how do i work and look after my child and husband and home at the same time?

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Angela - posted on 11/10/2009

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Love, take one day at a time. I usually try to prepare as many meals as I can on a Sunday, then freeze them for the week or make a list of what meals I need to shop for, for each night of the week. Hubby needs to help you too. Like bathing baby, while you prepare dinner. With a new baby the house can also take a back seat. On a Saturday, if you can get your mom to babysit for a few hours while you do the laundry, vacuuming etc. This is how I coped in the first few months. But as baby gets older and more independent you will find your own routine and what suits you. Moms have been managing for centuries to do everything. Thats why we are the moms and not dads. Good luck.

Patricia - posted on 11/10/2009

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I agree with the previous posts, but I would also add that you can't do it all. Both my husband and I work full time. My in-laws are our baby sitter. We take care of her and we try to take care of each other...but the house is a mess. We clean it together when we have a chance. I would say don't do it alone, get help and be able to let go of certain things.

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Brandy - posted on 11/22/2009

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Now that is the question that all working moms ask but we always find a way to get it all done by the end of the day...and if we don't.....it will be there tomorrow...don't stress because you will lose out on the great gifts of having a family...

Comfort - posted on 11/22/2009

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It depends on you. You want to live a comfortable live then you should be able to juggle everything together.

Tanya - posted on 11/22/2009

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Hi, Lilian!
I was raised by my grandmother when my parents divorced and I wish she had had that time for me. I was a latch key kid and she always worked on weekends. She provided for me materially, very nicely, in fact. However, sometimes she was emotionally distant, which could probably be attributed to her working career. I always wished we could have been close but never truly were. That's why I foster that w/ my children. Although I'm busy w/ work, I'm lucky to have a job that stays at work and I don't bring it home w/ me. It's a juggling act but I tell my kids I love them every day, remind them how special they are to me, and lots of hugs. Although my eldest gets embarrassed sometimes by public affection where her peers/public can see, I know she welcomes them. They're my life and proud of them. :0))

Lilian - posted on 11/22/2009

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Hi Tanya,
Indeed. I recall my childhood having my mom at home during the entire day and night, busy that's right, but still with us. Watching up our steps, our rights and wrongs, our behavior while playing or fighting with brothers and friends and our development at school. Then, I became a mom too, inheriting all values which were passed from my mom to me during my life, and which required 'time', so much 'time' from her which she could share with me as she was not away from home.
My concern is with not being able to share enough time with my children in order to allow them to inherit the values or thoughts I have to offer, and which may be necessary for them to enjoy decent life.

Tanya - posted on 11/20/2009

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Hi, Lilian!
I would so like to know the answer to that question myself! Family dynamics have changed so much in the last 50 years. When our children are parents themselves I wonder if they'll see the wisdom of our actions and decisions. I hope so. Sometimes I hear my daughter saying, "OMG, mom!!" Makes me laugh to hear it cuz I know how different the teenage culture is from a mother's perspective! lol

Lilian - posted on 11/20/2009

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I wish I could know what 'children' think about us, mothers of new generation...what do they think about the way we handle work, husband and home...

Tanya - posted on 11/17/2009

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Hi, Nadia! I work full time and I have a teenager, twins in Elem. school and a 3 y.o. son. I've been with my husband for a long time and I've recently realized how much i do. Everyone spot cleans and try to rotate chores among my 3 oldest children to help but no one cleans like I do. My husband and children do a quick job and althought it's helpful, it makes me frustrated since I'm the one that scrubs the base boards, wipes the windows, vaccum under the furniture, etc. I had an epiphany recently: I've trained my family to rely on me to run the household, cook, make appt's, take the children to their school functions, do play dates, take them on outings, pay the bills, plan family trips, make the major decisions. I used to think this made me a strong woman and it did, but it made my family complacent. My mom recently told me that it's called Super Mom syndrome. I'm trying to change this attitude that we've all adopted and I've recently scheduled time for myself away from the family biweekly. I used to feel guilty for admitting I needed a break, but it's made me a better mom and wife! I love my family, but to be brutally honest, I've handicapped them (in a sense) and emasculated my husband by taking complete control. I read somewhere that in these kind of marriages, when one partner does everything and that spouse dies, the other spouse is left clueless. I never thought of that, something to think about. If you want to be Super Mom, it's do-able but it comes with a cost. Could be your health, the quality of your marriage, personal relationships, or your personal life apart from your family to name a few. I learned to stay organized, schedule appt's months in advance, stay on top of your finances, cook reheatable meals on the weekend, memorize everyone's schedule and get a good PDA or calendar to keep track of your time. Good luck!

