Does anyone have issues after daycare?

Stephanie - posted on 04/23/2010 ( 79 moms have responded )

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Ok, so my 4.5 month old daughter is wonderful on the weekends - she naps, eats, goes to bed, plays/doesnt need to be held all the time, etc and there is not much crying at all! we get wonderful compliments about how good she is. But, during the week we have "nuclear" baby as my fiancee calls it. From the time we get home till we finally get her to go to sleep, she screams, cries, turns bright red, wants to be held, etc. My house is turned upside down right now and by the time we get her to bed, Im too tired to clean or do anything. Is there something wrong at daycare? I know about attachment issues but isnt she too young? I have asked daycare to keep her on a similar schedule that we do on the weekends and they swear that they are doing it. we are getting so burned out and frustrated, help!

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Sally - posted on 10/09/2012

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Popular culture tells us that babies don't care who takes care of them as long as their basic physical needs are met. It's been proven not true over and over again. She has just spent several hours away from the person upon whom she depends for her very survival. She needs to get an entire day of mommy time into just a few hours between pick up and bed time. If you want to do other things without upsetting her further, keep her in a carrier when you get home.

Sue - posted on 05/03/2010

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I'm not sure if this will help you but I've been a family childcare provider for 18 yrs. my thought is that your baby could be over stimulated and is having trouble adjusting from the noise and constant activity at daycare to the peace and quite at home. I have had children in my care with the opposite behaviors. Crying most of the day and angelic at home. That makes much more sense to me because daycare is a very busy place.

Some questions to ask your provider, Does she cry a lot during the day? Is she put in a quite place to sleep? Is she allowed to sleep until she wakes up? How often is she moved to a different setting in the room? What is the noise level in daycare? How does she eat for you? Do you hold her while feed her a bottle? Propping a bottle is not allowed. What types of things do you do to calm a fussy baby? My first thought was that your baby is not getting the attention needed to make her feel safe and secure. You are correct when you say she is to young to have attachment issues that isn't until 10 - 18 months. Does she seem happy when you arrive to pick her up at the end of the day?

Have you stopped in at day care unexpectantly to see how she is doing? You don't say if she is in a center or home care, but many centers observation rooms where you can watch, the problem I see with that however is the provider can be alerted to your presence. I would strongly suggest you and your fiancee make some unannouced visits at different times of the day to see for yourself if your baby is happy and well adjusted while at daycare. I understand your work schedule may not like your leaving during the day but this is your baby we're talking about. She needs to be your priority. Maybe this childcare is not a match for your family.

Carol - posted on 04/28/2010

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My best advise to you is... what does your gut instinct say? If you feel there is something wrong then most likely there could be something going on. When my daughter was almost 2 years old, this is the first time when she started to act up. (She never displayed this behavior until this provider). She clung to me and didn't want me to drop her off. I thought she was just being clingy and was just adjusting to the changes. I found out later my day care provider was an unlicensed day care. She was licensed once before but she never got her new license when she moved. She didn't have a very good history. Something was telling me that something is not right so always listen to your instincts and ALWAYS check your day care provider out first. I don't mean to scare you but the extreme behavioral changes in your daughter does not seem right. Definitely conduct unannounced random visits at the facility. Talk to the other parents in the facility to see if they notice any changes in their child's behavior. If there is a pattern, then find a new day care. If you can, talk to the other older children in the facility. You will be amazed to see what you can get out of children. Also, check with your local state office (licensing department) to see if the facility has had any complaints or concerns. Hopefullly your day care provider is in full communication with you and is trying to help resolve your issues if not then, find a new one! Good luck! Don't be discouraged by this one experience... there are EXCELLENT day care providers out there... ALWAYS do your researce and talk to other parents! You will always be your child's best advocate! Hang in there!

JoHanna - posted on 04/25/2010

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My son is now 9 months old. We took him to daycare for the first month after I went back to work and we had the same EXACT situation as you... Every morning I would take him in and they would have a "suggestion" for us to do @ home to make it better. After the first week I started to feel insulted because I felt they were not taking me as a serious parent. We started to look into other daycare's because we felt it was them after we notice Tucker was great on the weekends. We ended up finding a lady that does it out of her home that was referred by my mother in-law. I was very skeptical at first about a private baby sitter because of the things you see and hear about nanny's that abuse the children. I agreed to meet her to check it out because at that point we had no where else to turn and I was thinking about quitting my job to stay home with him (we wouldn't have been able to afford it either). I think I fell in love with the lady the first 5 minutes of meeting her. I am truly happy with the job she has done with him. He also still gets interaction with another child, so he will learn how to share and play well with others. Maybe you should be looking into another provider. They always say to listen to your child and because she cannot talk, she is expressing to you how she feels the only way possible. Good Luck, hope everything turns out well.



