daycare or in home care?

Margaret - posted on 02/28/2010

We've had luck w/ Caelan's pre-school for almost 2 yrs now. She goes 3 days/week now from 9 a.m.-noon, and she loves it! If I have 2 return 2 work b4 she's in kindergarten, I know that I can trust her school to encompass daycare for her. Caelan needs the interaction w/ other kids, and I feel better for HER that she'd have that OUT of our home. Plus, it's a HUGE break for me, I really need time away from her, not because I don't love her, but because I need time with just me and Caroline, so that Caroline's not "jipped" out of time w/ me ALONE. There's never a right/wrong answer regarding daycare vs. homecare, it's just a matter of what works best for YOUR family.

Rachell - posted on 02/17/2010

I prefer in home care for my child because I worked in a daycare and found it terrifying to think my child could be so neglected in one. However it is important to socialize your child so try to join play groups or organize playdates. Many commununity centers offer classes for you and your baby to mingle with other families like mommy and me yoga class, book reading, swimming lessons and so forth. Have fun!

T - posted on 02/17/2010

Hi Staceey,
Thanks for sharing. You said that you were willing to share advice on being a stay at home mom. After 8 years of being home, are you feeling the need to return back to work for your own self worth? I have been for three years with my daughter and I am on the fence as whether to return back to work in the fall. Any suggestions, words of wisdom,, or regrets. I'd love to hear.

Amber - posted on 02/13/2010

Well I would have to say daycare is where my son goes. This is because I am a director and teacher at the daycare that he attends. I am getting to work as well as raising my son. I guess I am lucky.

Olivia - posted on 02/05/2010

Personally-speaking, for me, home care is best with someone I feel comfortable with. I was affected a lot by Steve Biddulph (Should the under 3s go to nursery?) and a babiesknow course I did http://www.babiesknow.com/. Basically it's the attachment parenting idea, ie that young children under 3, particularly boys, need a secure attachment giver - preferably mum or dad or if not possible a consistent care giver, in those early days. Also the idea that a daycare can give "care" but not "love" which is essential in those early days. That love and focus gives the child the confidence and attention that means that the other skills can naturally develop from a very firm foundation. I do believe the early years are vital in terms of setting a child's brain; not that "damage" cannot be undone (am not saying all daycare is damage). What I don't like is the idea of long hours in daycare for long years from a young age. He talks about seeing children in long hours of daycare at a very young age later become later aggressive, withdrawn and non-compliant, perhaps as a result of not having their individual needs met in the way that is simply not possible in a facility with so many children and care givers who always change. Having said that it is not always possible for parents to afford the cost and I know that is a real concern that cannot be lightly dismissed. I also have one friend whose daughter goes to creche a few mornings a week and loves it, though she is not there all the time. It is also important not to beat yourself up with whatever decision you make; as mums we are good at doing that amid all the conflicting "advice" around.

Maggie - posted on 02/05/2010

In Home if you can find a great person with similar views on raising your child. If you can't find an in home you trust try a Day care but check out who works there and if there is a curriculum for children...they charge more because of the curriculum. Don't settle for anyone...ask for a home tour and references and times and meals they have and tell her what you're looking for also.

Bonnie - posted on 02/05/2010

My son has been in daycare since he was 3 months old. During maternity leave, I looked at daycare centers and researched in-home daycares as well. I found a website through the county that referred in-home daycares. In order to be on the list, the caregiver had to have a certain amount of training and have a good reputation. I went with an in-home daycare. My son is 18 months old and still at that same daycare, and he loves it. I like the age range (0-4 years) he is exposed to. I think it's helped his socialization and communication skills tremendously. And, because it's the same person every day, he and the caregiver know each other very well.

Phyllis - posted on 02/05/2010

my daughter is 18mo now and i have just entered her into a day care this month.... she love it!! I prefer her to be there as she can have more friends for interaction, learn to be independent and learn skills which i know my maid can never provide for.

Conya - posted on 02/05/2010

Correction in my typing. It gives the child socialization skills that can't be gotten at home.

