Extremely shy child

[deleted account] ( 4 moms have responded )

Does anyone else out there have an extremely shy child? I have a 6 year old daughter who will not speak to "strangers" , doesn't want to attend birthday parties, or join any extra-curricular activities (dancing or swimming etc). I can't figure out what to do to make her any less shy and want to join in. Help!

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Nitza - posted on 09/16/2009

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i have a 4 yr old boy and he doesnt talk to anybody he knows he goes crazy if someone he doesnt know starts talking to him adults and kids. what i did is go to the mall in the childrens play area and sit and play with him and other kids would want to play to i usually brought some kind of snack where he can share. a day by day he started talking to kids in the play area on his own. He doesnt like strangersgetting close still which i think thats good. but play really well with kids . you could try that too

User - posted on 09/16/2009

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hiya, sounds exactly like my boy, who is now 9. he has started going to birthday parties just this year. basically we gave him a lot of time and took things slowly, he doesn't do any extra curricular activities. we have started some language lessons once a week (will start at the beginning of october) so we will see. but basically we did get some professional help when he was about 6.

the advise we were given was to take it easy and take small steps. so we started with simply insisting that he go to one birthday party, otherwise he wouldn't be able to invite friends to his birthday party.

time did help too. so not insisting that she goes to all parties etc...... and ler her take it in her stride will help.

we have noticed that with time it does get easier for him. talking to adults has always been an issue for him but it is easier for him when we are not around.

my advice is to give her time and take it slowly.

[deleted account]

Thanks for the help. My daughter too is fine in familiar settings, and with familiar people. It's when there's something new that she gets quite anxious. Sometimes it's so frustrating when she won't speak to people when they say hello, or when she arrives at a b-day party and just stands there looking scared out of her mind. It usually takes her about 20 minutes to process the situation and become more comfortable.

She says she doesn't want to join any other activities because she misses me too much - but then when I say that I will stay and watch, she still doesn't want to do it. We tried putting her in Brownies with 3 other kids she already knows, but we eneded up just having to fight with her every week when it was time to go, and she ended up quitting after about 6 weeks.

Meryha - posted on 09/16/2009

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This is interesting. I have twins who are five. The older one is really shy but not quite that bad. She likes being around other kids but usually once she knows the kids. She told me that she wanted to play soccer and then I became the coach but she wouldn't play during the games. The best thing is to not force her. Maybe if you attend the party she will stay. Maybe for dancing or swimming, you should see if the place will let you guys just sit and watch to see if she likes it. I hope that this helps some. Oh and it has gotten better with my child. So hopefully it will get better for you too.

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