Are you a Mama with No libido?

Carin - posted on 03/01/2010 ( 45 moms have responded )

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Looking for some support and/or advice... positive notes only, please. I've been on Zoloft for depression and anxiety since my second trimester. My second child is now almost 9 months old and I still have no libido whatsoever. Zero. Zilch.

I don't know if it's from the Zoloft, the fact that I'm still nursing (and my body pretty much feels like it's for kid use only, not even for me), if it's because our second still sleeps near me in the co-sleeper, because I'm working full time and waking every two hours to nurse so I'm super tired, the stress of life and either a job transition or further education coming up, etc. But I've got nothing and I think it's causing some additional stress at home. Help?

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Tiffany - posted on 03/01/2010

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I had the same problem! I wasn't near that busy though! I've been on Wellbutrin, Zoloft, and Buspar and hated it! Cause if I forgot to take it my emotions were worse than when I started!!! But I can honestly say I have started taking some really good vitamins and I no longer take ne pharmacutical meds, have so much energy and my sex drive is crazy! I think I want it as much if not more than my husband! NOT TO SOUND WEIRD! I'm not a crazy woman, just really excited I'm finally interested in my husband lying in my bed rather than my pillow!!! But I think all my problems stemed from the exhaustion! After that got better so did everything else. And I think the meds made me less interested in my sex life! But let me know if I can recommend what I use. I don't want neone to think I'm soliciting anything, cause I'm not, just thought I could help!

Tiffany - posted on 04/13/2010

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If you're interested in the Vitality vitamins, and I haven't sent you a personal message check out my page at www.faceyourdreams.com. Leave your info and I can help you. The vitamins are GREAT and price comparable to your local stores, but unlike anything you'll find at your local. The solubility rates are out of this world! You would have to take like 33 Centrum vitamins to get the same nutrients in 1 Vitality!!! That's insane! So yeah GREAT product, GREAT prices, and quick results! (I noticed a difference in a week or so, my hubby started the men's Vitality and after a few days noticed he felt better (he works hard and ALOT, so he didn't get enough sleep at night and it finally caught up to him but he is LOVING the Vitality!) You can also e-mail me at tttaross@yahoo.com. And no you don't have to take the packs, the basic Vitality is just as wonderful. I take the Vitality 6, my husband takes the basic Vitality for Men and I'm actually going to order the basic Vit. this month, since it's less $, and just alternate every other day. :)

Tammy - posted on 04/08/2010

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I don't have the magic cure either, but I can offer up a heartfelt "I know how you feel" ;-). I work full-time and have a five year old daughter and three year old twin boys. Three high energy children and a full-time job equals one truly exhausted Mommy. I am also fortunate to have a husband who understands and knows that the love is still there! I am going to check out that "vitality" supplement, and I have to agree that wine never hurts either ;-)!

Deanna - posted on 03/12/2010

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I think everything you've mentioned contributes to the lack of sex drive...nursing, exhaustion, stress and the Zoloft (some antidepressants can actually make lack of sex drive worse!) I suffered severe post-partum with my second child almost 3 years ago and am still having a problem with depression and anxiety (and lack of sex drive). I was told the foods you eat and exercise play a HUGE rule, along with what meds you take. Cut out white carbs and sweets, eat a lot of protein, veggies, and fruit, and try to at least walk if you can't find the time to exercise. Also, I take important vitamins for the brain and immune system like fish oil, D, Bcomplex and CoQ10. Hope this helps.

Beth - posted on 03/10/2010

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I have totaly been there myself. It started for me before we had children. I would cry all the time about it. My husband and I have had many many conversations about this. I have seen the doctor many times and have gotten no where. We were coming to the realization that it was going to be like this forever. My husband has been wonderful about this the past couple of years. I have two boys, one 4 yrs old and the other is 8 months old. I am an advocate about having your children sleep in there own beds in their own rooms. Us parents need some personal time especially when have spent all day working and doing things for other people. Breast feeding definatley keeps your hormones in that mama mode. Once I stoped breast feeding things got a little better, but I still wasn't feeling like myself. I just recently saw my primary care physican about feeling tired, sad, stressed all the above and she tested my thyroid to rule it out because she was thinking post pardum depression. Well it turns out that my thyroid was low. I have been taking thyroid meds for a month now and I am feeling soo good. My libido, tirednedd, stress has been so much better and now that my husband is getting snipped, so much fun to look forward too. Moral of the story, Have your THYROID checked, you never know. It happens to a lot of women after having babies. Good luck to all of you out there!

