Does anyone resent having to go to work??

Jubel Kristine - posted on 04/24/2010

I'm very proud of joining this community. I work in a call center and I have 2 daughters. My husband works too and we are both trying to make ends meet. My work shifts are extreme since we are 24/7. I find it an advantage to work during night shifts my daughter don't notice it that much that i am gone because they are asleep. when i get home i attend to them first then sleep, if they need to feed they will come to me and I will breast feed while resting. I haven't had complete sleep ever since I had them but so what? I just try to make myself healthy so I can do both, take care of them and go to work. Moms like you makes me happy that I know it just takes good time management so you can be a SUPERMOM! Great job!

Crissy - posted on 04/10/2010

I WORK AFTERNOONS AN ITS REALLY HARD ESP AT BEDTIME FOR MY 4YR OLD! SHE ACTUALLY ATTEMPTS TO STAY UP AN WAIT ON ME TIL 130A! I DONT WANNA WORK BUT ITS NOT EASY TO RUN ON JUS ONE INCOME! THERES 5 OF US TO WORRY BOUT! I FEEL TERRIBLE FOR NOT BEIN ABLE TO DO THINGS ON WKENDS W MY KIDS CUZ IVE GOTTA GO TO WORK! IM ACTUALLY LOOKING INTO A JOB AT MY KIDS' SCHOOL SO I CAN BE ON THE SAME SCHEDULE W THEM! MINUS A FEW HRS MY DAUGHTER WILL GO TO A SITTER CUZ PRESCHOOL ONLY 3HRS LONG!

Ariana - posted on 04/10/2010

I'm a mum of 2 girls ( 2 yrs and 7 months ) and work 12 hours shift , and like you it sometimes breaks my heart , BUT look at what you wouldnt be able to give them or do with them without one income . We lived on one income for a year while my partner was a stay at home Dad and then another year while I stayed home , it was hard not having that little bit xtra in the bank , 2 incomes allow us to be able to enjoy doing things with the girls .
Dont feel guilty , we do what we need to do for our kids

Amelia - posted on 04/08/2010

I don't have a problem working; I don't feel like I’m missing anything, I have plenty of time to be with them after work and on the weekends. It gives my children a chance to learn about responsibility and it gives all of us a break from each other to be with other people. I didn't go to daycare when I was little so it was very hard for me to socialize with other kids in elementary school and so on. I stayed home with my oldest for over a year and just about went crazy. Now I have job where if I do ever feel like I need a day to spend with my kids I can.

Clare - posted on 04/07/2010

I know exactly what you are going through, my daughter is nearly 5. You feel as though you should split yourself in half and first be a fantastic mother and then go to work to provide everything, I am very lucky now as I have my own business based at home - very part time hours to fit around my family (my big why, I am doing this). You are a brilliant mum!!!!! If you would like some information about the business, just let me know. Keep smiling xxxx

Ginger - posted on 04/07/2010

I am right there with you I work full time and it BREAKS my heart to leave my 5 month old. She is my world. I do have her with my best friend so that makes it a little better but I still am jealous I can't spend my days with her. :(

Brenda - posted on 04/07/2010

Hi there ,I know what you mean been there done that, it,s not fun working while your kids are growing up I missed out on alot of stuff, I do have a solution for all working moms out there, please feel free to e-mail if you like and we can talk about it, brendabond4@hotmail.com, thanks looking forward to talking with you.

Rahma - posted on 04/07/2010

i do feel you completely, i have a one year old who is becoming smarter and he has realised that i leave him every morning to go to work, so he times my departure and clings to me crying, i also wish i dint have to work or atleast reduce the hours

Katina - posted on 04/07/2010

I certainly feel you. I work full time and at nights to boot. It can be stressful. Keeping them in a routine can help. Anytime I can spend with them even if for 15 minutes helps. My three year old son sometimes gets upset when I tell him Mommy is leaving for work at night. He sometimes even tells me no, you're staying home Mommy. It does break my heart. But some things can't be helped. I went from a stay at home mom to working full time to help us out. My husband does help with making the kids understand that I have to work too to get us the things we need and deserve. Believe me, I would rather stay home and enjoy the time I have with the kids. But with the economy the way it is, I just can't afford it right now.

