daycare or family members???

Nichola - posted on 06/08/2010 ( 37 moms have responded )

9

26

1

Im going back to school and I need some advise on what to do about my children ages 3 and 9 months? Should there father watch them or should I send them to daycare?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Kelly - posted on 06/09/2010

92

16

12

One big question you need to ask is that do you feel that the daycare center is reputable and do you trust them to take care of your children. It seems like only the 3 year old would benefit from the social interaction with other kids while the 9 month old could use daddy time. Financially, can you afford daycare? It is really expensive and it seems like it would be better to have the father watch them? Do you not trust him or something?

Rebecca - posted on 06/09/2010

68

17

12

Personally, I'd have hot pokers stuck under my fingernails before I sent my kid to a daycare, regardless of how "reputable" they may be. The nicest nursing homes employ abusive nurses, the finest restaurants have had vermin infestations, and the nicest neighborhoods are still occasionally tainted by savage crimes.

The nicest daycare in our area is Le Petite Academie (I'm not sure if they're a national chain, but I do know they have more than one location), which runs about a grand a week per child and requires an interview with the parents and children. Unless you have that kind of spare cash laying around, and unless you're unbelievably pretentious, I'd steer clear of places like that.

So if you're comfortable with your babies' father watching them, I see no reason to send them to daycare. If he's not accustomed to caring for kids in such a large capacity (i.e. all day, five days a week), have a sit down with him and go over everything that your kids will need, all the little quirks he might not be aware of - and leave him a number that he can reach you on, because no matter how thorough you are, I'm sure he'll still have tons of questions. -=0)

Katie - posted on 06/09/2010

265

5

21

I'm actually in the same situation as you. My fiance might be going back to work soon and he has brought up his mom watching our daughter but I dont know if I feel ok with that. Our daughter does spend time over there but with how she has raised her kids and her values I just don't agree at all. I want my daughter to have social time too so I'm probably no help.

Does the father have a job or does he go to school?

Rachel - posted on 06/08/2010

444

43

130

well if their father is able to watch them then i think he should then they get to spend time with him and he doesnt cost money. daycare is expensive and from what ive seen kids get sick alot more from being in daycare. i have a 3 year old and a 4 month old and neither one of the have ever or will ever be in daycare. the only benefit i see to it is other children to interact with but i think they can get that by going to the park a few times a week and need time to bond with their father. good luck on your decision

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

37 Comments

View replies by

Christene - posted on 06/15/2010

10

5

0

If their father is available, he should watch them. However, daycare, if chosen well, is a very nice option. My 2.5 month old daughter is in daycare, and it is working out very well.

Stacey - posted on 06/15/2010

2

19

0

family members 1st--i was lucky in that my mom could watch my son for me---she actually has an in home daycare--not too many kiddos, but enough that keep her busy--she has taken care of police officer, teacher, and other professional parents..if you NEED to let daycare take care of your kids--by all means--research them before you do....

Kerri-Anne - posted on 06/14/2010

23

12

0

If you have a good Daycare that you can send your children to, then 2 to 3 days of each would be a good option- especially for the 3 year old. My six month old goes to Daycare and loves it. Smiles all the way and she gets excited just going in the room. But it does have to be a good center with staff you like. Having time with Dad would also be good as this gives them more bonding time, but if he isn't keen for that option or you are unsure about leaving them with him. Daycare is a good option

Diana - posted on 06/14/2010

4

13

0

Family !

Are you a mom and wish you could earn extra money AT~HOME? We work from home without having to sell any products, go door-to-door, purchase inventory or host parties. FREE TRAINING, FREE WEBSITE and 100% RISK~FREE! This opportunity is with a team of motivated partners who work together to run our own home~based business. Our Team partners with a 21yr old PROSPEROUS company which allows us to work at~home with our computers and telephones. Visit our website ASAP for more info that can make a difference in your household for a LIFETIME!!! Your Website: www.workathomeunited.com/dianapereira

Gayle - posted on 06/14/2010

76

32

5

Louise, I was told my house, my rules when i said she won't be drinking soda when she gets older... That's the first fight! And like you, i used the 2 hr commute each way.... But i'm still afraid she's gonna do it when he brings the baby over. Newest argument, she asked HER doctor if she can give my child water (Ayla is 3 months) Her dr said it was fine. I said absolutely not! She doesn't need it and shouldn't have it that young. My BM is all she needs! And the battle continues.....

