how am i suppose to do this

Melissa - posted on 01/10/2011 ( 13 moms have responded )

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I love my jobs but i don't know how i can do this i work 3 part time jobs that still dont equal 40 hours. I come home and i have to clean the house and make supper and look after my daughter. I feel like i am running in circles i clean the house when im home but then i dont get quality time with my daughter. I try most nights to play with my daughter then clean when shes in bed but then things dont get done cuz she does not go to bed early then if i do that i dont get any time to relax so i am burning out fast. My husband is not much help i just finally went on strike tonight cuz i just got overwelmed and upset cuz he said he didnt like my supper and was not thankful for me making it becasue he found a bit of brown lettuce in his wrap i feel like i am doing everything but talking to my husband and trying to get help is just draining. Now i am sitting here all upset because i am not in the mood to clean or spend time with my daughter and my husband gets to play with her no worries what so ever.

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Janette - posted on 01/16/2011

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I got a little help from a friend--she is a refugee from Rwanda. Her life is so incredibly hard. But she said to me one day, "how do you do this?". In her country-- even those of modest income get help, a maid, to do the housework. She said even the maids get maids to do the cleaning sometimes. And friends come over and talk or chat while helping each other clean and cook. That's been the best. Find a friend, help each other clean. Knocks out two birds w one stone (or evening). You get a little kind word on your side and a clean kitchen. Your friend gets it the next week. There's a lot of truth in the saying, "it takes a village".

Andrea - posted on 01/11/2011

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No one gets it all done by themselves. I can identify, i have one fulltime job and two part time jobs. Three kids (7,5 and 1) need plenty of supervision as well as play when we are all home, and the "cleaning" is hit and miss. I had similar issues with my husband early on, but after i made a master list of what got done and how often, i realized i had to ask him to help. four lists helped me: daily chores, weekly chores, monthly chores and seasonal as needed chores. meals, dishes, laundry, trash, toilets, tubs, showers, mopping, vacuuming, dusting.....its a hefty list. Give him the chance to see it all at once, and maybe do what he can. and if he chooses to leave it all an your plate, have a different conversation.

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Christina - posted on 01/19/2011

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I'm in the same boat when it comes to the hubby but the rest is a little different, I wish I were in your boat lol. First you need to find new work sweetie, you loose alot of time commuting between 3 jobs i'm sure and I doubt you enjoy all of them, probably just trying to help ends meet in this "wonderful" economical society, lol. Second word of advice, be glad you currently only have one child. I have 3 boys (age 5, 2 and 9 months) and would not trade them for the world but it multiplies the mess and divides the personal time you can spend with each. One lesson I have learned (thanks to my 2 yr. old) don't bother cleaning something that you know you will have to clean up again in 30 minutes (like toys) just worry about those things at the end of the day. As for hubby, I liked the "master list" idea, might have to try that myself, can't give advice on hubby when i'm in the same boat, it took 6 yrs just to get mine to get a job, don't know how long it will take to get him to help around the house, haha, best of luck to you though

Wendy - posted on 01/17/2011

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I had this same problem years ago, I felt that my house was important it had to be cleaned to the nines (just incase the Queen came over).. Iam still waiting. Then my eyes became open, it took sometime. But, I realized that it would still be there if I didn't get it all done today, I could do it later. I found that I would get more things done that way. And I discovered a slow cooker. The greatest thing ever, I didn't use it all the time but, it sure came in handy on those busy days. Talk to your husband let him know that your feeling over whelmed. He may not get it the first time but he will start to understand. Take a deep breath exhale and it will work out. I am still working on this after 22 years, men can be slow on the up take, we just have to remind them once in a while. Oh and get your daughter to help cleaning up, even if it is just picking up he toys, that will be fun for her, because she is helping Mommy. Good luck my thaughts are with you. Remember to make at least 5 mimutes just for you. Wendy

Josalyn - posted on 01/16/2011

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I think you need to sit down with your husband and talk to him about household chores. It sounds like he needs to pitch in a little more around the house besides working his full time job. Maybe he can help start a load of laundry, take turns cooking, putting your daughter to bed, vacuuming the house. It should not be one sided if you both work and hold jobs. You should equally participate in home chores as well.