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Data - posted on 04/08/2010

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I feel you Emily, most of us women have a lot going on in our minds and for most of us too, sex begins in the mind. The men are usually ready all the time but we have to prepare mentally for it and its worse when your partner upsets you or is not doing what he should do but expects you to be there when he wants...it's crazy! we're not robots!

Ginamarie - posted on 03/11/2010

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I know how you feel because I have had a lack of libido for awhile now. My kids are 10 and 9. When I mentioned it to my doctor he claimed that I have a form of depression, I just can't take the meds.

Amy - posted on 03/10/2010

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I mentioned this to my OBGYN and she basically said "of course." Ive since identified some psychological reasond i.e. fear of getting pregnant (fixed with birth control I trust), exhaustion (fixed with sex in the AM), mild depression (helped with SAM-E--consult your DR. if you are on other medications), and anger/resentment toward hubby (on and off, still working on it.) Things still are perfect. Frankly, I feel like I could go the rest of my life without sex.

Jessica - posted on 03/09/2010

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Good to read Ladies! I thought I was the only one.....and seem to have no friends who work F/T and raise a child too so no one to relate to privately for these issues...glad to see all of your comments :)

Hannah - posted on 03/09/2010

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Hi Carin,

I completely understand! I have a 4.5 month old and I'm currently breastfeeding and work a full-time job! My husband unfortunately works until later in the evening, so as soon as I get home I'm on full mom duty cleaning, cooking, and taking care of our son. By the time he's fed and in bed, I have a few more things to get done around the house and I'm completely exhausted! I also get up at least once a night to breastfeed our baby and I'm up at 5:00AM to get ready for work. My libido is also ZILCH and I'm NOT on medication... so don't feel bad! I would recommend adding in a short exercise break - even if it's just lifting light weights for 10-15 minutes. While I'm cooking (if baby is happy) I stand in the kitchen and between stirs, flips, or bakes I do squats and lift my light weights. It has actually helped me be more energized and has help me stay awake longer to have some intimate time with my husband.

Carin - posted on 03/08/2010

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Oh thank you, everyone! Just reading that there are other women like me makes me feel so much better! I will probably talk to the doc about switching meds when my son is done nursing. (Moving him into the crib in the other bedroom with his sister, who doesn't sleep all night, either, is a whole other problem... but I recognize it's a contributing factor.)

I may look into the Vitality vitamin as well. Is it spendy?

Luckily my husband thinks infidelity is the absolute worst thing one spouse can do to another, so I'm safe there. We have some other stuff to work out, so maybe if we start with other issues, we can work around to this one, too.

Thank you again. You have no idea how much this means to me!

Ashley - posted on 03/08/2010

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Have you had your testosterone levels checked? If this was an issue pre-pregnancy you may by low on that. It is a simple blood test your OB/GYN can do.

Jenny - posted on 03/08/2010

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Hi, carin,
Hope you had a great day! well, it's really been hard to balance every aspect in our lives but try to face whatever circumstances with joy, and at the end of the day you'll be surprised you'll be able to find solution. Involve your partner to do house hold chores or even looking after your kids. Find time really to have time for yourself, even just walking outside to have a fresh air or to feel the warmth of the sun and I think that's the best you can do to help you reduce the stress in life, and even just a short moment this will strengthen your spiritual life, look around you, how those beautiful flowers were created, their magnificent colors represents how wonderful life we have.
I hope this can help you!
Stay close to God, no matter what and He will hold unto you!
smile!

Brandy - posted on 03/07/2010

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Tiffany, do you think just the basic Vitality would be helpfulor just the packs?

Dannielle - posted on 03/06/2010

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I feel your pain! I started Zoloft a few months ago and it has done wonders for me. I was warned about the chance that I would not be interested in sex, but I never had a huge sex drive. Now I never want it. My husband complains all the time and I feel like a horrible wife but I just have no desire. I do believe the pills play a huge part but it sounds like you have a lot on your plate. I do too. Try a date night, go away for the night. Put everything else on hold. Unwinding is about the only way you will come close to doing it.

