how do i cope..

Zulfah Bailey - posted on 02/10/2011 ( 14 moms have responded )

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i became a mum recently to my first born so this is all very new to me. i am starting to get use to it all it is tough not always knowing if i am doing it right but i am managing all due to the help of my amazing husband. i am so worried that will i wont be able to cope once i get back to work if im already finding it so hard and tiring. how do one do it ?being a working mum and a wife?

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Koree - posted on 02/21/2011

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Being a mom is always hard and always will be. Trust your mothers intuition, you know your baby and will know when something is wrong. When you go back to work its going to get evan harder, you may feel at times that you are being pulled in a thousand diffrent directions at once.Make sure that you are orignized with list's, and even in your home, it makes me feel less stressed when i come home and dont have to sprnd my night trying to find things. Also ask your husbend to pitch in, if there is a day he gets home before you have him make dinner, or start laundry, or whatever it is. And remeber that it is ok to ask for help or to let somethings slide for a day

Crystal - posted on 02/21/2011

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It is tough, you will do so much more than you have ever done in your entire life, and you will probably constantly wish you did it all better. There is no "right" to any of this, there is only "right for you" and "right for your family" and you are the person most qualified to make those calls. Understand the worrying and second-guessing is going to be so much a part of you that it will be like breathing, do not let it control you though. Realize those moments when you seem to be working yourself into a panic, take note right then of what you're doing.... and have tea time, a bath, whatever it is that relaxes you.... take a time out and realize that you are not going to be pulled under this big mountainous wave of worry. Especially when we mothers tend to make those waves all on our own. You will be able to do this as you have done everything else so far.... by the skin of your teeth, sometimes a good cry, sometimes plugging your ears and going "lalalalalalaa", then it gets a little easier, then a little more, then suddenly you've had a whole night of sleep, you start to feel a little more human again, until suddenly it becomes routine. It WILL be ok ;)

Alexandra - posted on 02/13/2011

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You may also need a little help balancing out your hormones after having the baby. Wacky hormones will make you feel overwhelmed, stressed, exhausted, frustrated, and kinda crazy...relax...it will be ok.

Make sure you are drinking plenty of water, and taking a good multi-vitamin. Try using Wild Yam Cream twice a day, ($10 at Vitamin World) to help balance out your hormones. It's perfectly safe and recommended for all women over the age of 13. You just rub a little on a fatty part of your body (upper arms, belly, inner thighs) and it will help. Just don't rub any on your breasts, because they will get larger.

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Alison - posted on 02/28/2011

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Take things as they come sweetheart. The fact that you have an amazing husband puts you ahead of a whole lotta moms out there. ;)

Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Some of Jesus' wisest words!)

Susan - posted on 02/28/2011

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Hey! I'm a FTM as well. I went back to work 3 mos after my daughter was born. I tried to go full-time but even my boss saw how stressful it was (the constant sobbing might have been a clue) and asked if i wanted to go PT (it helped him save on payroll as well). That was over a year ago and is still the best option for me and I don't regret it. It's tough managing a tighter budget but we make it work. I get to be home with my baby 4 of 7 days. I've seen all of her firsts (up to this point). I wouldn't mind going FT now except my baby-sitters are my parents (and they take care of my brother's 2 kids also - full time - and my mom is a part-time caregiver to her mother). It does get easier, dear. It's not always what we want to do, though, that makes us the wonderful mommies we are. God bless you!

Ann - posted on 02/23/2011

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am a first time mum as well as a working one. yes at first it seems like a huge challenge but follow your instincts believe me what ever you do is right, feed the baby on time, change the diapers on time and get them in a routine evry thing will be fine, if you start a routine before you go back to work, your baby will adjust well even when you go back to work. introduce bottle feeding soon because you will need to express milk for the baby to feed while you are at work. so the earlier he learns how to use the bottle the better for you as well. Remember breast milk is the best so feel free to express even if you are still at home. all the best. Anitah

Lika - posted on 02/23/2011

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It's a balance between it all. And don't doubt yourself too much, because I'm sure you're doing fine. Don't forget to take care of yourself, and if you have baby's grandparents near by, feel free to ask if they'd like to spend a couple hours a week with grandchild. Keep husband engaged to baby, so he can bond too. Ask friends to help, or just go enjoy coffee and show off baby while you're at it. It's not an easy balance, but you can find it. My best wishes!

Danielle - posted on 02/22/2011

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I am a single mom and I live with my parents. I am thankful for them because they gave me a break when I needed it and they helped with babysitting. It will be easier as baby gets older and you figure out what each cry means. Congrads!