Conya - posted on 02/05/2010

I think a small daycare is great. I give the child socialization skills.

Moloko - posted on 02/05/2010

I took my child to Daycare cause we didn't have a nanny. She lasted 7 days and was admitted to Hospital for 7 days. The paedetrician advised us not to use Daycare until she's after 2 years. But some parents take their children to daycare and they're never sick, it depends.

Carrie - posted on 02/04/2010

I always thought that I would be a stay at home mom & have an in home daycare so I could stay home with my kids. Things didn't happen as planned and I became a single mom from pregnancy. I have to have my daughter in daycare, but I love it and so does she. I think that even if I could stay at home with her or any future children, I would put them in daycare. There are very few at home daycare's that can provide the structure and the secure setting of a facility. I am a firm believer in routine especially when raising a young child. I was able to stay home with my daughter full-time for 7 months of just the two of us. She still never had any problem transitioning to daycare because I started their routines at home a month or so before she started there. Even though she's only 2, my daughter will be making the switch to school before I know it. I think starting and remaining in the same facility until then will help with that too.

Good Luck, Carrie

Sara - posted on 02/04/2010

When I was expecting my first, we tried really hard to find a home-based, certified daycare, but there was only one within a reasonable distance, and she was really flakey (wouldn't let me visit, wouldn't reserve the spot, telling me I might not decide to go back to work). We had no choice but to go to a center. However... these are some of the things that make me feel better about a center:

1. Staff are trained in early childhood education, have good resources, and can individualize curriculum based on a child's needs.

2. Staff are trained in state regulations for safety. They have fire drills, disaster plans, etc.

3. Manditory criminal background checks for all staff and volunteers. With a home-based, you don't really know who might come into that home... you might love the daycare provider, but what about their husband, teenager (?) There were some bad stories a few years ago with home based daycares around here... which leads me to

4. More staff oversight. There is a supervisor. There are other people who can go to someone and say "I'm not comfortable with the decisions that this staff member is making"

And something unique about my daycare center... it's a YMCA-run program which is housed in a retirement village/nursing home. So the kids visit the residents ("grandmas and the grandpas") daily, and they sing songs together and make cards for them, and all sorts of amazing interactions that I could never provide for my child otherwise.

That said, it's really expensive, and I have no idea how I'm going to manage paying for 2, but I don't want to pull my 18 mo old out! She loves it!

Heidi - posted on 02/04/2010

I have worked in daycare center's and have placed my kids in them, I had no problems at all and the two i worked in were terrific. I also put my kids in Homecare when i started arfternoon shifts as this was out of daycare hours. I'd drop them at her home on my way to work, my home care lady was absolutley perfect, sometimes i told her she was a little too lenient, my kids loved going there and she had a few other children as well. My kids also loved Daycare. So I would give both the thumbs up but I think you really need to research and check them both out extensively, then you'll know yourself which one to go with.

Melissa - posted on 02/03/2010

I think I spent more time finding daycare for Genevieve than I did looking for a pediatrician! Initially I was all for commercial daycare and her Dad preferred an in-home daycare provider. After touring the baby rooms of several facilities, I was unimpressed and saddened by the arrangement. I was also in my last trimester and probably hopped up on hormones :) I saw a flyer from a lady in my neighborhood that offered daycare in her home. She was trained and certified by a military child development facility and I'm a reservist and Dad is on active duty so that was a plus. We had a lot in common when we talked and it just felt right. One of the best decisions I made for my daughter. Robin treats her like her own (Robin has two older sons), Genevieve is the only infant she cares for along with a 3 year old boy. I do plan to transition G to commercial daycare after she's potty trained, but for now Robin is like family to me and offers advice that I would ask of my own mother if she were alive.

Cat - posted on 02/03/2010

I chose daycare because i knew there would be backup in case of someone getting ill. i felt better knowing there was more than one or two people around to provide care and developmental assistance.