I also, would like to add that the sitters @ the daycare think they do not have to talk to you about your child because they give you a piece of paper that tells you when they poop... whoopie do! That I believe is the most ridiculous think in the world. I like to talk face to face with the person who is responsible for my child to ask the questions I need to and for them to do the same thing.

Sue - posted on 10/02/2012

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your baby needs you. daycare is not giving the love and warmth that a mother gives. she cries and turns bright red because she is hurt and needs you. it is her only way of communicating with you. why is cleaning your house more important than you holding your baby? your house will always be there to clean. your child is a baby only for a short time. children deserve their mom 100%. attachment issues have nothing to do with age. your baby knows you. she knows your smell . she loves you and she wants you. that is normal. that is what is important to your baby. you need to take a long look at your life. your baby should be number one. day care can never be number one. your baby is smarter than you think. they have minds and hearts that can break. her heart breaks when you leave her at daycare. please consider and rethink putting your baby in daycare. stay at home.

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Bobyn - posted on 10/08/2012

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How is the child in daycare? Does the daycare complain about your baby crying all the time. Maybe it's slower paced at home. Not so noisy, sounds like a problem with the child, not the daycare.

Dora - posted on 10/02/2012

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Go with your gut! If you think something is not right, then pull her. Don't second guess yourself.

Heather - posted on 06/10/2011

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I dont have much advice on what to do, I was in the exact same postion and was STRESSED!! I actually worked at the daycare my daughter attended so I did get to see her through out the day, but when we got home all she wanted was for me to hold her, not even daddy would do. It was just mommy! When I wasnt holding her she would cry and scream, it was horrible. I actually decided, for many reasons, not just because she was grouchy at night, to go part time. Now I see her all day, work a few hours in the late afternoon and come home to a happy baby and husband who gets some alone time with her. My girls problem was not enough sleep. She is a toddler, so at daycare they only took one nap. At home she still takes two naps and sleeps all night, and is a much happier baby! Of course, not everyone can completly change their work schedule, but I hope you find something that works for you! maybe have hubby make dinner so you can relax with the baby for a while!

Stephanie - posted on 05/19/2010

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Wow, so many responses..........well as an update, I spoke with the director about my concerns. Even though I checked into other places and found an in-home daycare, I stayed with where I am at. I am still a little annoyed that I have to change how I am doing things for them, when I am the parent but after thinking about it - they are the ones watching her the most :( which sounds sad after writing that! She has thus far never cried when being dropped off and she does not cry when I first pick her up so it does seem like rylee is satisfied at daycare. We did end up changing our routine in the morning and evening but it seems to be working. (Except now she is teething, so we might be back to square one! hahahaha) Anyways, I took alot of the advice provided and was able to resolve some of the issues. They did admit they were holding her too much because she was the only infant - that has since stopped. They also admitted that they were not feeding her like she should be, more formula than solids - they admitted it was laziness because it had been awhile since they had an infant but that has since been fixed! They also told me she was having nap issues bc she wanted to be involved with everything but that seemed to fix itself too. Thanks for all the input!

Serafina - posted on 05/11/2010

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I would def check out the day care because you never know....Or could be just she has trouble adjusting to being at home... According to our dr attachment usually started after 6 months.

Lynda - posted on 05/09/2010

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Hi Stephanie
it might pay to ask your day care for a report on how much she is sleeping and drinking through the day. At daycare there is so much stimulation going on that baby's don't often stick to the same routine as at home. She might not be sleeping enough there and is getting over tired by the time you pick her up. I am sure the teachers will be able to help you out with some ideas around this. It could come down to the simple things like is she wrapped at home and they have forgotten to do this at the centre. I hope this helps.
Kind Regards Lynda
Regards
Lynda