Leyla - posted on 02/16/2011

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Hi all
I have created a website called Motherhood Diaries, which is designed to take readers along a journey through the highs and lows of pregnancy, childbirth, motherhood and beyond.
During the process of creating Motherhood Diaries, I researched the areas of pregnancy and motherhood thoroughly and found that there were not enough resources out there that included personal and private accounts of women’s journeys through pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood. I found that most websites contained factual information on each process and links to forums where women could find other like-minded women and forge friendships. I have done this myself and found it to be most useful. However, I want to aim Motherhood Diaries more towards the personal journeys aspect and, hopefully, build a strong base of personal accounts that women can relate to and, thus, be able to support one another through this fantastic voyage.
In the very short space of time Motherhood Diaries has been up and running, many users have already registered onto the website and are offering their personal journeys of what they went through. These will be added to the website very shortly to be shared by everyone.
The plan is also to find other important and relevant information, e.g. recipes, resources which are useful during pregnancy and motherhood, and other relevant research on pregnant women’s/mothers’ legal rights. I have included some articles relating to these on my website.
To get a better idea about Motherhood Diaries, please click on www.motherhooddiaries.com - you will not be disappointed. You will need to register to view the ‘My Childbirth’ section and ‘My Motherhood’ weekly posts. The rest (including the ‘My Pregnancy’ section) are available to be viewed by everyone.
Also, don't forget to follow my blog on Facebook - http://apps.facebook.com/blognetworks/bl...

If you own a blog/website and would like to reciprocate links, i.e. I advertise your blog if you advertise mine, please feel free to contact me on info@motherhooddiaries.com.
I look forward to hearing your thoughts on the above.
Thanks mummies and good luck with your venture.
Leyla Preston

Delani - posted on 02/15/2011

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K- I have 5 children and come to the realization that I will not have a "clean" house for about 5-6 more yrs (youngest is 2 1/2 and labeled the human tornado) you are already proving that you are a good wife and mom by being concerned with how you are doing... Take the time to enjoy your hubby and child...as long as they are clothed, fed, and the baby has a dry butt...

Amy - posted on 02/14/2011

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It's not easy, but over time it does get better! Don't be affraid to ask for help when you need to, but in general I'm sure you'r doing an amazing job! The biggest thing that can help is talk to who ever is going to take care of your child, if it's a daycare or someone you don't know personally stop in randomly and see what goes on. When I went back to work I called my husband (stay at home dad) a few times each day just to see how things are going. After a while I didn't feel the need to anymore. Now (our oldest is 2 1/2) he'll send me pics of the kids during the day every now and then and send it to my phone.

In terms to the wife part, try to start setting a bedtime for your baby (I know, easiear said than done) and try to set asside an hour every evening (or when ever fits in your schedule) that's just for the two of you to catch up and stay in tune with eachother. Also, see if someone can watch your kids every so often so you two can go on date nights.

Most importantly, don't be upset if you can't get everything done. We always have a pile of dishes and other chores that don't get done too often. Weekends are a great time to catch up on stuff.

Angela - posted on 02/14/2011

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It is really hard! You have to admit that you can't do it all. Before my oldest was born, I was so anal about having a clean house all the time, etc. Once she was born, I had to let it go - the laundry doesn't always get folded as soon as it comes out of the dryer, sometimes there are dirty dishes in the sink, things like that. When I get home at night, I want to spend time with my girls before they go to bed. The dirty dishes and clean laundry will be there once they go to sleep or the next day.

My husband is also a big help once I nag him, lol. We cloth diaper, so if he wants to be sitting and watching TV, that's fine, but he needs to be stuffing diapers if I'm making dinner or doing other stuff.

Alexandra - posted on 02/13/2011

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It's tough to be a new mom, and a working one at that. There are several things that helped me. First of all, I got some support from family and friends. When they ask to babysit, cook a meal, run and errand, I never turn down the help. Buy yourself a Slow Cooker and teach your husband how to use it. Give him some of the house work and then LET GO OF IT. He may not fold the towels how you do, or load the dishwasher in the same order, but as long as it gets done, it doesn't really matter.

You need some alone/me time too, so don't neglect yourself. Send the baby to grandma's and take an afternoon to get a manicure, or take a bubble bath. Go on date night with the hubby, and ignore the laundry, the sticky floor and the dust bunnies. So long as your happy, the baby is taken care of and happy and the husband doesn't feel neglected, nothing else matters.

Marcy - posted on 02/10/2011

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Well....first off acknowledge that it is hard. Having a newborn is hard, having a newborn and having to go back to work is tougher 10 times over. However, that being said there are lots of things that you can do to prepare yourself. Take the time now to think about all the things you do on a daily basis (cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.) write it all down. If you will be returning to work full time (8+ hours) you need to find shortcuts. if you can afford it, hire someone to come in and clean your house twice a month. Sit down with your husband and have a heart to heart. My hubby has laundry patrol...I don't touch the laundry. he likes to come home and watch tv after dinner. As long as he is folding laundry he is in the safe zone and he knows it. Cook once and eat twice. Make twice as much and have leftovers or take it for lunch. oh yeah...and our big family rule. We only make one plan each weekend. If we have plans for a playdate great...that's it for the entire weekend. Acknowledge that you need down time. I get up 3 days per week and go running with a friend at 4:45AM. my whole family thinks I am nuts but its how I maintain my sanity. Find some really good friends who don't mind listening to you complain...sometimes we just don't want answers we just want someone to listen. oh yeah. and when all else fails at the end of a long work day and your child is having a bad day, do yourself a favor, run a bath, have a glass of wine or a cup of tea and go to bed. The dishes and messy house will be there in the morning for you to deal with...but not the laundry (at least in my house) HAHA.

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