Deb - posted on 04/06/2010

Yes! Life nowadays requires us moms to work and miss out on our most important part in our life,since I first had my daughter,ive been searching for my own thing to do to make money,but it failed,but I'mgoing to keep searching for it...Hope to find it soon because im going through exactly the same thing.My daughter is the only child 7yrs.old and shes been having trouble socializing in school,and some behavior problems.The teacher wonders why I can't take her on play dates,its hard when Im at work,so this effects her on other levels too.I guess all we can do is our best,and they'll turn out just fine,and hopes of that dream job that can revolve around our kids instead of the other way around......

Lorri - posted on 04/06/2010

My girls were very upset when I went back to work. Try to look at the pros and cons of you going back to work. It's really difficult. As for me, as much as I love my kids, I am one of those people who wasn't really cut out to be a housewife. I have a great respect for those who do, but as much as I tried, I knew that I needed to be a working mom. In my case, I have been able to work at a job that minimizes daycare because my husband and I trade off on child care duties. My kids are almost always with one of us. The drawback/trade off is, my husband and I don't see as much of each other as we'd like. The other aspect we had to consider was that we really needed my income, so one way or another, I was going to be going back to work. My kids are still young (6 and 8), and they still miss me when I am not home; that never gets any easier. There was a while in which I couldn't make it to school to help out, and my kids were not happy about it. We just try to talk about it with them as much as possible. Just before I went back to working the graveyard shift, I talked with my kids and told them what I was thinking about doing. I told them what my options were, and what each one meant to all of us. I let them feel like they were part of the decision making process, which helped them to accept it more this time around. They still get upset once in a while, but they are adjusting. Kids are amazingly resilient. If you make the time you do have together count as much as possible, that is what they will remember.

Kayla - posted on 04/05/2010

I understand your feelings very well I also had to go back to work to be able to provide for my daughter and I. And I just wanted to tell you that even though you feel that way right now your doing the right thing for him and I think your a strong good mother for it.

Tiffany - posted on 04/05/2010

I do not hate having to work, but I do hate having to work so much. I am a single mom thats active duty army and that requires me to drop my 2 boys, 20 mon & 4 mon, off between 530 & am and not be able to pick them up until 530-6pm 5 days a week and it is ruff. By the time we get home I make dinner, give baths then its off to bed for them and weekends are spent catching up on house work and running errands. We make park time every chance we get and I cherish my time with them dearly, but I hate that I do not get more of it. But, I am providing a home for them, and everything they need. A mom's gotta do what a moms gotta do.

Kirstin - posted on 04/05/2010

I had to back to work within a month of having my second baby, and have had to work 40+ since then. I missed their first steps and words, but I just do my very best to make the moments I do have with them as special as possible and make sure they have my undivided attention and that they know it. My daughters and I have an amazing bond despite all my working. I used to think I was a bad mom for missing out on all of this, but all I can do is make the present the gift its meant to be. I hope that helps.

Jana - posted on 04/05/2010

I don't resent going to work nearly as much as I did when I was working two jobs, averaging about 60 hours a week. Now, my boys are 7 & 11, and constantly bickering. Sadly, going to work while they're at school has become my "peace and quiet" time. Now I have 25 hours of out of home work, and I sell Avon from home - and when they aren't fighting, the boys sometimes help me get orders ready to go, or tag along on deliveries.

Sandra - posted on 04/05/2010

What do you do?

Stacy - posted on 04/05/2010

Debbie and the other moms here,

I know exactly how you feel. I hate leaving my son, so that is why I have started a work from home business and should be replacing my full time income in the next 12 months. I don't know if you have considered anything like this, but I know our team is expanding and looking to help people do the same for themselves. Please let me know if you would be interested in more information about the opportunity.