Sue - posted on 05/07/2010

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First off, I ran a child care home for about 8 years and had to give it up because we moved to another state. Secondly, I have 3 children, ages 25, 22 and 17, so I did survive. Advice: Do not allow yourself to feel guilty about putting your baby in daycare, I see some posts that suggest you are not a good mother because you do this. Rubbish! Secondly, always go with your gut instinct; laundry can wait, as can a full course meal, have a life, have friends over, they can hold a baby, and get her use to others. The attachment issue is very real, babies can sense stress, and when you are calm, they calm too,. (not always, but very often) It is not an awful thing that she wants to be held, it will not last forever. Visit the daycare, see if they have suggestions, is she napping enough there? Does she like or dislike light, noise or any other stimuli? A front carrier in the meantime may be they way to have her close, and ease the stress for her (and you)

Maggie - posted on 05/07/2010

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Maybe you should ask the day care if she's getting a good nap during her time there. If she's not sleeping enough that could be why she's cranky.
It could also be that after being away from you for a good portion of her day she really DOES need to be held/carried/coddled a little bit. She missed you and wants your attention. Start off when you get home with a little bit (15 minutes or so) of holding her, talking to her, playing with her. After that, while you are making dinner or washing the dishes, keep her in the room with you. She'll like watching what you're doing and you can still talk to her.
In response to what another commenter (Susan) said: why should your child need to get out the stress of day care? Day care should not be a stressful place for your child - it should be a loving environment where your child can learn and grow.

Most important: you are a good mom, trust your gut!

Danielle - posted on 05/06/2010

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IT''s just a fussy time in their development.My first somn was like it at 4 mths and my second son is just going through it now. I don't really thinks its daycare...its just a stage where they need their mum a lot. It will pass and you will survive...it's hard but keep going!

Kate - posted on 05/06/2010

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Hi Stephanie,
Not sure if you will read this as there are so many replies here already. I remember that at around 3 to 5 month children get colic. It is usually in the afternoon between 5 and 8pm. So if this is the case you may consider changing her formula or simply rubbing her back. That should relieve some of the discomfort. Best of luck to you :)

Elisa - posted on 05/06/2010

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My son is 2 and we have still have issues with him not playing by himself and he won't play in a room by himself, even if the rooms are connected. He is so use to having someone constantly watching him and playing with him all day. If I sit on the floor with him he will play by himself. After I realized this I noticed that the teachers are always on the floor with the kids even if they aren't interacting with the kids.

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maybe your baby just needs more one on one and daycare has so many children maybe she is not being stimulated enough and she is just frustrated ....i am a stay at home mom cause i had same concerns about that and spoke with my doctor and she said that it happens a lot..... good luck sweetie i am sure it wont last....just remember to stop and breath once and a while...

Erin - posted on 05/05/2010

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I think you have a very valid point, Dana, but at 4 1/2 months it doesn't apply. A baby that old only cries when something is wrong. They don't have the capacity to know how to act in any way until they are well over 1 1/2. At 9 months or so they will develop separation anxiety when mommy gives them over; there are developmental stages that babies go through. There are loads of books that can outline the stages right from birth. At 4 1/2 months they are not capable of knowing how to be "good" or "bad". After the age of 2 or so that for sure applies but this baby is so young. A baby that age is just reacting to something in her environment, sleep, food or discomfort.

Dana - posted on 05/05/2010

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Although my girls are now 15 and 12, I vividly remember the "meltdowns" that would ensue about 15 minutes after picking up my daughter from daycare. I would be so excited to see her, she'd be so loving and happy for about 15 minutes and then all heck would break loose until she basically fell asleep later that night. I was finally told to be proud of the situation for two reasons: 1) my daughter was well-behaved and put on her best behavior at daycare - something to be proud of and 2) by the end of the day after putting on her best face and being "perfect" for these other important people in her life, she felt she could "just be herself" when she was with me and at home because she felt confident in our unconditional love and that meant she could express her emotions and let out all the potential build-up she might have felt during the day being a "good girl" - even at 4 1/2 months old! :) So be proud, Mom. She knows you will love her no matter how cranky she might get.

Erin - posted on 05/05/2010

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Trust your gut, if you think there is something wrong then there probably is. Maybe it's not a good fit, maybe they don't keep to the routine. I'd shop around for different daycare, I used to have a home daycare and there really is no one there looking out for your kid once you leave. There are wonderful people out there doing it so if this person doesn't seem to be giving you the results you want (a peaceful, well-rested, calm child) then I'd trust your instincts first and foremost. If your baby is good with you then she should be good with someone who treats her with love and keeps her on the same schedule. Personally, I'd take your baby's behaviour as a sign that it's not working. I have a friend who has a daycare and she is amazing, the children are happier, calmer and better behaved (older ones of course) for being with her because she is a very stable, loving but firm presence that instills well being and security with the children. I think that is what you are looking for and don't settle for less, you would feel terrible if you found out that there was anything less than a loving stable environment for your baby while you are at work.

