Focusing only on your job and your Children

Christine - posted on 12/14/2010 ( 27 moms have responded )

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My sister is a mom of 2 kids, works a full time position, and is the primary person who does everything in her home. I can't change her way of thinking...but wanted to see what thoughts might be out there in regards to moms falling in the trap of the idea of working and taking care of everyone else...but then they fail to take care of themselves. They don't focus on their health, fitness, and activities in life.
Do you struggle with this? I think it's important to always schedule "mom" time.

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Michelle - posted on 12/16/2010

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Struggle with this all the time. My job takes up a lot of time and I struggle to make sure that any off time is for my children who deserve more of their mom. If I start carving out "me" time, they won't have anything left. So I make the unfortunate trade off all the time. In a sense their time is "me" time, because being a "mom" and spending time with them is important and they don't get enough. I also work full time, about 50 hours week minimum and often need to do some work while they are asleep.

Christine - posted on 12/15/2010

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To add my personal 2 cents in- i think it's HIGHLY important for both parents to set a solid example. Especially when it comes to health. I really enjoy that my kids have gone to the gym with me since forever...and now when we work out at home- everyday- they see that. it's "normal"
But additionally, having that small amt of time for you as the mom (or dad) to just go and do what you want to do without the stress of carseats and strollers...is so awesome! There should never be a guilty feeling IMHO. What is there to be guilty about? A child SHOULD have interactions with other adults when "mom" isn't there. "mom" is always their safety and they can run to- but when you remove that from the equation it sometimes changes the behavior and actions of the kids. again, my 2 cents

Merri - posted on 12/14/2010

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I have to say I am just like your sister I am a fulltime with lots of overtime working mom of a 3 year old and I take care of EVERYTHING at my house. My husband does work but that is about all he does. I have no me time. Except on my ride to work after i drop my son off at daycare. Otherwise I am with him all day. I think me time is important but it just doesnt fit my life right now. Hopefully I will get some me time someday

Amy - posted on 12/14/2010

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I think it's VERY important to have "mom" time, although for many mom's it's hard to accept it. My husband (a stay at home dad) takes more time for himself than I do. I think the only "me" time I have is in the car ride to and from work or school.

I try to do things for myself that isn't included in the family or working towards moving up.

I use my husband to help make sure I'm eating ok, but other than that it's hard to find time to go out and do things. When I'm not at school or work I want to be with my kids and husband so it's hard for me to just leave it behind and go do something. It's been 2 1/2 years since I've had any serious ME time other than a few prenatal yoga classes, and I wouldn't have taken them if it weren't for my husband forcing me to sign up. I love my ME time, but I also LOVE my time with my kids. I'm OK with how things are, although this year I'm going to try to go out for supper/drinks with some friends after school a few times this year.

Jennifer - posted on 12/14/2010

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I've always struggled with this. "Mom time" makes me feel guilty. I'm getting better, but it's hard for me/us to have time to ourselves when other things seem so much more important. I was given a gift certificate for a massage one Mother's Day and when i finally used it all i did was feel guilty. I should have been home playing with my daughter, I should be doing homework, or finishing laundry. It seemed like such an indulgence. And I've seen the flip side of the coin too where moms have all "mom time" and the kids are basically forced to fend for themselves and raise themselves. I'm young, when my daughter goes off to college I'll be 36. I can have mom time then. I know how run down we get too. We mommies need to find a better balance! LOL Great question!

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Arley - posted on 01/24/2011

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I am a full time working mom, and my first day back to work was my husband's first week working out of town. He has now been out of town for 2 months, and although he is home on the weekends it is just me and my daughter all week. It is tough, but I have gotten used to doing everything myself and I have also stopped having "me time." It's hard to find time to myself when I am the only one taking care of my daughter and the house all week long. I am beginning to realize how important it is, because I am noticing that I have been really crabby at my husband lately. I know I need to find time for myself, but after working all week and feeling like I never see my daughter, I want to spend as much time as possible with her and I feel guilty if I go anywhere. I guess I feel like I am being selfish, like I am putting my needs in front of my daughter's if I do something for myself.

Amy - posted on 12/31/2010

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I take "me time" when I workout...but if my husband is working then my kids go with me. My husband also hunts so he has his own time. I'm up before 5:00 am and am usually the last one to be (11:00 pm or after) to get things done around the house. I also think it's important for married couples to have "couple time" without the kids. Even if it's just watching a movie once the kids are asleep. If I'm not stressed out, then I'm a much better mom and wife.

