Has anyone had any problems with there child when they got home after picking them up from daycare?

Mandi - posted on 03/06/2010 ( 34 moms have responded )

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My son will b 2 the 24th of this month.When I get my son home if he is not screaming and following me around becasue he wants to be held he is beining a little turd, not listing to anything I say and just acting like a bad boy. He never did this before he started going going to daycare.

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Leslie - posted on 03/10/2010

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As a early preschool teacher (2 1/2 - 3 years old) I will try to help you...they are working really hard ALL DAY to follow directions, learn, be a big boy or girl going to the potty, take a nap and play nicely with their friends...hard work! lol They are also in an environment that COMPLETELY revolves around them ...their age, needs, desires, etc...and every 20 minutes or less they are involved in a new, hopefully structured activity (depending on the school of course)...then as they are ECSTATIC to go home with mommy and daddy...the environment and activities of course are shared with siblings, errands, tv, phone calls, etc...LIFE!! I agree with a lot of the moms comments on here...give the hugs, eye contact, conversation (ask questions) and give them something to do...I have a 4 1/2 year old and the first 2 weeks at his new school were brutal after school! I also often ask him (when he is saying or doing something crazy) 'who does that?'...then he thinks, tells me...and I respond..' well YOU don't do that, ok?'...actually works! .....I hope this was helpful for you Mandi....best wishes... ;-)

Suman - posted on 03/09/2010

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I agree with you. Going to daycare does affect them,think about the initial struggle they have to go through to get settled in an unfamiliar situation where they don't have their parents around to hug them or kiss them if they fall or has something to say, have 9-10 or may be more children to share things with, that they didn't have to do before. In the beginning when they first start, they try to just step back if a friend snatches a toy or don't give them a turn on the tricycle etc. But soon they learn to "stand up" for them selves. Especially at this age, 18months to 3 years, when the language skill is still developing, and sharing and empathy are still not very familiar terms.

I have a 27 months old boy who started attending the daycare at 9 months of age. About his behavior, teachers always said that he's the "good-one" as he won't get in "trouble" with any one- meaning if someone troubles him, he'll just ignore the situation and will go for something else. But after he turned two, I could see the changes in him, now he would react with anger and sometimes get frustrated too. The thing that worked best for me was that I always gave him words and encouraged him to talk about how he's feeling. When ever he gets angry and frustrated, I'll stop doing what I'm doing and get down on my knees and hug him before I say anything. Then I'll ask if he's upset and the reason for that. If it's a genuine reason, I'll agree to it and if it's not I'll give him other options.Usually, it works but sometimes I have to show him the naughty spot, which always works as he hates being by himself. I always try to listen and respond to him, no matter what I'm doing. Spending time together at Bath-time and book-time before bed are the two things that I never miss out on as he loves it..............what really fills my heart is that every night when I turn the lights out and lie down with him, he starts talking about all the naughty things that he did that day and self-corrects himself.........for example, "I pushed nishi that was not nice, we have to say, please nishi, may i have it." or "I have to be nice to my mommy and daddy."

and says his prayer and goes to sleep. They are children, they need discipline, they need guidance but they definitely need lots of love( and I mean love not pampering).....hope you will figure out a way to get to him.........he's just like any other two-year old and needs a lot of guidance and love from you..........Good Luck.

Mai - posted on 03/06/2010

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I have 2 boys and both have been in daycare since they were 7 months and 5 months respectively. They are now almost 6 and almost 3. Both picked up naughty behaviors from peers, which were immediately addressed, but they never got clingy to either me or their dad at pick-up time or at the end of the day. I think the most helpful thing for us was having their day documented so that if they behaved out of the ordinary in the evening, we'd have some possible causes. Simple documentation for when they ate (what and how much); when they napped (and for how long); diaper changes and what type (i.e if they had no BMs, maybe they're constipated and need comfort in the evening) if there were any "incidents" i.e. fighting with a peer, showing frustration during art, if he needed his pacifier all day, etc. With this information, we were able to go through our checklist - i.e. is he teething, does he need to talk about his "fight" with little Billy or Sally, etc. Hopefully you get a good accounting from your daycare provider of your little boy's day (some specifics) and this will help you figure out what's going on during his day that makes him feel the need to seek your attention. Good luck.

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34 Comments

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T - posted on 03/12/2010

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He misses you all day and wants mommy time. When you get home, rather than doing your things, take the first hour to spend with him playing, hugging, laughing, etc., giving him your undivided attention. Kids would rather be with mommy than be away from her, so give him the time and attention that he deserves. One day when he is older and independent, you'll wish that you would have giving him the time that he was acting out for.