Good luck, I hope you find a better daycare provider. Keep looking, they are out there.

Michelle - posted on 05/05/2010

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My 8 month old son still has difficulty eating and sleeping well while at daycare. Likewise, on the days he is at daycare we can and often have a difficult time in the evenings with him for the same reasons. I decided to reduce my work hours to 80% and i stay home with him TH and F as a compromise. It also allows our son to recover from whatever bug he brought home from daycare on M,T,W. Plus, I get amazing quality time with him and I can also put a dent in some of the housework.
I have to constantly remind myself that no one can care for my son like my husband and I and i will never be completely satisfied with daycare. However, along with continuing to look for better daycare options, I have also encouraged the things they do well and built relations with his current daycare provider so they take me seriously when i have a concern.
I am not suggesting your daycare does not take you seriously and I assume you have shared with them your nuclear situation. You may think hard about weighing your options. There are lots of great suggestions on this forum. Best of luck.

April - posted on 05/04/2010

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My son finally settled down at daycare by the 3rd week but since he sustained an injury at the centre (required 3 stitches between his nose and upper lip), he has been crying each time we dropped him off. Even though he appears fine when we picked him up after work, the morning crying continues. I no longer feel at ease leaving him at that daycare and is currently looking for another daycare for him.

Cindy - posted on 05/04/2010

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Could it be anything else? Differences in how she is fed between home and daycare? Is she refusing milk at the daycare? Is she hungry at night or wanting to nurse more often to make up for it?

Amy - posted on 05/04/2010

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My daughter is 18mo. and also has had a difficult time transitioning from the sitters to home. It is getting better now, but I often have to do preping the night before or If I get off work early I start laundry, dinner, etc. before I get her. That makes it much easier then we can snuggle or play for about 45min. to an hours when she gets home and that really helps her. She loves the sitters but nobody beats being with mom or dad.

Brenda - posted on 05/04/2010

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He might just be hungry? My first daughter nursed the minute I picked her up- maybe bonding, maybe hungry. Because it was the end of the day my milk was low, I would nurse her again as soon as we got home. My second daughter is with a relative at home. As soon as I am home from work she nurses. When she has a growth spurt she cries, so they give her a bottle with just a bit of milk to tide her over until I get there and can nurse. I also found with a growth spurt you have to nurse lots to boost your production. just to approach this differently then looking at daycare vs home care.

Ã…sa - posted on 05/04/2010

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My guess is she is overwhelmed by the hole thing and just needs you to be there with and for her. Maybe the hours are to long? I don´t have personal expirinse w leaving any child so young, most children in Sweden don´t start until they are over 1 year old, but babies have no mean of telling time and as far as she is concerned I believe she has no way of telling if and when you will come by to pick her up again.

Tammy - posted on 05/03/2010

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communication is the most important thing. what does the sitter say when you tell her your child was cranky? It may just may be you are not sure what she needs next, I'm a care provider and I assign a small notebook, so it can go back and forth, so everyone is up on things. Also asking the provider how show is during the day, does she get held a lot? Even a baby at 4 months can give anyone trouble when they have been fixed all day, then goes home to where she will be loved but not catered. too. I'll be praying that all is fixable, and okay, or that you can find a new care person!

Myke - posted on 05/03/2010

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I too have this issue, my daughter started daycare at 3 months, and at first I was completely guilt ridden and worried that maybe they were doing something wrong. Then I really thought about it, and it's just that they have to share the attention with all the other children, and many times if they're playing fine, and not crying, they don't get any attention. It still bothers me, so I'm working on a plan to quit my job but until then, I'm EXHAUSTED on workdays!

Kelly - posted on 05/03/2010

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If She is crying when you drop her off you might have a problem with the daycare, but if it is only at night it might be something else. Maybe she is overwhelmed with the day and cant find her way to wind down. Try some quite time with her before Dad comes home and see if that works. Turn the light down and sing soft songs. You never know it might work.

