Feeling Judged by Stay at home mums ?

Bevely - posted on 08/10/2011

Do what is best for you and your family, don't worry about what anyone else thinks.

Randi - posted on 08/09/2011

Oh, honey! I've been feeling this A LOT lately! But, I do think it's healthy for us to teach our kids that we don't HAVE to stay at home... that we can work, and if they want to do that when they get older, it's perfectly acceptable!

Kim - posted on 08/09/2011

There is judgement from everywhere on just about every topic. Working, not working, working from home, breast feeding, bottle feeding and the list goes on... It's not about YOU it's about THEM and what is best for THEIR family. Do what is best/right for YOUR family.

Gina - posted on 08/08/2011

I don't think everyone is full of envy and venom for you. But some might be. I understand completely what you're doing and why. I have always felt the same way. If my hubby had to go out and get another job, I'd be against it too. Working part time because you have to is reality sometimes. I wish you the best and I know it will work out.

Shelagh - posted on 06/17/2011

The important thing is that you are comfortable in your own skin. I don't think there is really such a thing as a stay at home mum, or a working mum for that matter. There are mums who are staying at home at the moment, and there are mums who are working at the moment, but if my experience is anything to go by, most of us move from one to the other and sometimes back again. You have to do what's right for you. Personally, I don't think it does kids any harm to see their mums having a life away from them. And it doesn't do mums any harm to have a life away from the kids. It makes you appreciate them when you get home.

Bonnie - posted on 06/15/2011

I am a foster mom. One of the requirements is that you have to have a certain income so I work. I love working I have always worked. My daugther is now 22 and a productive member of society. We have a very close relationship and she is a hard worker. I don't feel she was at any disadvantage by having a working mom. I instilled in her a good work ethic and time management skills. She never missed out on anything important because we didn't have the money such as sports, which are very costly. I love working it gets me out and makes me feel like I contribute to my family. I still do all the things a stay at home mom does I just have to be very organized with my time. Right now I have a 9-year old foster son who we will be adopting and he is in sports and I take him to practice, go to his games,. cook, wash clothes, I am involved in his school. I personally don't care if anyone says they would be better off if I stay home because they woulen't a happy mom is a good mom and that's me HAPPY!!!!!

Joni - posted on 06/14/2011

I have always worked my oldest is 19 and my little one just turned 4! With my oldest it wasn't a choice I had to work with the youngest I don't have to work but it sure does help! And i have worked so long that i would go crazy if i spent too much time at home! Don't worry about what others say everyone has to make the choices that are right for them! my son goes to an excellant daycare and he is very happy there! Most of my family and friends are stay at home moms and they have never judged me for working and i have never judged them for staying at home!

Christina - posted on 06/01/2011

In all honesty, I think a lot of SAHM's are jealous that we have a life outside our kids. And I think they are jealous because they couldn't handle being a working mom.
I had to put my son in daycare when he was 3mnths old. I was a single teenage mom and I had to get back to work and school. Yep, school too. I had no help at all. And I still managed to become a nurse before my 20th birthday!
I was able to be a SAHM for about 7yrs, then I was forced to leave my ex-husband. I have been a working mom again for the past 2yrs. I recently remarried (4wks ago), and my husband is the SAHD because I can make more.

Kim - posted on 05/31/2011

I know how you feel! I made the decision to go back to work because I don't think it is fair to put the burden of the entire family's finances on the man. My husband has dreams of one day owning his own company. He will never be able to do this if I don't have a job that pays the bills and provides insurance for our family! If we both work, we will both be able to retire at a decent age and have enough money to fund our retirement, pay for college for our children, and provide financial security to ourselves in our old age so they don't have to worry about us. This was too much for me to give up. I grew up going to daycare and I don't even remember it! All I remember is my mother always coming to my games/recitals/etc. As long as you make the time you are home count, your child will be happy!

Angelic - posted on 04/19/2011

Aww well good for you...I give it up to at home mums, cause sometimes on the weekends with my boys are hard seeing that they spend 12 hrs week day in daycare but how will they eat and have everything they do if i Don't! Those women just need to understand that maybe they are blessed to be able to stay home with thier kids...I would never pay anyone to love my babies, but i am a single parent, made some bad partner choices so here i am Active Duty Army and sometimes i have to leave my sons and travel to different countries, thats just the way is it. I feel it gives my boys time for them to miss me and me to miss them while i am at work. I really have been appreciating them more, since i have recently been doing short missions in other countries more frequently lately. It sounds like you are being judged and unless they are gona pay some bills in your house, those ladies can shove it!

Justina - posted on 04/19/2011

That is really infuriating for someone to make such a terrible assumption about working mothers. Well I commend you in going back to work!

