does my baby hate me for going back to work?

Carleen - posted on 03/26/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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my baby is almost 4months old and i went back to work about a month ago. Ever since i started working again baby wont nurse nor let me hold her. She screams madly and seems restless whenever I pick her up or try to give her a lil kiss...this frustrates me on so many levels that I actually feel like she hates me. This breaks my heart :-(

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Amanda - posted on 03/29/2010

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ow hunny...i know exactly how you feel i went back 2 work when my son was 4 months also...he wouldnt even wante me to sooth him when he woke up i the middel fo the night..he seemed to be taking a liking to the sitter more then me...it broke my heart....the only thing i can tell u is that it will allll be o.k..babys are very easly upset..attached...and dont completly understand that you are providing for her..all she seees is her main food source and comfort eing gone....but your a mom...theres alot more haert ach to come love..lol but we are strong..and know that everything you do is for your lil girl..shell love you no matter what knowing that your doing it for her...

Cherry - posted on 03/28/2010

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No,sometimes it just "us" the mommy feeling guilty though for sure she is going through adjustment period of you not being there..spend more time with her whenever you can.

[deleted account]

Your little one doesn't hate you. I but my daughter in care when she was only 3 1/2 months old ( she is now 17 months). It was hard to start with and she struggled taking a bottle to start with at daycare. I can honestly say that she now loves going and she settled in fairly quickly and our routine settled not long after her starting. It is new for all of us but she adjusted well. Don't worry yourself too much about it, she will settle, your routines will come together again, you could ask daycare not to give her as much milk so that she is ready for a feed when you pick her up, she may nurse better that way. Hope this helps.

Melanie - posted on 03/26/2010

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My son refused to nurse when I went back to work, also. But I agree with Amy. I think it was more that he had so many bottles during the day. According to my doctor, it's a lot easier to get the milk from a bottle than a breast. So, once they get used to bottles, they get kind of lazy and don't want to work for breastfeeding.

That's also when he began really noticing the world around him, so all he wanted to do was get around and check it out... not lay around and snuggle with me. But don't let her be the boss. If you want to pick her up, do it, whether or not she's crying. If she learns early that she gets her way by throwing a fit, it will only get worse.

Try not to take it personally, either. I know it stinks to have to leave your child all day and then come back to a less than warm reception, but it will pass. Now, when I walk in the door, my son breaks into a beaming smile that melts my heart!! You have so many AMAZING moments together ahead!!

Amy - posted on 03/26/2010

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she doesn't hate you, at 4 months they have a better understanding of how long your actually gone, so she's probably a little upset that you'r gone since you are her main source of food.

Also, if she gets more than 2 bottles in a row chances are she's just lazy and refuses to nurse anymore. That might also be where her frustration is with you if you try to force her to feed. I had a LOT of issues with getting my son to breastfeed when I went back to work, I switched to pumping during the day, then in the middle of the night I would still breastfeed him. During the day he just would refuse to eat, and whine when I held him.

Also, is she active? Is she working on trying to crawl? at 4 months my son started to crawl, at about 3 months when he was really working on it he didn't want to be held at all, he just wanted to move himself.

And I agree, your working to help provide her with a better future, don't feel guilty about that!

Keeshea - posted on 03/26/2010

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No, I don't think that your baby hates you for going back to work. She's just going through a phase. You are doing your best to provide a wonderful future for her. You are doing that by working. Try not to feel bad about working. Your baby knows that you love her. Just continue to try to kiss and hold her. She will come around.

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