Do you ever feel like a bad mom?

Lowryanna - posted on 07/21/2010 ( 63 moms have responded )

3

5

0

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed, do you ever feel like you cant do it anymore??

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Laura - posted on 07/13/2012

2

0

0

I feel exactly like that on a daily basis. My whole life revolves around my 3 month old, every minute of everyday is about him. My husband works away 5 days a week. Every second of my life I wonder if I'm doing the right thing and I still wonder if I am a good mom. The conclusion I have come to is:

THE VERY FACT THAT YOU ARE ASKING YOURSELF IF YOU ARE A GOOD MOM,
MAKES YOU A GOOD MOM

Think about it, it's the moms out there that don't wonder if they are doing it right and aren't question their choices that are the bad moms. Wondering and questioning lead us to additional information that helps us choose what is best for our children.

I'm willing to bet you are a great mom, we all feel overwhelmed.

Shawn - posted on 08/06/2010

28

12

2

I think every mom feels like that sometimes. I have 3 children 9, 5 and 4. I have a special needs child as well. I actually went back to work and put my children in daycare because I needed a break. I felt like I couldn't do it anymore. I felt terrible about it at first. Then I had a coffee break to myself and couldn't believe how peaceful that can be. My children are beautiful but they are energetic and one always needs something. I often feel overwhelmed and going to work means I need to be very organized but I need some space. I enjoy and appreciate my children more with abit of space from them. Its ok to feel the way you feel. There isn't a right way to feel. When you feel overwhelmed, try to get some support for yourself. Moms often lose themselves in their children and forget to take care of themselves.

Heidi - posted on 07/28/2010

6

1

0

Pssh, just about every day of my stinkin' life! ha ha. But seriously, if we weren't good moms we wouldn't be questioning ourselves. That's my motto. I grew up with a very poor example of a mom, she was absent most of my life and I don't have a relationship with her now, so I question EVERYTHING I do because I so badly want to avoid being a bad mom. I have tried so hard to give my child what I never had, and I think sometimes I have messed up by giving too much. It is always something. We are damned if we do and damned if we don't. Society is constantly questioning us. Those of us who have had to work outside the home WISH we could spend all day with our kids instead, and those who do spend all their time with their kids WISH they could get out of the house and feel overwhelmed. I WISH I could be my daughter's best friend because I want nothing more than to be close with her, but that is not what is best for her so I have to be the ENEMY right now so to speak -- the nag and the one with expectations, rules and such. Her dad gets to be the fun one and I resent that, but I have to deal with the cards I've been dealt. So be it. I do have to say, it is very important to have BALANCE. I didn't know that and spent every waking second (and some sleeping seconds) on my child and her needs, wants, etc and NEVER did anything for myself. That caught up with me eventually and I had a bit of a problem a few years ago. BALANCE is the key. You have to nuture yourself in order to be able to nurture others!!!

Rose - posted on 07/21/2010

29

13

3

Of course! Every Mom has felt like that, although most won't admit it. I have 16 and 12 year old boys. I have been through everything with my 16 year old an have felt like that. All I can say is to remember you are not alone. Your pic shows a baby. Is it colic? I walked miles in my home with that too. Just take a break. Leave your child with someone you can trust and just get away. It is the only way you can keep your sanity

Nicola - posted on 08/03/2010

71

25

9

All the time. But they don't seem to be doing too badly off the back of it. So I laugh it off. Especially when I read the preaching from the self-righteous... oh no, I never breastfed, I used disposable nappies, my children have always slept in their own bedrooms, I've always been a working mum, I let my children eat junk food every now and again, they don't do craft activities at home... if reincarnation exists, I'm coming back as a dung beetle, people!

And breathe...

This conversation has been closed to further comments

63 Comments

View replies by

Marsha - posted on 11/18/2010

72

6

3

I don't think we're human without feeling like we're a bad mom occasionally. But, knowing that you are doing your very best, not intentionally putting anyone at risk, and seeing to their needs as best as you can (either by doing it yourself or walking away to give yourself the break and have another responsible person step in for that break)...I'd say you're being a good responsible mother.

I have a 6.5 yr old who has a VERY loose tooth and won't let me pull it. I've tried for 3 nights and keep expecting her to swallow it. Is it the end of the world? no..Do I feel like a horrible mother because she's not getting it out in the "normal" way? yeah... human nature...