Bettina - posted on 01/14/2011

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Hi there my name is Tina and I was in the same boat then you I worked myself to the ground and then i just had enough and I packed my car and moved to Germany from England and now its just me and my boy I gave up my job and thought i be happy being near family(I lived 22years in London but I'm German and all my Family lives in Germany) now live has become really hard and depressing so its up to you what do you want and do you wanted your hubby to change but be aware most likely he won't.Try to make speciall momenst with your child don't feel guilty cause society trying to tell you what to do and how often and how much.The most important point is is your child happy and are you happy with your child the think hard what else count and reaslise its even harder to be on your own what ever you doo I wish you all the best Tina xx

Joan - posted on 01/14/2011

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OMG, I did the same thing years ago!!!! Seriously though, as a single Mom I decided that it was time to let the kids help. We had a family meeting and I laid it on the line. My youngest daughter said, "Mom, you never play with us anymore, all you do is clean!" I said that if they wanted to spend more time with me than it was time to pitch in. So we all put our heads together and decided who was going to help out where. I know the kids don't do things like we like to have things done, but so what. Who cares??? I realized I wasn't giving them enough responsibility because I wanted things to be done my way. I have learned over the years that your house will still be standing in ten years, but the quality time you spend with your kids disappears instantly if you don't use it.

Wo_jordan - posted on 01/14/2011

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You can spend time with your kid and clean at the same time they can help teaching them life skills well playing.as for your husband he is an assH sorry but he is my husband didn't do anything too but slowly he is helping more and more after flipping my lid lots. If three jobs is to much for you then tell your husband he needs to step up and get a second job to help.

Patty - posted on 01/12/2011

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Wow a rerun of my life.I was working 2 part time jobs to equal a full time job and as you i felt the need to be in my childrens life,i would only see them when they were asleep and in the mornig before i went to work.I felt the same way ,burned out,coming home and still having to take care of my responsibilities.Ive quit 1 job to be more in my childrens life,and its been great.But you also need to take care of yourself first,relax ..make some time for your self to let everything out.I know things will get better for you

Maria - posted on 01/12/2011

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Hi Melissa, these are my thoughts:
you hubby needs to grow up. Afterall you didn't sign up for this alone. He needs to help out, if you're like me, then going on strike doesn't work coz then the messy house is a constant reminder and upsets you all over again. A way that I found to help me, quit trying to micro-manage everything, it'll drive you nuts! The welcome note on all my phones and my computer and everything else is "its never that serious!" and when you think about it it truly isn't. Dont obsess over cleaning the house, if its a lil messy for 1 or 2 days, its not the end of the world! I dont know about your relationship with your husband but if you could try taalking to him, let him know how hard you work and that sort of comment about food that you prepare for him is not on, instead, he could offer to help yo with dinner or get take out sometimes to give you a break! You work this hard for your daughter, keep your eye on that prize and make time for her. All the best grrl, hang in there, we find ways of coping, that's the human mind & body - wonderfully & beautifully made! MT.

Melissa - posted on 01/11/2011

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thanks i had a fight with my husband that lead to a long calm talk about what needs to be done i wrote everything out and he relized i did alot. He has offered to take over the grocery shopping and cooking for a while which is good because supper is one of the the hardest thing for me to get done. I have decidided i am going to have to ask for his help because getting help is more improtnatnt than how it comes about we decided that we are going to work together on most things so that at least we are spending time together and if we work really hard it really should not talk alot of time each night. the only thing tthat i am doing alone still is the budgeting and creating the schedual for the week because i allready have it down pat and the schedual revolves around my work schedual anyways

Judy - posted on 01/11/2011

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Adrea's advice is mostly what I would have said. I don't think many husbands have a clue as to what it takes to keep a home pulled together. I often leave dishes in the sink. It is not possible to do it all. I think it is fair to say to your husband "I am feeling overwhelmed" give him a chance to rise to the occasion, and while it is crazy to have to praise them for what they do to pitch in, I find the positive encouragement keeps the help coming. IF you buy into the "Men are from Mars" theory, Men like to be asked for their help, they do not just see a need ans swoop in to help the way women do. I think it is helpful to say "I have three things that need to be done, they are A, B, and C.... could you help me with some of it, and what would you prefer to do?" That works better than please go take out the trash.... Also find some chores you can do with your daughter,(KIds LOVE to clean things, even if they don't do a good job, some dusting is better than none), or as I have advised many moms before there are ways to do chores and spend time with your child. Fold the laundry in their room while they play, or have them play in the room where you are cleaning.

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You need to sit down with your husband and tell him exactly how you feel. Make sure you talk when neither one of you is upset. A lot of times men shut down when they get ragged on. Your hubby needs to get off his duff and help you. Try making a chore list of thing for your husband to do. My husband and I have been through a similar type of situation you are going through. Staying calm and rational,even though you want to flip your lid, wins in the end.

Good luck! : )

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