Wendy - posted on 04/18/2011

Hi, I don't think you should let comments like that get to you. Comments like that show an inner turmoil on the part of the commentator. What ever decision you make is ALWAYS the right one for you and your family. The secret is to enjoy life, enjoy your children and be happy. I work full time, am studing my second post graduate diploma part time and still make the most of every moment I spend with my beautiful children. I feel blessed every day to be the doctor I dreamt of being since I was five years old and to live in a world were women have the opportunity to live their dreams. I feel so blessed to have a loving husband who supports my decison and children who tell me every day that they love me and that I am the best mom in the world and friends (both stay-at- home and working) who never feel the need to judge me. We have the options of working part time, full time, working from home or staying at home with our children full time and there are no right or wrong answers. The secret is not to over think things, to be at peace with the decision you make as a family and enjoy life. A happy, confident, smiling mom is always the best mom. Remember negative comments, whether they be by SAHMs or WMs, really just reflects on the person's own inner turmoil and is probably an attempt by them to justify their own decision, and is not really a reflection on your decision at all.

Keisha - posted on 03/03/2010

Don't let those women bother you. You are doing the right thing. Many of them will not admit it but they likely envy your ability to get outside of the house and into the workforce to help to support your family. Some people just criticize when they know that want to do it themselves. Makes them feel good for some reason..makes their situation more bearable. Do your thing! Your family will be better off for it.

Caroline - posted on 03/03/2010

I think it is incredibly unfortunate that anyone thinks they know what's best for your family. Everyone has to strike their OWN balance in life and do what works for them. I work full time and have two beautiful children. I barely made it through both maternity leaves without losing my mind and I became a much better parent when I went back to work. I am very vocal when anybody tries to put me down because I'm not with my children 24/7. They're still wonderful, happy, creative children who know they are loved and are well provided for AND they have a mom who is happy and doesn't regret her decisions.

Ashley - posted on 02/28/2010

Jess - i got the same message when i went back to work after 10 weeks of being home. my husband and I did not have the luxury of me staying home and being with our daughter. I look at my life in comparison to to those who were judging me and their children are not as flexible, vocal, when they want something they cry rather then ask, but the BEST thing of all - my husband and i are not struggling to make ends meet.

Feel empowered that you are able to work and be a mom. Don't get me wrong, i would love to stay home, but i also enjoy the time away from my daughter - but miss her every moment i am away.I AM PROUD TO SAY I AM A WORKING MOM!! Anyone that would like to challenge that, can do so. I think working moms are more level headed, stronger and more eager to get things done both at work and home - because we know we only have a limited time to spend with our children. The moments we have - we cherish!!

Best of luck to you!! Be proud that you are able to not only be a GREAT mom, but be an AWESOME working mom!!

Jill - posted on 02/28/2010

The way I see it... your daughter is going to be more well rounded and will learn to go to others for help. I have Stay at home mom friends and while i love them all dearly...... their kids are so stuck with where my daughter will go to others she trusts for help. Don't get my wrong, i think staying at home is wonderful for some people, just not for my family. I also feel she learns so much more from the kids around her (some good some bad) than I could ever teach her. Peer Support is an important thing to have, even to young children. And one last thing, I feel the time away from my kids gives me a chance to fulfill my career and in turn makes me a happy person and a better mom. Just my opinion.

A good mom is something that anyone can be whether they stay at home or go to work. Your daughter will learn just as much and be just as happy doing either one. Kids adapt!!!

Good luck going back to work..... I personally don't regret my decision to continue working...

Veronica - posted on 02/28/2010

Sometimes, I wish I would have had that option to stay at home with my kids, but like some it is just not an option. Like a few others have said there are definitely good points and not so good points to either staying at home or working. Just do what you need to do and forget everyone else. You know what you and your family needs that is all that matters anyway.

Aisha - posted on 02/26/2010

Hi i have also been a stay home for 6 months and i know the feeling, i have found some one reliable to look after my daughter at home, she comes in at 6 am, leave at about 4.45 pm, and my baby gets along fine with her, they both love one another, i have been at work from Jan . I have had enuff stay home moms put me down , but then at the end o f the day they are not the ones who has to make sure that bills are paid, so i just brush it off and walk along. We choose who to be in our lifes ,and i choose to work and be a great mom. And who said working moms can't balance their jobs a well as their home and Still look fab...

We all have roles to play in our children lifes- its doesnt matter if you a stay home mom or a Working mom, the sam principles applies, we love our children unconditioner and will protect and love them for All eternity

Yolanda - posted on 02/25/2010

i love my kids and I love my job! don't let those SAHM with those attitudes get to you..some women are just able to juggle more in life. If a SAHM gives me crap i give it right back they envy our time that we have outside of the home just as much as we may wish to be at home with our kids too. the difference is you aren't making them feel like less of a mother for not financially supporting her family. remember they have a stigma too. Some people look at SAHM as weak willed females-sounds like the ones who are judging you are just that.

Suzanne - posted on 02/25/2010

I also think its great going back to work!! GOOD FOR YOU!!! I work 50 hours a week as a lawyer. I love my job. I have two little girls, 20 months and 3 and I believe it makes me a better parent and it makes my kids more well rounded with change in going to day care. It is just the same as going to school. My kids don't cry when I have to leave them somewhere and my oldest doesn't have a shy bone in her body. She is every social. I spend quality time with them not quantity time with them. At school they learn songs and to play. They learn how to interact with other kids and handle change soo much better. I grew up with a stay at home mom. I really think it made me more shy then if I had gone to day care and had to learn to interact with kids at an early age. It also made change in the routine much more difficult for me. My kids like to spend time with me when I am home, and I with them. We have a blast and I appreciate them and enjoy them soo much more, then if I saw them all day long and they appreciate me and my husband more. Don't you worry one more second about what the Stay at Home Moms think. If you feel in your heart, you are doing the right thing for you and your family, then YOU ARE!! Good luck to you!!

Leanne - posted on 02/25/2010

We are all equals, well I think we are. I went back to work when my son was 4 months old and was taken care of by a great day care centre. I am happy being back at work, and I think if I am a happy mother then our kids and family life will be happier.

My son is a well grounded bright kid, and going to daycare did not do him any harm, in fact he interactes with kids of all ages because of that. I love my child and family and I do this for them so we can have a better life, and of course help pay the dreaded bills. I also do it for myself - its my time. ha ha.Good luck to you, don't listen to any one else, as everyone's situation is diff. You can't judge a mum just because she works and others don't.

Lindsey - posted on 02/25/2010

Seems like we should all just respect and support the choices we make as women and mothers. There are pros and cons to both staying at home and working.

Keeshea - posted on 02/25/2010

They should not do that to you. There's nothing wrong with you working. Some moms do not have a choice - they have to work. My husband gave me the option. I chose to go back to work (plus we need the extra $$). Just ignore them!

Amy - posted on 02/25/2010

I think it's great your going back to work. Being with adults really helps! It's hard being a stay at home parent, I could never do it! My husband is a stay at home dad, just because it's easier for us and hard for him to find a job making enough to make it worth while. If he had a job to make it worth while he would be there in a heartbeat!

They say that it's a privelage to have a stay at home parent, but in all honesty, it really isn't! For us, daycare would be over $1000 a month for one child. working minimum wage it's hard to cover that cost! Some areas are lucky and aren't as expensive, but in our area it's at least that a month. If you can make enough to have both parent's working and both *could* cover the cost of daycare, the gas it would take to go to and from daycare and work, etc. I guess I'm just saying every family has different situations. Day care's aren't bad, some may not be all that great, but if you do your research your child will be in a safe environment.

I have lots of respect for those who stay at home, because a stay at home parent is a full time job. I also have respect for those families where they both work. In both situations the children are loved, and they know it. ( well most of the case, not all parent's show there children that they love them, but the ones on here I'm sure do! )

Alison - posted on 02/25/2010

It is really unfortunate that other moms are making you feel bad for your decision. I think 3 days a week is a wonderful balance. It allows for your child to become more autonomous and discover new things, and it will help you find more balance and dare I say be a happier, healthier mom.

I always thought I would be a stay at home mom. I am currently working full-time and I rather enjoy it. My absolute ideal would be 3 days/week.

All the best to you and your family!

Nicolene - posted on 02/25/2010

Just remember not everyone has the privelage to stay at home, I went back to work when my son was 4 months old. It is life. I think that moms that work get around better and cope better and are more organized than mommies sitting at home.

Yes fine, I would like to be at home to with my son. But life doesn't always give you what you want. It is your decision, no one can decide what you must or must not do.

I was also had a few of those when I started working, just ignore them. Us mommies that work are called "SUPER MOMS", we can handle much more and cope better in different situations. We work, we clean, we look after, and and and.

You are a "SUPER MOM" and always remember that!!!!!! Those that complain just don't know anything. They are just jealous because you can do what they can't.

Jewel - posted on 02/25/2010

Those moms just envy you because you had the opportunity to work again. Besides helping your hubby with the bills is not a bad idea afterall. Good luck and just give those critic moms a big smile so they will not get into your nerve