Thanks,

Stacy

Sandra - posted on 04/05/2010

I'm a single mom. I work 40+ hours a week, I do consultations on-the-side, and I volunteer here and there. I wish I could be at home toraise my son as well, and I often feel like I'm missing his life. I try to spend every waking minute with him when I'm not at work. However, for me, work is a necessary evil. There is no one for me to fall back on. I have my (4 yr. old) son full time, he doesn't see his father right now. My son relies on my job and it's benifits as much as I do. I never have vacation or sick time built up to take vacations (nor do I have the money for a vacation) because I use it for teacher conferences, doctor appointments, field trips, etc. It drove me nuts to see all the moms who dropped their kids in daycare and complained that if they didn't they'd never have any "me" time. I can't even go to the bathroom without an audience, much less have "me" time! And yet I'd give anything for more time with my son. You're not a bad mother for doing what you have to do to provide for your child. My mother was in the same situation with me. I was too young to understand why my mother was never at my functions, but I grew up to understand, and I don't blame her a bit. I am however doing my best (at the expense of myself sometimes) to change what I didn't like about what she did, and be there for my son.

Binta - posted on 04/05/2010

Hi everyone.Iam new here trying to get my feet and I understand perfectly how Debbie feels.My situation is even worst since I dont live in the same town with my soon to be 3yrs old daughter come july.I dont get to attend any of her school funtions and misses many of her milesstones.Its heartbreaking but I cant afford to leave my job for now because my husband resigned from his highpaying job in oct 2008 to start his risk management company which is yet to be fully on ground.My husband and his family members are there for my baby but its not the same I hate being away from her but i cant help it.

Adhrua - posted on 04/04/2010

I understand how you feel Debbie I had to leave my 3 month old and join back work and hated it ...but I really had no option, my parents took care of my child and my friends at work were supportive...things are better now my baby is 3.6yrs old and used to seeing his mommy go to work and I make it a point to tell all the ladies at work who are in family way that coming back to work is tough but that doesn't make them a bad mom since there are doing it for their child. I also share how I felt so that they can talk about their feelings and know its okay to feel bad not because you hate your work but you jusy don't want to be away from your baby!

Adhrua

Ann - posted on 04/04/2010

i am also a working mom but my children are all over 21 and out of the house, but i still sometimes resent working only because i cant be there when they need me.

Sandra - posted on 04/03/2010

I don't hate my job but I do hate working instead of being home with my children. They are both in school and getting older (10 and 13), but I miss not being able to volunteer at school and come to special assemblies or chaperone a field trip...The thing is, I am doing what I have to do to take care of my children, it is not my choice so I fight the guilt that I feel. Someday my children will understand and your son will too.

Leanne - posted on 04/03/2010

Have you ever thought about working from home? I have a one year old, and I worked in the corporate world for the first 11 months of his life, and not only did day care cost a fortune, but we were constantly fighting him being sick and crying every time we left. I decided it was time for a change, and now I am a Pampered Chef consultant. I earn enough money to replace my full time job working part time hours and I set my own schedule, so I am home during the day with my son and there for my family. Its the best of both worlds! If you would like more information on it, I'd be happy to share some information with you..

Claudia - posted on 04/03/2010

A Mom said to change jobs ...........Its not easy finding a new job ....... specially with the economy right now..... we attended college and decided to study a certain field and work in the field.... it not easy changing fields going back to college or deciding to change jobs and take a pay cut... Its a very hard decision

Claudia - posted on 04/03/2010

My kids are older 15, 12, 10 and still dont understand why I cant come to school to eat lunch with them, why I can't make it to teacher conferences, award assemblys and so forth........ I try to explain to them that mom and dad both have to work to pay for the house, cars, bills, and to put food on the table.... still they dont understand.... Some of us dont have the option to stay at home and care for our chidren I work 40 + hours a week as a nurse, I'm not able to drop my kids off at scchool or pick them up from school, I dont get to do homework with them or cook them dinner I have missed so much of there lives its depressing!!!!!!! Just becuase they get older does not make it easier.... :-(

