At what age does the child understand NO! & when must I start spanking him.

Lungile - posted on 04/12/2010 ( 38 moms have responded )

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My son turned 1 last week & he is very noughty so I have no idea how to decipline him

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Mariah - posted on 04/24/2010

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Spanking only teaches your child to respond to negative feelings with violence. Eventually he'll start hitting you (or someone else) when something that he doesn't like happens. Like many other moms have said; 1) Be consistent in what you do, 2) Use age appropriate time outs, 3) Use redirection for minor infractions, 4) How you react means everything! Do not let your anger get the better of you and lose control, 4) Remember that he's only a 1 year old! He's still learning and exploring his world, naughty isn't his intention. He's merely testing boundaries, both his and yours. So stay on your toes, but most of all don't teach him anger = violence.

If he is making you mad to the point where you think you need to spank him, take a step back and re-examine why you're so upset in the first place. The time it takes you to reflect on what you got upset about will give you time to control the urge to strike out.

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Christine - posted on 03/27/2013

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No. They like to say no. Make it a game -- if it's important, structure your question so that when she says 'No' she's doing what you want her to do. Our 'little guy' will be 20 in a week and was REALLY an handful. Try not to hit them unless she does something dangerous to herself or others.

Angela - posted on 04/24/2010

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THERE IS NO REASON TO SPANK----EVER! Simply redirecting your child will work. When they go to touch something just take them away from it tell them that it is not a toy and give them a toy. Tell them that the toy is what they play with. Invest in a playpen for a start to time out. Getting them used to not getting attention for the bad things they do will help them to learn what will get the positive attention they want.

Pamela - posted on 04/20/2010

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consistency is the key :) every time my son, joshua ( 2 years and months old) does something which I do not like, I don't let it pass by without me telling him that I do not like what he is doing. I have been like that ever since he turned 1 :) More or less, he is now starting to understand when I am really upset. Right now, we are into the sitting in the corner stage- discipline when I am that mad.

Danielle - posted on 04/20/2010

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Try time outs or a gently smack on the bottom or the hand? Children so young don't understand a simple NO BITE. because all they hear is the BITE part and continue the bad behavior. Instead say WE DONT BITE OTHER PEOPLE. I work in a preschool with children ages birth to 5 years and this is what we do and it seems ot work a lot better than the simplier sentence :)

Marcie - posted on 04/20/2010

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I always had a play pen set up in the living room for those occasions. They learn to understand no pretty quickly. If they continue to test after you say no, into the playpen for a time-out. It really does work, it's an effective way to handle the situation.

Time out rule is that they only sit in time out for one minute of every year they have lived. So in a one year old's case, one minute. Follow through EVERY time.

Tiffany - posted on 04/19/2010

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Try to get his mind on something else. We he goes to something you don't want him messing with then just give him something to get his mind off of what you don't want him getting into.

For having a child so young you should have your home child proof so he doesn't get into anything you don't want him to.

I disagree with hitting. You should never hit a child.

Rebecca - posted on 04/19/2010

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Remember, you are the boss! Parents feel bad when they discipline, but do you want your one year old to rule you? When your kids do something wrong, talk to them in an adult language, not baby talk, explain what they're doing wrong. Tell them, no, don't do that, you can hurt yourself, or no, we write on paper, not walls, or whatever the case may be. Children have to be taught. They don't know what right or wrong is

[deleted account]

@Tanya: If you can't help it, then you're spanking for all the wrong reasons and at 17 months, that sends a negative message to your child.

Tanya - posted on 04/18/2010

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I think kids understand the word no when they get ready to it don't matter what age. I don't like to spank but sometimes you just can't help it.

[deleted account]

Its really hard. I can tell my son has understood the word "no" before he was one. He is now 17 months. I have swatted him on the hand for stuff that would be life threatening. Otherwise I say no and pull him away from the situation...a lot. For most of the same things everyday. All day somedays. Some things only take two or three no's to get him to stop the behavior. Other things it feels like he will never learn, but I know he will and I know I just have to keep at it. I am just beginning to understand that at this age it's going to take a while for him to gain enough self control to actually fallow the rules. In the mean time I'll continue to teach him whats OK and whats not. No one is kidding when they say you just have to be consistent.