SUSAN - posted on 11/13/2010

13

40

1

how do u tell a 30 month old child where their mom and dad is any one can u help me thanks

Tamita - posted on 08/08/2010

9

28

0

I know I feel frustrated at times! Esp. when it seems that my son hardly ever listens to me, and I'm constantly saying, 'Cameron, stop, don't do this/that', etc. And he keeps doing what he's doing, and then all my hubby has to do is say something, and he stops! He'll sit up and play with his toys quietly while he does his video games, and I can't even sit at my PC in peace at the end of a long day...he wrecks my room, messes with my things (hey, babies do that!), and he's in my hubby's room, and he doesn't mess with ANYTHING!! What gives!? Long story short, at times I do feel like a bad mom, 'cause I feel like I just don't have the patience, to deal with my little one running around, tossing stuff, hitting/kicking me, and just acting up whenever he's with me. I try to go out on my own, and he'll be like, 'take your baby out with you'...He acts up so much when he's with me, I kinda dread trying to go out with him, I'll admit it...am I bad for feeling that way? It's almost like why have him with me if I'm spending my entire time fussing at him? Is this wrong?

Celia - posted on 08/05/2010

13

10

0

Oh, yes. All the time. It is very easy to get overwhelmed and then all those feelings of self doubt come flying to the surface. I try meditating or writing affirmations "I am strong and capable" or "I am a good mother" make up your own affirmation that makes you feel good about yourself and say that over and over. You will start out looking at it like "this is a crock" but it really will start to improve your mood. It's worth a shot at least. Good luck and Blessed be!

Melissa - posted on 08/05/2010

58

29

4

Yep. I like to think we all do, at times. I deal with it in different ways. Sometimes I just have to tune out a bit. I'll be in the same room as my daughter, but I'll let her play by herself while I play tetris or read. Sometimes I feel better after going to the gym or going for a run. Sometimes it's a glass of wine after she's in bed that helps. And very occasionally, I'll take a sick or vacation day if work's not too busy, and with her at daycare, I get a kid-free day to myself. (And sometimes I'll sit and look at pictures of her at her cutest, to remind myself why I'm doing all this.)

DeAnna - posted on 08/05/2010

6

35

0

I stayed at home with my children for the last 3 years, and I was excited to go back to work. I am a better mom when I work outside of the home!! I can give my kids more!!

Carrie - posted on 08/03/2010

39

21

5

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed but I would feel even MORE overwhelmed and like I couldn't do it anymore if I was a stay-at-home mom. I know I am not perfect. And sometimes I feel like other people are much better moms. But I know I am doing that best I can do and that I am not a bad mom, just different. I remember that my mom felt like a bad mom a lot of times but I never felt like she was a bad mom. I knew she had her shortcomings but I knew she was doing her best and she was MY mom and loved me and in the end that was all that mattered.

Peggy - posted on 08/03/2010

1

6

0

I do feel the same sometimes with 2 boys, 7 and 5 years old. I am a working mother and schooling at the same time and with the ages of my kids you can just imagine how difficult it is to control them amigst my tight shedule. I sometimes break down and cried my head off just to keep my sanity, i also talk and plead with them to help me keep the house in order but they only obey it for a max period of 3 minutes and then start again. I do feel guilty and wonder if i'm not giving them enough time and attention but within my heart i know i am doing my ALL in ALL for them. I wish you all the best and i pray to God to give all mothers the strengh to carry on with this NOBLE CALLING of MOTHERHOOD.

Maria - posted on 08/03/2010

4

7

0

Of course i feel like this somethimes, we all do, i am sure. And this is despite of the fact u r a working mum or not. Kids could be difficult sometimes but it's not only this. I believe that nowadays women try to be super women and to be perfect in everything- at work, in the house, with the kids but this is inpossible unless u have help. So relax, take it easy and admit that u can't be perfect. Take some time only for yourself and do whatever makes u happy and learn to make it more often as an award for yourself! U desirve it!!!

Rosemarie - posted on 08/02/2010

3

3

0

I go through periods of feeling so over whelmed and alone, that sometimes (code for quite often) feel like running away and never coming back, but then one of my best friends will remind me that i am not super woman and sometimes need to ask for a little help so I can take time out.

A couple of months ago I was feeling very depressed, (I have 4 children and they each have there own individual needs) I was going through a break with their father so was trying to do every little thing they asked of me, to compensate. So one day my second daughter was critizing me yet again and well I just fell apart, I took to my bed and cried buckets I felt like the most useless mother ever. My friend called over and she sat and listened to my wows and hugged me when I sobbed. Then when I was done she gentally reminded me that my daughter was only 10 and was only repeating the things she had heard her father say to me and that I needed to escape for a while. So i did escape, I went for a long drive, I turned the music up so no one would hear me screaming and I let it all out. I know sounds abit nuts but it worked for me. And I felt so much more able to cope with family life.

