Dealing with an Overbearing Mother-in-law

Amanda - posted on 08/27/2012

I have a very outspoken overbearing mother in law. You may be the non-confrontational type, and if you are, this might not be of any help to you. But I straight up TOLD my mother in law "I am the mom, you are the grandma, know your place, shut your face". Might sound mean, and you dont quite have to say it to her like that if you dont think she deserves it, but mine did, and so I did. A lot of people dont know to respect boundaries unless they have it bluntly said to them. As for my mother in law, not even that worked......

Kara - posted on 06/21/2009

wow

Daniela - posted on 06/19/2009

I saw a movie once, when the mother in law takes over the mother and wife role completly. The movie ends when mother in law is talking with her son and they clerly have a fun. The conversation stop when the wife step in the room and she realizes that she become stranger in her own house....

Marcy - posted on 06/19/2009

Hi Kara-

Mine just moved back to the East Coast so we are now seperated by 3000 miles. One of the things that really helped me was that I scheduled some family time with just the "immediate" family...no grandparents. We do fun things on the weekend or after work just the 3 of us. This way when it came time for "family gatherings" I found it less annoying. P.S. We also didn't make it public information that we were going to go to the park or a picnic or hike because this prompted the "let's all join in and go together mode" which I was trying to avoid.



I hate to say this (and I am truly only speaking for my husband) but he doesn't stand a chance up against his mother. He put his foot down on 2 things...no soda and no candy and she was good about both of those but when it comes to more "sensitive" areas that require her to alter her bahavior I found it best to try and do creative "work arounds". I have enough on my plate I don't need a pissed off mother in law breathing fire out of her nose.....HAHA. Good luck!

Holly - posted on 06/19/2009

you need to sit down with you rhubby and her so you bouth are in on it so there are no well she said ,and tell her how you bouth feel that she is always pushing u out of the way .you understand that she loves her grand child but ,she is over steping her boundries and you are starting to have grudes aginst her and tell her you want to be friends but you cant like this !tell her how excatly how you feek that you are mommy # 2 when she is around and would appreachite it if she would back off !(she can be mommy when you are at work )if you need her help you will ask for it:)

Kara - posted on 06/17/2009

Thank you for the advice....we have a summer free of dealing with her. My mom is watching him for the next two months. My husband has sat down and talked to her. So the true test will be after my son goes back to her house....wish me luck

Veronica - posted on 06/16/2009

Your hubby is the one that needs to directly put his foot down and that is final. I dont care - my inlaws tried causing problems that didnt even exist! So my husband called them up and said we weren't going to have anything to do with anyone if they couldnt respect his wife - and we didnt - we didnt see them for almost two years. It says, "man leaves his family and clings to his wife.' I dont care if she is babysitting or not - she has no right overbearing where she does not belong -- but at the same time I would still thank her for taking care of him with that much love and passion as if she was his mother -- but on the other hand, she is not the mother, and needs to realize her place as grandma. Hope this helps.

Amy - posted on 06/16/2009

Oh, I feel for you here. My mom-in-law started in when my son was only a couple days old. She was trying to tell me how to feed him, and care for him. I think we also only have pictures of us with her and she is holding my boy.
Hard as it will be, you need to talk to your hubby and your mom in law, and tell her how you are feeling, and lay out some guidelines. And you need to be prepared for her to be upset about it. She has had four years to get used to her place, and likely will not be overly willing to step out of the place she is in. Just make sure that you are firm about this being what you and your hubby want; that you are the mom, not her. Let her know that she is still important to you and your family, but that this is your time to be the mommy and she needs to step back and be grandma.
Good luck!

Cathy - posted on 06/15/2009

I think it is all in our heads. I have the same problem. Not exact same situation but generally to put yourself first before anyone else. If you say you don't want her in the photo this time I would certainly impose it.



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