terry, I do not think you are alone, I have a lot of friends like you, but the problems I starts when you have to work , and you do not receive the money for a good life, you hardly live with that money, so you feel bad in two ways... dont you think?

Betsy - posted on 04/07/2010

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I have always felt the same way. I took off the first few years off with both of my children but found myself getting way too bored with being a stay at home mom and wife. I went back to work so my family could have the same things you mentioned but I made it a priority to look for a job where the boss would understand that my children and family always comes first. God placed me in the best possible position! I do accounting work for an industrial supplies company with very flexible hours. If there is something that is really important going on with my children I just take off. The kids know that they are first and foremost in my life. They grow up so quickly and I know that I can't get these years back. If it came down to working and never getting to spend quality time with my kids or not working and having to do without some of the finer things in life, I would definitely choose doing without. I think for most there are concessions that can be made and you can have the best of both worlds.

Nicole - posted on 04/07/2010

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you shouldn't feel guilty for going back to work...i was 16 when i got pregant and no one wouldnt hire m e after i had my son but my mom did the same as you after she had each of her kids she took some time off but then went back to work. Ive realized over the years that being a stay at home mom isnt for everyone i know i couldnt go back to that because as much as i loved spending all that time wiht my son i was going stur crazy but a couple of my friends wouldnt change it for anything so i guess it just all depends on your views of it.

[deleted account]

Omigosh! Do NOT feel guilty. I had my first child at the end of September 2006, and I took about ten weeks maternity leave. I was the assistant director of a nonprofit agency, and while I was on maternity leave I near went crazy. I was checking my e-mail all the time! My professional life is a huge part of me. I worked very hard to get where I was. I enjoy my work. I don't think women should have to give that up just because they have a child. I went back to work and actually wrote an article about working moms in our employee newsletter. The stay-at-home moms in my neighborhood basically shunned me because I was a working mom. Family members tried to make me feel guilty for going back to work. I wasn't having any of that. I think by working hard I am setting a wonderful example for my daughter about work ethic and being an independent woman. Yes, I am married, but I don't ever expect my husband to be the sole bread winner in our family. We both pay all the bills and we both earn our own money for personal things. I have seen too many tragedies, divorces, etc. God forbid anything ever happen to my husband...at least I will be able to provide for my family more easily. All that being said, I have another child on the way. We eventually want three. Would I ever take a different job or a part-time job in the future? Maybe. As you have more kids, you have to reevaluate your life in many ways to do what is best for your family in personal and economic ways. My main point is - you do what you need to do in life and you shouldn't ever feel guilty about making a decision you think is best.

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