Do you have experience taking a 3 mth old to daycare? Pleeaase tell me it's not as bad as it seems!

Jillian - posted on 11/06/2009 ( 45 moms have responded )

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I am going back to work on Monday and will be taking my 3 month old son to daycare for the first time. I went to visit the center yesterday during their working hours to (hopefully) make myself feel better about the situation. However, all it ended up doing was making me feel worse! I cried all evening! The room he will be in has 12 babies and it just seemed like total chaos! It's not going to be like home at all and I'm already feeling soooo guilty. Any advice?

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Jennifer - posted on 11/08/2009

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Happy mommies make happy babies. My little guy was 4-months old when I returned to work. His daycare was smaller, but the doubts & mommy-guilt are the same. I left thinking, my God, this woman is a stranger, will she care for him the way I do? This is just the beginning of a lifetime of mommy guilt. I have friends who are stay at home moms who feel guilty for wanting time away from their kids, full-time working moms who feel guilty for not being home, and part-time working moms who feel like they can't get it right at home or at work. What's best for you IS what's best for your son. He'll be okay. Once he (& you ) have adjusted to this change, it will be easier. Have patience with yourself.

Monique - posted on 11/12/2009

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I totally know how you feel. My sister kept my second son til he was a year old(I was soooo blessed and grateful to her)and my third son I went back to work in the hospital on third shift and my mom kept him. Its really hard and we jus have to form a relationship with our kids caregivers,because we have to go to work to provide for them. No mother wants her baby to lack things they need.

Grace - posted on 11/09/2009

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It's not a cake walk. I remember dropping my son off at daycare when he was 3 months old. He didn't know the difference but I did. I cried ALL day at work and called three times a day. He is now 19 months old and LOOOVES his "school" He has learned so much and continues to amazes us everyday. He is a happy adjusted kid.



They do go through stages, right now he doesn't like me leaving but I stay for 1/2 hour play with him and leave once he is comfortable.



12 babies in the room sounds like a lot to me. I do go to a smaller daycare where there were only 4 babies and two caregivers so he really did get personal one on one time and attention.



some tips:



1) listen to your gut instinct - if something doesn't feel right it probably isn't

2) call as much as you want

3) make sure you keep track of how many daipers you take and how many they are using daily

4) become friendly with the director and caregivers it makes a difference when they too feel comfortable with oyu

5) make sure the the teacher/kid ratio is good so your little one gets plenty of personal attention

6) when you pick up your baby check his whole body from head to toe for any bumps,bruises or strange marks.



Good luck and remember it does get easier. First time is ALWAYS hard.

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Megan - posted on 11/13/2009

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I felt the same way!! I took my Daughter to a center first and I was not happy with them at all!!!!! I looked into inhome daycares and I like that cause its more homie feeling and there is less kids in the class. And it seems like they get more personal attention.

Jennifer - posted on 11/12/2009

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I have to agree with everyone else. It was really hard leaving my son at 3 months but its because I wanted to be with him and not at work he adapted wonderfully and he loves his daycare caregivers. I think it teaches children appropriate social interactions at an earlier ages when its easier and bad habits such as not sharing and hitting others are harder to break later on.

Julie - posted on 11/12/2009

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Jillian- with my first, I went back to work at week 8 and went on a 10 day trip 800 miles away. I cried the whole way in to the airport. Long story short, he is now a healthy happy eight year old who has been joined by two sisters.

They are all outgoing, more so than their cousins who are surly and by the way did not engage in "socialization" until pre-school. So to each their own and you have to do what is right for you. I would not change our life for anything.

By the way, all three have been exposed to multiple cultures, and as far as home vs group care- there are pros and cons to each. As many have commented the best thing is referals, observance and back up plans!