Jennifer - posted on 04/03/2010

I feel for you. I work close to 60 hours per week, not including a commute to and from DC. I leave incredibly early (4:30am) and try to be home by 5:30pm. I leave before my kids wake up, and I am home by dinner. But, being away for that amount of time breaks my heart. I do it because I have to --- for a number of reasons. I get paid a good chunk of change, and my kids are comfy when it comes to things they want or need. We don't have to worry about money being tight (not yet --- you never know in this economy). I think it is a wonderful thing if you can afford to stay at home with your babies for exactly the reasons you mentioned. But then, for me, I couldn't handle not using my degree. And, honestly, staying at home was 100 times more difficult than going to work!!! I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. But, having a flexible job where you can come and go, or leave early, or make up the time --- so you can make it to your kids events is very important.

About the PTA meetings, schools are always excited to know that there are involved parents out there. Perhaps, you could suggest meeting times being available so that any parent can make it (e.g., evenings, weekend, lunches). It seriously is a fair and reasonable solution to allowing parents an opportunity to become more involved in their child's lives.

Good luck!!!

Julissa Jennifer - posted on 04/03/2010

i have a 7yr ols son and i work the overnight shift at walmart and he tells me why i have to go to work? this has been going on for sometime now and im fustrated cause i dont want to leave him. i work 40 hrs a week. i resent the the fact that i have to go to work but to support him and me i have to do what i have to do. i try to make him understand but sometimes i feel im not getting through. i feel like a bad mother for not spending time with him. he is at my moms house when i do work and he is beginning to resent me, and i hate that feeling because he lets me know it

April - posted on 04/02/2010

I had to go back to work when my little girl was 3 months old. She's fixing to turn 3 years old next month. I still hate leaving her, but at the same time-I'm one of those that just HAS to get away from "home life" on occasion. Work is my get-away. I work 4 days a week right now. But, as I've told my husband from day one, I refuse to miss out on important stuff (like award ceremonies). If it means eating Ramen noodles every supper because my work doesn't like it or can't accommodate me, then I'll do it in a heartbeat. I've seen the difference in me and my sister. My mom was there all the time til I was in the fourth grade when she began working at the elementary school I attended. She's worked all of my sister's life. We are completely different and have completely different outlooks on things because of the situations. It's hard to explain, but I know from our experiences that it does make an impact on a child if you are not there for him/her when they think you should be there. Once they get older, say like their preteens, then they'd understand more and be more apt to be "okay" with the change. It's a tough batter for a mom, and everyone has their own circumstances. Do what's best for you.

Michell - posted on 04/02/2010

I hated having to go to work when I first started, but actually its a good thing to get that time away...I will stay with my little man when he is really sick. I hate being away from him but it is good to have some time away from your child. Trust me I miss him and I hate being away from him but it helps your relationship between the both of you.

Lauren - posted on 04/02/2010

I hate having to go to work. I always wanted to be a stay at home mum, at least until my youngest went to school. Sadly life is not so easy. I had my first bub in may last year and went back to work after just 5 weeks. Luckily I was on the position to take her to work with me for the first 6 months, and I only worked 3 days a week.
Since xmas I have changed jobs and now have to leave her with family a few days and at daycare one day. Whilst I think that the daycare day is actually doing her social development some good, I resent the fact that its not a choice to go to work, Its a financial necessity. I miss the time with her, and the 2 days in which I don't work we have so many activities packed in together that we are both exhausted at the end of the day. I really envy the mothers who are able to spend the first years at home and enjoy their children.

Sonya - posted on 04/02/2010

I will be goin back 2 work next week and it is way different from when I had my 17 yr.old.I will hate not being able 2 see my 1 mth old all day but I will have an hour lunch break and my husband will be her caregiver for the next couple of months but being the mom I do feel bad I won't be able to bathe her,feed her,and cuddle throughout the day but thank God I have the peace of mind her dad is caring for her being she is a preemie/newborn.

