How do i know if my daughter is mistreated when she isnt at home

Justine - posted on 06/26/2011 ( 11 moms have responded )

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my 1 1/2 year old has quite a temper. she has recently taking to hitting me and throwing things. I dont know if its a phase but its driving me insane. she is such a difficult child. The part that really worries me is every now and then she comes home from creche with a bruise from falling or so they say. but again she now has a bruise on her check and this is seeming all too often for my liking. i know she is learning to walk/run and she trips alot but i just dont know if everything is alright. how do you know if your child is suffering from abuse at school????? im usually a very paranoid person.

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Sal - posted on 07/10/2011

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Kids do tend to bump and fall more at this stage, but a good childcare provider will be vigilant at this stage and will be able to inform you when you pick your child up as to how they got the bruises. Bottom line though is always trust your gut instinct, your Mummy sense will rarely be wrong, nature builds us that way and if you are wrong it's better to be safe than sorry. I agree with the idea of popping in unannounced at the nursery, you can see the reality of day to day activities much better and it will give you a good idea as to whether you are comfortable or not.

Fawn - posted on 07/10/2011

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If you're concerned about it, take your children to their doctor and show them the bruising. The doctor will be able to tell you if it's normal or not and if you should worry.

Kelly - posted on 06/27/2011

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Do you have the opportunity to make an unannounced visit? It might be time to sneak a peek at what is going on without anyone in the classroom knowing that you are there. Most places encourage parents to visit and if you don't want people thinking that you are spying simply tell the director or someone that is in charge of creche (daycare?) that you would prefer that your child not see you so you can observe what goes on. Most places write out accident reports for parents to read and sign. If your place does you should talk to the person in charge about the frequency of accidents occurring and let them know that you are concerned.

In all fairness maybe your child is just picking up on some bad habits from the other children around her. My daughter went through a phase of hitting me and laughing. I observe another child and his brother rough housing and laughing about it in her classroom. My daughter just couldn't distinguish between the boys playing and hurting each other. Just be firm with your child and keep letting her know that the behavior isn't acceptable at home.

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Candida - posted on 07/12/2011

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Pop in on them randomly to check on her. A good day care will be ok with it. If an excuse is needed, you could always say you are working on her temper with you.

Danielle - posted on 07/11/2011

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I don't know if this will help. I am a child care provider and I have a 2 year old daughter who goes to daycare as well so she has her own time with different kids and a little away from mommy to develop her social skills. Well, most kids have this kind of behavior at this age. My daughter was the same and she still does that sometimes. The difference is that she won't do that with her daycare lady and that is normal and considered good. It means that she is more comfortable being herself with me, the mother, and with her daycare lady she is more cautious. Kids know the difference. If you talk to your daycare lady, she might say that she has never done that at daycare. But I understand your concern and I would come for visits without telling her and checking around. If she has older kids, talk to them, ask them what they did during the day, if they are happy. They are going to tell you how they feel. And monitor your daughter's behavior. Is she different on the days she does not go to daycare. Hope this can help you!!!

Britt - posted on 07/10/2011

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My DD is 1 1/2 luckily no bruises but smaller than a dime size below her knee just one here and there. Nothing "major," i am too worried about her running and falling! she may just started walking last month but now shes fast!



I know what you mean with the hitting and throwing- DD see's older siblings do it to one another maybe this might be where its coming from?? I just shake my head no and say "no no no in a cute baby voice."

Cherika - posted on 07/10/2011

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okay taking them to the doctor is not a bad idea but if it is really that important. You shouldn't take them to the doctor for every little thing. While you take the doc's time for a little bruise or bump that will heal in a few days and doc only tells you to put ice on it and keep documenting on the things that go on. This why the office is overcrowed and overpriced. trust your instincts and not everyone else. If you think there is something going on then investigate. Lets not jump the gun. you know how your child is and most children give signs through unverbal gestures anyways. one the though, don't try to be supermom, we do alot as is.

Cherika - posted on 07/06/2011

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Its just a normal phase. I mean, she is going to be two soon she just terrible a little early. They don't call them terrible two's for nothing. I am going through this now with my daughters, they fight like 4 ten year old little boys. omg, they work my nerves. Just hang in there and be sure you let her know who is in charge, this is the testing and pushing buttons stage from here on out. Goodluck.

Sherry - posted on 06/28/2011

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My DS, who is 14 months, hits all the time and he does throw things sometimes too. I agree it's fustrating. I try to remove him from the situation and get down to his level and tell him no hitting. He still does it. He likes to smack his hand or toys on other people's heads, etc...I'm sure it's a phase. I can't wait until he outgrows it.

Also, my DS started walking about 10 months, but he's still not an expert at 14 months. He still loses his balance sometimes or trips over things when he is trying to walk fast/run. He constantly has bruises on his forehead, cheeks, etc...

I KNOW my DS is not being abused as I am home with him. When my DD was learning to walk and in the early stages of walking/learning to run, she fell down a lot too and ended up with lots of bruises. My nephew was 2 or 3 before he started putting his hands up to break his fall, so he was always smacking his face.

If you are concerned, I would make an unannounced visit to your daycare. It's possible, she is picking up the hitting from there, but DS has always been at home with me, so she could just be doing it on her own. DS likes to know what things sound like when he smacks them.

Good Luck!

[deleted account]

Justine, I think the issue is trust. If you chose this crèche and you felt they were competent, then you need to let go and let them do their jobs. Second guessing them doesn't help you or them. If you don't feel they are competent, then you need to do what is necessary to find a crèche that you feel confident in.

That being said, I agree with one of the other moms. We keep our son at home and have since he was born as both my husband and I work from home. For a period of 4-5 months, he was falling EVERY DAY. Some falls were quite serious, others weren't so bad, but because of his coloring, they all showed up as bruises. I can't say what is going on at your crèche, but I can say that your usual paranoia may be misplaced, in this case.

Karen - posted on 06/27/2011

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yeah hitting, tempers, and throwing things are normal at that age. And it's also normal for them to get bruises everyday. But I would take to Kelly's advice if you are worried. You can sometimes tell what a bruise was caused by when you look at them. you could ask the doctor to take a look. they can tell also. Make sure you find out what she ran into or fell on so that the bruise, cut or scrape can determine that's what happened. Check for bruises in odd places like her bottom or just above her daiper (lower back), back, back of her neck, the back of her thighs, ankles, thighs (sometimes), inside of the upper arms, the back of shoulders or places that wouldn't be hurt from a fall. Usual places are the calves, right above the knee, the knee, arms, face, forehead, head ect..

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