We had good experiences with both in home care givers and nursery's until recently. Our youngest was with a private, licensed caregiver and he walked in to see her at 5 months old crawling across the top of a table and the caregiver was across the room. When he had a "moment" of outburst her response was that another childs mom was sitting right there- our response- we don't expect her to care for our child! Short story is that by 2 days later we had moved her to a daycare center that has a wide range of children, is locally run (not a chain) and has been in business for over 20 years. They have been a godsend as they have taken our older two at a moments notice when there was a snow day at school. Also the baby (now 18 months old) can't wait to get there and jump up in the chair and see her friends for the day.

Natasha - posted on 11/12/2009

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i went back to work when my daughter was the same age but i chose family day care.
they are registered carers that do it in their own home, i liked the sound of her having a home away from home rountine, she had her own bed and settled so well, she had the same kids around all the time so she got use to the carer, her house, her rules, and the kids.
they are limited to a certain no. of children they can have at a time so u know they are not getting neglected in any way, my daughter stayed with that carer til she was 3, and only cause we moved town, i now do it myself for a living and can honestly say i recommend it cause i now know the extent carers must go to, to qualify to be accepted.
i live in australia so im not sure how it works in your country, but i think it would be worth your while looking into it for peace of mind.
i felt exactly the same way you do now and had placed my son who is older in family day are first and he just thrieved, they still get to go to playgroup and things like that.
i was never comfortable with the idea of day care centres [just my opionion] i wanted them to feel loved and if they were having a vulnarable day could always get a cuddle from someone they trust.
good luck, go with your gut, it will work out whatever decision you make at the end of the day this is your baby, your choice.

Stacey - posted on 11/12/2009

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I own a childcare center in Tennessee. I am licensed to care for children ages 6 weeks through 5 years. There are 8 babies in my infant room, with two teachers. First impressions of an infant room can be very important. It is also important that the center has an open door policy and you can visit. My advice to you is to ask questions and be involved. Call the center during the day for an update on your baby. Make sure the infant teachers provide sensory skills and fine motor development. Also, language development is important. Ask for a daily report when you pick up your child. If you continue to feel and see chaos, perhaps visit another center. My teachers are trained,. , patient and caring. I observe each room throughout the day and my infant room is "busy" but never have I seen chaos. I am a mother of three and the guilt seems to be present during many milestones of their lives (daycare, kindergarten, etc.) Although you feel guilty, there are many precious and rewarding aspects of having a child in daycare. I wish you much luck! Hang in there and make sure you feel comfortable at your child's daycare (and that you know he is safe and loved).

Shannon - posted on 11/12/2009

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I went back to work when my daughter was 4 months old and it was hard for the first week for me! My husband and I both work third shift so my cousin comes to the house and stays with her at night and then we take her to a daycare during the day so we can sleep. I cried the first night I had to go back to work but it did get easier! Hazel is the littlest one at daycare and she LOVES it!! She likes the interaction with the other kids! Don't feel guilty just make the most of the time you do get to spend with him!!

Margie - posted on 11/12/2009

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dont feel guilty...i have 3 kids, and when i first put mine in daycare...i cried also. but i know you will be able to "pop" in whenever you want and see how things are going. just do your research and make sure you feel good about everything. and they should have at least 2-3 teachers in the room with that many babies. i have popped in several times and i have always seen them doing well with my babies and the others. now i only have 1 in daycare and they treat him well. he is 4 now,and last yr he was trying to help his older sis mow the yard and he fell and his foot went under the mower, well why he was in the hospital recovering the kids and the teachers sent him cards and a big stuffed frog. hopefully you can get lucky and find a good daycare..maybe you already have just give them a chance.

Ronda - posted on 11/11/2009

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Quoting Jillian:

Do you have experience taking a 3 mth old to daycare? Pleeaase tell me it's not as bad as it seems!

I am going back to work on Monday and will be taking my 3 month old son to daycare for the first time. I went to visit the center yesterday during their working hours to (hopefully) make myself feel better about the situation. However, all it ended up doing was making me feel worse! I cried all evening! The room he will be in has 12 babies and it just seemed like total chaos! It's not going to be like home at all and I'm already feeling soooo guilty. Any advice?


