Had a miscarrage

Michelle - posted on 06/01/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Well I was worried about spotting at 2months alone. Went to the doctor and no heart beat, I'm feeling sad ofcoarse, but thankful I never heard the heart beat or that I wasn't further along. We are going to try again in a couple of months, and we have a wonderful 3year old son. I don't go for a dnc until tuesday unless it happens om it's own. I guess what I'm trying to get at is all I want to do is get it removed and go on with my life I don't want to drag on the sadness. how do I get eveyone in my life and myself to just move on.

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Angie - posted on 06/05/2012

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My first pregnancy ended with a D&C due to no heartbeat. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with and still brings tears to my eyes when I think about it now even after having two beautiful kids. I think it's important to mourn the loss of your baby. It doesn't matter that you never met the child, you had a bond nonetheless. I kept telling myself that I shouldn't be that sad over a baby I never knew, but it doesn't matter. I loved it.

For me, it helped me to talk about it, but I couldn't tell people what happened. I wanted those who knew I was pregnant to find out about the miscarriage from someone other than me, but then I felt okay to talk about it, kind of therapeutic. I cried for months after it happened and the only thing that really helped me to move on was when we started trying again. But we waited a good 6 months before we were ready for that again.

Take care and know that everything happens for a reason.

Elizabeth - posted on 06/02/2012

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I'm so sorry you had this happen. I myself have had two miscarriages in the last year. Time is the only way to "move on". I would be completely fine one day, and the next day, a commercial on TV featuring a baby would leave me in tears. I think the most important thing is to realize that it's ok to grieve. It's ok to cry. It's ok to feel a loss. When you have energy, feel happy, get back to your life. But, when it hits you hard, take the time to realize those feelings, don't hide them.

As far as others, I think it's important to tell them if there are topics you are especially sensitive to. As in, for me, I worked with a pregnant women during both miscarriges, so being around pregnant people, talking about pregnancy was excruciating for me. It's ok to voice that. People who haven't experience miscarriage likely won't understand, but if you gently remind them what you can and can't handle talking about, it will help.

Don't be in a rush to get back to "normal". The miscarriage becomes part of you, redefines your "normal", and that's ok. Just make sure there's someone you can talk to about it if you need it.

Meg - posted on 06/01/2012

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Sorry for your loss. It's so hard but you will get there. Although the D&C is an sad and unpleasant reminder of your loss, hopefully you can start to move on from there. Good luck in trying again! It happened to us too, and now we have our sweet boy (4).

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Michelle - posted on 06/01/2012

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Thank you for all your kind words and I know everyone has there own way to deal I just need to find mine.

Ginger - posted on 06/01/2012

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I am very sorry for your loss. I don't have any clear answer for how to move on, but I know that diversion seems to help for people who want to dredge up the feeling of what happened. I would tell you about how I can relate, but that wouldn't be helpful.

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