Kim - posted on 08/01/2010

4

14

0

I definatly feel overwhelmed and only have a 4 year old and 5 month old. I say get a sitter and take a break as often as you can. I try to get at least one hour of kid free time a week if not a whole day. I love my kids more than my own life but have to have a break to keep my sanity.

Brittainy - posted on 07/30/2010

2

25

0

Most Def! and my daughter is 7 months old, and going through teething. My husband works a lot, many times overnight, so it can get over whelming. Sometimes I just have to put her in the crib and let her cry for a minute, and step out of the room for a moment and take a deep breathe and than go back in and I feel a lot better.

Mirto - posted on 07/30/2010

6

38

0

All the time. When I work late that I do not have time for Mina, when I am at home and I have to clean or get some rest, when she screams with that high pitch voice and I put the pacifier in her mouth, when my son is kicking in my belly....

Lika - posted on 07/29/2010

159

19

0

We all get like that sometimes. That's when you take a hot shower, have a nap, and if possible, have grandma babysit. They always love to see the grandkids, and the kids always love the cookies... It's okay, you'll feel much better, rejuvenated, and come back as a better you.

If they are old enough, let them have a little more freedom playing outside with the other kids while you sit with your feet up reading a good book.

Sulis Dyah - posted on 07/29/2010

2

19

0

I'm glad you bring up this issue, because sometime with a lot of things in our hand it would be easier just to blame ourselves. I also enjoy reading the comments, because it makes me feel that it is perfectly normal to be imperfect. ^_^

Ashleigh - posted on 07/29/2010

15

10

0

Constantly! Because I'm working ans so many other of my mummy friends arent I feel bad because I dont get to share my son's milestones, his day care mum does. It tears me up but if I didnt work he'd have no where to live. And I always feel I dont do enough for him. I don't give him enough solids, I dont give him enough attention, not enough Tummy Time. But he's a very happy little boy so I must be doing something right!

Josephine - posted on 07/29/2010

78

22

3

Sometimes I feel like I'm a bad mom, not because I can't do it anymore, but because I don't feel like I'm doing a great job! I have three wonderful children, but I have a different relationship with each one, and sometimes I kick myself in the butt because I can't be there for them all at the same time in the way they need me to be. Then it causes me to question myself if I have favoritism....It's hard...and my goal is just to be what they need me to be to them. I catch myself demanding too much from my oldest...but my problem is I can't stop! I try to make the effort to change, but I going back to where I started! I really try to make an effort, but it's hard to get out of the habit! Today I'm taking the oath to change and this time....I'm giving it my all!!!! Wish me luck!!!

Sheila - posted on 07/28/2010

6

13

1

So glad I read your post and so many others that replied. Now I don't feel so bad about feeling like I want to run away sometimes to find out who am I? I guess it is normal then. I still feel it but not condemned for feeling it.

Chymerem - posted on 07/28/2010

19

0

1

yeah i feel de same way sometimes even though i just have a kid. But i think de joy comes when uve had a tiring day and u come home to a wonderful smile or hugs from a child who truly missed u.

Jessica - posted on 07/27/2010

2

19

0

Oh yeah! Almost everyday I end up wanting to pull my hair out! I am a single mom, and am not working right now, so I get stressed out easily staying at home with the kids. I feel like the worst mother ever when I can't give them what they want, or when I yell at them because I'm stressed! *sigh* I'm working on it though...

Camia - posted on 07/27/2010

7

5

0

I never feel like I cant do anymore...I do feel like a bad mom sometimes. like I cant give enough. I get stressed out about alot of things as their mother and I always try to find a way to make up the time that I lose at work or school. I hate not being there when they need or want me to be.

Jennifer - posted on 07/27/2010

2

13

0

I feel like that sometimes too! I am a single mother of an 8yr old boy and a 7yr old girl. And it get tough at times but when I see them smile It makes everything seem worth it!!