Natalie - posted on 02/02/2010

I have always said I would do whatever I had to do to not send my daughter to daycare and that I have I work overnight so that i can watch her all day, Only because noone knows what she needs like i do, you dont know what goes on if they will change diapers or take/give your child the attention needed. I have heard so many horror stories of kids getting out of the play yard and walking miles on highways and noone noticing they were gone for hours. but yet i feel maybe when she got older and could talk and tell me about her day and what happened I might let her go just so that she could develop Social skills. but yet the fact that she might be able to just walk right out of the place is why I am a fan of play groups!lol

Laurel - posted on 02/02/2010

I've had both! We've recently had to move our 2 girls out of a public facility into a private family care facility due to cost - I saved over $150 week for my two girls! We were blessed to find an in-home provider that is registered & follows the DCFS guidelines - home cooks all the meals and has a scheduled daily curriculum. Plus we get hand written reports everyday on their activities, how/what they ate, etc. If you find the right person - it's a good thing. One of the benefits is that we also get "comp" days (if my daughter is sick or we just want to pull her out for the day) we don't have to pay for that day. It would be hard to find that type of flexibility in a public center. Although my 3 year old is getting a little more attention in this environment, we are noticing that because the provider also cares for 2 younger children (1 being my 16 month old) it limits the type of activities that she will do with the older kids. The craft projects were much more advanced in a public facility and I think the pre-school type of activities were a bit better since the classes were divided amongst the same age group. That is my only downside to the private care.

Elizabeth - posted on 02/02/2010

my last child was home cared by her nanna.the other three went to preschool

Mari - posted on 02/02/2010

I had my oldest in home care up to the time he started to walk and showed interrest in friends at an age of 10months. He really enjoyed school and I believe that the individual care helped him to develop more quickly - I did however take him in the afternoons after work whereever I went helping him to get used to change. He also did not get any unneccassary illnesses. The reason we decided to take him to a daycare was due to the fact that you could see that he really needed friends and since I worked full day (professional engineer and has a few horses I school and compete with and need to train every afternoon he really needed more friends. I however have to really spend a lot of extra time in the evening with him. My daughter is now 4months I tend to do the same - she is currently close to sitting on her own and is very healthy and happy. I work full time again. I find the golden rule is that no matter what you choose you still need to make time for your children and spent quality time. I know a lot of stay home moms that do not even know what their children like or want or need!

Cristi - posted on 01/31/2010

Daycare Its a good fondation, it's a good schedule, gets the kids ready for when it's time for "real school." Daycare has taught me about my child, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Elizabeth - posted on 01/31/2010

I worked "outside the home" (isn't that a weird phrase?!) for 15 years and over my first three children - I did both facility daycare and home based care. The biggest problem is most people spend more time figuring out what car to buy or what New Year's Eve outfit to pick v. the evaluation process in who is going to care for your child in your place. Who is going to hug them, change them, feed them, sing to them...it is a big decision. A facility offers more policies and procedures, longer hours, more flexibility, etc. It is also more expensive and your child is MUCH more likely to be sick. Just because you like the facility and policies doesn't mean you will be happy with the staff in the given age room for your child - the turnover in those places is extremely high (it costs you a lot, but the wage to the care staff is rock bottom - less than you would pay a teenage babysitter). Home care limits your hours, makes you dependable on one individual (though some providers have reciprocity with other providers when they go on vacation or get sick) and puts your child(ren) in a situation where there is no oversight, no policies or procedures. The upside is that homebased care is always better for children, creating a better and more predictable environment for their development, is less expensive and your children will be A LOT healthier. This is really important if you are going to have difficulty getting those calls in the middle of the day about a fever, earache, throwing up, etc. and need to get to a doctor, work far from the provider, etc. The healthier your child, the easier for all.
It is a tough situation - I still remember my first day back to work with my first child after a four and a half month maternity leave - I sobbed all the way to work. I worked it out for years but after the birth of my third, I cut back to part-time for one year and then decided I could no longer make the sacrifices. It never would have occurred to me, but I did find direct sales work from home makes really good sense when moms want to (or need to) make money but decide to stay home. I now have "worked at home" (don't all moms?) for eight years and don't have this issue any more, but I feel for you - been there and know it is so hard. Wishing you the best - take your time and find the right solution for you and your family. If you need ideas on staying home too, ask me, friends or family and maybe you'll find a solution that takes care of the problem. Blessings!