[deleted account]

A one year old isn't naughty. He's learning the world around him and testing his boundaries. He doesn't have the capacity to be "naughty". Be firm and consistent when you say no. Remove or distract him from the activity that you don't want him doing. And frankly, if you're considering spanking as a form of discipline, he is way, way too young to understand. All you'll teach him is anger, that it's OK to hit people, and to fear you.

Jessi - posted on 04/16/2010

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heck i know a few 22yr olds who don't understand the word "no" :) i.e. my son's father

& as far as spanking goes that is completely up to you. for some child it works & not with others. my son is 1 & i do spank him, he seems to respond to it well. i will give him up to 2 warnings before i spank him & i will only spank him as hard a "playful paddle". he registers the difference between when i'm playing & when i'm serious even though there is no difference. i brought this up to my parents (b/c i am the sole parent) & they said even though i am not using force, my son is noticing the tension.

Dora - posted on 04/16/2010

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My son is turning 2yrs old in May. I noticed that the tone of my voice helps him understand what is abda and good. also noticed yelling doesn't work. So far I have to say the 123 method is working great. We tell him that he has 3 seconds and then start counting. By the time we get to 2 he stops. I can't explain how it works but it does. Also try to void using the word NO so much. It helps if you redirect them. Say if they touch something they aren't supposed to, say that is mommy's and then show them something that is theirs and say this is (your child's name) toy. That also worked extrmely well for our son. It worked so wel that he can now care less for all of my nick nacks I have all over the house.

Jan - posted on 04/15/2010

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They will react to the tone of your voice. Have a defined No voice. That should be enough. But remember your Praises should always outway the No's and they will work harder to get the praise from you. Its more fun! Being consistant with your dicipline then they wont get confused or unsure of what they can and cant do. Really its a way of learning - they make mistakes to learn and eventually they can make their own decisions & choices later in life. Hopefully the correct ones :)

Denise - posted on 04/15/2010

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i have two kids of my own and when they were younger, my daughter was the testy one...i have never ever had to disapline either one with a spankin....i told either one of them...if you didn't behave you will have this taken away...it worked..if we went into a store and he/she started acting up i would say fine..we are leaving....my son was a little easier than my daugter...it may sound cruel but my husband took our daughter to the store once and she started taking a fit because he wouldn't buy here something...he said fine i'm leaving...he went around the corner out of her sight and she learned a lesson...when he came back and asked if she was done...she said sorry daddy...

Brigitte - posted on 04/15/2010

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At 1 a baby is more curious than naughty. They are exploring their new world and don't know what is wrong or n ot to do. If he goes to do something unsafe in your eyes or touch something he shouldn't remember to go over to him , pick him up and remove him from whatever it is. Talk to him and tell him why he can't do that. He won't understand "no" if you don't help him to know what he did wrong. I prefer to take them away from the situation and have them learn by repetition and being consistent.

Dena - posted on 04/14/2010

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We had that problem & we started using time out's & it worked! Time depends on the severity, no more than 5 min. max. Our twin boys just turned 2 & they know exactly what time out is & they don't like it. But like what others have told you consistency is the key.

Laurie - posted on 04/14/2010

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My daughter is 10 months and she understands "no" VERY WELL, however she doesn't like it. I use several techniques including redirecting, if the "no" doesn't work! Children are naturally curious, so if there is something that is particularly interesting to your child, perhaps remove it from his view so he cannot fixate on it anymore. Good Luck. BTW - there is no requirement that you MUST spank. But I agree with some other posts - at one, he is a little young for spanking. Good luck!