 

Tracy - posted on 11/11/2009

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I ran a Daycare in my home and not that Im against the regular daycares but i would try to put your infant with a family friend or someone you know rather than a regular daycare or try a homebased daycare so they get more attention and less exposure to illnesses. I know I tried hard to give every baby the one on one time and tummy time and playtime they needed along with holding at every feeding in the daycares they don't and can't do that.

Lynn - posted on 11/11/2009

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I started my daughter in daycare when she was 2 months old, and she did great. BUT-- I had a wonderful, wonderful caregiver, and Lauren adored her. We even went back to her when the Navy took us back to Coronado again. What was good about her starting daycare so young was that she had a lot of independence and new experiences she wouldn't have had with just me, plus even at a very young age, she made friends. It was hard, but I think it was good for her. If you can find someone you really trust, it helps.

Corrina - posted on 11/11/2009

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Wow jillian.. we have all been there... sigh.. it really sucks to leave your baby. I tried leaving my four month old son at a daycare... it was awful for me because the building was so big.. so many people i didn't know taking care of my baby. I wound up quitting my job and finding a weekend position so my husband could watch the baby. I have three kids aged 7, 13 and 16 now... for the last 16 years i have been working around my x husband and current husbands more high paying job.. i have quit and gotten different positions.. some good paying and some just enough to help us with groceries.. i see the end of the tunnel now as my oldest two can help with my youngest but now we are planning to open our own store so i will be around a lot. It is truly the biggest challenge and juggling act ive ever had to do.. but it is possible to work and not have to use daycare. You just have to be flexable about shifts and not put too much stock in the prestige of certain jobs. work... because it is good for you and a better you is a better mom. utilize family and friends and good luck!

Lisa - posted on 11/11/2009

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It really is only bad for the mom the baby is and will be fine. I have done it three times and each time is doesn't get any easier. if you are comfortable about the ratio of adults too babies then don't worry all three of mine have gone to a private home setting, maybe you could check into those?

Violet - posted on 11/11/2009

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to be honest my dear, its just not agood idea. Wouldnt yu have prefered that she remains in the home environment and you get a baby sitter. Yu had every reason to cry and feel bad. At the same tyme, yu need to keep your job but see what you can do gal, get a maid.

Emily - posted on 11/11/2009

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It is REALLY not bad. I see it as an 8 hours vacation each day lol and baby LOVES it, every morning he smiles REAL big when he sees his teacher. It really is good for them

TYLER - posted on 11/10/2009

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THEY LEARN ALOT BEFOR KINDERGATEN TOO.....THEY CAN PRONOUNCE WORDS...STAND IN A UNIFORM LINE...SHARE,....JUST GREAT PREPARATION FOR GRADE SCHOOL

TYLER - posted on 11/10/2009

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I LIVE IN A TOWN WHERE NO FAMILY OR FRIENDS LIVE SO I NEED TO PUT MY 4 MONTH OLD BACK IN DAY CARE. I THINK YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING....THE SHOW MUST GO ON AND YOU WANT YOUR CHILD TO HAVE THE BEST FUTURE YOU CAN PROVIDE...STARTING A EARLY AS TOMARROW...DO WHAT YO HAVE TO ,HUN, TO MAKE ALL ENDS MEET AND THEN SOME...MY SON CRIES AND STAIRS AT ME, REACHING AT ME WHILE I WALK OUT OF THE DOOR TO GO TO WORK....I KNOW HOW BAD IT HURTS!

Amy - posted on 11/10/2009

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So glad to hear someone in the exact same situation as I am right now. I also return to work on Monday, and will be bringing my 3 mo daughter to daycare. All the replies have helped put my mind a little more at ease! Thanks!