Casey - posted on 03/06/2010

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me too! Lack of sleep, house cleaning, mommy duties, cooking etc... At the end of the day sleep is what I need! Some peace, quiet, and relaxation! Sex is the last thing I can think about these days...

good luck to you all

Caryn - posted on 03/06/2010

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Tiffany name of the vitamins please hunny :) It is a well know fact though guys that anti-depressants or mood altering drugs do affect your libido. I think the problem stems way back... we fall pregnant, get huge, lose ourselves completely, then have this beautiful child who requires round the clock care, once we've done that for 4 - 6 months, we go back to work full time, but the house is still there, kids still need looking after, hubby still needs feeding (in more ways that one), so we approach our doctors for some help to just simply cope with the stresses! All of these contribute to our loss of libido :( I have recently started (in the last 3 days) Zanax, which is an anti-axiety / tranquiliser to just help me cope & to sleep as for months I had insomnia and would fall asleep for an hour and then wake up for 3 sobbing for what reason I don't know! I think we all need to just STOP for a minute... Step Back, Think, Organise & then Proceed and try to find the FUN in life again. When life is a chore, there is no fun and without fun... there is no sex :( Good luck ladies..... us girls need to stick together, I reckon reading this chat stream has made me feel better already, so THANKS ladies :)

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I hear you! I work full time, and the housework is mostly left for me. My husband works on a rotating shift roster and is hardly ever home or when he is he just wants some down time before bed. He often doesn't make it to bed until 11 or 12, and by then I am off in dream world. I get up to my toddler at 5 or 6 in the morning and it's all go again. We only have a weekend off together once a month, so it is hard.

But when we can make the time together, its great ;D

You need some you time, to make yourself feel great, and then take him somewhere special, and make him feel great. If that fails, a couple of glasses of shiraz works with me :D

Rose - posted on 03/06/2010

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The zoloft can kill your libido. (Personal experience). Add to this the fact that your time is so dedicated to everyone else but yourself, and the fact that you don't want to try to please someone else isn't too suprising. I would talk to the hubby and explain how you feel. As unusual as it may seem, your situation is VERY normal given your circumstances. Keep it rolling!

Tracy - posted on 03/06/2010

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A friend of mine had this problem and she went to see a homeopathic doctor. He found that she was low in a certain vitamin. I can't remember which one, but vitamins should help.

Sue - posted on 03/06/2010

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Carin
Yep, can pretty well relate to you. I have advise which comes from my own experience. I have also been on Zoloft and I think a combination of all the things you mention contribute to the libido problem. I have only worked part time but the word Zombie definitely comes to mind. If possible I would recommend working less because even when kids get older and can look after themselves(yay)they still need much of our time if we want to have trained them right by the time they are teenagers. Also, not easy but worthwhile, the nine month old is enjoying your closeness during the night but is able to feed enough to keep them going for 6hrs+ so I would suggest a different room and letting them cry for a little while as sometimes they'll go back to sleep and maybe not even wake you which would be a total bonus. As far as the husband goes, I have found that even when I had no interest and just wanted to please him my own desire started to come back. Hormones, Ahhhhh! anyway, you don't want your husband to feel unloved even while you are overwhelmed because that will make things worse. Also any opportunity to exercise seems to help, Pilates is good because it gives you some time to yourself (your own brain space). Hope this helps. It's not easy.

Shiree - posted on 03/05/2010

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I 'd like to know what you used. I have no energy, even after I wake up. I always blamed it on my age, but it's time that I took some responsibility!!!

Misty - posted on 03/05/2010

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I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOUR TALKING ABOUT. MY DAUGHTER IS 4.5 YEARS OLD, AND I WORK FULLTIME. I HAVE NO LIBIDO, OR PLAIN OLD ENERGY TO EVEN DO HOUSE WORK. I DONT TAKE ANY MEDS, BUT I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. MY FIANCE ACTS LIKE HE UNDERSTANDS, BUT HOW CAN I BE SURE? I CANT BE SURE IF HES JUST TELLING MW THAT TO NOT MAKE ME FEEL BAD, OR IF HES TELLING ME THE TRUTH. OH WELL, IM GONNA TRY WHAT TIFFANY SAID. HOPE THINGS GET BETTER WITH US ALL LADIES.

