do you feel put down by others?

Melissa - posted on 04/25/2011 ( 11 moms have responded )

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lately i have been having a hard time with being a working mom. I love my daughter alot and love doing things together like cooking and colouring but there are many times where i just cant wait to get back to work. does anyone have to deal with people putting them down for wanting to work. I see work to me as a break as time for myself where i dont have to deal with a 18 month old throwing tantrums or accedenly kicking or headbutting me. Its a time where i can put all my skills and hard work into practice and gives me an identy other than being a mother. I fee nobody i know gets it because they are not in my situation. if anyone else does feel this way how do you cope with the feeling that everyone is looking down at you.

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Teresa - posted on 04/28/2011

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For me, i am work outside the home fulltime where i am gone 14 hrs/day 4days/week sometimes 5. I have 4 children. I love being both a mother and a worker. Work provides me with that different "title", sense of independance, and social aspects for me. I meet new people everyday and have a chance to get out and have "adult" conversations with other people. My days off are focussed on the family. I believe i treasure my family more because i am a working mom. I feel my children also appreciate the time we share together more as well. Most people i meet are grateful and surprised i am able to organize myself and family the way i do and respect it. I think most mom's understand that you need your time to yourself before you go "nuts" and if you can make $$ while doing it, why not. Those people that would prefer to stay at home that is great. But like you said they are not in your situation and you should not let their opinions bother you. If you and your family are happy and you all feel the love you all deserve then let it be :)

Lika - posted on 04/26/2011

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I don't see a problem with being a working mom. If anyone else is saying anything, ignore them, because that's them, and this is YOUR life. Obviously, you are much happier with being a working mom, because you get to hold your own title there. Rather than being daughter's mom, you're yourself. Do not let anyone take that away from you. Hang in there.

Veronique - posted on 04/25/2011

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So funny, actually i've just posted something similar put the other way around. Now nobody judges me for being a working mom except me. It's not that i hate my job but i hate having to leave my daughters to someone else. I know that kids are not easy at time i have an almost 3 year old and an 18 month old and sometimes i'm like thank god i have a job but lately i've been craving staying home with them. I would never judge a working mom nor a stay at home mom it's a personal choice and you have to do whatever makes you feel fulfill has a women. Chin up :)

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Bridget - posted on 05/05/2011

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I am a stay at home mom and love what i do everyday. I am planning on going to college later on and having a career when my kids are older i was young when i had them so i do still have that option. they are five, four, and two. i just want to be here during their really early years and enjoy them when they are tiny. this is what works for me i'm not saying it works for everyone, but i can understand wanting to get out of the house and do something other then deal with children twenty four seven. i just chose to do this when they were little at least when they are older and all in school thats when i will start doing what i want to do work wise

Jaime - posted on 05/01/2011

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I get this, too. I personally think those who SAHM who make the snide remarks because to working mothers are actually jealous. We have an identity outside of "mom." We have something besides cooking, cleaning and kids to define us. We have money of our own and don't need to ask our husbands when we want to buy/do something for ourselves. We get out of the house, get to have adult conversations, get to pursue something else. I'm a teacher, so I am doing something for the greater good and giving back to my community. These women who "look down" upon us for working are stuck in the house all day. How mundane and isolating it must be to to do nothing but cook, clean and watch Dora day in a day out. Don't take it personally. Those who feel the need to try and make you feel bad are doing so to try and make themselves feel better. At least that's the stance I take to not take it to heart!

Kelly - posted on 04/29/2011

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THANK YOU!! I thought i was the only one who felt that way!! I love work & my daughter and try to give them both my best. I do feel bad that I look forward to gaing back to work, but I also look forward to going home & giveing her a huge cuddle so I think it works out.

Donna - posted on 04/28/2011

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i totally understand how you feel. im a mother of 3. Although no ones ever put me down for working except for my mother. she feels that my husband should eat shit and think for me and i should be 100 percent dependant on him and i wasnt raised this way and blah blah blah. but hey its not the 1960s anymore, screw what other ppl say and do what feels right

Karen - posted on 04/27/2011

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Balance is one of the most important things you will teach your child. Working makes me happy. It makes me appreciate my children/husbands time so much more than when I stayed home. They in turn also are happy when I get home! We have had more family time because we designate it...never happened before I was working. The right amount of balance of how you spend your time between family and work is SO critical. Too much home time...bad, too much working...neglectful. Also bad...you get the point. If you need some variance in your day, need to contribute to society (my reasoning) etc...why is working less than ideal? You just need to meet some working moms! I can tell you that when I go to class parties (rarely) there is a specific division between the sides of the room...working parents and stay at home...you just need to find some other moms that stand on your side :) Keep you head up! Children of parents who work turn out ok, if not better...google research on the topic.

Liz - posted on 04/25/2011

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I am a stay at home mom with (for various reasons too long to go into) no real prospects of getting out to work for at least the next few years. I know how much I wish I could get out of the house and away from my daughter to practice my own skills and develop my own life in any meaningful way, despite how much I love her dearly. I can therefore completely understand why you might feel that work is, for you, a haven.

Personally I feel that mothers are wrong to judge each other for either working or staying at home. We are all different, react differently, bond differently with our children and have different needs and strengths. Unless we've walked ten miles in another mother's shoes and intimately know all the details in her circumstances that lead to her choices, it's very hard to judge.

Cindi - posted on 04/25/2011

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You can't pay any attention to those people. You need to surround yourself with people who enrich your life, not people who put you down. I am a grandma. When my daughter decided to put her kids in day care I felt bad for the kids. But I can say those kids are doing wonderfully! They are now 8 and 6 and have been in daycare off and on since they were very young. They are very well adjusted socially, do well in school, etc. Don't listen to those people!

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