Am I the only working mom who doesn't feel guilty about working?

Meg - posted on 04/07/2010

Dont ever feel guilty for giving your children what they need.. i stayed home 8 weeks with my first and 6 weeks with my 2nd and third, i am a emt which means long hours and sometimes you work until they say you can leave, but guess what my children are getting what they need, and the toys they "have to have" would you feel any different if you were one of those moms that enjoyed staying home, i would pull my hair out great job to those mommys that can stand it cause i cant. i think no matter what kind of mommy you are a stay at home or a mommy that provides as long as you show your children the love they need and you dont let them just run wild and let them run the streets you are a great parent dont ever feel bad for doing what you have to do for your child :)

Grace - posted on 04/07/2010

Charlene, what you said is true there's nothing like earning your own money and getting the nice things of life for yourself and kids rather than wait on someone else check.

Belinda - posted on 04/06/2010

NOPE YOU ARE NOT ALONE, i didn't even take maternity leave but had my laptop with me all the way and i doubt i'd be happy at home even if we could provide without my salary. some woman need the therapy the office environment provides.

Leanne - posted on 04/06/2010

I don't think you should feel guilty. And I also don't think that it's all about the "things" that us working moms can provide or contribute towards for our kids. I too have been accused of being a workaholic, but I really feel that working feeds a part of my life and self esteem that motherhood / family doesn't. Being a mom is the best thing in the world to me, and being able to work also gives me a balance. I can go to work and talk about politics, wear office clothes (that aren't hooodies and stretch pants!!), throw myself into projects and then come home, put the stretch pants back on and fingerpaint and hear about everyone's day.



I think it's different for everyone, and as long as you are making the most of the time you have with your kids and enjoying life together, it's your choice whether to work or not.

Joanna - posted on 04/06/2010

I have worked since my son was young and I am also a student doctor. Some moms may or may not agree with my career choices, and thats ok. We can't just let the boys play doctor right :-)

Joanna - posted on 04/06/2010

I have worked since my son was young and I am also a student doctor. Some moms may or may not agree with my career choices, and thats ok. We can't just let the boys play doctor right :-)

Colleen - posted on 04/06/2010

I've felt that way too. I love my daugther and spending time with her. But would go crazy without my job. Yet, I would love to help with school functions and carpool. I'm hoping to adjust my schedule to get off early enough to take an afternoon carpool. And try to take some time to do class activities... maybe coming in late and staying late so I can help with a morning activity. Doing 1 field trip. Just a little time every once in a while.

Allison - posted on 04/06/2010

You aren't alone. I only have one and she has been in daycare since she was 8 weeks old. I don't have it in me to stay home and I think that my child will get a better education being in a daycare/preschool. She learns a lot more than just the normal school skills. She has learned how to make friends, she has learned that not all of the children are the same, she has learned dissapointment, and she has learned many different things for her life skills that staying home, just can't provide.



As parents we are required to teach our children to behave on play dates and how to be polite, but it becomes a routine behavior in front of the parents. My point is, I don't feel guilty allowing my daughter to be exposed to everyday life issues and I think that will only happen being at school.



I work 40+ hours a week, plus try to squeeze the gym in 3 days a week, but I always make time to spend with her, even if I have to give something up every once in awhile to make it happen. I don't feel that I am treating my daughter wrong by putting her in everyday situations. Plus, she has her grandparents that participate in a lot of school activities when we can't.



Thanks for letting me know that there is someone else out there that doesn't feel guilty! :-)

Ilette - posted on 04/06/2010

Hi Terry

I never had to work until my husband died 3 years ago. Not only do I have to work now, I also have to fulfill all the rolls and it is very hard. Yes I do feel guilty. I was always there for my oldest children, but now I am to tired to attend my 2 youngest activities. Even on the weekends I don't really want to go out, because I need the rest.



It is not easy being a working mom with children. You are not alone in this for sure.

Jen - posted on 04/06/2010

No!!! I'm right there with you. Going to work is my only break from being a johnny-on-the-spot mom.



My husband and I almost never go out as a couple (bad for the relationship I realize but ... well ... ) . I think we've been out 10 times since my 6yr old was born not including the 2 nights I get over the Labor Day weekend. And I rarely get out on my own because my husband gives me attitude when I go out so it's easier to do things on my lunchhour than deal with his moods.



I try to do the field trips or the room parties when I can but I've only got so many vacation days and my daughter understands that. I drop her off in the morning and pick her up from school. I pack her lunch and do everything else for her. I deserve my working time. (Oh, that's pathetic, isn't it?)

Jen - posted on 04/06/2010

No!!! I'm right there with you. Going to work is my only break from being a johnny-on-the-spot mom.



My husband and I almost never go out as a couple (bad for the relationship I realize but ... well ... ) . I think we've been out 10 times since my 6yr old was born not including the 2 nights I get over the Labor Day weekend. And I rarely get out on my own because my husband gives me attitude when I go out so it's easier to do things on my lunchhour than deal with his moods.



I try to do the field trips or the room parties when I can but I've only got so many vacation days and my daughter understands that. I drop her off in the morning and pick her up from school. I pack her lunch and do everything else for her. I deserve my working time. (Oh, that's pathetic, isn't it?)

Georgina - posted on 04/06/2010

You are not alone in feeling this way! And there was me thinking that I was the only one who is happy to work! I work full time and have done since my daughter was 6 months old - she is now 3. She's at pre-school now and loves it. My husband works away in the week so I'm on my own pretty much. I'm the main earner in the family and I am really proud to feel that I am supporting a comfortable life for my family and also choices over where we can live etc etc. At times I'm exhausted especially when my daughter wakes up in the night and I have to get up at 6am the next day! But I wouldn't change our situation as we're all happy with it.

Ellen - posted on 04/06/2010

Nope you're not the only one, as you can already see from the number of reactions down here below! I felt that after 7 years of hard work (study), I should use my brains and knowledge as well, so when the kids came after the maternity leave (16 weeks in total) I was happy to go back to work... after those weeks, you feel like you can only talk about feeding time / diapers etc... I needed some more inspiration than that. After all a happy mother is a better mother, and I would go nuts being at home full time. Only since Dec 09 I started to work 4 days, before that I always worked full time, and I loved it!

Shanta - posted on 04/06/2010

I am with you there Terry..I have been working since I was 12 years old..I had my one and only child at age 29 and I love to work. I feel that working keeps me well balance at home, work, and school..

Charlene - posted on 04/06/2010

I don't feel guilty about working at all. I've been working all of my three kids lives and it's the only thing they know. I can't sit around waiting for a check once a month or waiting on a husband to bring his check home to me.. I like my own money and I love to shop and buy nice things for myself and my kids. Besides I don't want to be home if I don't have anything to do. It gets boring after a while.

Kerry - posted on 04/06/2010

I have always said I'm a better mom for being out of the house. Honestly, I'm a grumpy mother when I'm home too much. I have more patience and a better perspective when I step away from my children for a few hours each day. I tried being a stay-at-home mom when I was maternity leave for six months and everyone - my husband and children - were thankful when I returned to work. I'm just a more enjoyable person to be around when I can interact with adults for a part of each day.



I think of it like the small villages that used to have a few women watch the children while everyone else went to gather and provide. You can't be the best at everything and taking care of children takes a special personality that not all of us possess. I'm thankful I learned taht before I became one of those angry, repressed women who continually knock myself and my children around for my inability to be completely satisfied staying with them all day.



While, yes, I've felt a small tinge of guilt for not being the one to teach them everything they know, I have made a point of being a part of their lives in the evenings and weekends and ensured my values are instilled in them. Plus I can hear my ideas and values in how they mimic me, how they will unconciously repeat something I've told them over the years. I'm a big part of their lives and, what's more, I've had the opportunity to surround them with a diverse group of caregivers who support me in raising the best children I can. In the end, I'm a better mom for it.

Grace - posted on 04/06/2010

Working moms, we should thank God for the job we have because there are many others out looking for jobs to keep their families.

Kyra - posted on 04/06/2010

I went back to work when my daughter was 6 months old. I would go bonkers being an at home mom. I needed to work. Also, my daughter learned social skills being with other kids during the day. I t made my homecoming sweet at the end of each work day. I had a job flexible enough that I can attend school events during the day, and chaperone as a volunteer with work pay attached. My 10 year old knows that I have to work to keep the roof over our head and to eat among other things, so she's okay with it. I do my best to spend quality time and allow her to be active in the things she wants to do as well.

Grace - posted on 04/06/2010

No you are not, sometimes I feel guilty when I have to leave my kids to go for weekend duties and its worse when my 5yr old daughter asks me mom when would you stop working by that she means when would you take off time to be with us on weekends,it brings tears to my eyes but what can I do with the harsh economic climate we find ourselves?

Karen - posted on 04/06/2010

Wow, that is a tough question...everyone's circumstances are different. I started working long before college. My 6th grade paper route I think. I have worked up to 3 jobs at a time since then. Am I tired,,,OH YA. Since we were told I could not have kids, I threw myself into work and a dangerous career. I am a firefighter.



