Feeling like a failure

Chantera - posted on 09/19/2016 ( 14 moms have responded )

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Hello ladies, I am having a bad year it seems. I am a single mom who relocated to New York a year ago. I have three children. Two girls 8 and 6. And a boy who is 4. He currently lives with his dad in Virginia. Okay, I feel horrible about leaving my son with his dad. But his dad can provide for him a life I cant. Unfortunately for my daughters I am all they have. Their father walked away whwn they were young. Anyway, I feel like my world is crashing down on me. I am currently a CNA, which I mentally cant take anymore. I cry on my way to work everyday. Its just sad. My children go to school from 8 to 2:30. I can only work from 9-1 during the week because I have no one here i. new york to get them at 4 in the am for me to be to work at 7. So I manly work weekends when the lady next door watches them for me. But, weekends were the days I usually go on adventures with my children. So they are upset that that will not being going on this school year until i find a better job. On top of that I have always been apart of the PTA at their school avid this year I cant be. Plus, I was rwnting an apartment from my cousin but I wasnt on the lease. She decided that her and ger husband where moving back to New York so she told me abs my children have to leave. I took her to court but because i wasnt on the lease they told me I have 10 days to vacate the premises. Now me abs my children are forced to go to a shelter this week being that I have no whete else to go. I feel like such a bad mom. I cant wven provide for my children anymore. Once apon a time my family and friends praised me for being so determined for my children. So hands on and put together for them. But now I am horrible and although I try to get out of this hole I am in its like i have on cement shoes. I dont know what to do anymore. The stress of my life is starting to affect my daughters. My old had an anxiety attack her first day of school avid i think the cause is me. My youngest daughter always asks me why we don't do this no more and I overheard her playing with her barbies saying that I am no longer fun. That she liked it better when I was happy. That she wants her old mom back. I cried for days after that i know they are yound and dont understand but I am trying. But, I guess my question is how do you ladies manage being a staying strong when it seems your worlds are crashing on you?

14 Comments

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Maureen - posted on 10/05/2016

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Wow you have sure had it hard. Stay strong and proud as you know you have tried your very best and it is circumstances that are your worst enemy.

Margret - posted on 10/05/2016

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You're obviously a very caring mom who is concerned with providing the best for her children. Right now, your daughters won't understand the reasons why things have changed. But there will be a time they're going to look back and be proud that their best interests in the long run were Mom's first priority. In the meantime, you might consider reaching out to your local community church for resources available to help while you get back on track. I wish you the very best!

Eager - posted on 09/25/2016

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You are an incredibly strong woman, Chantera, and my heart goes out to you! You’re travelling a challenging road, and I wish I could just hug you right now. I do not have any suggestions to offer, but I can certainly pray for you, asking the Lord to draw you closer to Himself and give you all the strength and wisdom you need in the days ahead. Remember, God loves and cares for your more than you can ever imagine. Do take care of yourself, Okay? Hugs!

Peg - posted on 09/23/2016

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Oh, hon, my heart just aches for you. I'm so sorry you're in this situation and that life is such a struggle for you right now. While I've never been a "technically" single mother, my husband was not really involved when our girls were growing up, so I often felt like a single mom. That being said, I know it's not the same, but I can tell you this: Just you being available for them and loving them as best you can is important.

To answer your question, how do you stay strong when it seems your world is crashing in on you? Well, for one, I find it very helpful to have a friend with whom I can talk about this stuff and process it a little bit. Also, I've also found it was good to be "gently" honest with my girls. Your 8-year-old is probably old enough (and even your 6-year-old, although you may have to tailor your answer to her level) to understand your current situation (particularly if you feel she's had a panic attack because of it), and maybe just explain to her that things are tough right now, but that no matter what, you love her and her sister, and you're doing everything you can to make a stable, safe place for you all to be. I always found that my girls responded to my being honest with them about these things (although I did spare them the gory details and just gave light, but heartfelt and true information).

I hope this helps a little bit. I'm a praying mama, so I will be praying for you and your girls and your situation. Take care ~

Chantera - posted on 09/23/2016

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I believe my question was how do you ladies manage to stay strong when your world is crashing down around you? I gave all the information I was going to give. My childrens father has nothing to do with anything I said. I am a single mother. Going back is not an option for me. Thanks for your imput tho. Have a great day.

Jodi - posted on 09/23/2016

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So you can't run and take them from their father who lives in another state. Even if he isn't the one you are running from. Run to somewhere you can afford to live and where they can see their father. AND you have people in their lives who can help you look after the kids while you are working. All of these things make sense.

You have clearly not shared all of the story, but if you want actual advice that might work, you may have to give a bit more detail.

Chantera - posted on 09/23/2016

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I am running from someone. Trying to start a new beginning for me and my daughters.

Teresa - posted on 09/22/2016

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Hi Chantera, I just had my baby in August... so I am not sure how you are feeling. This sounds really tough and mentally/emotionally/physically strenuous on you. I speak from personal experience of having a single mom who went through a lot of terrible things and still managed to raise 2 kids on her own. I guess that all I have to say is that you are a mother and you will find the strength and courage to make it through. Your kids will see that as they get older and come to appreciate what an independent and strong mother they have. Good luck and sending good vibes!

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