Courtney - posted on 07/26/2010

4

22

0

yes i do some times feel like a bad mom, like when my kids wont listen to me and i like start to yell cause i am gettin frustrated with them but i say sorry to them but its like i feel like a bad mom cause i yell and get frustrated i feel like good moms dont get frustrated or yell

Grace - posted on 07/26/2010

19

7

1

You are definitely not alone in feeling overwhelmed at times with parenting, with 3 teens and with almost a full head of grey hairs, I am a living example. You are already doing the best that you can which is admirable. Your children need a balance in reality and will learn that it is ok to communicate their grievances as opposed to bottling them to pretend all is well. I tend to tell the girls when they do something that gets up my nose, that I'm angry and hate their behaviour, but remember to stress that it does not mean that I hate them personally but rather the behaviour. However, I have told them on the odd occasion that I don't like them, when they've pushed all my buttons! It keeps me balanced on the days when they've screamed they hate me .

Pamela - posted on 07/26/2010

6

11

0

OMG! Yes especially lately. My daughter is twelve going on thirty. I think she hates every part of me.

Lore - posted on 07/26/2010

15

7

1

@ Lowryanna i dont envy you you have 5 children you are really cool am just a single parent of an 18months old girl and she cries over evrything sometimes i get so mad that i shout at her and she makes this sorry face that makes me feel bad simply becos i dnot want her to miss her dad i tried to give all i could

Cornette - posted on 07/26/2010

2

25

0

I have def felt that way, my son is 4 months old now. He had severe jaundice when he was born and immediately i felt like it was my fault. But being a first time mom it always feels if something goes wrong wether it be small or big..its my fault. There are times when i adore my son and there are times when i just want to walk away and that makes you feel even worse! But yea so many mothers have suggested different calming methods here, just try one of them and it will work. If i have to give one single piece of advice to mothers it would be to stop doubting yourself...trust your heart!

Tracy - posted on 07/25/2010

97

18

3

There are days I don't raise my voice or yell or threaten my kids, these are good days and unfortunately not all days are like that. I hate that I yell, lose my temper, have thoughts like 'I wish I wasn't a mom or a wife'. I immediately feel guilty because for as much as they frustrate me, my kids are a source of great joy in my life. Every day can't be a bed of roses. I cry because I can't believe the immense dislike I sometimes feel towards my children. Then I look at them sleeping and can't believe the gifts they are to me. And my heart swells with love and pride. Exhaustion does bad things to mommies. It turns us into monsters. My kids are 2 1/2 years and 5 months. They both sleep thru the night so mommy isn't a grouchy bear anymore.(Mostly)

Jenny - posted on 07/25/2010

68

25

10

all the time! I have always been my own worst critic so i am constantly working on my confidence as a mother. I joined Circle of Moms for that exact reason. I think all mothers need a support system because we carry such a huge load .... no matter what anybody else says or thinkg... being a mother is one of the hardests jobs ever. I think that doubt and guilt is hardwired in women. I dont know why but as long as we are trying our BEST then that's all we can do.

[deleted account]

Wow I posted earlier and so I have been following comments from then on and I just want to say that I think that it's really great how everyone kinda rallies around someone when they need it and I love that women on here are so honest. It really is good therapy and for me personally very helpful. Thank you ladies you should all be proud of who you are as a mom & as a woman too :)

DEANNA - posted on 07/25/2010

2

13

0

It sounds like you have your hands full, we all get overwhelmed. When your feeling stressed call on a good friend to come help, or take the kids to a family members house and go get urself a breath of fresh air. UR NOT A SUPER HERO! even thought your family thinks you are. Good Luck!

SarahJane - posted on 07/25/2010

118

63

10

I think there are times when I feel overwhelmed like today. I am sick, and I get extremely irriated when I am in pain. I feel like I am yelling at Ben a lot....

DesiLynn - posted on 07/25/2010

16

54

1

I always feel like a bad mom. Even though I work and go to school, I still dont have the money to do with my daughter what I would like to do. She has her toys, a roof over her head, and clothes on her back with shoes on her feet. At 2 you cant ask for much more than that. Theres days I want to escape and just throw her across the room. I go into the bathroom or something for 10 minutes to calm down then realize I would be worse off without her here with me. I love the sound of her voice saying mommy. I dont know what I would do without the "Wake up mommy, more milky" or "Go nigh night mommy, i love you" Thats what keeps me going. She loves me unconditionally no matter what. :)

Katrina - posted on 07/24/2010

33

71

1

I once told my mom that I had wished someone would have told me that the hardest job in life is to be a good wife and good mommy. I also told her that at times I feel like a failure at it because I am so overwhelmed. She laughed and said...do you think that I always liked your daddy and you and your sisters. I've always loved you and will always love you...but I didn't always liked you. It made me laugh and made me realize that it was only normal to feel overwhelmed or like a "bad" mom. That was my mom's funny way of telling me...It was all going to be ok.