I had children late and my body did not bounce back nearly as well as I would have liked, especially after number 2 and the emergency c-section at 39. Late kids was not my choice, but God's. We tried every infertility option there was for several years with no success.l Then were told by the specialist-no children. Well 5 yrs later, on our own, we had a beautiful baby boy (at 36). Then another boy.



I used to love my job, but missing school plays and other events has started to haunt me in the past few years. Don't get me wrong, we have 2 incomes, but without mine, we would not be able to live in the house we do or have the kind of life we enjoy, but at what expense?

Juliana - posted on 04/06/2010

Sorry to say, you are not alone and say a pray of thanks giving for the job you have to provide them with the live you want for them. and them spend as much quality time with them as possible, even if it means you missing a 1/2 hour of sleep to finish your house work, and most important listen to them and talk to them. they will understand and one day be very thankfull for the sacrifices you made



Juliana

Bobbie - posted on 04/06/2010

Prior to having a child, I worked an ungodly amount of hours at work. I have cut back some but not much. I still work atleast 50 hours/week. But I don't feel too guilty because I am blessed to have a great husband that has structured hours and that can offer our child and the household the attention they need. But when I am off my child sees me from time up to time down and I honor that time we do share. If I didn't work the hours I do work we wouldn't have the roof over our head, the clothes in our closet,etc. In this generation, it seems more acceptable for the mother to be out of the household more and the father to be there more. And my daughter seems to like having all of her fathers attention--lol

Pooja - posted on 04/06/2010

I went back to work when my kid was 3 months old. I use to feel guilty initially but then my husband pitched in... It worked out pretty nicely till 1 year. Now my kid has started speaking and wants to read alot, learn rhymes and play games. He doesn't leave me once I am back from office. Now I think he needs me more and I should leave this full time job, look for some options that can let me work from home.

Nancy - posted on 04/05/2010

I have been working fulltime since I was 17 years old. I was 30 before I had my son. I went back to work after my 6 week maternity leave. I don't feel any regret for working full time. i am the sole support of our family. Yes i wish there were a few more hours in the day to be able to spend with him but I try to make the best of the time we have.

Tanja - posted on 04/05/2010

It's not that I feel guilty but I am very unhappy as a working mom! But I can't stop working because to have a good life , to give my son everything he needs we have to work both!!!

Wendy - posted on 04/05/2010

I would not be sane if I was not working. It is a must in our family. If I did not work, my children would not eat as well as they do and there would not be money for clothes, etc. I don't feel guilty at all. Its a part of life!

Samantha - posted on 04/05/2010

Being a mom is important but being a provider is even more important when it comes to how your children live. I work 40 -50 hrs a week and my husband even more then I, I do feel guilty some days but then i realize that if i didnt work then she wouldn't have clothes on her back and food in her stomach. We as a family still spend every weekend together and 2 full evenings a week. so I also think we are giving her the best parenting also. I personaly dont care if other people around us say that we are uninvolved in the school community and social community because we have our own friends and we are happy with our lives and nothin they say can change how we choose to live our lives.

Natasha - posted on 04/05/2010

No your not the only one. I love my kids but at the end of the day one working parent income is really just not enough. I think our kids will understand more as they get older.

Theresa - posted on 04/05/2010

You are certainly not alone! I work either 3 or 4 days per week. I had my first son when I was 36 yrs old and my second one at 40 yrs old. So, by that time, I had been in the workforce for over 20 years. I love my job and I absolutly agree that I am a better Mom because I work. I think that my situation is great since I have that one or two days per week to do things with my 1st grader at his school. It also gives me an opportunity to "hang" with my 3 year old. I cherish the time that I do have with my boys. I highly reccommend it. I have a lot of friends who are stay-at-home moms. They crave the socialization with business professionals. They also seem "on edge" a great deal about perfection. I do everything that I do so that my kids can have the best life possible as regards a great place to call home, a terrific school system, the ability to do outside interests such as camps and sports and getting what they want (within reason.) For example, my 7 year's birthday party this weekend is at a Batting Cage where the cost per child is 18 dollars. You get a lot. But, I could not have 22 kids there if I did not work. I have tons of these type of examples.

