Are there any working moms with stay at home dads?

Tika - posted on 02/24/2012 ( 17 moms have responded )

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Is there anyone out there that is jealous of your stay at home husband? I work a 12 hour rotating shift and feel like I'm missing out on all of my child's moments. This is my first kid so of course EVERYTHING she does is a momentous event to me, but my husband will either mention it casually long after or won't mention it all, fearing that I will become sad/angry that I can't be there (kinda true).



Has anybody else gone through this? Any tips or advice?

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Darcey - posted on 03/26/2012

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OMG I FEEL YOUR PAIN I FEEL LIKE THAT TOO CUZ I WORK 3DAYS OUT THE WEEK AND WHEN IM AT HOME AND SEE MY SON DO OR SAY THINGS I NEVER SEEN HIM DO IM ALL EXCITED AND TELL HY HUSBAND OMG LOOK WHAT HE DID AND HES SAYS HE DOES THIS EVERYDAY AND IM SAD BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IM MISSING MOMENTS

Rachel - posted on 03/08/2012

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I loved it when my husband was a stay at home. I had dinner when I came home from work and the dishes were done. I only had to relax and help with homework. The house would be clean and I wouldn't have to do it! I might be lazy but my husband and I make a great team. Now that he works we have to share chores on the weekend. Our son is 5 so I'm not missing anything really.

I was not jealous at all! I would rather be working than at home. Love my son, but dad needs son/dad time too.

Ayo - posted on 03/07/2012

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My husband and I both stay home with our daughter 3 days a week each and we both work. I find that we feel more like partners co-parenting and we both have differing strengths to contribute.

Tika - posted on 03/06/2012

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Thanks Kelly! I'm still trying to deal with it but he told me that she was "talking" and her first word was mama!...though I'm sure she was probably just making sounds I'll take it!

Kelly - posted on 03/04/2012

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When our son was born 4 yrs ago we made the decision to have my husband stay home. I made more money than him & why have him work at a job that was going to basically pay child care. Sometimes I feel left out but then I remember how great it was that we made this choice. I too work 12 hr shifts. Sometimes 3 in a row. Hang in there & try to remember the special gift you have given your child by having at least one parent always there. Good luck.

Shawnn - posted on 02/27/2012

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LOL...No, Tika, not you, the baby! How old is the baby?



One other thing...the first time that she does it for you is considered a legitimate "first"...

Grace - posted on 02/26/2012

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well i have and still am i have 3 girls a 4yr old 3 yr old and 2 yr old i still feel sad u know kind of jealouse cuz i miss out too but the way i have come about to live with it is on my days off we have girls night which usually is getting some movies ordering in and snuggling on the couch and talking about how the wk was and what they have learned and wha they have helped daddy with then since i have 2 days off together we sleep in and wake up and snuggle on couch again and just bum it if possible all day if not the we go out and about to enjoy the nice day and just bond u know what i mean and it is sad but my husband couldnt be more helpful how many daddys have the patience for 3 running toddlers...i barely think us mommys have the patience and that is cuz it just happens w us....

Nicole - posted on 02/26/2012

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:) Remember too that there is NOTHING that beats the bond between a mother and child. I use to worry that Oliver would forget about me because I wasn't there all day every day but I learned that no matter who watched him, or how long I was gone, he ALWAYS remembered his mama and we always had that special bond with each other. Quality not quantity.

Nicole - posted on 02/25/2012

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When you see it for the first time I'm sure it will be shortly after she starts doing it and your hubby won't say she does it ALL the time. And, if he does, just go :-P not for me she doesn't, I'm the mama so that makes THIS her first time :) I learned a sense of humor and some sarcasm helps too!

Tika - posted on 02/25/2012

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We actually bought the phones with video chat in anticipation of going back to work, so that does help. I'm also learning that I need to ask specific questions about her day if I wanted to know certain things. I think that whatever she does if it's the first time I see it then it's her first...hopefully my husband doesn't ruin it and say she does that all the time.

Nicole - posted on 02/24/2012

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When my son was born 4 years ago we did the same thing. My husband stayed home and I continued to work. I would call during lunch breaks or if I was able to get other down time, I teach so like planning time. My husband would also take cell phone pictures, we even got him another phone so he could, and he would send me the pics throughout the day. At the end of the day I would take over, on weekends I would take over as far as doing more care giving for my son. I learned early on that I needed to ask specific questions about what my son had done that day if I was going to get the answers I wanted.

Shawnn - posted on 02/24/2012

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It is stressful, Tika, especially with your first! How old?



Would it be possible for your hubby to maybe zap you a cell phone pic, or something similar, if he can catch the moment? At least then, you'd be able to see it "almost" as it happens...



With my situation, what I missed with my first, I caught with my second, since that's when we were comfortable enough to have me stay home.

Tika - posted on 02/24/2012

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Thanks Shawnn! It definitely helps to put the whole work situation into perspective. I am grateful that we can afford to have one parent stay at home. Just kinda stressful that it's not a CHOICE but a MUST that one of us work.

Shawnn - posted on 02/24/2012

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Not jealous, by any means. My SAHD is actually disabled and can't work, so we switched roles 7 years ago.



I had the benefit of being the stay home parent when the kids were younger, and now he gets them during the "fun" years...LOL



We're just thankful that we're in a position that we CAN choose whether to work or not. If I wanted to stay home, I could, as his disability payments would support us, but, IMO, one parent should work. If only to show the kids that life isn't all fun.



Now, about missing those "firsts"...well, when my kids were that age, and we both HAD to work at the time, my sitter (angel of a woman) would make sure that she taped it if it looked like a "first" was going to happen, which, to be honest, I didn't miss much.

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