Breakup and pregnant, help?!

Jen - posted on 07/11/2012 ( 7 moms have responded )

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So my the father of my baby, and I, are broken up. Well, I broke up with him because he was never around, although we lived together. He was constantly out with friends (drinking, partying etc) and never spent ANY time with me. All he did was fight with me and I couldn't deal with the stress. I'm 27 weeks pregnant and we've been broken up for 3 weeks now, we've talked here and there and everytime I ignore him for 2+ days, he'll send me a message saying how sorry he is and how much he wants this to work, but then he's back to fighting with me the next day and recently found out he's been talking to girls, via facebook, and probably from his phone because that's what he uses facebook for... As he reactivated it soon as we broke up. I really don't want to be with him, its like dealing with a kid. I just need some advice on how to move on without feeling so depressed?

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Divine - posted on 07/11/2012

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hey darling! I have been there . believe me first please know that you will have to move on ..on your own and you cannot wait for him to grow up. try not to play games with him and since he inst the one pregnant so talking to girls on facebook is easy for him. Dont worry about those girls and dont worry about what he is doing. he sounds immature. what you gotta do is pull yourself up make sure you look good everyday and take care of your body and that bay inside of you. it is not going to be easy but you have to move on and in doing so when he sees your on your business he may get his stuff together but probably not. so fix up look sharp and move on. you can find someone else to help you and love you with your baby! i love you and ill be praying for you

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Allison - posted on 09/21/2012

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Well leaving a boyfriend is always hard however when theres a baby involved it makes it even harder. Being a single mom is hard, believe me I did it for a long time. But living with someone that causes you nothing but stress is even harder. You have to come to an agreement as far as child support, and visitation rights, and also if you don't already have one, a full time job is a must. Sometimes, picking yourself up is the only thing you can do. Good luck!

Chelsea - posted on 09/10/2012

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My BD left me when I was pregnant and I found out he's already trying to do online dating. First of all his divorce with his wife isnt finalized and I haven't given birth yet. Talk about rushing into things! He ended up messaging my friend (not knowing who she was). It hurt like hell but we milked it. Turned out he was talking all kinds of horrible mess about me and then failing to mention that I was pregnant with his kid. It was all an ego boost for him, he just needed to talk to a female to have them validate him as if he's such a great guy. He's not, he has issues. Its hard and ive gone back and forth about what to do and trying to reach out, be open, and work things out so he can be a daddy. Honestly, I tried so much but things are not gonna get better unless he grows up and faces his responsibility like a real man. The way I'm working through it is just to focus on myself and LO because thats something that is in my control. I just got tired of trying to get a resolution when it wasn't going to happen. And by the time things do change I may not be in a place where I want the things I do now. Good luck to you and baby!

Denise - posted on 07/23/2012

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I have 2 kids (ages 2 and 4), I had a very unstable relationship with their father, very much like the one you describe. We split various times during our relationship and when I got pregnant from my first kid, we thought it was going to bring us together, but after he was born exactly the opposite happened. I was even more dedicated to my baby and he was even less into either of us. I stuck up with him for a year and not planning on it, I got pregnant again. By then I just couldn't deal with the baby, the partner that behaved like a baby and the new baby inside me!!! I left him and moved on, it was the hardest thing I've ever done, but when I look back I wish I would have done it earlier because I just delayed the inevitable and I think our fighting really affected my first son. Later that year, I met my now husband that was the best thing that ever happened to all of us. They now have a father that is always there for them, deals with them in good and bad times and is my partner in raising these wonderful little ones that drive us crazy more often than not. Once you decide to leave, don't look back, don't think about what would it have been like if... And believe me it will be challenging when the baby is born, look for help in friends and family (the really good ones that will be there for you when you think you can't do it anymore) and take it one day at a time. And when you can't help it, think ahead in 2 or 3 years, and think that both of you deserve a happy family even if it's just the two of you, you'll be better of than putting up with someone who doesn't want to be there.

Heidi - posted on 07/22/2012

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Hey Jen,
I have to agree with these girls. I was in the same kind of relationship you r in when I had my second child by my ex. When I had my first with him I tried so hard to change him and hope that he would grow up. Well when I had my second child ( 9 yrs ago) with him I finally realized he wasn't going to change and that I should move on. Don't let it take you as long as I did. We stay because we think it will be better for the child but it's not it doesn't help them to see us moms so unhappy. It took me longer then it should have to figure that out. My oldest is 11 years old and my ex is still very childish and only thinks of himself. He owe me 13,000 in child support. Do what u need to take care of yourself and that little baby.
I moved on and found and awesome man four years ago who loves my kids just like his own and now we are married and have a 2yr old little boy. So it will be hard but you can do it and someday you will find the right guy who will love you both.

Divine - posted on 07/11/2012

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So the other girls are a distraction and they are nothing to do with you and remember he needs someone or something to feed his ego. Also everybody looks cool or great on facebook when half of the people ( and you know this first hand) arent really about anything.

I used to check my ex's facebook and see him speaking to all these girls and it would hurt like heck. Let me tell you currently he is on his thrid divorce after meeting a girl on fb they were married last septmeber - already divorcing. Now I was by myself for about a year a half and it hurt like hell he even moved down to Los Angeles - Guess what I moved forward and now I have a fantastic man who loves me and my child. Please try not to gain tons of weight so when the baby gets here you can work on taking care of yourself. and it is hard to feel good about yourself. only you know how you can do that. It was hard for me to feel good about myself and when I was feeling bad I noticed I was attracting the wrong men- so be careful
What kind og fuy wouldnt give you even a little attention? he is a loser and I am sorry you are hurting but I can tell you it does get better

4 years later still no child support - so stay on that and dont make decision based on you guys being together make the decisions thats best for you and your baby!

Jen - posted on 07/11/2012

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It's definitely hard to feel good about myself in a situation like this.. as he's already giving attention to other girls, but couldn't give me any..
But I know I have to do the right thing for my and my baby.
Thank you so much!

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