Jennifer - posted on 12/28/2010

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It all goes back to the "Superwoman Syndrome" that so many of us woman tend to have. I write a blog about letting go of perfection and finding that balance something I struggle with every day of my life. My blog offer short cut recipes, encouragement, time saving tips, shopping tips, etc...Stop by and visit. www.imnotsuperwoman.com

Iris - posted on 12/28/2010

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Your right Christine! There are lots of mother who forget to take care of themselves and that is also the reason why their husband look for another girl. Sometimes husband look for a person that would bring their wife to any place and occasion that would not hesitate to introduce them as their wife.

Abigail - posted on 12/28/2010

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I use my commute and lunch breaks for me time. I go for walks with co workers on my lunch break and rock out to my favorite 90s alternative bands on my way to and from work. Yes I do take care of everything. I do feel like I get more "me time" as a working parent then when I was only working 5 hours per week, so I guess it depends on your perspective. DH takes care of the outside stuff and will throw some laundry in the washer and thats it. Right now, my children are young and I feel that scheduling "me" time during the evenings and weekends is less important than being there for them. If you are concerned about your sister why don't you do what my parents do and say how much you want to see the children and take them for a day. She will feel like she is doing you a favor but will also get some much needed "me time"

[deleted account]

I am in the exact same boat as Merri - work full time (and then some late at night), take care of things related to the kids (activities, childcare, playdates, shopping, bday parties, etc) and just don't have any spare time to do things for myself. Having said that, I'm very happy. I do wish and continue to try and fit in a workout routine as I used to run, spin or excercie every day! It would be great.. However, if I had any additional bandwidth, I would need to apply it to my husband and our relationship. He's feeling very second fiddle. Rightfully so, but, can't he take care of himself??!

Mercedes - posted on 12/21/2010

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I find it really hard to have 'me' time. I work full time, long 12 hrs shifts, and as a single parent of two children( age 9 and 5) any time off it's to be with them. If I'm off ,it's feels completely wrong not to be with them unless they are in school; I'm afraid to loose precious moments with them, to be out of touch of what's going on in their homework or their little stories from school. It's bad enough having to leave them with their granny while I work!!!! I'll have time for me when they grow up.

Stephanie - posted on 12/20/2010

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I work a full time job but my job is salary so my boss can call me in the middle of the night or on a Saturday or Sunday and i have to jump up and rush off to work on weekends my son comes with me but, during the week he's in daycare. I had to rush to work on Halloween weekend for work when i was 100 miles away and had other plans with my son. My husband works off shore he's only home 1/4 of each year so no real help there when he is home and i ask him to do something he tells me im off work. What little time i do get off work i enjoy spending it with my son. Maybe when work slows down i could have some "me/mom time" but as of right now NO TIME!!!!

Gehan - posted on 12/19/2010

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so! how can you study with your kids after afulltime work. because that's my problem with my 2 kids. it's very difficult to manage the rest of the day in studing lessons with them and cooking and......
please help!!

Tiffany - posted on 12/19/2010

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Im the same way as her...my problem is that I have nobody to turn to for help or ti watch my daughter for that "mom time". I dont have many friends, and all my family (except one sister) lives out of state.
I get a few weeks a year where my parents take my daughter with them, but the rest of the year is busy and a total suckfest lol

Brenda - posted on 12/19/2010

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Take her with you! lol maybe she is not used to to have Self Time, or has no one to go with, Invite her for a cup of coffe alone, or to the movies or shopping...first she might be worry and not enjoy much but eventually she might acctually enjoy it, at the end, how long does it take to drink a coffe and laugh a little.. You are a great sister for looking after your Sister, good luck!

Marsha - posted on 12/19/2010

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Me time is very important to me. I've purposely made it a priority to have some, even just a few minutes, every single day. I too work full-time outside of the house, and also advise 2 community service organizations. Part of my "me" time is my advising. It rejuvinates me and makes me feel ful-filled. While it's still work, it's some that I really like and is important to me. It gives me some time away from DH and DD too...although she does come with me to some projects and meetings too.

Susanne - posted on 12/18/2010

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I am the exact same way... my only me time is recovering from exhaustion from work and the kids- basically zoning out in front of the TV. I know it isn't healthy, but the idea of "mom time" is a horribly guilt-wrenching thing that just makes me feel like a bad mom for wanting it. I think it is something that all moms struggle with.

Denise - posted on 12/17/2010

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yes, i absolutely struggle with this. i recently was diagnosed with high cholesterol and high blood pressure. The dr. said i was on track to have a heart attack at 50 (i'm 36). Because I want to live to see my daughter reach adulthood, i am now going to focus on getting healthy. I am no good to her if i am not around to take care of her. I am working to deal with the guilt.