Alison - posted on 03/05/2010

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Carin, I have experienced loss of libido caused by contraceptives (Depoprovera) and anti-depressants (Effexor). I am currently using Mirena (and loving it) for contraception and Welbutrin for depression and I finally feel normal again. I specifically asked to switch to Welbutrin because it is the only ssri (I think Zoloft is in another group) that has not had loss of libido as a reported side effect.

Try taking a long bath with candles to relax at the end of the day and then put on something sexy. Every little bit helps!

Tiffany - posted on 03/05/2010

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Unfortunatly some men, well most men, at some time or another (I'm not a guy hater, mine is great, but he even gets to where he wants it worse than other times!) only think with their lower brain. But I wanted to change for me more than for him... Not that he isn't very important to me, but I got so tired of telling my kids "later", "maybe tomorrow" but tomorrow hadn't come until now!!!

Maggie - posted on 03/05/2010

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I'm with you and not on anything! I'm stressed constantly with work and just think my husband needs to understand but he doesn't!

Amanda - posted on 03/05/2010

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I thought I had some kind of problem since I haven't been wanting it. Ever since I had my son my sex drive has dropped dramatically and it really effects my marriage because my husband gets pissed that hes not getting any "action"! Its really frustrating and I didn't know what to do so thanks Tiffany for telling us what you take because I sure am going to look it up now! Its very nice to know that there are a lot more women out there with the same problems

Emily - posted on 03/04/2010

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yeah i don't have any libido anymore either.....it's like everyone has said....either too busy or too tired. Well i'm both so the last thing on my mind is sex and honestly it's not depression and i'm not going to take any pills to get it back. My fiance just needs to know that i'm the one doing everything and if he isn't willing to help then i'm not willing to please him. It's only fair that once i start seeing him helping with housework and caring for our daughter more then i'll start thinking of having sex again. also, when we do have sex, lately i seem to be the one having to do all the work when he wants it more than me....that makes no sense! Another thing is i don't feel comfortable with the way i look.....Also now i'm getting my full-time hours back again so my exhaustion level has reached it's max. good luck ladies!!

Amanda - posted on 03/04/2010

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Ugh. I'm with ya ladies. I also work full time. I have 3 kids (6, 4, and 1 1/2). My oldest has a defect requiring multiple surgeries. On top of that, I have the usual, house, bills, errands, chores, etc. I love my husband so much and lord knows he has enough libido to go around. I feel awful that I never feel like being with him, especially since we have opposite work schedules. Sometimes he thinks I'm not attracted to him or I hate him. So not true. I thought my lack of sex drive was caused by birth control and exhaustion. But, maybe there's more to it.

Tiffany - posted on 03/04/2010

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And thank you Heather! It's nice to know I've been helpful! I know it's silly but I feel very good when I can help someone. I think I'm having withdrawls from nursing. (I decided to put nursing on hold and be a stay at home mom about 3 years ago, and sometimes I do really miss helping people!)

Tiffany - posted on 03/04/2010

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I know there are soooo many others out there like us. And guys I'm tellin ya I HATE taking medicine. But for me to take vitamins is much easier for me to grasp than pharmaceutical drugs. I'm not knockin em cause I have taken them, but only for as long as I had to. I don't take em nemore and the vitamins are so great! Not only that but I've turned over a new leaf on overall health. I am a very slender person naturally, actually have a BIG problem not being able to stay at a healthy weight. (I'm underweight) so since I've had kids I've not wanted to exercise for fear of losing more weight... But I know now, I can excersise and just eat healthier and MORE! But it helps totally how I feel about myself (cause exercise actually realeases endorphins in the brain, so you feel better about yourself) but I have been taking the Vitality and eating good. And it really does make a huge difference. I'm SOOO won over with the vitamins I'm just starting to refer people to the store and enrolling people myself now! My sister and Mom are loving the products they just got too. And my Mom has hypothyroidism that she takes meds for but doc is helping her get weaned off now, and she's gonna try the completly natural hormone products this company has! It's the best thing we've found as a family in a long time, well prolly ever. She's also dealing with skin cancer right now and chemo creams so they have great stuff for that too! And ladies I'm not saying my husband and I, well ya know, everyday cause we don't, but still way more than enough. He actually comes homes and tells me bout guys at work who are complaining of their wifes "interest in sex" but he says he won't tell em how good he's got it, cause he don't want them makin passes at me! :) It makes me feel good, I'm the wife that all the guys wish theirs was more like!!! Cause I too have worried about the whole "if he's not getting it here he's getting it somewhere" and my guy is sooo great we've talked about that and he asures me he's here for more than sex so that carries him through the tough spots but that we are so much happier as a couple when our sex life is good! My e-mail is tttaross@yahoo.com if ne one is interested in checking out the products I've found!

