Does it ever get better?

Tricia - posted on 10/04/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )

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11 years ago on October 2, I lost my daughter an hour after her birth. that was a very hard time for me, I went through a depression among other things having to bury my child......worst feeling ever. Since that time I've had a wonderful little boy, who has stolen my heart. On her birthday this year it has hit me very hard the loss, i just couldnt stop crying and thinking of all she would be doing now at 11yrs od age. If anyone out there has gone through this and I'm sorry that you have, please tell me will it get better or will i have years when her birthday wont be so hard and those when its unbearable?

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Tricia - posted on 10/16/2009

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Thank you all for all the encouraging words. It means the world to me. I know how blessed I am to have had my daughter even for the breifest of times and the miracle of having my son now who keeps the joy and smile in my heart every day. I will never forget or stop celebrating her but will move on with God's help and my faith in him. Thank you so much for all you prayers and i will keep you all in mine as well.

Kaelyn - posted on 10/06/2009

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I am truly sorry for your loss, like everyone else. You should grieve and cry over your lost child. And remember her birthday and make it a special day. But you should also not forget that you have a son who cherishes you and needs you. Your daughter is in Heaven and in god's hands. Your son, is in your hands. Rely on him to make you happy and your sadness will fade over time. It will get better. He will keep you smiling. You are blessed even if you don't think so.

Jan - posted on 10/06/2009

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I am so sorry for your loss, i truly am. I have not buried a child, but I have had 8 miscarriages. My son is my miracle but i almost lost him too. I lost twins after my son, that about killed me. You will never forget the child that you lost but how you handle it is up to you. Instead of thinking about what she could have been think about where she is now. I do not know your religious beliefs but I believe your daughter gave you what you needed at the time, and that was the love and the bonding you shared. Remember that next time you think of her. Do not cry for her, smile and laugh and be happy that you had her at all. You now cherish your son even more since you know the pain of loss you can truly know the happiness of having your son. She did her job, and she showed you that you were able to love another unconditionally! Be happy! That is your job now. Love her and remember the brief time with smiles :)

Andrea - posted on 10/06/2009

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I'm extremely sorry for your loss, but to Sandy who just replied, do you know how to read? This poor woman is suffering over the loss of a child, and you reply that they can eventually become friends. What an insensistive, ignorant thing to say! Tricia, with God, anything is possible! I will keep you in my prayers!

Karrie - posted on 10/06/2009

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Hi Tricia. I also have not gone through this, I do know some people who have. I myself lost my husband. Losing someone, is one of the hardest things to ever go through. It has been 5 years since my husband passed, it always feels like yesterday.I have been having a hard time dealing with this also. I have to keep telling myself everything happens for a reason. I always think about the what if s. I don't know if you are a religious person, but in my eyes God wanted him to come home to be with him. I think that if he wouldn't have died, something really terrible would be happening. I believe that your baby girl had to go. As hard as it is to feel and believe, it had to be for the best. Maybe she would have had some sort of health issues later on, and she would be suffering, or something would happen when she got older. The way we have to think about our situations, is to be grateful we had the time we did with them. The hour you had your baby girl, all she knew is that she was loved. It may never be easy. We have to celebrate the lives that they had no matter how short or long. I hope that you can find some sort of peace in your heart and soul. Do what makes you happy. You never have to forget her. You can cry everyday. I am sure that she is watching over you. She is at the best place possible. She loves you.

Evon - posted on 10/05/2009

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I am truly sorry for your loss, I haven't gone through the same thing as you, however I suffered a miscarriage at 14 weeks gestation and then my next three pregnancies I lost also, I went on to have 4 beautiful boys. I had my miscarriages almost 20 years ago and I still think about those babies, for me it is still sad but yes, time makes it easier or it has for me. You need to talk about the baby you lost, don't keep things bottled up inside, it will drive you crazy. I work in a hospital that specializes in cardio thoracic conditions and I have seen first hand the struggle some of these poor children have, I don't know what condition your baby may of had, if any, you need to console yourself with the fact that you baby didn't have a struggle through a life of illness and everything happens for a reason, be happy that you knew her, even for a short time and she has touched your life forever. I can't imagine what you are going through but be strong for yourself and for your little boy. All the very best to you and your family.

Kristin - posted on 10/04/2009

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Tricia,

What a terrible thing to go though. I'm praying that you will find peace soon. After you lost your daughter, did you ever go through any grief counseling or things like that? I haven't ever lost a child, but I lost my grandmother a little over a year ago. We were very close and it was very hard for me. Here is what helped me a lot, and perhaps it could help you as well. In Mexico, on November 1 and 2, people celebrate "el dia de los muertos", the day of the dead. In this celebration, people gather to pray for and remember people who have died. They use skulls made out of sugar and beautifully decorated to remind them that death is sweet and that those who have left the earth are in a happier state. November 1st is broken down even further as "el dia de los angelitos" - the day of little angels, which, in most regions of Mexico, is a day to especially remember lost children. I know the festival can sound a little ghoulsih and Halloweenish (it actually corresponds with All Saints' and All Souls' day), but it really helped remind me that instead of mourning and feeling sad about the loss of my grandmother, I should be celebrating her life. Your little one, unfortunately, was not with you for long, but has an amazing mom who misses her very much. Read up on this festival, and perhaps it can help you find some closure and some peace. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers!

Lisa - posted on 10/04/2009

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Sorry for your loss. I did not go through what you have but 2 months after my little boy was born in June my Mom died(in August) This has been difficult for me. My church offers a class called grief share, this has been helpful to me. I think you can look it up on line and find a class near you. I am learning that you never get over grief but you must go through it. My prayers are with you for your continue healing with this process.

Jan - posted on 10/04/2009

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Hi Tricia, Im so sorry for your loss. I suffered a miscarriage but it was early on in pregnancy. I cant imagine what you are going through but feel you must speak to someone who can help, maybe your GP, a wise family friend or better still your mum. Hope you find some peace soon. x

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