Melissa - posted on 11/10/2009

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Both of my kids have been in daycare since they were 3 months old. It is hard to leave, but it is so beneficial to your child. I notice with my daughter who is the same age as our neighbor, she is much more social then the neighbor who stays at home. Her vocabulary is much better and she loves all her friends there. Don't be afraid to call when you need to. Make sure that when you do pick up your baby that you have left work at work so that you can focus all your attention on him. Good luck! It will get easier.

Laura - posted on 11/10/2009

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My son had to go to daycare at 3 months as I had to return to work to pay the bills. He is now a thriving 6 month old who is happy, sociable and loves it!! Expect to cry when you leave him...this is normal! Cian has brought home pictures and drawings already which take pride of place on the fridge, you need to look at the positives that are connected to this...leaving him for the first time will feel like one of the hardest things you have ever done, but i am sure as they get older we will have harder to come and you will think why did i stress so much over this one thing. Good luck xx

Meg - posted on 11/10/2009

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I had to put my daughter in daycare as of 6 months of age. I felt so guilty at first and worried about whether she would be ok with so many other children (the daycare centre takes up to 20 kids). But I needn't have worried, she loves it! There are kids her age, younger and older (up to 3 years of age) and she can't get enough! I still wish that I could be with her all day, but she is learning those all-important social skills and has a really great time, so that mitigated some of the guilt feelings I had.

Good luck. It isn't easy, but it gets better.

Debbie - posted on 11/09/2009

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I had no choice but to return to full time work when my daughter was 6 weeks old. I droped her off the day before i started work then i cauld leave when i felt right. I cried and cried. As the other mums have said it does get easier , my daughter turns 5 next month and is off to school next year. She is indipendent and friendly and is always helpfull to the kids in her group especially the kids that have a disability. As hard as it was for me it's been really good for her. Good luck and try not to be hard on your self. It will make you appreciate your time together more.

Victoria - posted on 11/09/2009

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If you can stay home for the first five years that would be great but as we know sometimes that is not so 12 babys and 3 months is young try babysitter at your home someone you can trust maybe a sister or another family member or your mum if of cause they themselfs are not working it is hard working and trying to raise a family at the sametime I was blessed that I worked from home as my children grew up only work than in school hours when they went to school I still work from home and they are all grown now

Mary - posted on 11/09/2009

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Jillian, it's not uncommon for new mothers to feel just like you do. I am an owner of an early learning program and have been in the field of early childhood education for over 17 years. The most important thing to remember is to be sure that you have found a quality child care facility. Your local Child Care Resourse and Referral should be able to help you with that. Don't be afraid to ask questions at the center. Trust me...the child care personnel will respect you for asking these questions. Your child is the most important person in your life and you will feel alot less quilty if you trust the facility that your child is in. I hope this helps! Good luck!!

Karina - posted on 11/09/2009

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I actually felt guilty for not crying. I was so excited for him and for me to being back and have adult conversations. Im a big advocate for day cares and social interactions from early ages. I felt so comfortable with the lady who takes care of him that made me feel it was a good thing. He is so sociable now (9 months) he is such a happy baby and is able to interact with children and adults without a problem. You'll be ok and remember you can always call and see how he is doing and maybe even stop by during your lunch break :)

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I started both of my kids at three months. It was hard, but it has been very good for them to be socialized with other children right from the beginning. The difference is mine children went to an in-home child care with a husband and wife that work together full time watching children. They came highly recommended by the private school we had already planned to send them to and the fact that she was the only person/place I interviewed that asked to hold my daughter during the interview. The environment is more like home and that made it a little easier for me.

Jennifer - posted on 11/09/2009

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I have taken my son to a either a friends house or to daycare since he's been 2 weeks old. I couldn't take him to a daycare until he was at least 6 wks old so that's why he went to a friends house. Anyway..... it is very hard at first but it will get easier! It got hard for me when my son would cry for me when I was leaving. I would walk out that door with him screaming and crying but the daycare providers always said he quit like 2 seconds after I left. If my son wouldn't have gone to a daycare and I would have stayed home with him, I don't think he would be half the little boy he is now. He's going to be 5 on Thanksgiving and he's an awesome little man

Patricia - posted on 11/08/2009

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both my kids were in daycare at 12 weeks. it's a bit hard at first for the mom but the kids adjust so fast. I love the fact that they have so much interaction with other kids the same age. they learn so much by watching.