Michell - posted on 03/12/2010

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When I had my son in daycare he would come home and he started hitting on me and the dogs, screaming and throwing fits. Started acting like a baby and he was almost potty trained when he went to daycare but when we put him in daycare he stopped trying to potty train and started having to wear pull ups all the time. He stopped listening and just acted so totally different...within three months I took him out and he is so much better now.

Destiney - posted on 03/12/2010

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Yes, as a matter of fact: My daughter learned her tantrums immediately after enrolling her in preschool. Then came the sassiness from all the other girls (Kinda like tiny HS girls.)

Laurie - posted on 03/11/2010

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If your son just started day care, it may just be part of his adjustment. It is tough for a child to be with mom and/or dad all day and then all of a sudden be with someone else with you nowhere around.

Naps at daycare are helpful as well. My daughter is VERY clingy when she doesn't get her nap!

Good Luck!

[deleted account]

Oh I am so sorry. He has hit the worst phase of toddlerdom. The I want to be independent, but No I don't really want to I need to be everywhere you are Mommy phase. And the I want your attention right now and I will do anything (even if its only to get negative attention) to get it.

Sadly in all my years of doing child care either in a center or from home, he's fairly normal. He's telling you he missed you.

What can you do? Realizing likely you are getting home to have to make dinner, try and sneak some time in right away that you do some things with just him (read books, play a game, sing songs, do something he loves).

While making dinner try involving him by giving him his own pot and spoon and let him think he's helping make dinner. Have him fair the non breakable ingredients to the counter for you from the fridge. (My son loves carrying the potatoes from the bag to the counter for me).

Also if its really close to dinner he might need a snack. Hungry toddlers are cranky toddlers.

Seriously he's just telling you how much he loves you and how much he missed you but doesn't have the words to say so.

You can help with that too by labeling the feelings for him when he starts acting up.

There is no easy fix and it takes time to work through it.



Good luck!

Lisa - posted on 03/11/2010

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mine does that but usually a snack the minute we get inside the house does the trick... and now that the weather is better we go outside almost daily and just play and get some exercise- that always helps- until you are ready to go in and they arent but they just have to learn that 'its time to go in'

Cami - posted on 03/11/2010

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we had to pull our daughter out of daycare when she was like 9 months old because everytime I dropped her off she would cry. I just knew something was up. Came to find out that when she wasnt behaving she would have to sit in a room by herself on the bed with the door shut. WTF! My kids have never been in daycare since.

Beth - posted on 03/11/2010

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My son will also be 2 on the 26th and he does the same thing. I think they all do when you pick them up from daycare. My son is usually good as can be during the day but the moment I get him, it all turns around until I sit and listen to him a minute and take the time to play with him, even though I still have to get dinner made and laundry done and so on. lol It is all normal

Tangela - posted on 03/11/2010

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My son just turn two in December and I too have a problem with him screaming and following me around when we get home. My son does not require for me to pick him up but he does like to follow me and hang on to my legs so I now dedicate the first 30 min of undivided attention to him before i start dinner and other nightly routine duties this will range from us going outside, coloring, reading a book, watch a show together i.e., barney or super why, word wolrd, elmo... something educational after we have had our one on one time he is usually very content and can continue of our evening peacefully... I can definitely tell the difference on the days we get home later and I attempt to cut out that 30 one on one time.... Good Luck!

Lisa - posted on 03/10/2010

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My child used to cry from the time I picked her up from daycare until bedtime. We fought about everything, then I tried giving her a snack when I picked her up. I think she was hungry so she was more irratable. Easy solution if it works for you too. Good luck.

Amy - posted on 03/10/2010

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Sounds like he really missed you. I wonder what would happen if when you got home you dedicated the first few minutes just to him. As a working mom, i know this can be difficult but it works for us.