Krystine - posted on 12/16/2010

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I work full-time and am the sole income source in my family. Still exclusively breastfeeding as well (my son is 11 months) so "me" time is rare! During the day my son is with his daddy or his Mim (my mom). When I get off work, all I want to do is go to him and hug him. On the weekends, I admit sometimes I do wish I had an hour to myself for a nap, but then I realize how much there is for me to do: wash his clothes, straighten up, go to Babies R Us, etc. A lot of my life revolves around him and I do sometimes forget about ME. Working full-time is so draining but I am making it a priority to get a gym membership and once he gets a little bigger, I can put him in the Kids Klub there while I work out. Me time is just hard to come by for a lot of working moms. We know it is needed, but for a lot of us it isn't a reality right now.

Deborah - posted on 12/16/2010

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One of my sisters is exactly the same! She is married and has 2 girls, a 2 and a 1 year old and is currently 7.5 months pregnant. I'm not quite sure why she feels that she is alone when there are so many people around her willing to lend a hand. It's hard for me to watch. We've spoken about it before, but I just have to wait for her to reach her breaking point. Then she will realize how many people are there for her. You can't really help someone when they don't think they need help.

Amy - posted on 12/15/2010

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Christine my kids do have interactions with adults other then me, they are with my MIL in the afternoons till I get out of work to pick them up. My son is in pre-school so he interacts with his teacher, the librarian when we go to story hour, his Tae Kwon Do instructor. My husband and I if we're lucky get a day off together ever two weeks when that happens we make a point to do something together as a family, that's more important to me then going to gym, sometimes we go hiking other times we curl up on the couch and watch a movie, sometimes it's a family affair cleaning the house. Every mom is entitled to "me" time and shouldn't feel guilty but like I said before each mom has their own idea of "me" time and after being on my feet 9 hours a day at work walking around where I work I do not want to get on my treadmill, but good for you having the energy to do that.

Jennifer - posted on 12/15/2010

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Now that my daughter is in school and I have a job with (mildly) flexible hours I am setting aside some time during the week for the gym and plus bedtime. Oh how I love bedtime sometimes. I send her to bed and then just relax, pop in a movie, read a book, take a really long shower (no tub at our house). I'm a single mom, no visitation or anything and I never ask my mom to take my daughter unless I'm working or going to school. And I don't trust anyone else with my kid. "Mom time" is relative like Amy said above. Since my divorce I don't date or go out and I recently moved and left all of my friends back home. My mom time is a good book, with good music, in front of a fire with my blanket, after a long shower. I'm already relaxed just thinking about it. It's never scheduled, it just happens.

Be - posted on 12/15/2010

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wow sounds like my life. I am working, I am taking care of my 2 almost 3 year old daughter, my husband has been out of a job for over a year, and decided to live on his own (i do NOT pay anything like his rent nor his food supply). Worse of all of this equation I am due New Years with our next child. I love him but he is so lazy and lousy. I moved in with my folks for we lost our home earlier in the year. I know I was told to just leave and divorce my husband. But i love him and do not want to give up on our marriage. But i need him to help e out and not be al about himself. Any advice?

[deleted account]

I don't feel guilty in the least bit for taking 'me' time! I need it in order to not take my work stress out on my husband & son. I'll come right out and say that I can be downright bitchy and it's not fair to my family. Taking 'me' time allows me to destress, decompress, and feel good about myself. I also have to say that my husband is an equal partner in our marriage and he helps out tremendously in the home. We both work full-time, long hours. My son lacks for nothing in regard to quality time with mommy & daddy. If you are overly concerned with her children's health and activities, then step up to the plate and take the kids for an afternoon. I'm sure your sister will appreciate the downtime, and her kids will have some time with you!

Heidi - posted on 12/15/2010

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The "me" time I do take, I still feel guilty. My son is 2 years old. And I enjoy spending time with him. When I was unemployed for the summer, it was great just being a mom. But of course I had to go back to work. His dad works long hours, almost 7 days a week. So I am there for my son. My "me" time won't happen until he's in school full time. That's all right with me.

Amy - posted on 12/14/2010

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I think you have to keep in mind that every mom's "mom" time is going to be different. While you might enjoy spending time at the gym working out that may not be your sisters idea of relaxing. I'm out of the house 55+ hours a week on my days off I want to spend time with my kids. They are 4 and 8 months, they're going to grow up and move away down the line and there will be plenty of time to do the things I enjoy then, at least that's what I think. I feel like I miss out on so much because I'm a working mom that when I'm off I want to spend as much time with my kids as possible. My husband works nights so my "mom" time is after the kids are in bed sitting on the couch, with my laptop, watching mindless television that I DVR'd during the day, not going into the basement and spending 45 minutes running on my treadmill.

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