Hi everyone, I have a 14 year old daughter who thinks she is in charge of the house.

Laura - posted on 05/07/2010 ( 69 moms have responded )

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My daughter thinks she is in charge of the house at 14. We set the rules down. Send her to her room is she breaks the rules but she continues to do the same thing. What should I do?

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Amanda - posted on 05/10/2010

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I wish you were my daughters Aunt. I do have people that I have sent her to be with for the weekend but all of them bend to her will. She seems to have anger problems and she acts out when she gets angry. I have taken her to psychologists and the moment they tell her she has a problem she runs from them. I am at the point where she is going to go to a youth alternative camp because I am 5' even and she is 5'5" and very strong. She has pushed me when I have discplined her and she has run away. I have even had police friends come over on duty to talk to her. We have punished her by taking everything away from her and giving her chores. She does not care. She serves her punishment time, acts ok for about a week or so and then starts acting out again.
I have also tried giving her extra me time when she is acting appropriate. I have tried everything I can think of to get her to see reason nothing seems to work.

Jackie - posted on 05/10/2010

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How do you discipline her? My 12 year old niece tried the same thing. Do you have a family member you can send her to for the weekend? This may help. I took my niece for the weekend and she was glad to be home on Sunday night. Aunt Jackies tough and doesnt believe in giving in or letting her make her own rules. Aunt Jackie believes in chores, no tv, no phone, no pc until homework and chores are done. She tried to lip off a few times and that got squashed as well. I simply reminded her that years ago she would have hated to be my kid because I would have slapped her in the face like my mother did to me at that age. I told her however that if she didnt straighten up that she was going to the Youth Crisis Shelter to live. Thats where our local "problem children" go. However I would never lay a hand on her or send her there it did terrify her and she was very glad to go home and they havent had a problem yet. She'll be 14 in August.

Amanda - posted on 05/10/2010

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Hi Laura,
I can tell you it is tough. My daughter stated acting that way at 14. She is now 16 and there are days I want to pull my hair out. I have to say that I agree with her moms telling you to stick to your guns. She will argue and try to give you explinations for her actions to stop you from punishing her. Does she happen to try and lie to you about her behavior?

Misty - posted on 05/10/2010

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in relation to Feng Shui...my daughters room is located there...does it really matter???

Connie - posted on 05/10/2010

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Girl, we all live in Carthage,NC. And please believe me when I say, she loves children, and would take yours too. LOL!!

Telika - posted on 05/09/2010

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continue to hold down your laws eventually she'll get it especailly if she's punnished when the concert or some other event comes to town

[deleted account]

Mom pick your battles. I had the same issues with my 14 year old daughter. Do she have chores around the house? Do you give her allowance? Sometime you have to do more of tough loved and be consistenet with the punishment. Hand in there.

Jennifer - posted on 05/08/2010

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Wow where does your mom live Connie? I want to send my kids there too...ha ha ha

Connie - posted on 05/08/2010

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Be strong sister!! Don't give up the good fight. Just make sure that you reinforcing your rules. I know what you're going through. I have a 14 year old daughter myself, but she's the total opposite. It's my 13 year old son that I have a problem with. I take any, and everything that I think he might enjoy away grom him when he cuts up. And he's not allowed to go anywhere. For instance if we are going to the movies for family night, then he gets to go to Grandma, and PaPa's while the rest of the family go out to the movie. And believe me when I say, it works for me. To him there is no place more boring, than my Mom's house. And she's an old school Grandma. LOL!!

Jennifer - posted on 05/08/2010

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Ya, thats why I thought the garage. Someplace that usually is not heated, and has a car or boxes for storage in it. Not usually an inviting place to sleep. Plus its probably a concrete floor so very uncomfortable. Of course you could use a shed just take the lawn mower out or scoot it over.

Faith - posted on 05/08/2010

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Is she the only child? What else does she do. When you say she breaks the rules of the house? Like what is she doing? However, remind her who is the adult and let her know that she doesn't pay any bills in your home to be breaking anything. Take something of hers that she really enjoys for awhile. Umm, computer, laptop, cellphone, ipod whatever. and see if her behavior changes. And don't reward her with anything.

Nicola - posted on 05/08/2010

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LOL, Jennifer, if I told my boys they couldn't use their bedrooms, they'd have the tent up in the back garden and their sleeping bags out before I could blink...

Jennifer - posted on 05/08/2010

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I have a 16 year old who doesn't necessarily think he's in charge but he thinks its his personal flop house. You know a place to come to eat, sleep, and get a vehicle to drive. A few months ago I put my foot down on his skipping school and he ran away for about 2 weeks. His theory is why should he listen to advice from people who he feels aren't as successful as he wants to be. He works hard in school, gets good grades, he plays school sports, he is involved in extra cirricular activities, he has a job, he's very responsible (most of the time). But he doesn't let us correct him when he isn't making good choices and he disrespects and ignores us all the time. A few months ago he and a couple of his 18 year old friends decided they want to move in together. I can't tell you how relieved I'm starting to feel. I was opposed to the idea at first, but now I'm ready for him to goooo. I think he needs a good dose of reality. Maybe yours does too. Maybe you and your husband should think of ways to give her that. Like don't give an allowance but charge her for rent, utilities, food. And don't give services until she pays in advance like in real life. flip the breaker to her room and tell her she doesn't get electricity until she pays a deposit. Make watching T.V. the same as going to the movies and charge her to watch T.V. Put a lock on the refridgerator and make the kitchen a restaruant with a menu of what she may have with prices but not give it to her until she pays first. Put a lock on the outside of her door and tell her she must pay first months rent and deposit to live there and tell her until its paid she can use a sleeping bag in the garage. I don't know be creative. A dose of reality is good for all of us sometimes.

[deleted account]

I know this may sound weird to you... Just ignore if the answer is 'No'.

I'm just curious, is your daughter's bedroom located in the upper left corner of the house, if you're standing at your entry door, facing inside the house?

I'm asking this in relation to Feng Shui, if you're curious too...

Kimberly - posted on 05/07/2010

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I definately feel for you...I'm going through the same stuff with my 15, almost 16, yr old. She, also has had all her privileges taken away, for bad grades, and it doesn't seem to work with her either. All I can say is stick to your guns and don't give in. The only difference in my case is that she thinks her grandma's house (Living with grandma and her good for nothing dad) is looking better than here. It scares me to death that she might go, but the law says she has the right to choose.

I only hope that if she goes, she'll find out that home with me wasn't so bad.

Bonnie - posted on 05/07/2010

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Boy do you have a long road a head. I always said If I could give them away when they became a teen and get them back when they were 21 would be great.
I had 3 girls and a boy. The girls always push my buttons more than my son.
You have to do follow through and be strong. They will appreciate it when they are older. My daughter when she was 19 said Mom thanks for loving me enough to keep me on the right path.
Hang in there it won't last forever. It will only feel like it.

Laura - posted on 05/07/2010

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thanks for your responses. Yes she understands the rules and spends many weekends in her room thinking about what she did. She gets many things taken from her. She just doesnt think parens are necessary

Nicola - posted on 05/07/2010

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Stick to your guns. Teenagers push as many boundaries as toddlers. Plus, giving her reasons to feel hard-done by is part of the teeange experience - she'll be all the richer for it! ;-)

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