Patricia - posted on 05/03/2010

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I am in childcare, and would like to say that it is probably cause your child misses you and wants to be with you. Childcare workers deal with a lot in their day and generally do the right thing. I have children that are wonderful at work but apparently when they get home it is a different story. the key is to be consistent in routines and not give in to your child (otherwise they win) with their tantrums. As a childcare worker we take on a huge responsibility and get paid low incomes, but we do it for the love of the job.

Melissa - posted on 05/03/2010

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How long has this been going on? Did your daughter just start daycare? We saw a little bit of that when my daughter was younger - she'd get so stimulated by all the activity at her daycare that she had to recover a little after the day was over. It might also be that your kid just isn't a "night person" - babies, like adults, have times of day when they're happier. My daughter is seriously perky first thing in the morning. I am not.

Might also be gassiness? They might be a little more rushed during feedings at daycare, so maybe the angle of feeding is producing more gas than when you feed her, or they're not burping her as thoroughly as you would. You might try giving her some mylicon right when you pick her up from daycare to see if that helps. Before I had a baby, I had no idea how gassy the poor things could get, and how much it hurt!

Sharon - posted on 05/02/2010

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Yes!!! I have issues with daycare. I was laid off over a yr ago, I've been trying to find a good, affordable daycare. I havent had any luck. I'm also on a waiting list for assistance. It is soo expensive, especially because I am only working part time. I'm trying to find a place that will also work with my son. He is over 2 yrs old & has had trouble in the last 2 places I've sent him. The most recent one seemed to be good. They said they would give him 2 weeks for free & work with him so he could adjust. But they only gave him 3 days. I don't think they had the patience to work with him. It doesn't take a child 3 days to adjust to a new surrounding. I feel like I have no hope with daycare. I really need this so I could get a full time job.

Krystal - posted on 05/02/2010

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My Son also did this. I put it down to lots of stimulation, there are other kids at day care and so much more noise when we get home its just us. And if you are stressed remember your baby can sense it and then they get stressed. Just try and keep it calm and go about ur routine and hopefully things settle. Good Luck xo

Shanna - posted on 05/02/2010

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oh honey No kid is the same. You have to understand that if this is the first daycare, kids will feel unbalanced for abouit a year because you have taken away part of their routine. YOU!. I am a working mother and routine babysitters are even important to an extreme. do not worry! keep them at a good place. Also, if they are strangers, monitoring them is important. Drop in unexpected, or nannny cammy if afforable! Take care!

Kristie - posted on 05/02/2010

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I work in childcare and also have 3 children who are now at school and have been childcare children.
If you think about childcare as work for your baby you will understand that just like you they are tired after childcare. They have had a long day of work/play with loads of stimulation. This does however get better with age and as time goes on and they get used to it. My advice is to try to have after work times as quiet and job free as possible and use one of your weekend days as the jobs day when both of you are at home with baby! This will make it easier to cope with babies need for cuddles and you will feel less rushed and stressed!

Chasity - posted on 05/02/2010

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I run a home daycare and it sounds to me like you feel comfortable with your childcare but your looking to place the blame somewhere for your baby's actions (not in a mean way). As parents we just want an explanation for everything our children do, when the bottom line is they can be wound up from their day just like we are. Your baby isn't to young to miss you like crazy when your away, and maybe she is just acting out a little because of it. You probably have a ton of things to do when you get home, we all know how that is, but try your best to give her at least 30 min of one on one time as soon as you get home. This may help her calm down some, really sit and make it all about her.
Some of my kids have a hard time in the mornings when their parents leave and I just sit with them and read them a book to make them feel special and that usually works great! Those same kids sometimes melt down when their parents arrive to pick them up and start talking to me instead of to them. It's their way of saying "Hey, I haven't seen you all day and I need your attention". So don't rule out your daycare because changing providers could make things worse on her. They just need to adjust like we do. I really hope it gets better for you and her. Good luck.

Crystal - posted on 05/02/2010

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Sorry,Susan, but as a daycare provider, I'm appauled at your response. You are passing all of the blame onto the provider. The kids that I care for are very well taken care of. And although I will comply, I am taken aback by parents that will ask me not to hold their child so much, as it makes it "harder " for them. Drop -ins are always great and I recommend them. But as far as your child having to scream for an hour to get out the stress from daycare?! Are you kidding me. If you truely believed daycare was that SRESSFUL for your child, you would find another provider. I've found that as children grow and language skills set in, the children that get upset when they get home, will eventually be able to verbalise that they are sad to go. Most of the children that I care for are here 9 hours +. It would only be natural to miss them at the end of the day.