Victoria - posted on 04/02/2010

May be you should find another job, where your boss will let you go when you need to.

Michelle - posted on 04/01/2010

If you've been at the job a while and there is any chance for occassional flexibility you should try & see if you can take a half-vacation day to make an award ceremony. There are two award ceremonies & one performing assembly (classes sing/dance) and I asked my daughter if I could only come to one which was most important. She chose the performing assembly this year so I took a half-day off to attend it. Seeing her smile was totally worth using a precious day off. It would have been worth a day off without pay too.

Debbie - posted on 04/01/2010

Thank you all for your replies it is a great comfort to me to realise I'm not the only one who feels the way I do about going to work and missing out on so much, your comments and advice have really helped me, thank you to you all so much

Lisa - posted on 03/31/2010

I felt the same way - I too am a full time mom and being in the hospitality industry can be very stressul and so time consuming. I was going through the same thing with my son when he was in kindergarden and I would always feel guilty when he would come home and say something like..."so and so's Mom was there" why could you not be there?" SO....this school year, I made a promise to him that everytime he was going to have a field trip, I would request it off as well to join him. Even if I had used up all my vacation, I still request a day off. I missed so many things last year and felt really bad so this year I looked at the calender and requested those days off. Me losing one day of pay is nothing in compared to being able to spend that quality time with him. And, just to see the look on his face, PRICELESS! However, I guess you would have to have a very understanding boss that allows you to be able to do it. I am so greatful for my boss as she basically is the one who encourages us all. She is always saying, "time goes by so quick and before you know it, they're off to college!" So with this being said, hopefully you have an understanding boss and just do it! Take care and good luck!

Liz - posted on 03/31/2010

I felt the same when my son was younger so I started my own business. I thought that as I am the boss I don't have to get permission to watch my son play sport or go to school assembly. This has worked well but now the business is too busy and I find it hard to get away. School holidays are difficult now so 2 weeks ago I have decided to sell the business. I have a buyer and hope to have things wrapped up within 3 months. I will probably go back to teaching as the hours are right. I often give advice to working mums and one of the areas that you may want to consider is bookkeeping. It is a simple course and you can work from home. You only need a couple of regular clients or you can align yourself with an accountant who can feed you the clients. Maybe there is something else you can do from home. It's something to consider. Good luck!

Mahnaz - posted on 03/30/2010

Im currently on mat leave but have to join work again in july and God its already killing me.Leaving my 12 month old baby girl isnt going to be easy,but one has to do what one has to do.I dont know how its going to work out but hoping for the best,thats all i can do now.

Shanon - posted on 03/30/2010

Ugh!! I hated leaving for work!! And my daughter is only 3. I stay home now, and money has been tight, but I started a home based business. If you would like, I would love to give you some more info about it! No parties or inventory. I NEVER leave my house for work any more and I LOVE it. So does my daughter. I have another baby girl coming in May! Hope I could help you. It's really made all the difference in my family!

Best of luck to you.
Shanon

Denise - posted on 03/30/2010

I feel your pain my dear. My son's only a year old and I feel guilty for missing important milestones. For example I wasn't there when he first started walking, I was at work or when he first started talking. I'm working 40hrs a week to keep the benefits for him & myself. Even though my mother watches him & records any milestone for me, it's not the same as being there in person.

Cassandra - posted on 03/30/2010

No. They may not understand it now, but once they get older I think our kids will understand why we had to go back to work. I work 40 hours a week and it is easier now since my daughter is in school but I still miss out on a lot of stuff she has going on because of my commute. You just have to make the time that you do spend with your children really count. My daughter used to do the same thing when she started school, always sad that I couldn't attend school events, but now that she is 8 she is starting to understand that working is a part of life if you want to not live on the streets. When my daughter was younger it used she used to say "you have to go to work to make me some money" so we tried to show her that the money not only helped us but it helped her have a fulfilling life without worry. Good luck!