Christine - posted on 04/14/2010

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Lungile, our son will be 17 in a week and we only spanked him when he was doing something extreme that could cause serious injury to himself or someone else -- like running in the street or putting something in an electric socket -- the very few times he did get hit, it REALLY got his attention. He was a crazy little guy and we just redirected him, were very patient, and just loved him. He's not naughty now! You'll get there! ;-)

Allison - posted on 04/14/2010

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We don't spank, but babies are lacking a major part of their brain that gives them self-control, so you have to teach them from very early on that bad behavior = bad consequence. Even if they understand "No" it doesn't mean much to them if you don't follow it with an action - removing them from situation, sitting them down, talking to them, etc. You have to get into it gradually, but starting at age 1 is important, so they learn good behaviors early on. Fixing bad habits after age 2 is MUCH harder. We just did time-out - starting around 16-18 months old - one warning if it was something new, but if he did it again, INSTANT time-out - I mean within seconds. And we MADE him sit there the full time - 1.5 minute at 1.5 year old, 2 minutes at 2 years old, etc. Even if that means putting his butt back in the same spot 20 times. Now he's 3 and seriously he almost ALWAYS behaves.



But even at age 1 we NEVER EVER let him get away with bad behavior without some kind of active response - just taking away from situation, letting them know you are serious with your tone, explaining what they did wrong. Just be consistent and do it EVERY time - otherwise they get confused and don't really learn what to do.



I think it's confusing to just give them a bunch of verbal warnings without physically MAKING them stop what they are doing - if it's something "new" that he really doesn't know is wrong, we give him ONE warning, that's it, before moving him, time-out or something. But after that we redirect his attention to something else. But I will nver spank my son, because I've seen how effective other methods are, and I want him to grow up to control his own actions, listen to others and use his words, not violence. So far, it works great, and he has really good manners, listens well and we didn't have any "terrible twos" or temper tantrums yet. I'm sure there are other tips on positive parenting techniques, but I think being consistent and firm is WAY more important than what technique you use - your consistent teaching is how your child learns about the world. Good luck!

Lacey - posted on 04/14/2010

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I think that every child is different and that different types of discipline work better for different tempered children. A timeout may be effective for one and a little pop on the behind might be the only effective thing for another. I don't think that it is important what you do to discipline your children. Each parent is different and each child is different. I think the most important things you can remember are these-1. Consistency, at all costs. 2-Discipline should never be out of anger, if you pop your childs hand because it works than it is probably the right thing to do with your child, just remember that discipline helps strenghten your child and keeping your emotions out of discipline helps him understand that you will never hurt him/her. Find what works for YOUR child and stay consistent and keep your emotions to yourself. NEVER hit out of anger or frustration.

Kristal - posted on 04/14/2010

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Time outs work very well. One minute for every year old they are, as a general rule. 1 year old, 1 minute of time out. Longer than that and they forget why they're there in the first place. Maybe take a parenting class to learn more ideas, I've found it helpful, not only for the material learned from the instructor but also from the other parents attending the class. Remember that he will not recall that a behavior is unacceptable until you have reinforced it LOTS and LOTS of times. Be consistent with corrections and it will help him to learn the rules more quickly. Good luck!

Amani - posted on 04/14/2010

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for dangerous situation, you can let him try by himself, to see how dangerous it is, for ex, to not let him touch the iron, let him see, when it is off & not too hot, just little warm, he'll know that you're saying no because you love him and you are affraid for him, beleive kids are much obeissant in love than fear, they understand, my daughter, at the begining wanted to touch all the very hot stuf, coffees.. so once, i showed her my cup of coffee bit hot, for less than 1sec, let her touch it just to see why i dont let her..

Amani - posted on 04/14/2010

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instead of say no, try to point his attention for something else, kids would like more if you propose or suggest an alternative, saying no - specially @2 - like frustrating them, slowly, they will learn how to descipline, ex, if he insists to watch tv, and you don't want, try to suggest him to play, open a plenty of colours book, sing.. i think that might help, i did the same with my 2year old daughter, i know, sometimes the easiest thing is just NO, specially for busy mom, good luck

Jess - posted on 04/14/2010

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I don't think there is ever an age where you "must" start spanking.



There is a great new community that has just formed and its taken off ! Positive Parenting Strategies - solutions without smacking. We have kids from all ages, please join. Post all your questions and we would love to help you ! Best of all no spanking required !!!

Claire - posted on 04/14/2010

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I don't agree with hard slapping but sometimes if needed, a little tip to let them know your serious, especially if they are ignoring you. I find taking the child out of the room and into the hall for e.g., close the door, leave them there for 1 minute if they are one and 2 minutes if they are 2 and so on. You must persist, keep putting them back out if they continue to do what they are being punished for. If they keep repating it, you must keep putting them out. The tone of your voice must be stern. They don't understand all we tell them (although they can be very crafty, they do understand more than we give them credit for) hope this helps you.