Martha - posted on 04/05/2010

As a single mother working full time to provide the life style i feel is best for my child, i fully back you in the non guilty mental state of a working mom. My son goes to preschool/daycare while i work full time and I have come to balance: work, personal time for fitness and kid time. As of late I am also working on making room for finding a potential partner in life. All to show my son the health balance in life of varied tasks. All of this is guilt free with the understanding that a well balanced mother providing an environment/life that is best for my child is achieved through this process. My son is an amazing well rounded child who enjoys his time with his friends at daycare, and cherishes his time with his mum. :0)

Jennifer - posted on 04/05/2010

I also am a working mom - sometimes working 60+ hours per week. I don't usually feel guilty b/c I know I am making good money, helping to provide for my son as well as setting a great example of work ethic. My husband and I have a great partnership so I know that when I can't be there at night, he is and makes the most of the couple hours of playtime before bed. I could never be a stay at home mom. I know that is hard work as well, but I need to have that one thing for myself that I can go out and achieve for myself and be successful.

Sarah - posted on 04/05/2010

its people like you who piss me off. Unlike some people I DON'T have a choice in my job. I'm a defence member, so unlike you civilian people, can't walk up to my boss and say "you know what I quit." I've got 12 months to serve before I can do that. So Sherry, just remember people do pay taxes so that you can sit at home on your ass and look after your kids(and don't get me wrong I would love to be able to do that). I agree with you on one thing and that is that my son will remember that I had to drop him off to day care at 0630hrs every morning, and sometimes couldn't pick him up until late in the evening, BUT he'll remember that weekends is time that we value, our time together, and go on outings.

Joy - posted on 04/05/2010

I have my moments but for the most part I can't say guilt is my main feeling. I know why I have to work. But if I could choose I would stay home in a heartbeat. I don't miss work when I'm not there but I certainly miss my girls. i

Nicola - posted on 04/05/2010

No i dont really feel too guitly! I work full time and my husband works full time too (including 24 hr shifts!) we worked it out and technically my son is in the creche and cared for by the staff there than he is by us (im not too happy about that part!). I adore my job but because of the nature of what i do (behaviour specialist in Autism) its by no means a 9 to 5 and that i wish i could change just a little but dare i say it i feel my job is as important a part of as much as my son is. He is my world but it is my job that makes me realise how blessed i am to have him and it gives me a good prospective on things. I tend to make occasions extra special for him e.g. this easter i stayed up till 1 in the morning writing up detailed special clues for the easter egg hunt in order to make it extra special. I dont spend more money on him to make up for not always being around but i put extra love into the things we do together. I do find it difficult to balance everything and wish i had a little more me time but for now whilst he is growing and developing i invest most of my me time into him as i know one day i will get it back!



Im proud to be a working mum as i believe in setting a good example!



Nicola

Nicola - posted on 04/05/2010

No i dont really feel too guitly! I work full time and my husband works full time too (including 24 hr shifts!) we worked it out and technically my son is in the creche and cared for by the staff there than he is by us (im not too happy about that part!). I adore my job but because of the nature of what i do (behaviour specialist in Autism) its by no means a 9 to 5 and that i wish i could change just a little but dare i say it i feel my job is as important a part of as much as my son is. He is my world but it is my job that makes me realise how blessed i am to have him and it gives me a good prospective on things. I tend to make occasions extra special for him e.g. this easter i stayed up till 1 in the morning writing up detailed special clues for the easter egg hunt in order to make it extra special. I dont spend more money on him to make up for not always being around but i put extra love into the things we do together. I do find it difficult to balance everything and wish i had a little more me time but for now whilst he is growing and developing i invest most of my me time into him as i know one day i will get it back!



Im proud to be a working mum as i believe in setting a good example!



Nicola

Sherry - posted on 04/04/2010

children remember in time it will come back to bit you in the butt

Sarah - posted on 04/04/2010

my son has been in day care since 6 months old, I have mixed feelings about being feeling guilty. If i didn't have work I'd go insane, but on the other hand it feels like I'm missing out on so much (especially when the day daycare centre says to me that his walking, and I missed out on the first steps). it would be nice to have the option of just quitting, but I don't.

Marsha - posted on 04/04/2010

Don't feel guilty! You need to do what you need to do to make yourself a good mother. For some women, that means being there every second. For others of us, that means interacting with others and working outside the home. I went back to work when my daughter was 6 weeks old, but only for 4 weeks until the end of the school year. Then I luckily had the summer off with her. Did I miss her during those few hours? Yes! But by having a break from her, it made me appreciate the time we had together more.



When Momma's not happy, no one's happy!!! I live my life by that. I need some me time and often, that's the time when I'm at work or advising one of the two community service clubs. My daughter LOVES interacting with my kids too. Since she's an only child, I want her to see that the world does NOT revolve around her, even though she's important to me and I love her more than anything! People complain about what they are jealous of. Enjoy what makes you happy!

Holly - posted on 04/04/2010

I would rather give my child a good future by working to get myself out of debt so I can later pay for his schooling to go to Techinical School or College. Besides that lets not forget the here and now extra money for making those Field Trips or summer camp etc. My mother did not so I missed out on class rings, yearbooks, etc.

Deborah - posted on 04/04/2010

I always planned on being the career woman. Then, seamingly out of the blue, I wanted kids. That was it, I was going to be the stay at home mum. I had two boys and was off work for three years. But I found myself going insane, I needed to return to work, I enjoy working. We (husband & I) didn't want the kids brought up at a day care nursery and so, in some ways, are fortunate that my husband can't work due to illness so he can look after them while I work. I don't feel guilty about enjoying my work and it is good for children to see parents working. At the end of the day, there are not many of us who can afford to live without working.

Stephanie - posted on 04/02/2010

NO! You are not alone!! I am the exact same way. I was 5 months pregnant when I graduated college (on a saturday) and started teaching preschool on Monday! I look forward to going to work (besides getting out of bed early). I need a break from him and time to socialize with adults. Like they say, Absence makes the heart grow fonder....even if it is only for 8 hours a day...



When you said, "doing what I had to do to ensure we lived a good life" right there should assure you that you are a great mom and doing whats best for your kids :)

Wendy - posted on 04/02/2010

no i feel guilty i have to work i have been home for 8 years and now due to the lays off everywhere had to go back to work it sucks i want to be home with my kids but due to this economy i have to and it is hard and i hate it and we have to have me work, i just wish i could work part time it would not be bad but full time its hard

Debora - posted on 04/01/2010

I'm a single working mom!! I have two boys and receive no child support. Sometimes I get upset that the burden of everything is on me, but I have no choice but to work so no I don't feel guilty. My children will have to learn to be independent and trustworthy or our family will not survive.

Joanne - posted on 03/31/2010

I went back to work when my son was 12 weeks old. I don't feel guilty working and my job is flexible enough that I could take off to help out in the classroom on a regular basis when he was in the lower grades (he's 17 and a high school Jr. now). I've also been a single mother for the last 6 years only getting sporadic child support even though it's court ordered. have many friends who are SAHM's and some that would like to be bad unfortunately can't. Being a SAHM mom is not easy and not for everyone and I feel badly for the mothers who would like to be able to stay home but cannot. Being a mother is only part of my identity and I feel that the fulfillment I get from my job and other areas in my life help me to be a better mother.

Starr - posted on 03/31/2010

I work from home but that doesn't mean i get to take care of my little one. I have a set schedule and it changes during daylight savings time. I feel gulity too, but realize I have to provide medical insurance to my family and support them.

Lisa - posted on 03/30/2010

No no no...you are not alone! I do not feel guilty, in fact, I work full time plus overtime, go to school full time and spend tons of quality time with my son! It's all in how you view it and how you handle it!

Cassandra - posted on 03/30/2010

You are not alone. Although I would have loved to stay home with my daughter more, I probably would have gone crazy being at home all the time. I need that additional interaction and I think attending childcare was a great thing for my daughter. Even if I did it over again and didn't work full time, I will still have my daughter go to childcare a couple times per week to get that social interaction without mommy that she needs. I have met a lot of parents that have children that never left them or other family members and the children have a hard time being self sufficient. Of course, this isn't every case but I have no regrets being a working mom!



I also get a great sense of satisfaction knowing I can provide for my family.

Siobhan - posted on 03/30/2010

You are not alone. I am returning back to work next month, and I know it will be hard to adjust to not spending as much time with my baby, I am excited and happy about returning to work. I am the type of person who thrives on working. I have had a job since I was 17 years of age, so it had been fulfilling and also a little strange at times to be off work for this long.



By working, I feel like I am satifsfying myself, but also providing for my little baby boy. I feel good that I am able to provide him with the things he needs and will someday want. I know on that first day that I take him to daycare, I will probably be emotional and possible cry, but I know that returning to work is the right choice for me.

Claire - posted on 03/30/2010

I agree Terry.

Although the thought of returning to work is so scary, I have to do what is right by my son and this is ensuring he has the best possible up bringing. My Partner is currently unemployed due to reductanty, so i will also be the one bringing home the bacon so to speak. I really admire working moms & believe this gives our children a positive outlook on life although we are not always there for them every moment of the day.

Shauna - posted on 03/29/2010

I do not think that I would be a good mom if I staying at home. I lack patience and always have to be on the go. My daughter and I spend quality time together when I am home and I love to come home and hang out with her.