Marilyn - posted on 01/31/2010

Hi, Please read my book about home daycare providers before you make a decision. It is worth every penny to really know the inside scoop on daycare. I know this book can help you. here is the link:
https://www2.xlibris.com/bookstore/bookdisplay.aspx?bookid=72028

April - posted on 01/30/2010

Also, keep in mind that in a home daycare, if the person who is caring for your child gets sick and can't keep your child what will you do. At least in a daycare facility there are other people who could look after you child. No particular preferences. Pros and cons to both.

Leslie - posted on 01/30/2010

I prefer daycare because they get socialized and you have state licensed care for your child. I have to admit, though, it was an easy decision for me because I work in a hospital and the daycare is right there. I can see them if/when I want, and I'm right there if they get sick. I also had to choose daycare because there is no way we could have afforded in home care. I think you just have to do what feels right for you.

Michelle - posted on 01/30/2010

Depends on what "in-home" is. We couldn't afford someone coming to our house but we did family daycare until she was 4, then she went to preschool for a year before kindergarten. A family daycare allowed her to make friends with a small group while still having some closer care.
It was great for us, and a lot more flexible than a center would be. For instance, when my job started requiring one of us stay late once a week she decided she could do that on Mondays allowing me to keep the job instead of searching for a new one.

Marcy - posted on 01/30/2010

home daycare until they are 2-3 yrs old then nursery or pre school.

Natalie - posted on 01/30/2010

My 7month old baby boy has been going to Family Daycare (Home daycare) and our daycare mum is the best. My son has been going to her since 4months adn he loves it, she has 2 children of her own who adore my son and vise vera along with the other 2 children she looks after, She is extremely helpful and will to do anything she can for us. I wouldnt go anywhere else :)

Lindsey - posted on 01/27/2010

We have had in-home care for almost 7 mo. now (well, the 1st three mo. I was at home, so really 4 mo. of paid care) and have been very happy with our decision. However, starting in March, we are looking at taking our little man to a family day care. Having him at home those first few mo. provided security, less exposure, and a nurturing, familiar environment. As he has grown, he has gotten more socially interactive, loves other kids, is moving around more and I see taking him to a family based licensed day care (small amount of kiddos) being an advantage over continuing to have a nanny/sitter at home.

Stacey - posted on 01/27/2010

This is so tough! When I returned to work, after my daughter was born, I had a dear friend from college watch my daughter. She was already the mother of two kids and just loved having my little one join her "family". The entire family embraced my little baby & it gave me so much peace, just knowing that she was getting so much love and attention. And then, they moved! Horror! I had really been spoiled with the in-home situation and wanted to find it elsewhere. I thought I had found it, when a stay at home mom who had been a nanny was referred to me. I won't go into the details, but that situation became a nightmare! I had to pull my daughter out of that home environment, with no real "Plan B". I reluctantly decided to look at more "institutional" environments. Here's what I learned -- I received far more feedback about my daughter's daily activities from the daycare center. They reported on food, potty habits, behavioral stuff, social interactions, etc. Also, because they were a regulated/inspected center, with lots of oversight, they met important dietary standards, child/teacher ratios, developmental standards, etc, etc.. Honestly, I was prepared to HATE it after being spoiled by my friend and her wonderful family......Fortunately, my reaction was quite the opposite. It was fantastic! To this day (my daughter is now 12), I still have the written comments that the "teacher" shared with me about my daughter's silly antics. My daughter has vivid memories of the kids, the experiences, the snack time, the playground, the songs, etc. I know all moms think we're quite discerning and this is a very tough choice -- but, if you ask anyone who knows me, they will tell you I really AM quite discerning. Daycare was absolutely the right choice for our family. My only "mommy guilt" is associated with that brief "in-home" situation that my daughter experienced for about 2 months. She was not seriously harmed, but she does have a small scar on her face from the care-giver's daughter who just wasn't ready to share her mommy with other kids and lashed out at my daughter.