Disrespectful Child

Coffee Mom - posted on 11/06/2017 ( no moms have responded yet )

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My husband and I are struggling to figure out how to discipline our 9 almost 10 year old. He is a very gifted, bright child. He has always done well in school, and gets awards at school for excellent behavior and is the top student in his class. However, at home he is a different child. He is disrespectful and crude. He uses potty language constantly saying words like penis, butt hole, poop, etc. He’s constantly making crude jokes and gestures even though we’ve told him multiple times that this is inappropriate behavior. We’ve taken things away from him, and yet he continues. He’s also started using the word “freaking”. He decided that he would call me by my first and middle name with “freaking “ in the middle of it instead of Mom. For example he will refer to me as First Name Freaking Middle Name. My husband , my mom, and countless others have told him how disrespectful and rude this is. Yet, he doesn’t stop. We take his phone away or electronics, yet as soon as he gets them back, the potty mouth and disrespectful attitude is back. At night, he will feel guilty and tell us he is sorry for using the foul language and calling me the disrespectful name. However, when we pick him up at the end of the day, he is right back at it. He also continuously tells his 4 year old brother that he is stupid and he should go kill himself. I don’t know what to do. I am at my wits end with this child. It’s hard to get people to believe us that he is this way because he puts on a totally different persona at school. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks!!!

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Yuen - posted on 11/11/2017

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I feel your pain! I have a 9 year-old as well and he is doing the same thing. He is very respectful with his teachers at school because he knows there are consequences for bad behavior. However, at home, he is a bit more relaxed since I allow him to speak openly (with respect of course). However, there are times that his tone/words come across badly. Usually, I just give him the “mom stare” and he knows that he’s stepped over the boundaries. Since your child is apologizing, it sounds like he realizes what he is doing/saying is wrong. You may want to help him understand that he needs to think how his words will affect people before he speaks. I would also suggest that you look into who your son is hanging out with at school. He is picking this behavior up from somewhere – if not from friends, then possibly from the media or even YouTube videos? Let him know that his behavior is not acceptable and will not be tolerated. Provide a consequence and make sure that you follow through. Since it keeps happening, maybe you could progressively increase the length of the punishment? Remember, this is a learning process for your son. He is at an age where he is testing his boundaries and this is just a phase. Hang in there! Thanks for sharing!

Etta - posted on 11/07/2017

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He is testing your love for him and needs boundaries and discipline. He is disrespecting you because he can. Does your husband reprimand him when he speaks disrespectfully to you? You can ignore him unless he calls you by your proper name and withhold any privileges as necessary. Sit this bright boy down and tell him in your house you all speak respectfully to each other. I am hoping your husband is an authority figure and can get the message across. He is not repentant, only sorry for the consequences. Record him on your cell phone while he is acting out and tell him you will show the teachers so they can see how he is at home (This is mainly for you to have evidence to back your side of the story). What motivates him? Money, time with friends, games etc. If this isn't nipped now you are going to have a belligerent teenager. You might make an appointment with a counselor to whom he can be accountable as well. Also tell him how proud you are of him and that you are more concerned about his character which is more important than being smart. Hope this helps.

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