Liz - posted on 03/10/2010

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I had problems when I picked him up from daycare.. He hadn't slept and well fed. he came home he was crying and he was hungry.. they do change diapers but I don't think they get enough sleep at day care because of other kids being loud so I chose to take him to home care and since then he is okay.. I probably will take him back to daycare but I am waiting for him to get older.. he just turned 2

Lori - posted on 03/09/2010

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He wants your attention. My son stays home with my husband now, but when he did go to daycare a couple days a week he would scream and cry the whole way home ,only from the one lady that he saw twice a week, and didn't want to leave the other lady. I came to conclude that it was the way in which he was being "taken care of". The house/woman where he LIKED it and didn't want to leave, but left okay with me and never cried....she played with him all day and was with him and the other kids constantly. The other place...well, let's just say I had suspicions that she really wasn't nurturing them that much. ie..sat babies in front of the tv, put my son in a chair by the door and strapped him in for who knows how long until I got there, left him in a playpen with another baby for "who knows how long?"...get the drift? I would ask the daycare lady for a detailed itinerary of her day and how much tv time there is and what activities she does with the kids. He misses you.

Meredith - posted on 03/09/2010

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My husband picks up my son and goes to the park for 15 minutes after daycare. My son needed to RUN around. I run home and start dinner so when they walk in the door dinner is closish to being done. It made a huge difference.

Mandi - posted on 03/09/2010

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He gets naps at daycare. When I pick him up I have his juice and a snack ready for him as soon as we get in the car. He is starting to get a little better. It has been a month since he started so each day gets a little better but he still has his bad days and he wants nothing to do with anybody but me, daddy cant even take him or he gets very very upset.

Alison - posted on 03/09/2010

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This is absolutely typical. My oldest is 3 1/2 and this is still the most challenging moment in our day. Children are exhausted, hungry and missing mommy. Here are a few things that have helped me a little:

1) Do my best to be calm myself
2) Have a snack before picking up the girls so I am in better shape to focus on them
3) Greet them with a snack (pretzels, crackers, fruit) This usually calms things right down.
4) Prepare suppers in advance so you can minimize time in the kitchen and maximize the focus on the children.

Good luck!

[deleted account]

It sounds like some separation anxiety. He misses you and needs reassurance of your love and presence (e.g. Hold him, cuddle with him, read to him, sing songs, play little games, etc.) I'm sure you always have other things that need to be done after work too, but I would try to limit these to only doing what's absolutely necessary. It can be hard to do when the house is a mess, but your child's emotional health is more important than housework.

Jo - posted on 03/09/2010

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I haven't read the other replies so I don't know if this has been brought up. Your son misses you. You're gone all day, he's with other children and other adults. You pick him up and take him home, and you put him down to do the things you need to do around the house. He wants Mommy to hold him and pay some attention to him. The misbehaving may be stuff he picked up from other kids, but I'm willing to bet it's also (if not completely) his way of getting your attention one way or the other. I would suggest changing your routine a little when you get home. If it's possible, when you walk in the door with him and put your stuff down, sit down with him for 5-10 minutes and hold him, hug him, listen to him tell you about his day.

Sandra - posted on 03/08/2010

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I beleive it is seperation anxiety. I know in todays busy world when you get home you are probably tired and have a lot to do, but I think if you will make time to give him your undiveded attention for about 30 minutes when you first get home it will make a big difference. Just sit and hold him and talk or read with him. But only focous on him. And you might even find it can be relaxing for you,and when you have to get up to make dinner ask him for his help. Put him in the kitchen with you and give him a pot and a spoon. or something and talk to him while you make dinner. If it is laundry toss him some socks and ask him to put the like ones togather and talk to him while doing the laundry. It can be something so simple as naming the colors of the clothes. All it boils down to is he misses his mommie and wants your attention. He has been away form home and mommie all day and he wants to feel close to you.

Sherri - posted on 03/08/2010

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I read that they act like that because they have been holding their frustrations in all day and when they get home or with the person they trust and love the most, they are able to let it out after holding it in all day. What works for us is I try to spend about 15 minutes when we get home talking or playing then I start dinner, sometimes I even have him help me with dinner. That seems to keep his meltdowns to a minimum. Hope this helps.

Karen - posted on 03/08/2010

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I found with my boys that as soon as we get home, we sit down and play - just us. No dinner (even though it needs to be made), no bills, nothing but play time.

Zaklina - posted on 03/08/2010

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Daycare where my son is going has additional activities or courses like physical, dancing lessons and languages, so I add dancing classes and language classes to the regular daycare program and my son has them twice per week each. Children can learn anything so the second language is not the problem at all.

Carin - posted on 03/08/2010

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Does he get to nap at daycare? I'm going to guess he's tired, hungry for supper and wants his missed Mommy time. My daughter was the same way. My nine-month-old son is starting to get into his own habits after daycare... like only wanting Mommy to hold him, only wanting to nurse (no bottle from Dada) and my daughter gets jealous of me holding him... Plus, they are both tired and hungry. I sometimes get very sad that I only get them when they're cranky!

I would recommend a snuggle and a snack right after daycare. Do you have a significant other that can handle making supper? Then go with bath, books and bedtime as early as you can. Can you get him in bed by 7?

Mandi - posted on 03/08/2010

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Thanks for all the comments. Good to know that I am not alone on this one. I just hope it gets better cuz my back is really startin to kill from carryin around 28 extra lbs all the time. LOL!!!

Kelly - posted on 03/08/2010

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yes im with you ladies on this one.
I have a great son in the mornings and sometimes he doesnt want me to leave him at daycare - other days he is great and happy with me going.
Then home time is fine untill we get home then its game over. I know he is tired which is one reason but i just inforce the naughty spot and try to give him 2 options like you either sit down quietly or go to bed - so he sits down.
He has picked up on good and bad habits from daycare but we try addressing them but like the others said i know he just wants one on one times with mummy which i try to give him.
I canonly guess it gets better : )

Courtney - posted on 03/07/2010

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Yeah, my daughter was the same way. I would have to give her about an hour of "Mommy Time" before I could do anything!! AND it would usually take a day or two for the "bad behaviors" to stop. Just hang in there and give him lots of love when you are reunited with him after working...he's probably just being a bit of a "turd" cuz he missed mommy! :)

Pamela - posted on 03/07/2010

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Sounds normal I would give him some mummy and Son time eat dinner with him and ask him about his day and chat and pull funny faces and then then give him attention at bath time .. every time he is clinging or bad try not to react ( of corse if its really bad a naughty spot might be good or time out) but give lots of attention when he is good. I have a Cameron who was two on the 12th of jan and Ewan who is 1 next week . Cameron is the naughty one after daycare and Ewan is the clinging one thank god they are both not both naughty and clinging. Cameron has never been clinging and Ewan is normally okay until he is tired .. I think the clinging gets to me more than the naughty as naughty I can do something about where as clinging is just plain annoying and the moaning that comes with it does my head in after a 9 hour day .. Im hoping it will pass but they start full time day care tomorrow! so its either going to get worse or better. good luck

Sylvia - posted on 03/06/2010

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Yeah, that sounds normal. (Although if he really never did any of that stuff before he started daycare, you are a very lucky mummy LOL) Like someone else said, he's probably needing some one-on-one attention, because at daycare the teachers are responsible for, at his age, maybe 5 kids each. And he hasn't seen you all day, so he doesn't want you to get away now that he's got you back. And being around so many people all day is tiring (at least, being around people all day is tiring for me, and I've always figured it's tiring for my daughter, too). Also, most "well-adjusted" kids tend to behave much better for caregivers, and out in public, than they do for their parents at home; this is because they trust mummy and/or daddy to love them no matter what, and so they are able to relax. Often this comes out as kind of obnoxious behaviour, but it's actually a good sign, so they tell me ;^)

What I found worked best, my daughter's first year or so in daycare (she started at 13 months, when my mat leave ended), was to sit down and nurse for a while before we left to go home. It kind of helped us reconnect after being apart all day, and it calmed her down. Also, if she wanted to be held and carried, I just did that; it was a bit harder to sort laundry and make dinner, but oh well. Usually, after a little bit she'd had enough of that and went off to play, or was happy to sit on the counter and "help" me with dinner. When she was two I was already teaching her to help me empty the dishwasher, sort laundry, set the table for dinner, etc. It takes longer, true, but being involved in what you're doing helps little kids feel like they have something important to do and lets them stick close to you without actually clinging. Plus, you're training them for when they're old enough to help for real ;^).

Holly - posted on 03/06/2010

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Yeah that doesn't surprise me at all. My son started being a big brat when he started going to daycare too. They pick up all the bad habits of all the other kids. And every time my son has moved up into a new room, he has picked up more and more habits from them. Sometimes it's a good thing and sometimes it's a bad thing. But just be consistant with punishments and it will work itself out in time. I am going through a bad boy phase with my son right now as well. He just moved up into a preschool room and has been acting worse than ever before,so I know how frustrating it is, but just hang in there! :) Things will get better!

Juliana - posted on 03/06/2010

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He may just want your undevided attention. While kids are in daycare they have to share the attention of the provider with other kids. When he gets home, he wants it all from you since he doesnt have to share anymore. Give him a little time, and it will get better as he matures a little bit more.

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