[deleted account]

That is perfect advise. Just be consistent and keep your cool. Discipline now when they are still young and don't think you are damaging their egos when you say no. I see too many children who are disrespectful and have their parents wrapped around their little fingers. Remember you are the parent and they are the child. parents who can say no are teaching their children that they care and love them and want them to grow up as responsible adults. A child as young as 1 year old, does know that the word "no" with a firm voice and appropriate facial expression connected to the inappropriate behavior is something that they will learn from. Time away, is also important to use to teach the child and also gives the parent time to think.

Brittaini - posted on 04/13/2010

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Distract and remove him from the situation. children that young do not understand why they are being disciplined yet. try using some simple sign language cues like "hot" and "ouch" . they can communicate that back to you. my son learned very early how to sign way before he could respond back and it was helpful means of communication when verbal isnt there yet. but 1 year old is too young to be naughty. he is still a baby. its proven that children respond better to positive reinforcement and dont really have a concept of why the behavior is wrong til almost 2. when in doubt, read up on it...

Kytama - posted on 04/13/2010

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I totally agree with Alexis Waller!

I'm also for slapping the hand (in very dangerous , situations).

I'm also for ignoring tantrums and giving time outs at bad behavior. And being consistent, that's the tough part.

Valerie - posted on 04/13/2010

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I have two boys, 17 and 10, and have never spanked them! I am a single mom, was for 6 years with my oldest and now again for the past 4 years with both. Give your self a time out when things get tough, step away and breathe!! if you take a few deep breaths and remove your self from the situation for a moment you can address the issue with a much calmer attitude. And it might make him understand he has done something wrong. also be sure to reinforce with positive actions, instead of always saying no, give him something to do thats positive and good, that way you can say "not this, but this". My 10yo was a nightmare!! but I never hit him. I hope this helps!

Lungile - posted on 04/13/2010

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Thanx Jennie,I will try that coz I dont want to hurt him & not to spoil him at the same time.

[deleted account]

Spanking is never necessary. At that age, they are naturally curious so it's more important to keep their environment safe and allow them to explore. It's a good time for him to start learning "no" though. Tell him no and remove him from what he's doing. Eventually, he will get it.

Michelle - posted on 04/12/2010

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I think that maybe he is a bit too young to spank. If you want him to understand NO in a sense that you dont want him to touch something...you can give his hand a little pop...not enough to hurt but enough so he understands that he wont wanna touch it again. Like Alison said, he isnt naughty...he is just curious. Naughty means that he KNOWS what he is doing is wrong. Redirect him in a positive way. Be firm with him but dont yell. A lot of parents dont believe in spanking...and that is fine....to each their own. I DO believe in spanking....but 1 year old is too early to spank.

Alison - posted on 04/12/2010

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They understand "no" WAY before they have enough self-control to hold back. Don't think of him as naughty, but rather curious and testing the limits. Teach him where the limits are by enforcing the limits and removing him from a situation.

The more I read, the more I think traditional discipline may only teach fear. At the same time it seems so arrogant to think that all humanity has been doing everything wrong until a few decades ago.

Alexis - posted on 04/12/2010

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Children understand no at a very young age, about the time they start crawling is when you notice yourself saying no alot. When my son was 1 if he did something bad I would get at eye level with him and firmly tell him no. I would let my facial expression show I was displeased. If repeated the beahvior I would remove him from whatever he was doing. My son had a habit of sticking things into things. His favorite thing was electrical sockets. He stuck a nickel in the socket one day, lucky for him it did not shock him. I slapped his hand two times and told him no and pointed at the socket. He remembered the pain of his hand getting slapped and he did not do it again. You have to gauge his behavior, if it is life threating a smack on the hand may deter him. Other behaviors might need a diversion like finding a new activity for him. Whatever you do you must be consistent. If today a tantrum results in a time out, them tomorrow the consequesence must be the same. If not you set up this cycle of testing and he will keep disobeying to see if you will be consisent. It will take a lot of patience on your part.

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