Chastity - posted on 05/01/2010

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Stephanie, so sorry to hear this is going on. I have 2 daughters 4 & 3 yrs. old and we do have issues, however, they are obviously completely different than yours with an infant. I would say that something has to be done here. Perhaps changing your daycare completely to another facility and seeing if she has some behavioral changes. Minimally I would want to sit down with the top dog of your child care facility and tell them what is happening and try to get to the bottom of what is going on there. Perhaps you could take one day off work and spend the entire day at the daycare and get a feel for what is happening. I suspect she is being at least a little neglected. This is abnormal behavior and something is causing it. I wish you well.

Louise - posted on 05/01/2010

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Change day care! evene if they are doing nothing "wrong" it's not right fo ryour little girl. My son, now 6, was similarly behaved. Not quite as extreme as you are describing, but reading your post, I just kept thinking "Josh". We persisted, thinking it was a phase, it was change of routine between care & home blah, blah.... He only went during term times, so every school holidays he was a happy, talkative, toilet trained child. Day care started & he's lose a lit of those skills at each milestone. Later I met his main "teacher" in another setting and realised just how disinteretsed she was in him & the whole pre-school and that there were internal management issues taht were impactingthe focus of the whole teaching team. I couldn't put my finger on what was wrong, but I knew & tried to rationliase it away. My other son, only a year older was there over the same period &thrived. Different kids pick up on different things and are more or less resiliant to the adults' attitudes around them. You are her mother & knwo somethings not righ. You posted here about it. If I had those years again with my son, I'd have moved him when I first had doubts. Best of luck

Renee - posted on 05/01/2010

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Hi my girls are 2 ,I know there is a huge age difference but after daycare my kids heads would swivel!!! I swear they were not my girls that I was bringing home. So I asked the daycare to make them have a napand hey presto...I have my kids back. Now I know at 4.5 mths she should be having naps, but check the schedule and ask questions to make sure your child is on the schedule that you request, wouldnt hurt to pop in one day and see whats up,and remember your house might be turned upside down but who cares, being a mum is damb hard work and you are doing a great job!!

Laurie - posted on 05/01/2010

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I went though the same thing with my son. I had to put him in the carrier and attach it to me so he knew that I was around. I don't think there is anything going on at daycare except that our homes are MUCH less noisy then a daycare would be. It all will pass as the baby gets older and more in tune with their world. Keep up the love and KEEP YOU CHIN UP. Mothering is not always a easy thing to get in the swing of things. My son is now 8 and is doing fine except he still does like the noise around him.

Marie-Christina - posted on 05/01/2010

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My son did that until he was 6 months old, it was actually that he was so tired he couldn't fall asleep due to all the excitement. Try taking her for a walk, facing you in the stroller, mine would fall asleep and it was a much more pleasent evening when he woke up.

Allison - posted on 04/30/2010

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I had the same experience with my son. He is at a daycare center. I was fairly certain at the time that they were doing a good job and now I'm even more certain because he's now been there for 3.5 years and I've seen them at many different times of the day and they are always doing a good job. I did bring it up to them several times and they always told me he never acted the same way at day care that he did when we got home. So I always attributed it to the fact that transititions are hard for some kids (and adults) and that was a particularily stressful one for him, my son Joseph. I think he enjoys daycare but would rather stay home so it is hard, this transition, and he can really act out with me because I am safe but he doesn't act out with others because he is more on guard. I even found that he was different when I picked him up than he was when his dad, my husband, picked him up. But these things change and evolve and now it is much easier and I know him so much better that it is easier for me to figure out what he needs when he is upset. Hang in there!

Louise - posted on 04/30/2010

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We are on daycare no 3 at this stage. The first one at about 11 months myson started biting and they could not handle the phase at all. They got upset with him and he spent more time in the naughty chair than out. At 2 they asked him to leave. Move to another one. Within a month no more biting and we had a totally different child! When he was 3 we moved house and decided to move his daycare closer to us and within 2 weeks we put him back where he was before. He stopped eating sleeping had nightmares and was a generally unmanageable child.
I drive 40 miles a day to drop the kids when it's 12 miles to go straight.
There was nothing per se wrong with these places. He just didn't settle. My year old started at 6 months in the same place and loves it also.
If you feel your child is upset a change might help but also we spent a day in the room with our baby to see how they dis things. We did nothing just watched. That way there is no escape. Maybe your daycare would allow that.