Diana - posted on 11/08/2009

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Trust me it is not as bad as you may think it is. Always use your mother's intuition is you think something is wrong, then something is probably wrong. Don't be afraid to ask plenty of questions daily, do some drop in visits, if they don't mind then that says alot. Always make your presence known, just so they know that you do not mess around and will do anything for your child's safety. Good luck!!

Brenda - posted on 11/08/2009

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Going that first day was SO hard. No way around that, but when you get to pick him up it feels so good and you know you can appreciate every minute with him so much more. Your daycare provider can share with you how the day went and you can see that another person loves your little man too!

Anisa - posted on 11/08/2009

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i work at a day care my feelings r go where u feel it is safe and comfortable 4 u and the child but it's harder 4 the parents than the child we always say drop off the child and leave r u will find yourself never wanting 2 leave and that can stir up the child

Tammy - posted on 11/08/2009

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I was fortunate enough to have my mother in-law nearby to help me with the transition. I own my own business, and I can take off whenever I need, but I am a part time mom that feels like she cant get it right at home or work. LOL! (Thanks Jennifer Russo, I like that).
I am just now going through the changing, and my child is not a baby anymore, (to me she always will be) she is 2 yrs old. I enrolled her in a musical nursery school program (which she loves) and to further it, I took her out of the safety net of Grandma, and put her in a daycare at a home.(she is doing fine here, but has picked up some negative behaviors, which I expected).
I am actually seeking out a more scholastic environment for her, now, because of the amazing growth she has acquired. Your child learns so quickly at these early childhood learning programs.
I was concerned she wouldn't be up with all the other kids by the time kindergarten came, so that is why I am making the adjustments now. I know my search is nearing its end, I think I have found one, but I will not be able to see my daughter as much. I will only get to see her in the evening. I have been working odd hours so I could see her and spend time with her......... Now I will have to go through another adjustment myself. (My guilt comes because I believe if I dont have to be at work, I can be with my baby. Daycare takes full time hours........ not 'by the hour' nor 'split up' throughout the day.) They are set up with a schedule for these children and I know that my child LOVES her routine days & I want what is best for her.
I have many people I know that have placed their child in daycare as young as yours, and it will just become a routine to your child. Almost like, all the other children are their brothers and sisters. If you have questions, ask them. I agree with the earlier advice of speaking to other parents that bring their children there.
Dont know if this helps, and I didnt mean to turn it into a "me" story. Guess that is all part of this........

Kimberly - posted on 11/08/2009

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Hello, I remember when I took my oldest to daycare for the first time when he was 6mos old(he is now 12 yrs old), it was harder on me than him. The teachers got him settled with toys and he forgot I was there, but when I came to pick him up, he was all smiles to see me. That has always been my favorite part of the day. I got to know the teachers and they were always more than happy to talk and answer any questions or concerns I had. It made me feel better and I got to hear about his day. Because my children all started in daycare as infants, it has made transition to kindergarten so much easier.

Natalia - posted on 11/08/2009

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HI

I have worked in childcare centres and love the baby room. It is the best. You may feel terrible but we love your little ones. We all share the care and my favorite part is patting them off to sleep. When you leave it is if you have broken their heart but a few mins later they are great. If you are worried give the center a call during the day and ask questions. Lots of people feel the same way you do but we love your little ones. I really miss working in care. Hope all goes well for you and Keep asking questions and getting to know the carers if you are worried. Best wishes

Janet - posted on 11/08/2009

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I took my 3 mo old twins to daycare. It was hard the first day or day but not for them, just for me. They did really well and now they just turned 5. They have such wonderful stories and memories of their daycare experience and now have friends since the infant room. No need in feeling guilty, your child will do really well. I also picked a daycare closer to work so I could visit them during lunch and that helped me a lot.