Anne - posted on 06/14/2010

18

20

3

First the MIL issue...I told mine that I didn't want her to cut bangs in my daughters hair and that very same day my daughter came home with bangs! Not a big deal, but it is just one example of how she constantly belittled me as a Mom. And after the way she raised her little delinquents-my ex husband included-I didn't want her having extended contact with my kids!

In my case I don't have any family here. My closest family is a 2 hour drive away! My husband and I both HAVE to work and I am currently in school full time. I have had some awful experiences with home day cares. I worked it out by working FOR the daycare where my children are. I get a discounted cost and I am fully aware of everything going on. If daycare is the way that you would choose-look for a liscensed facility that lets you come in and take a look at ANY time. No appt necessary. You need to be comfortable with it. If it doesn't feel right-keep looking.

Melissa - posted on 06/13/2010

1

6

0

The 3 year old will likely benefit from a daycare social environment. Maybe you can find a part time or more school environment to get him/her into and have the 9 month old stay with dad to save some cost.

Louise - posted on 06/13/2010

260

16

15

Gayle. I'm glad I'm not the only one to have trouble with my mother in law. I sat at her kitchen able one day and said don not give that to my child. She stared me down and handed it over anyway. He was 1 and the offending item is strawberries coered in sugar!!!! I have a major problem with sugar and salt being added to food particularly for kids. So when she brought up mindin him the answer was no! Thankfully the 2 hour round trip morning and evenin was my excuse but apparently I was being lazy not driving 4 hours every day!!

Shaklia - posted on 06/13/2010

12

40

2

if the father isnt working or doing anything while u are in school it shouldnt be a question asked yes he should be watching his kids point blank and period i feel like he helped u make them then he should help watch them

Enid - posted on 06/13/2010

28

11

1

I wouldn't if you don't have to put them in day care. I have had horrible experiences with every day care my children have been in except for this last one and that's only because they just started 2 wks ago. I have learned to take notes, ask a lot of questions and carefully check my children everyday. I hope for the best and expect the worst now. I don't know if it's just this little town or if it's that way everywhere. Things are so bad that I am considering quitting my job and either just taking care of my kids and grandkids or opening up an actual day care center. So if you don't have to put your child in day care, I wouldn't. Good luck and God bless you. This is a very HARD decision.

Gayle - posted on 06/13/2010

76

32

5

Katie, I agree! I don't want my MIL watching my daughter. Daddy has her 3-4 days a week (he's on a 12hr, 3 on - 4off, 4 on - 3off work schedule) and if he brings her there on one of his days off, fine! He doesn't leave her there! And the 2 days that we both work, she goes to a sitter, even though his mom wants her, we started fighting about parenting styles before my daughter was even born! And since my MIL's youngest is only 10, she wants to raise my daughter the same as hers and that's not gonna happen! I would rather have a sitter watch my child, then his mother try to raise mine! Not gonna happen!

Debbie - posted on 06/12/2010

14

15

2

If they have a good relationship with dad then yes he should watch them. If he has other commitments - why not do a bit of both?
I am unclear why you are asking this question unless there are underlying circumstances or doubts. Of course either parent has equal responsibility to provide the childcare.

Heidi - posted on 06/12/2010

2

8

0

I have a mix and that suits my daughter really well. I went back to work when she was 7 months. I'm full time and my partner is 4 days a week. she spends 1 day with him, 1 day is alternated between the 2 Grandmas and 3 days are 9-5 with a Childminder. she really benefits from those 3 days with other children and I believe it has helped her with her social development. she shares and always is first to go up to another child and help them play. Her being so happy means I feel so much better about not being there all week. My partner has also benefitted from having a more confident and close relationship wither her.

Amy - posted on 06/12/2010

9

7

0

Are they ages 3 years and the other being 9 months? Or are they 3 months and the other being 9 months?

April - posted on 06/11/2010

14

52

0

i think 2 put them in daycare so they can learn how 2 play with other kids there age

Bridgette - posted on 06/11/2010

91

8

6

I am a mother of 5 and all of them went to daycare at 6 weeks. I think daycare is good for kids because they are around children their age and they learn a lot more faster and become more advance mentally. I would suggest their father keeping them if it is a money issue.

Stacey - posted on 06/11/2010

6

20

0

My daughter has both...If I work 7-3 durning the week she is in daycare 3-11 and weekends she is with family...And she loves it...It all about what works for you and your schedule

Lola - posted on 06/11/2010

9

27

1

it depends,is he willing to watch them?if he is then he wud be a better option than a day care cos they can neva take care of yr child like their own but you can register at the day care for days he would want to do other things of for few hours.

Tonya - posted on 06/11/2010

11

12

0

I had my sister in law watch my little boy when i went back to work, I enjoyed that cause I knew her and trusted her. Then she went back to work, so she couldn't watch him anymore. Now he goes to a family friend, and she watches her grandkids, so there is more kids that he can play with and get that interaction that i like. If she wouldn't of been able to watch him then I would of had to send him to a daycare. I would really check out the day care and contact some of the parents that go there already, before I would feel comfortable sending my child there. But if the dad would watch them, that would be great.

Rachel - posted on 06/11/2010

444

43

130

My boyfriend and I work opposite shifts he works over night and still manages to watch both kids 3 days a week. and i have them the other 4 days and all night while he is working. unfortunately we dont get to spend much time together but you do what ever you have to do to take care of your child when you are a parent. good luck with your decision just make sure you research the location and the people if you do choose to send your kids to daycare or maybe you could find someone who takes care of children in their home? usually less kids so they are better looked after. or if you have friends who have kids ask them where their kids go or if you talk to other moms in your area the best way to find somewhere good is by word of mouth. Good luck

Katrina - posted on 06/11/2010

25

80

0

i think daycare is good but after 21/2-3 yrs old. i would never put my baby or 1 yr old in daycare. i chose to work at night just to be home with them during the day. my son started school when he was 2 1/2. i think this because babies learn and do so much in those first couple of years and i wouldnt want to miss it.

Katrina - posted on 06/11/2010

25

80

0

if dad is able to watch them by all means let him. i think that is too young to be in daycare but if you have no other choice just make sure you do your homework on the daycare. i perfer my children to be old enough to tell me whats going on.

Jennifer - posted on 06/10/2010

33

36

1

I work at a daycare. And I believe that children do need the interaction of children their own age. I fully believe in daycare centers (only if you can find a good quailty one though!!!!).
At a daycare, children will learn how to play with other children, they will learn how to share, manners, and even though they may not get the one-on-one attention all day long, they will learn how to solve some issues on their own. And in daycare centers they do not just let the children play on their own all day, they actually have to have a set activity plans, to teach children things every day.
Also in studies it shows that children that go to daycare usually learn how to walk, talk, and cope with their feelings sooner than children who are kept alone with family members.

Louise - posted on 06/10/2010

260

16

15

Particularly the three year old why not consider half and half. I have my 4 year old and 13 month old in fulltime daycare. IT makes a huge difference i think in interacting with other kids. Also I know lots of kids my nephew included who is 2 and a half and his mother cannot go anywhere without him. He will stay with noone only her!

I went back to work when my little one was 6 months and my cousin offered to mind him but i decided daycare was better for him.



I know over here anyway they do morning sessions that are from half 9 till half 12. Talk to the daycare and see will they do this and then maybe arrange for their dad to drop and collect them.



