Feeling guilty about putting my daughter in daycare

Marian - posted on 09/05/2012

Stacy, I am sorry that this transition has been so difficult for you. Having to leave any child at daycare can be hard for any parent. I had a short time that my son had to be in daycare, and it killed me every time he had to go. I felt as though my son should be with me, that I should be with him, raising him, enjoying him... I thought that he would be sad and lonely at daycare because he wasn't with me. But then one day after I dropped him off, I watch through the window, and to my surprise he was having such a great time. He had a few little friends that he played with, one of the teachers was really caring with him. Seeing that helped put all my anxiety to rest. Seeing him happy made me feel more at ease with the situation. Don't feel guilty! You are doing your part to help provide for your family. In an ideal world, all us Moms would be able to stay home and raise our kids until they drive us crazy. But the reality is that sometimes us Moms have to work outside the home, which means some sort of childcare for our kids. You have found a great place where your little one can grow and prosper as an individual, make friends, learn skills, have fun and be safe. Let that provide you a little comfort as you move through this transition. It will get easier, I promise.

Paulina - posted on 08/23/2012

I have been there! I had to return to work when my daughter was just under 3 months old. She is now 11 months and I went through the same separation anxiety that you are. It was really really hard for the first few weeks, but it got much easier. Can you stop in and see her on your lunch break? I did that a few times and seeing my daughter being well cared for, having fun, and making friends made me feel better. If that's not an option, you can always call and check on her. The daycare teachers should understand, and hopefully not be annoyed that you are calling. I also gave myself enough time to chat with the teacher in the morning and at pick up so I got to know her teacher and trust her. When you pick up your baby, are you anxious and upset, or happy and excited? I find that my daughter can pick up on my mood and emotions and reflect them back to me, so maybe that is why she doesn't seem as smiley.

Mary - posted on 08/22/2012

Hi Stacy!
My daugther started going to daycare when she was 2 and a half months old. I did feel guilty at first, and it took me awhile to realize she didn't stop loving me, and she knows I am her mom. I think is a normal reaction what you are experiencing, and I also know is hard to try to be strong when you feel so bad for your little one being away. You will see with time that is not bad to go back to work, and it will be easy on both on you when it's time for school. try not to put so much pressure on you, be happy when you pick her up, and do not let her do anything she wants just because you're feeling guilty, be careful!!
But like I said, it gets better with time, you are working to provide a better life for her, and as long as she is well taken care of, you can rest assure she is fine.

Elaine - posted on 08/20/2012

Hi Stacy,

I am a Holistic Life Coach and Spiritual Teacher. So from a holistic perspective, you are seeing your daughter reflecting back to you your guilt. If you felt confident about your decision then she would also be happy. What you see is a mirror to you. Since you are creating this guilt scenario, the great news is, YOU can also change it.

I help people remove the limiting beliefs/blocks that keep them from hearing their intuition.

You have some conditioning that is telling you that you are bad for working and putting your child in day care or whatever it is. It's negative and that is what you are projecting. Your daughter is just responding to your limiting beliefs.

Once you shift your outlook, then so will your daughter. Does that make sense? Guilt is a dirty little trick of the ego/lower self mind and loves to keep us feeling bad about ourselves. The truth is that you are whole perfect and complete just the way God made you.

You aren't BAD for feeling the way you do. The first thing is to forgive yourself and give yourself a break. Think about what your limiting beliefs are, write them down and then tear them up or burn them. Love yourself and then your child will love you back.

Love and light!
Elaine Enlightening

Melissa - posted on 08/19/2012

I worked in a daycare for 6 years and I also have 4 kids that went to the daycare that I worked at. We always to the parents we want them to feel comfortable with us taking care of their children. That meant calling anytime they wanted or needed to and made sure that they knew they were not bothering us we are faking care of someone that means the most to them in the world also stop in anytime you want as long as its not difficult for your child if she sees you and cries wanting to go with you rethink that but if she's ok then do it. It makes you feel better because you see what she does all day and how much she loves her teachers and other caregivers. Its not that she is bored with you its probably by the end of the day she is overstimulated by the environment that she is in. Don't worry you are a great mom she will thank you later believe it or not when she starts school in a few years she will be very socail ready.

Shirley - posted on 08/17/2012

Definitely you are not a bad mom - you are working to provide for her, which is as important as anything! I agree about keeping dinner simple and interacting as much as possible - I actually traveled for work, which made it really hard, but my daughter is now 7 and is very social and well adjusted. Some of the things they start teaching in day care I would never have thought about - she is very advanced and I think it's due to her early start at day care. Make sure you have a day care that you completely trust as she is the most precious thing - even drop by sometimes unannounced. Sometimes if I wasn't traveling, I'd head over and breastfeed just for the connection and closeness. You will do fine, but it will take some time to adjust. Best of luck!
Shirley

Theresa - posted on 08/16/2012

You're definitely not a bad mother. When my mom started watching my daughter around that age, I noticed she wanted to be around her more-or she would open her arms up for her to get her all the time. It was very hard because you love them so much and you want their affection too-you carried them-right!!?? Well-you will get to spend more time together as they get older-try to make the time you do share special and fun and my daughter is eleven months old now and she gives me all the affection I need plus more! It will come-but b/c they're so small it may take a little while-like the other mom said try to spend time when you can during the week and during the weekend the time you do have-cherish it by playing and just having a good time with them!

Amy - posted on 08/10/2012

No you shouldn't feel guilty about having to put her in daycare, and it doesn't make you a bad mother because you work. I do understand that feeling and it's completely normal but overtime it will become easier. Just make sure you're organized so that when you pick her up you can spend lots of extra time with her to make up for it, for example do your prep work for dinner before hand or use a crockpot so you don't have to spend time cooking dinner.

Chaya - posted on 08/09/2012

Why? once she starts walking/talking, she'll have a grand old time