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Hell, I'm not even on medication and I've got the same problem!
Would really appreciate some advice.

Jewel - posted on 03/04/2010

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Im sorry to hear all your worries but I have that problem too after giving birth to my second child. It got worst when I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism and it really does affect your drive. I think the major problem is the stress itself, working and at the same time taking care of everything is really a mind blowing for us moms. But I tell you, no matter how understaning our hubby is, we still have to attend to their needs. Even if we feel so annoyed and uncomfortable with it. I am telling you this because this was the reason why my husband had an affair. Believe me, its not easy

Kimberly - posted on 03/03/2010

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I'm with ya! I hate it, but don't know what to do about it. I'm not interested in taking any meds...I think I might have a thyroid problem??? And I've heard this can be a cause. Who knows! I guess, if they're good men, they'll stick with us!! :) A couple glasses of wine never hurts. ;)

Heather - posted on 03/03/2010

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well, i have no Libido, but i don't have any of your good excuses. Really my daughter has her own room, and I haven't been working, though I did just start part time at a daycare. But that means my daughter is in daycare all day, and I'm at home by myself half the day. So the exhaustion is probably not my problem. But we've been having financial trouble for a few years now that has been very stressful. Thank you Tiffany for your recomendation i think I'll try some of those.
And for those of you on Anti Depressants, I hear some of those are counter to sex drive. Sure you feel happier, but not sexier.

Renee - posted on 03/03/2010

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Like the others I can offer you support and know you are not alone. I've have less than zero libido since before my child was born, she is now 11.5 months old. I'm not on meds, but am considering them. Mostly I'm exhausted and we have a family bed since I can't get my daughter to sleep in her crib. Talk to your doctor, communicate with your significant other, and get some you time so that you can try and relax a little.

Jami - posted on 03/03/2010

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I'm glad to see others like me. I also work full time. Seems to be a common thread. I'm not on medication, and have had a ton of stress lately. I have a 2.5 year old and my husband works from home. I think I have a lot of repressed resentment toward my husband because I'm the main breadwinner, but that is what I signed up for. He is very understanding and kind, but the desire is gone. I plan to discuss this with my doctor in a few weeks. I'm worried because our drought seems to be lasting longer than any married couple I know.

Crystal - posted on 03/02/2010

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Girl. I have no want either. I spend all my time working or with my son, and when I do get home, all I want to do is sleep. Really. I totally have no time for me, let alone wanting to please my BF when he doesnt want to please me. Ever. LOL..

Leanne - posted on 03/01/2010

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You are not alone, ever since I had my child 9 years ago, I also lost my libido. But thankfully I have a understanding husband. I am on lovan, but I also work full time. I think it has alot to do with being tired and are just to busy. But I compromise and make time even if I don't feel like doing the u know what!! haha. Hang in there, there are plenty of us around, they just don't advertise it.......

Tiffany - posted on 03/01/2010

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It's a Melaleuca product called Vitality. I take the vitality 6 cause I wanted the most I could get cause I felt sooo tired ALL the time. But they have something going on called a vitality challenge so if you try them and don't notice a difference they'll give you your money back, no questions asked!!!

Cheryl - posted on 03/01/2010

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Hi Carin,



I can support but not necessarily help. I work full time and have 4.5 year old twins. My libido wasn't great before kids but my husband complains constantly at my lack of interest now. I've talked to all of my doctors about it and tried anti-depressants but noting has helped. I really don't think depression is my problem but my doctor's don't have any other ideas. I've asked them to help for 3 years now. The best thing my OB told me is that working parents are usually only sexually active 1-2 times per week because moms are too busy and too tired.



I'm close to my wits end and like I said I can support you and empathize. You're NOT alone. I wish I had more to offer!



Hang in there!!!

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