My own opinion is that grandparents should not be the main childminders for children. It should be fun for them not everyday



As regards milestones and one on one time my youngest whos been in daycare since 6 months has hit all the milestones significantly earlier that my oldest who i kept at home till a year one on one with me!



Nichola My husband and I work fulltime both of us and i basically work to pay for daycare but we have a fantastic daycare (two of the girls even minded the kids at our wedding for us) and to me its worth it. My little man does art once a week since 6 months etc. My eldest is having a sports day and a teddybears picnic next week! Its not something that i could do to the same degree at home so I think the secret is to find an indespensible daycare!!

Lesley - posted on 06/10/2010

208

53

1

I think the 3 year old can go to daycare cause they can hold their own pretty well... The 9 month old probally needs one on one so I would say a Family member or babysitter for that. I have a 6 month old and she has a babysitter cause I work during the day and she loves it all milestones are being met I'm very satisfied.

Nikki - posted on 06/10/2010

3

31

0

I completely agree with Tracy, social skills learnt in a group are invaluable life lessons and better started younger. Grannies are for fun not discipline, so that's not ideal :) Go and visit all the daycare facilities available and only when you find one that you get a good feeling about, make the decision. There are some really good ones out there and those ones are willing to let you walk around and see the routine, activities, etc. Although we would all love to be able to stay at home with our children, it is not always possible and you shouldn't feel guilty about it - it's a great decision to go back to school and remember that a happy mom = happy children :)

Tracy - posted on 06/10/2010

2

5

0

There is nothing wrong with daycare as long as it's a reputable place. I believe it's important for children to learn from young to share, wait their turn and experience the pecking order in life. I think it will help them socially adjust a lot easier. Children also learn a lot quicker within a group than individually. Yes, ideally it's nice to be at home with your children, but don't give them to family just to look after just to avoid daycare. Grannies should experience the joy of looking after the little ones - it shouldn't be their daily job. My opinion.

Kristy - posted on 06/09/2010

36

2

1

My husband and I work opposite shifts, and one of us is always home with the baby. We both work full time, and Daisy only has to spend one day a week at grammas when our schedules overlap. I can't imagine paying for daycare if you don't hae to. If the father is capable and willing then it only makes sense for him to watch them. Daycare is expensive, and it may not even pay for him to go to work full time if it all has to go to daycare.

Nichola - posted on 06/09/2010

9

26

1

Thanks for all the advise so far. There father is thinking of going back to work full time, and I'm gonna have a job plus school! I'm just torn with the fact that my children are going to be with complete strangers. I tried to talk there father into just staying home with the babies for now! but IDK???

Abbs - posted on 06/09/2010

28

17

1

It can depend on a lot of things. I definitely agree that every circumstance is unique and what is more important to each family. Ours was of course money. We are very blessed to have my parents who are both retired watching our soon-to-be 3 year old daughter. I actually didn't work until she was about 6 months old. Then my husband was laid off for about a month and stayed home with her, while I was still working. It was pretty hard for him to bond with her and understand her schedule, but it was a nice break for him to learn. My parents still watch our daughter while my husband and I work, and of course we pay them weekly. They have playtime with her, they have learning time with her, in a way she's basically being "home-schooled". We still have our playdates with friends and their children and take her to the playground at a local park or at the mall so she still can have that interaction with other kids and she's great!! We are starting to do more research on daycares though so she can have more time with other children her age range at least for a few hours and maybe 2 days a week by the time she is 3 years old.

Tammy - posted on 06/09/2010

93

10

10

Does their father want to have them? My husband hated being home alone with my boys when they were that young. He is an OTR driver and not home on a regular basis; so he didn't understand their schedule or routines.

In my circumstance it was easier to put them in daycare even if their dad was home for the day.

Each circumstance is unique; but I wanted to congratulate you on the decision to go back to school.

Mika - posted on 06/08/2010

12

23

1

if their father is there he should be able to watch them unless you feel he can not be left alone with your children. If your uncomfortable i would listen to your 6th sense.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms