Anyone who's hubby is stay at home dad?

[deleted account] ( 7 moms have responded )

My husband and I recently switched roles when his hours were being cut and I had two good job offers on the table. Usually I worked part time/ as needed as a speech therapist while he worked full time. Now he is at home full time with our 1, 2, and 8 year old (homeschool) while I work full time. We have definitely had an adjustment period. Any advice/tips on how to make this work best?

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Talitha - posted on 01/27/2009

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My husband works nights and is home during the day with my son while I work! it has worked out so far except he doesn't do any cleaning and it all seems to pile up until the weekend when i finally have a chance to takle it.  My son also sems to give mommy more sleep then he does daddy and I don't know why.  when I am with him he will sleep 4-7 hours and with daddy he sleeps 3-5 hours sometimes less. I don't think that there is much I can do about that problem but with my husband staying home during the day saves a whole lot of money that we would have been spending on daycare!

[deleted account]

I know I am a newbie at this thing, but my husband does seem to do well with lists, or VERY specific requests. Instead of "Try to get some laundry done today", I might say, "Fold the towels, put the whites in the dryer, and start a load of colors" Men do need specifics at times, especially in an area that is not usually their expertise. I try to think, if I was expected to do some home repairs that he normally does, what kind of instructions would I need. My latest issue is getting him to get the babies dressed for the day. I can tell he is trying, i try not to say something about it every day, but I finally told him I think it would be better if everyone got dressed in the morning. He now makes sure he is out of his pjs before I leave. Hope this helps!

Tanya - posted on 01/26/2009

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I am having the similar problem as Jenny except  mine wont even do the washing or dishes. It piles up then I get angry and have a go at him for it. I work very long hours and shiftwork. With two young children I find it hard to appreciate that he is at home when I am coming home and doing everythiong there also. When I have a go at him he asks me why I'm angry. Its not that Im angry its more frustration and fatigue all rolled into one and I still try to find the energy to spend time with my kids so Im not sleeping as much as I would like. He says he will do it then I come home the next night and find it all there. This might seem pety but it is something that really gets to me. He says he doesnt have the time but when I was on maternity leave and the rolls were reversed he always came home to a clean house, dinner on the table and kids are ready for bed. How did I find the time. I know it might sound selfish but I hope someone  can give me some  advice

Jenny - posted on 01/26/2009

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I agree with Amanda. Realizing that he and I do things differently was really important for me to be happy with the situation. I'm not just talking about parenting styles here either! When I get home from work the house is a mess! He doesn't care about the mess as much as I do. He'll do laundry and dishes and that is about it, and eventually I realized that's plenty, because our daughter is happy and well taken care of. Besides, when he "puts things away" neither one of us can find anything! Keep an open mind and a willing spirit and count your blessings.

Amanda - posted on 01/26/2009

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My husband is currently because he recently lost his job.  He honestly is better at it than I am.  I think that you have to realize that they do things totally different than we would.  I found that once I accepted that it was much easier. 

Bea - posted on 01/25/2009

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I found myself in the role of sole provider after my husband went through a number of job losses. That was 12 years ago. I've managed to make a very good living but over time, what started as something that made "sense" and "cents" when our boys were little has become increasingly difficult. In the past 3 years, I've been laid off twice after 20 years to consistent ladder climbing. I was out of work for 6 months each time, and each time managed to find a better job than the one before. But my boys are now 12 and 16 - my husband only works a few hours a week and I've been dealing with significant resentment. I travel every week and wonder how did it ever get to the point where I have no choice - that's how I feel. Sooo, with all that said, my best advice is to have a defined plan. I'd even encourage you and your husband writing it down. To this day my husband disagrees with me in terms of how our role change started and why. It was much, much easier when my boys were small - it is excruiatingly difficult now that they are older. Have a plan - agree on the plan - review, revise and update the plan. You'll fare much better than I have.

Tanya - posted on 01/25/2009

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Help out as much as you possibly can its going to be tough at first but he will learn to adjust. I have a two year old and 7mth old and my hubby stays home has done for 2 years now. When you get a chance give your hubby time for himself. I know at first it might seem you get none for yourself but we seem to cope better than they do. I hope it all goes well for you

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