Cath - posted on 05/15/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )
my three year old was bitten so hard by another child at day care last week that it broke the skin. apparently the other child hit him and pushed him over after biting him. his day care teacher told me that she thinks other children see him as a soft target as he doesn't fight back if someone takes the toy he's playing with, because he's still in nappies, and because he sucks his fingers. her advice to me was to get him toilet trained, to stop him sucking his fingers (this is something that she mentions to me frequently), to tell him to say "stop, i don't like it" if someone behaves in a way he doesn't like, and if that doesn't work to tell him to hit the other child if he gets hit. now, this is completely at odds with our parenting philosophy. our boy is a beautiful, happy, gentle and sensitive child and i believe that this is in large part a result of our parenting. i'm quite distressed to be told that he got bitten because he sucks his fingers and doesn't fight with other kids. she says he's a very happy boy and very compliant (he does what he's told at day care) but she sees this as a problem for his social standing with the other kids. he doesn't seem to have any little friends at day care. but when he mixes with our friends' kids they play happily and there's no problem. he isn't an angel at home - he's your typical three-year old who won't eat his dinner and snatches toys off his 18-month old brother and hits his brother sometimes, says no when we tell him it's time for a bath, and chucks the occasional wobbly when he doesn't get his own way. but we don't smack and we try to not be too aggressive with him (although sometimes we lose it and yell). he gets sent to sit at the front door if he really offends against his brother or us.
has anyone else had a child bullied a day care? do you have any suggestions for how we can deal with this situation? i'm very uncomfortable telling him to hit other children.