SARA - posted on 04/30/2010

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Is she sleeping too much at daycare? My child used to have problems like that.

My daughter is adopted and had attachment issues and an anxious attachment to her foster mother aged 4 months. It is possible that she is angry that she doesn't get the same attention from the daycare as she gets from you and therefore becomes used to crying louder /being more enraged to get attention.

Ana - posted on 04/30/2010

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It pretty much sounds like she wants mommy and daddy time. My baby doesn't go to daycare since daddy is unemployed, but sometimes he just won't let ME relax when I would get home. It's normal, she loves you, and she probably is too young to understand that you can't give her ALL your time since you have to clean/cook.

Dina - posted on 04/29/2010

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When my daughter first started goign to daycare we had that issue. She was being over stimulated by the other children because she was the youngest. I had the daycare provider, cover her with a blanket during feeding and when calming down for nap time. It totally changed my daughter habits when she got home. She was my happy go lucky child again. You might try that and ask the daycare provider to be weary of the other kids getting in their face too much and over stimulating.

Marina - posted on 04/29/2010

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I don't believe that this has anything to do with what they are doing at daycare, attachment issues, or anything like that.
Don't believe the hype you hear about all the horrible things that happen in daycare--it's a rare occurrence.
Parenting a baby is not easy, and they fuss and cry sometimes for no reason (other than being hungry or tired). It's a stressful time in life for you. Don't go to all the trouble of over-analyzing the situation.

[deleted account]

Wow - lots of advice and opinion here. Trust your gut and go with what you think is best. My son has been in day care both center and home settings since he was 14 months he's now almost 4. I've not had to deal with those meltdowns except on occassions. I agree with following a routine when you get home that way she knows what to expect. The only other thing that keeps popping into my head is what you are feeding her - have you recently started her on any solids? Some think it's too early and some don't - if you have it could be that something in her diet during the week is not agreeing with her which is why she does good on the weekends. Just a thought - my son had a very sensitive stomach so I really had to pay attention to what he ate/drank etc. Also - you may want to find out if there are any stressful situations going on at the daycare - she could be picking up on that.

Amber - posted on 04/29/2010

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If your gut tells you there is something wrong with the daycare, that's one thing, but if you like the place you chose, it could be that your daughter may be having so much fun during the day that she is exhausted when she gets home. Up until recently, her life has been mommy and her in a quiet house enjoying each others company. Now she's in a room with other kids, and with people whose job it is to watch her and entertain her. At her age, she's also becoming more aware of her surroundings and starting to interact more with things, which can be exhausting for a baby. Both of my daughters went through a transition period where they were so tired when they'd get home from school that they would just cry until bedtime. My youngest (6 months) goes to bed right when she gets home every night and stays asleep until the morning. I miss having time with her, but I know that as she gets older she'll adjust and I just make sure to spend extra time with her on the weekends. If you really like your daughters teachers and feel that they are looking out for her best interests, then you might just have a really happy but really tired baby at night. It really does get better!

Dora - posted on 04/28/2010

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Make sure you are doing surprise visits on that day care. If they give you a time restrictions on when you can see or call about your child then find another daycare. Children of all ages give parents signs of what is going on with them. Listen to your child and try different things.

Peggy - posted on 04/28/2010

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Id like to add if I may that I have had experience with both Daycare centers & Home daycare Providers ( before I became a home provider) I have to say that I prefer the home providers for my children, I found that the centers where too crowded or the *teachers* were overwhelmed :( - sometimes id find the room to be too full ( ratio adult to child) I loved when i had them in home care because of the individual attention they received - it was one of the reasons I became a Home Provider ( Licensed) I enjoy playing with the children, singing songs, teaching... I did not feel able to give children in the center i worked in as much one-on-one :( - With Home daycare we are bound by NYS regulations to stay within our child adult ratio & are subject to surprise visits from child care council people as well as NYS reps themselves time to time :)
xx

Peggy - posted on 04/28/2010

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It might not be enough to just ask that the provider keep her on Your schedule maybe you can ask the provider what the schedule is (?) that way you might be able to find out what things she is doing thats not working at home - OR what shes doing that you might ant to give a try at - lets face it kids will be very different at home then they are with others ( i have teens now & they are so *sweet* when they arent home) LOL
Just a thought being a Daycare Provider myself :)

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