How can I get my 9-year-old son to stop crying all the time?

[deleted account] ( 8 moms have responded )

My son is ridiculously hyper-sensitive, and cries at the drop of a hat, over things that are really insignificant. If I ask him to get in the shower, he cries. If he forgets that he has soccer practice, he cries when I tell him. If we tell him no about anything, he cries. He cries at school.... I am just worried that he's getting picked on. Every time he starts getting really worked up, he starts talking about how no one likes him at school. Any ideas/ suggestions?

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[deleted account]

How do you react when he cries? What does it take to get him to stop crying?

When my nephews or niece are crying, we ask them to calm down. We only give hugs once the crying has stopped. I know it may sound mean, but it's taught them how to control their emotions and not let the crying escalate out of control. Starting this at age 9 might be hard though. If the crying is from falling down, we definitely offer comfort, but when the crying is more dramatic or for attention, we nicely ask "do you want to stop crying?" If the answer is no, we say, "ok. You can cry if you want. Let me know when you're done." (said very nicely and lovingly). Sometimes they cannot help the crying, it's a pure emotional response, but they need to learn to regulate and control their emotions. We don't give attention (sympathy, hugs, etc.) to crying that is for drama or attention seeking. We're not mean about it either, we just ignore it, and it eventually goes away. We reserve sympathy and hugs for situations where its truely warranted. Hope this helps. This might not work for you, but i's worked for us. Best wishes!

Esther - posted on 12/24/2011

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put your foot down Kristina. If he cries till he gets his way, and he gets his way, what you are teaching him is that crying works. It will be a very rough time, but you need to break the habit.

[deleted account]

Focus on the positive, give him reasons he can be happy and grateful! Your son is probably stressed and doesn't know how to turn his own mood around. My five year old does that...works himself into a blue mood for attention and sympathy. It's his way of being needy and asking for my comfort. So I respond by reminding him of things he likes or that are fun that we are doing soon. Some of my son's is also a theatric, he watches himself cry in the mirror! If his tears are really a sign of trauma at school, share your concerns with his teacher and tell her your tactics so she can try it too.
Good luck!

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Pip - posted on 10/02/2013

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I feel you Kari. My son was the same. Until I found out that he was unhappy at school. He didn't get along with his teacher and kids at school picked on him. It took a lot of one on one dnm talks with him. And he was able to talk to a psychologist about issues and now that all the issues I had addressed to the school had been dealt with he is such a good boy. He doesn't cry unnecessarily anymore. This only happened last year. I'm thankful that it was picked up sooner rather thsn later.

Wanda - posted on 09/30/2013

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I would go see a pediatrician. That seems like he has excessive anxiety. Maybe the issues are not insignificant to him....why don't you ask him what is bothering him? Maybe he's really struggling at school. My daughter is 8 and has anxiety. Zoloft has worked wonders for her we are amazed at the change, the child psychiatrist picked it up, we had no idea. Some of these little guys need extra help. You need to be your sons advocate and gently understand what is bothering him so much and do what you can to support him . My daughter also says that no one at school likes her.. E also just enrolled her in a social skills class to help her learn how to relate better to peers her age. Good luck....

Kristina - posted on 12/23/2011

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i need help my son cries for everything and wont stop tell he gets his way,,what can i do please help

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