Jane - posted on 07/24/2010

1,041

5

69

With two kids...ages 20 and almost 17, I will say this....OF COURSE I've felt like a bad mom at times. There is so much pressure on mothers these days to be super moms....stay at home or working...it doesn't matter. For the working moms (me), you try to ensure your working doesn't affect the kids so you do everything...shuttle bus them everywhere, volunteer for school things when you can, blah, blah, blah. For the stay at home mom's, it's PTA, keeping a perfect home, school field trips, group play dates, etc. In today's society, it is bound to happen that you get overwhelmed and feel like a bad mom. For me, at 51, I think about when I was a kid. My day consisted of going to school, doing a little homework when I got home and then and then playing until it was dinner, bath and bed:). Now, kids go to school, take some sort of lesson after school, play a sport, do homework, eat, do more homework, practice something (instrument, sport, etc) and then crash...and this is all week long and then the weekends are typically something related to whatever of the 10 extra curricular activities they are involved in. And who does all the work to ensure the kids do this? MOM (LOL). Hang in there...it's an up and down world but it's so worth it....I can guarantee you that. Just make time for you each day...even if it's 15 minutes. That's key!

Gene - posted on 07/24/2010

13

2

0

I used to feel like a bad mom when I had to go to work in the mornings and my girls cried. Wish I had know about working from home back in those days. Now my daughter gets to spend more time with her little girl because we have a home based business! Thank you. Lord! I feel very blessed!

Jessica - posted on 07/24/2010

1

10

0

I work, take care of the house, try to be a good friend and wife. Sometimes I just want to go to dinner with friends. I never do because I feel like a bad mom. I know I am not and its better for everyone involved when I relax. The problem is when I finally make my myself go out without the kids I cant enjoy myself because of all the guilt. I do not know where the middle ground is or where to find it.

Felicia - posted on 07/24/2010

11

21

0

Sometimes I do! And those are the times that I take a time out for me and seek guidance.

Varda - posted on 07/24/2010

176

192

16

yes, and we all have days like this, it will be a lie to say that all is perfect.
There are days that you just want to run and find your own quiet place.
The way to keep on being a good mother and a happy one is to find the way to make once a week something that is only yours. outside of the house with other people, this will refresh u and give you the power to keep on.

Alicia - posted on 07/24/2010

6

10

0

Absolutely, I think all mom's go through it at some point. It's nothing to be ashamed of, you just have to pick yourself up and try again!

Kristen - posted on 07/23/2010

43

38

0

there are times that i do my daughter is 5 months almost and is really active and sometimes its just too much right now my hubby and i arnt living together though we are trying to get a place together again so its all on me with the physical and i am working so i dont get to spend the time i would like with her so it suck and is tireing but all i can do is breath in deep and keep on going one of these days my hubby and i will live under the same roof and it will get a little easier not a lot but a little

Jodi - posted on 07/23/2010

5

13

0

all the time. then there are the times I know I id a good things but with my teeagers they are few and far between.

Laurel - posted on 07/23/2010

26

40

1

Lowryanna,

I think every mom feels that way at some point! But if you are feeling guilty about working outside of the home, maybe you would be happier staying home?

I help other moms earn a dependable and residual income without selling or investing, there is absolutely no risk involved. We have the BBB Hall of Fame, INC 500 Hall of Fame, and an amazing 25 year track-record of consitent growth. I'd be happy to share the opportunity with you if you are ever open to listening!

Laurel 224-628-4228
www.lovinlifeceo.com/laurelforsberg

Autumn - posted on 07/23/2010

116

16

6

Yea i feel that way sometimes too especially since i had my first child at seventeen and have another on the way right now. I get alot of looks at the store and anywhere really just because i am a young mom. I feel like the expectations of being a good mother are pressed on me and it can get to be too much. But i love my daughter and my unborn son and that alone keeps me going :)

Hershey Rachelle - posted on 07/23/2010

2

0

0

i have three kids and it's really quite hard.. my two boys fight each other over a particular thing, i have to think fast but very well what i should do.. and there are so many other things that i feel like giving up on but i know i shouldn't..

[deleted account]

all the time, but then i take a little break long enough to catch my breath and remember that they didn't ask to be here and they can't fend for themselves. it's tough sometimes but at the end of the day it very much worth it

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms