Feeling Kinda worn out

Becky - posted on 04/07/2009

Hi Esther - OMG, I totally relate to your post about waking up your hubby when he says "I can take care of him" - it is like, what is the point because I am awake already and sometimes I would literally lie there for what seems like forever (probably 3-5 minutes) and the kid is screaming at the top of his lungs and I am thinking what the fuck how can anyone sleep through this? and there he is, just lying around and sleeping. and then if you do it and he wakes up (when you are almost done) and says oh, why didn't you wake me up? doofiness.

As for cooking, girl, it is called the crockpot.

Cleaning - it's called maid services (some of them will drop their rates if you get lower offers).

I am by some standards a young mom (28 when I had my son), but OMG, some days I feel old as sh*t and don't know how my mom adopted two children (3 yrs old and 2 months old) at the age of 42. I am not really for "young" mothers/parents, but holy cr*p at least you know your body would bounce back (and I am not just talking about sleep here ladies). When do the stretch marks go away? When does the jiggle/hang go away?

I went back to work FT after 3.5 months and went back to school PT for a Master's after 2.5 months, and the shit is about to hit the fan at work (busy season) plus three classes this summer. The H already knows that if my school starts to suffer that I will have to quit working (at least full-time), but we will see.

There is some ad that I saw in a mag that said something like this and this puts it all in perspective for me when I am feeling like a crazy busy woman who is about to rip her hair out.

Picture your baby talking to you saying - "Mommy, I know I am cranky/tired/crying/hungry/not napping/not sleeping/needy today, but I will only be this age once." Whenever I feel like ass and I am like OMG I can't take it anymore, I think of that and I smell his sweet smell and see his handsome face and know that he loves me more than anything else in this whole world... it makes me feel better. OK, back to work.

Catherine - posted on 04/07/2009

Hang in there. I can totally relate - it must get better, right?

Esther - posted on 04/07/2009

It is so nice to read all these posts. I'm a 35 year old mom of a 15 month old little boy and I work full-time. My husband, who also works full time, travels a lot. He was gone all of February (except weekends). My son also still isn't sleeping through the night, so between the not sleeping at the end of my pregnancy and the not sleeping once the baby was born, I haven't had more than about 5 hours of sleep in 1.5 years. And I love sleep. Now more than ever.



I used to be a top performer at my job and now I barely meet expectations. Which in the current economy is really not a good thing (we've already had several layoffs and there are sure to be more before this recession is over). I pay someone to clean my house once a week and that's the only cleaning that ever happens.



Thank god I have a very plugged in husband who does everything around the house (cleaning the kitchen, groceries, laundry, fixing things etc.) and is very involved with our son, but I'm the one who gets up in the middle of the night every single night, I'm the one who gets up at 5 or 6 AM when the baby wakes up, I'm the one who takes off from work when the baby is sick, I'm the one who has to puke with the baby (now toddler) on my arm when I'm sick myself, etc. (and I can't even tell you how many times I have peed on myself trying to pull my pants down with one hand while holding my son on my other arm & not being able to pull them down far enough).



My husband gets up in the middle of the night if I ask him, but I have to wake him up, watch how it takes him 10 mins to find his pants, go to the bathroom etc. In the meantime our son is hysterical and I'm wide awake anyway. And even when I do that and my husband goes in there, it still often ends up with either me having to take over, or my husband bringing the baby back to our bedroom, which also means me taking over (because then the baby just wants to have my attention and be held by me etc.). So 99.9% of the time I don't even bother waking him. I just take care of it myself.



I'm so exhausted though that I can barely function anymore. And then there is the constant guilt. Guilt about not being a better wife (I'm sure everyone knows what I mean by that .....), guilt about being so tired sometimes that I just don't feel like playing with my son, guilt about not doing better at work, guilt about letting myself go (I haven't had a pedicure in god knows how long - I look like a bush woman), guilt about not having more time to spend with my son, guilt about not cooking healthy meals more often, guilt about not living closer to my parents so they can enjoy being grandparents (my husband and I are both Dutch so all our relatives live in The Netherlands while we are in the US), etc. etc. etc. Even guilt about this complaint! I have a gorgeous, healthy, wonderful, sweet, funny little boy, so where do I get off complaining right?



Anyway, that was my vent for the day.

Sandra - posted on 04/07/2009

So good to hear from all of you......and it is important to know that we are not alone in this....at times my world becomes so small; work, family, house....around and around it goes.

Sunday afternoon I went to a Spiritualist church; Reiki, meditation. This is something I have been meaning to do forever.  What a difference it made in my state of mind. 

As a mom taking care of myself is always at the end of the list and ya know that it would want to be a top priority; cuz, if momma ain't right then the rest of the family adopts whatever attitude I might have....

I am in the process of getting ready-to get ready for work, lol

Just wanted to drop you all a line....

Be Well,

Sandra 

Sian - posted on 04/06/2009

i have a 15 month old son and only been back to work since last october,started off full time but after christmas it got a lot harder so had to go part time i work in a car factory working shifts my partners mam has my son when im at work and my partner works in the same place on a different shift so i understand how hard it gets,if i could get away with not working then i would but bills have to be paid

Heide-Marie - posted on 04/05/2009

Hi there.  I feel guilty about being so busy.  It's good to know that there are other moms feeling like me and feeling so tired.   I am 27 with 2 kids.  The girl is 4 and my little boy is turning 2 in june.  I'm a single mom (been through a divorce just after the boy's birth).  I have no other option than working.  I'm a pharmacist and working full time - even weekends.  I feel guilty about not  being able to be there with my kids most of the time and not being able to give them a happy family with a mom and dad.  When I do have free time I feel guilty not to spend it with my kids.  Sometimes I just feel as if I can't take it anymore.  It's just work and kids, nothing else.  I know I have to take a break sometimes otherwise I'll yell at my kids (wich is something I don't really do). 

Good luck!  At least I think it helps to know others feel the same way!

Heide-Marie - posted on 04/05/2009

Hi there.  I feel guilty about being so busy.  It's good to know that there are other moms feeling like me and feeling so tired.   I am 27 with 2 kids.  The girl is 4 and my little boy is turning 2 in june.  I'm a single mom (been through a divorce just after the boy's birth).  I have no other option than working.  I'm a pharmacist and working full time - even weekends.  I feel guilty about not  being able to be there with my kids most of the time and not being able to give them a happy family with a mom and dad.  When I do have free time I feel guilty not to spend it with my kids.  Sometimes I just feel as if I can't take it anymore.  It's just work and kids, nothing else.  I know I have to take a break sometimes otherwise I'll yell at my kids (wich is something I don't really do). 

Good luck!  At least I think it helps to know others feel the same way!

Sara - posted on 04/04/2009

im realizing how hard it it is too im 24 with two children 3 yrs and 8 months, i work 9-5 then come home to a broken husband who is on bed rest. So now i worry all the time about finances, kids, work, and now my husband, plus were moving at the end of the month. I would not change my life for n e thing but i can relate to u as u see. And ur more mature then i am! I like to take 5-10 min breaks outside to my self frequently, and know that family and friends are very helpful.

Jennie - posted on 04/04/2009

You know I am a young mom I am 24 and I have three children ranging fro 3 to 2months.  I get so stressed out that I dont know what to do with myself.  And my mother was sucha mean person growing up like she would say things like I wish I never had you kids and that she hated us.  She also says that she shouldnt have tried getting us out of foster care because all we are are horrible children.  Well first of all my mother had 5 kids and she drank so much that all of us got takin away and put in foster care and alot of crap went down in there where we had to testify against the foster parents because of what they did to us.  It was really sad we were so young I was in kindergarden.  I told myself I would never raise my children the way she did so I will and do the opposit of what she would have done.  Just because you are older doesnt mean much really.  I am younger and I need naps daily or I am crabby.  I work part to full time depending on the week and I am enrolled in school three days a week and still trying to raise my kids good.  Its really hard.  But I know what your going through everyone just thinks that women are ment to do things like this like raise the kids cook the food our men need to stand up and help out way more that thy do.  Than maybe we mothers wouldnt be so tired and stressed out all the time.  Good luck to you I hope everything goes great for you.

Tara - posted on 04/04/2009

I can relate too. I work F/T and have a 6 month old little girl. And add into this the fact that I will also be starting a master's program P/T in the fall. I work 12 hour shifts and then come home to my baby and am so exhausted. Even though she is sleeping through the night, I still feel worn out the next morning. And thankfully my fiance is very supportive and helps out a lot. I have no idea how single moms do it- my hat is off to them!

Sandra - posted on 04/04/2009

Thanks Melanie.......

And you also...lol

Last night my husband took the girls out to dinner. This is always my opportunity to have some time alone....It goes by so quick though, lol.....

Their arrival home ; a three ring circus.....one daughter yelling and crying.....I got up and went to bed g> whats a mother to do....

Well, it's Sat. the day I play "catch-up" around the house......lets see how that goes...lol

I wonder,,,, does one ever really do that..

Have a great day ladies..

Sandra 

Melanie - posted on 04/01/2009

i can relate as well. i have three kids and i work full time outside the home and it keeps me busy. children are very demanding for time and it seems that i dont have any more time than work work and more work.  thats what my family tells me all the time. and i also wish i would get some empathy as well. good luck to you and i hope you get some peaceful time to yourself.  hang in there

Sara - posted on 03/31/2009

Women put up with a lot, but you know what? We are AWESOME!

Sandra - posted on 03/31/2009

 Catherine,

lol.....how old are your darling boys ?  A few moments ago one of my beloved daughters came knocking on the door (outside waiting for bus ) upset that her friend was being mean and called her a name that I certainly wouldn't of used when I WAS 12 ........Currently, I am sitting here shaking my head thinking that some changes need to happen in this household.....major....g>

Alright Cathering, I must prepare for the day.......lets hope the Mayans aren't right sista, lol

Jenni - posted on 03/30/2009

Catherine - my latest mantra is that I hope the Mayans are right and the world ends in 2012 so I don't have to do this too much longer and I don't have to deal with teenage boys.

Sandra - posted on 03/30/2009

Hello Catherine,

You are too funny ! "sleep when I die"....don't go there -I intend to nap whenever possible...good to hear from you...

Sandra 

Catherine - posted on 03/30/2009

I can relate ladies. Life kind of sucks right now. It is a constant battle of kids, work, kids, house, work, kids, etc. My husband feels it too and all I can say is that we are looking forward to the kids going to college. LOL

I guess it will get better?? You can sleep when you die.

Sandra - posted on 03/29/2009

Dear Jenni,

So good to hear you....I was at a seminar not to long ago, on parenting, and the speaker began his talk with "parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done" . I wanted to cry my eyes out....I had longed to hear that ; from anyone.  

My husband works just about 7 days a week.. so, the reality of the situation is that I am alone in 90% of the parenting.  

At times I feel overcome with anxiety: children not eating right, the house-not perfect-not even close-cooking-clothes-animals-work...ad infinitum.  I tell you Jenni, I know that I just really need to chill out, lol. Living in the moment escapes me at times. As if my entire existence is based upon a "to do" list, Yikes !  

Lately I have been keeping a gratitude journel.....attempting simplicity......letting some things "just be".  Once again, thank you for sharing.....all of you wonderful women 

Susan - posted on 03/28/2009

Jenni: Hang in there ... You do have a lot going on and every reason to feel very stressed. Winter is like that for me (I feel like a single mom I am by myself so much) ... sometimes I wouldlove to go to bed after dinner. Maybe you should just touch base with your doc and touch base regarding the meds (get his/her opinion)? I think sometimes our mothers wnat to talk us out of feeling bad by offering solutions (mine does) and do not realize some validation is what we need ... Let us know how you are doing again soon and come back and vent ...

Jenni - posted on 03/28/2009

Hello ladies -
Feeling Kinda worn out? Try AM WORN OUT!!!!! I am SOOOO glad I found this post as I was beginning to think I was the only one feeling this way and I am so burned out that I can't function right any more. I work full time as a social worker in the juvenile prison system in a program where we are rapidly getting youth into our unit and then having them return to the community. I also have two sons at home, a VERY talkative 3 year old and a 10 month old. The three year old almost NEVER stops talking and has to question everything. He has also stopped listening to everything. I joke that I want to surgically remove the cotton from his ears and put it in his mouth. Then there is my husband who I love dearly and really is a large help around the house but of course he has his faults also, like he is forever loosing things. He is also a baseball umpire so now that we are into baseball season I never see him. I work late two nights a week and every other saturday, then he umpires the other three nights and every other saturday so we are lucky to have sundays together. I do try to have me time by going to work out in the mornings before I go into work. Lately though I've had to get to work earlier so that cuts out my workout since the group starts at 8:30am, or one of the boys is sick so I can't take him to work out and it typically is a day that my husband wouldn't come home until late anyways so I can't even get to the gym when he gets home. I am seriously finding that I have a VERY short patience lately as everything is building up - sick kids, husband gone to umpire, kids at work are not doing any better and have warrants out for their arrest and return, kids from work are running away, the typical social worker stress of too much paperwork and not enough time. Add to this that I am a perfectionist and I am putting in work hours off the clock in an attempt to get caught up so I'm working more than the 40 hours a week and still can't stay on top of things. Then of course it's hard to get anything done at home in the evenings when I'm watching the two boys. some nights it's all I can do to get dinner for them and myself. My mom has always stated that as long as there is one area of life that is doing alright then I can manage but when all areas of my life are in a bit of disarray then watch out, and that's where I'm at right now. I agree with just needing some empathy, but when I call my mom I feel like I'm getting a lecture - maybe I should go back on my depression meds, this is why she wasn't so excited when I was pregnant because she knew how much work it takes to raise kids, I should be thankful for what I do have. YES I KNOW THIS. I really don't need her telling me these things, I just need to vent and someone to empathize with me. I can so relate to what Suzanne said about the hamster but I feel mine is flopping around in the wheel and dead. Flop...flop...flop...

thanks for letting me vent, and again I so needed this post before I lost my mind.

Sandra - posted on 03/27/2009

Dear Christi,

Thanks for sharing........Frustrated with my husband ?  LMAOR....actually, my husband walked in when I was reading your post.....I read the part about the frustration to him....after I said ,

my reply to you would be " no, I don't know what your talking about " . He laughed......and so did I cause we know that there is a difference in our lifestyles...hmnmmn why is that Christi ? Do you think we set the tone for that...I know I did. Super woman syndrome....I threw my cape away along time ago but I guess negated to tell my beloved about THAT .

You know,  I just found my thoughts centering on the idea of taking time for oneself;: of course I was going to recomend that for you...g> lol....I have friends, no kids, who tell me that all the time and they are right. Nonetheless, I get rather angry at them; what do THEY  know...no kids-how dare they..... but, I know that if we do not stop and care for ourselves the outcome will not be in our favor....something will make us stop....

I want you to know that you can vent to me anytime....I understand.......

Sandra

Christi - posted on 03/27/2009

Sandra,

I can so relate. I am still a younger mom. I will be 30 yrs next month and I work 7 days a week, all though I work from home I am still to say the least working. (I run a home day care) Plus I care for 2 additional children while their parents are away in Military service. I am as well the mother of a 10 yr, 8yr, and 6 month old boys. I fill often overwhelmed and tired; when I talk to my family and friends I hear the same thing that’s just part of being a mom. I understand but sometimes empathy is all I need. I also find myself getting so frustrated when my hubby gets to come home and do his thing no matter what it is and then take a hot shower, eat his meals warm and go to bed when he wants to. Am I the only one who gets jealous of the hubby. I do know though this is the road I chose and that I can never get the time back so working hard is the best for my family even though I am worn out I will keep going, I hope you do not break down and just keep hanging in there. Because this time with are baby's is only going to be so short then before we know it they will be off on their own.

Sandra - posted on 03/27/2009

 Susan,

LOL.....Walking the dog's...yes, I have 2. Last summer I took in a Beagle only to learn that my husband had a deep yearning to get a Great Dane...So, you know we have the Dane right?

Another tidbit to add to the "I'm just not cutting It" saga...lol enough of the guilt I say !

My house is not spot-less and it is a constant battle here to get anyone to take ownership in their contribution to the disorganization...but, you know...most of the time I internalize that it becomes another "thing" that I am not doing well at g>  Perhaps, we should work on some acceptance of our lifestyles .

Talk with you soon...off to work

Sandra

User - posted on 03/26/2009

I totally relate to the "madness": two kids, one 9 (with ADHD and some complicating learning disabiliites) and an energetic 1 year old - add to that working full time as a lawyer .. I feel like a hamster in a wheel that will never stop! I have a fantastic husband, but when parent teacher interview come, or when science projects are due. or when one child is sick, or needs to go to an appointment, its always me on call. I have resorted to finding "me time" starting at about 11:30 pm.... given that most days I try to be in the office before 6am, that doesn't leave a lot of time for sleep! Its crazy! But I love my kids more than words can describe, and I love working so what is a girl to do!!??

Elena - posted on 03/26/2009

i know exactly how that feels. i have a 3 yr old. i work full time and there are days i honestly dont even know how i made it thru the day.
am up at 6 and go to bed by midnight (if am going to bed early) or most days at 1am - just to start the whole madness all over again in 6 hrs. Its wake up, get ready, get child ready, get partner moving, finish packing lunches & closing bkbags, out door, drop off child @ school. have a 2 min conversation with another adult (his teacher), run out the door, catch a train to work, work, get out run to train, pick up child from afterschool, get home, make dinner, make sure homework was done and he eats, bath time, bed time, dishes, pack lunch, did i have dinner yet?, take a quick shower and maybe get to sitdown and relax for an hour before i start passing out in the couch. only to start the whole cycle all over again in a couple of hours...
yea, i think i can relate.

Susan - posted on 03/26/2009

My son had been home sick is back to school. I hate when he is sick because I hate to see him down and that adds to the stress of trying to work with him here.



For me, the economy is another big stress. Anyone else feeling that?

Erika - posted on 03/25/2009

Quoting Erika:

I agree, I work all day. Pick up my son from daycare. And try to make dinner fast enough to eat at a normal time. And try to spend some quality time reading or coloring before bath ,teeth and one more book (or 2 or 3more). It does get exhausting,w/the weekends mostly filled w/chores. But I love my little guy(he's almost 3)I'm just about 37.our birthdays are both in two weeks.My son's very excited. I'm trying to find the time to make it a very special day for my son.All I can say is "keep on keeping on" Good Luck w/your twin tweens, Erika

Erika - posted on 03/25/2009

I agree, I work all day. Pick up my son from daycare. And try to make dinner fast enough to eat at a normal time. And try to spend some quality time reading or coloring before bath ,teeth and one more book (or 2 or 3more). It does get exhausting,w/the weekends mostly filled w/chores. But I love my little guy(he's almost 3)I'm just about 37.our birthdays are both in two weeks.My son's very excited. I'm trying to find the time to make it a very special day for my son.All I can say is "keep on keeping on" Good Luck w/your twin tweens, Erika

Tammy - posted on 03/24/2009

I'm a single mom of 5 so not working is not an option for me.   I sometimes feelguilty whenever I go to bed early or take some me time on the computer, but I spend a lot of time and energy on my kids and most of them are old enough to realize it so that helps.  I have found that as I get older, I am actually more tired but less stressed about stuff.  My house is clean but not spotless my kids are not hungry even though it may come from the freezer once in awhile and I spend a lot of time talking to them so I guess that is good enough!

Janis - posted on 03/24/2009

I am a mother of an almost 7 year old, 19 month old and one on the way due on October. Once I finished school, while working full time, I continued to find a job in my field. I am now commuting three hours a day and working anywhere from 45 to 55 hours in the office. The hours are tough, I miss my kids dearly but have wonderful husband at home who picks up from daycare and makes dinner. With that being said, he does not do any of the dishes, unpack any lunch bags or backpacks, and definetely does not help with the household chores.

Now starting my 2nd tri-mester, I am still exhausted on the weekends and the only thing that i can muster up enough energy to do is clean the house and make sure that the laundry is done, there are no times for naps, but I do go to bed at 8pm each night and on the weekends I get to sleep in untila whooping 6am.

So make things very clear, we are all exhausted, but always remember that the kids will watch what you do more than what you say, so if you are tired due to working hard all week, they will pay attention and hopefully become hard workers as well.

Sairah - posted on 03/23/2009

I have a three year old and work from home too. On top of that, my husband has gone back to school, as well as working full-time. Life is busy.

The biggest thing about working from home is putting boundaries on my work. I make sure not to work at all on weekends. I've also joined night classes so I can spend three hours a week on ME. My mom tells me i'm not giving enough time to my son, but I feel if I don't give time to me, I'll just burn out. 

And I hate house work. I hate cooking, cleaning, laundry. And this is now turning into a rant :-D. My priorities are usually work/son. (should I feel guilty that they are together?), and making sure no one starves. I don't mind a dirty house:-P

Susan - posted on 03/23/2009

Some days stress doesn’t even begin to describe it. I have to admit, I cut back on some areas (my house is not the neatest) and I tend to cook easy-to-prepare stuff (lots of pasta and burgers of all kinds) and just make sure he gets lots of fresh fruits and veggies -- which he likes. When I am rational, I think a tired mom who naps on the weekends is better than a bitchy mom who yells 24-7 (which I may turn into without the naps) and a messy house isn't the worst thing. I try and keep up with actual dirt but clutter I have to let go of it, which doesn't thrill my partner as I tend to collect piles of things. I am the primary care giver of our son and feel like people (my partner included) do not understand the level of stress that goes with that and trying to work (and do a good job) while your mind is unable to let go of what else he may need or want. Today I volunteered at his school (because God forbid all the other moms do it and I don’t – another stress I put on myself, although I do like the chance to see what type of teacher he has and what the room is like) and two hours later I was back picking him up as he had a temperature.



I try and get some fresh air when I can and walk the dog when I want to and not as a chore. I get NETFLIX movies, which is about my big excitement these days. FB is an escape too and way to keep in touch with people without spending lots of time on the phone. And I eat way to much ice cream but I love it … I am hopeful the dog walks will balance that off. When all else fails, I try and remind myself I am lucky to have him. I had him at age 40 after years of trying, so I am lucky and I am grateful (and I love him to death).

Sandra - posted on 03/23/2009

Sista, what I want to know is, how do you do what you do?.  You must be way younger than me..lol  It's tuff, right  ?.  Stress, anxiety......some days seem to confound me......which is part of the reason I joined this group......I need to know that I am not alone in these feelings....So, let me tell you right from the get go; I understand your stress.

Let me ask you this, what do you do for yourself?  Tough question I know.

Thanks for the reply and I look forward to hearing form you again.

Sandra

Sandra - posted on 03/23/2009

Thanks for your reply Susan......

I also can relate to the nap thing, lol.......I don't get to do that during the week; getting home just at the nick of time for the "food preparation". But, on the weekends baby, I nap.....and oh yeah, my children also get to hear mommys war cry of "I'm tired" probably more than they should....g> Perhaps I ought to tone that down a bit ? What do you think Susan, lol....

look forward to hearing from you soon........Sandra

Jennifer - posted on 03/22/2009

Ohhhh boy do I know the feeling. I have 3 kids and work full time. The oldest (5) just started kingergarten this year. Then I have a 3 year old boy and a 4 month old boy. I work as a retail manager and my day is never done. There's always an order I have to do at home, or an article I have to write.. all inbetween doing laundry, dishes, cooking, and preparing the diaper bag for the next day. I breastfeed my youngest so I also have to worry about pumping while I'm at work. It is so stressful some days but my only hope is that as they get older it will maybe get a little easier.

Susan - posted on 03/22/2009

I can relate. I am a mom of an almost 6 year old and I work full-time (from home), which has its own stresses, and had my son when I was 40. Thsi weekend I took long naps both days feel like that is what he is going to remember when he grows up. His mom being tired. I am a journalist so I also have the stress of deadline always hanging over my head ...