Getting ready to go back to work fulltime and feeling guilty!

Kristen - posted on 11/07/2008 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Hi my name is Kristen and I have a son who will be one next month. I am getting ready to return to work and I am starting to feel guilty about leaving my son everyday. As up until now he has been with me all day everyday and I know he is quite dependent on me. I was hoping some of you may have some suggestions to make this transition easier for both myself and my son.. I am open to any suggestions that you may have.

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Tonia - posted on 11/13/2008

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I promise it will be harder on you. I have a 6 year old and a 2 year old. I was home with my first son until he was one and I was sure that I was the worst Mom ever and that he would not be able to adjust. I was SO wrong! He has adjusted fine. Especially since I have let go a bit and gotten him into pre school and then t-ball and now takwondo. His teacher assures us he is doing great and his social skills are amazing since he is given so much love at home abd we let him know that if we ran the world we would be home with him more. A loving foundation the key to a good life.

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Carriann - posted on 11/15/2008

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Hi my name is Carriann and I have a 9 month old. She has been in daycare for 2 months now since school started. I was home for 7 months with her and cried like a baby the day I had to drop her off. It gets better every day and if you are leaving him with someone you trust it it a lot easier. My daycare is wonderful, my stepson went through the whole program. Just tell them you love them every chance you get and always look forward to that smile when you pick them up at the end of the day because that makes it so worth it. Don't be afraid to cry or be sad, it is natural especially when you love some so much.

Amber - posted on 11/14/2008

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Bless your heart I know it was so hard for me. I went back after three months so that's great that you got a year! Bring lots of pictures to look at. Transition into child care by letting them see their child care provider more than once before the big day. Make it exciting for them too. You will get better at it too. I felt so guilty at first and it was hard to balance everything but I focused on the positive. Like I get to dress up and have a conversation with adults. Of course they don't compare to seeing your little one. Also if you can have a loved one pick them up after a few hours and work their way up to a full day. Or if you can start with a half day do that. You'll be fine. And it does get better.

Angie - posted on 11/13/2008

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HI...I have a 2.5 year old and am due to have my second in 3 weeks. My son started daycare at 10 weeks old, and luckily there was a center where I worked. He only came half days because my husband works 3-11 for the News. I have to say it was hard at first, but I made time to have lunch with him and our home time was focused on us only. I slept with him some nights just to reconnect, and that helped. Now, he absolutely loves his home daycare and all of the kids there. He asks to go there on weekends and his social skills have blossomed so much more then if he were only with my husband and I all of the time. He speaks in full sentences and has a sense of humor! My only suggestion is to transition back to work, which I did not do the first time. I went full steam ahead full time back and it hit me like a ton of bricks. This time I will take 10 weeks off in full and transition back 20 hours a week for the first 2 weeks back. Don 't feel guilty about what you have to do. I personally know I'm a better mom when I also keep my skills sharp at my job-my personality needs multiple identities. Plus, its not too bad being able to take a peaceful lunch, going to the bathroom without your toddler joining you, and holding adult conversations with colleagues. Mom's need time to reconnect with themselves too!

Lanny - posted on 11/13/2008

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Hi, Kristen, I'm Lanny with 3child, Sheryl 7, Shaznay 5 and Xander 2,7. I want to share my experience when my kids just a baby and i really love to work, I ask my mom to stay at my home. and she helped me taking care my baby. Sometimes, i put them in baby daycare facility. Now, I have a baby sitter for helping me. It's hurt for me, have no time for seeing them every minutes. But it must happened. So, choose a better person&a better place, to taking care our children.

Maura - posted on 11/12/2008

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Hi Kristen,

I just started back to work last week. I have an almost 3 year old and a 3 month old. It was VERY difficult to return to work after my first daughter. She has been in the same in home daycare center since she was 3 months old and she loves it! When she is home with me for too many days in a row, she actually asks to go back to see her friends. Seeing how much she has learned and how much fun she has certainly makes it easier to leave the new baby. I agree that you will have good and bad days but the good will far out number the bad! Berst of luck to you!

Maura

Amanda - posted on 11/12/2008

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Don't feel guilty, Kristen! We all know that income is what keeps those babies warm and full and secure...I have a 4 and 1/2 month old daughter, and I had to return to work full-time (which for me is 70+ hours per week, far away from home) the day she turned 5 weeks old. It breaks my heart every morning to leave her, but I'm a single mom and don't have a choice! Just remember you'll have his face to look forward to at the end of the day!

Theresa - posted on 11/12/2008

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Going back to work is NOT easy...I have a 3 year old and a 5 month old. I stayed home with each the first 3 months. For whatever reason, coming back to work after my 2nd child was more difficult than with my first. After time, it does get easier...not everyday, there are bad days and good days. When they get sick, even if it is just a simple cold, and you drop them off (because they aren't too sick to stay home and are not contagious) that is when my guilt sets in BAD. But, they get better and then everything else falls back into place. One thing that keeps me working and keeps my kids in daycare is that they really do have a good time interacting with other kids the same age. They learn how to communicate and play with other kids. The day care has tons of toys and activiteis for the kids. Your son may have a little difficulty with the transition at first since he has been with you everyday for the past year, but he may adapt well. Just don't let him see/feel that you are sad to leave him. One thing that worked with my older son is that my husband did the drop-off. He still does now. I handle the pick-up. That works well because they leave the house with daddy and daddy leaves them at daycare. Whenever I do drop-off, my older son hugs my leg and doesn't want to go into his room. He still does this and he has been at the same day care center since he was about 1 1/2...its funny, but most kids just don't want to leave mommy. I wish you the best in your return to work. Think positive thoughts. Remember that you are giving your son a great and fun opportunity to play all day with other kids. He might just love it!

Stacey - posted on 11/11/2008

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Kristen, I too am returning to work on December 1st, a day that I am forever dreading. My son was born on 09-08 and I never thought I'd have to go back until he was at least 2. The guilt is overwhelming. I am an Assistant Director for an Early Childhood Center and I am blessed that he will be able to come to school with me, but I still feel horrible. What are your arrangements for care while you are at work?

Tammi - posted on 11/11/2008

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Good Evening,



I have two sons (ages 3 and 8 months). I returned to work when each of the boys turned 3 months old. I had more separation anxiety with my first son than with the current baby. I suggest starting your baby in day care 1 - 2 weeks before you return to work so that you have some time to yourself and time to deal with your child leaving you each day. I also suggest having your child stay with someone you know and are comfortable with versus commercial childcare. Both of my sons started with a family member and that added to my conmfort level.

[deleted account]

Hi Kristen!!!

I feel your pain, I am also going back to work full time next month and am already feeling guilty about it!! Will your son be going to a dayhome? I have no real advice for you since I am in the same boat but I know for myself I am going to try to be as strong as I can the first day I drop him off and hope after time it will geat easier... sucks I know, but it's all I got for ya!!

Good luck :)

Kaley

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