JANELLE - posted on 11/08/2009

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It depends on the daycare and the amount of face to face contact your 3 month old will have with carers. Not enough face to face time with people who show love and care can lead to behavioural and learning problems later in life. It is important that your child form a strong emotional bond with a few key people in his life before he can learn and enjoy being around other children.
I did not put my baby in until she was 1, however I did have the luxury of not having to work. If you must for financial reasons (as is increasingly the case these days) then make sure you are happy with the level of care at the daycare and the quality of the carers, that they enjoy their job and show love and care toward the children. If you are not happy with the place, then try to change. See how your little boy goes too. Some children thrive on the extra stimulation of a busy environment, but some kids are over stimulated and will become stressed and this causes changes in the brain. Again if you must then make sure it is a good quality daycare. If you want to research more, use google scholar search engine and put in words like stress and child care to come up with legitimate information on child care. Good luck!

Nereeda - posted on 11/07/2009

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Dear Jillian, as a mother of two and a fulltime worker, you will never get the, at home that you are looking for in a daycare centre, the best thing that you can look for is how the children get along with the carers, make sure that you know everything there is to know about the place that you leave them and if in doubt ask some of the parents that take there kids there. I took my kids to daycare it was a small place they only had 30 children, and the carers where all grandparents with a few young girls it was the best thing i ever did, my kids enjoyed themselves all day while i was at work worried like hell had i done the right thing, i rang the daycare centre about 8 times that day just to make sure they were ok, only to here them laughing and singing in the background.

They (KIDS) will always cry when you leave, but as soon as you are gone they look around and see all the kids and toys and then they stop get down play.

I hope i've been able to help you. Just remember dont listen to all the people that say you sould be at home, you need to do what you want to do, and what you feel inside will tell you that

Jennifer - posted on 11/07/2009

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you know i didnt have a job to go back to even after the yr was up and i would rather go back earliy then have nothing to go back to.....and yes it is worse on you but putting my son in daycare was the best hes is so smart and you learn more and more everyday!!!

Val - posted on 11/07/2009

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It is hard the first week or so and then it does get easier. I got my husband to drop William for the first few days until I felt I could face it. At a young age the children adjust quickly and enjoy the busyness of the environment. Take it a day at a time and have a good cry. We are designed to want to hold on and love them, each step of letting go is hard. I cried again in September when William went to school - stupid because he has been in daycare, nursery and preschool since he was 9 months. Good luck!

Cassie - posted on 11/06/2009

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I felt the same way before I sent my daughter to daycare. I went back to work when she was only 6 weeks old. I didn't like the thought of her being one of 12 babies, so I went with a registered in-home daycare. She is taken care of by the same person everyday, instead of several different people. And shes 1 of 3 babies now. My daughter is now 3 1/2 months old, and I feel completely safe about leaving her with her daycare provider. Good luck- I cryed sooo hard the first day I dropped my baby off, it will get easier for you. And its sooo good for your son to have interactions with other kids.

Nicole - posted on 11/06/2009

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My daughter started daycare at 2 months :) It was so hard for me leaving her; as for her, by the age of 6 months she was so used to the routine, that she would become cranky by the end of the weekend needing that daily contact, fun and activity that only a busy nursery atmosphere has. Now, my daughter is almost 18 months, and I never experienced with her what is commonly referred to as separation anxiety. She has greatly benefited from the daycare in so many ways. As to make it easier for you, simply think of it as a very very early start to going to school ;).

Elisabeth - posted on 11/06/2009

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It is going to be good for him. My son has been going to daycare since he was 6 weeks old. It is worse on us moms than it is our babies. This will teach him how to get along with other children and he will be less likely to cling to your leg on the first day of school. Can't keep them to ourselves forever.

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