Cheryl - posted on 11/15/2009

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Quoting Patricia:

I agree with the previous posts, but I would also add that you can't do it all. Both my husband and I work full time. My in-laws are our baby sitter. We take care of her and we try to take care of each other...but the house is a mess. We clean it together when we have a chance. I would say don't do it alone, get help and be able to let go of certain things.



This is very true. I work part time and my husband works full time. Even though he "works" more hours than I do, I still have the  kids more than he does so we figure it ballances out and he still helps me out around the house whenever he can. Also our sitter is my brother-in-law and my sister-in-law. They have been a huge help. They watch our 3 boys for $1.50 an hour. True it adds up, but not nearly as quickly as daycare or any other sitter. Budgets help a lot, but I've found that no matter how hard you try, sometimes they just don't  work. I've been on a budget for almost a month. I thought things were going really well and I stuck to it. But then I checked my bank account and I found I'm overdrawn. So sometimes they don't work, but for some people they work really well. I hope this helps.

Chloe - posted on 11/15/2009

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me to! And next year ill be studying! So hard to fit it all in and feel like Im doing a good job.

Lisa - posted on 11/14/2009

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Wow a housekeeper really I mean come on now. Honestly I do not think that is all that hard. My husband and I both work full time jobs and are also in college online full time as well. We have a 19month old that stays with her grandpa when we work but other than that she is at home with one of us. Our house is not onehundred percent clean all the time but the dishes get done and we always have clothes to wear. I do not think that you need a house keeper and they cost to much anyway. Who would trust someone they dont know in their house anyway. Take it one day at a time and with cooking there are a bunch of healthy options now where you can just toss it in the oven or microwave and then its done. You do not have to be super mom. As long as your child is healthy and happy everything will come into place. Goodluck and if you get to stessed out call a family member or a friend take time for yourself. It will all fall into place

Cathryn - posted on 11/14/2009

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I just take one day at a time. prepare my day head have everything ready all aroning done for the week children hubby too me too. Set my cooking to last at least three days we can eat on like spegetti, roast, so on do cleaning on the week end always make the bed every morning and eveything els will fall into place. Always remember to pray and you will see your life will become easier for you ")

Jaime - posted on 11/14/2009

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wow thats big what are you to do but do it.i think we women are men inside and always have to do what they slack in.its hard but you can do it because im in your shoes and i was working and paying the bills and school, so you can imagine that i had it rough but in the long run my hard work will pay off because when i start to make more money then i might be a little bit better but not necessarily, but i got side tracked for a moment but all i can say is if its a burden to you then you need to speak to him and come up with something that willhelp you both

Trish - posted on 11/14/2009

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Hi I'm Trish,

I'm exactly in the same boat, I'm carer for children's fatther's medical conditions, have 5 kids and work. What I noticed that works, this is being unaware of your lifestyle, is have me time, even if it is for only 1/2 hr. Organise with your friend to watch your child for a little while, so you can just go and have a coffee, or another thing is use family day care and get some 24 hour respite, whuich is also child care benifit/rebaye friendly.
It's all about balancing, time management and not feeling guilty to spend some time just on your own to look after you inner being. Hope this helps and good luck

Ingrid - posted on 11/14/2009

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Don't stress. Everything will fall into place. As everyone has said before, time management is a skill that will be learned with time. I and my husband work full time have two kids in elementary school, and both of us are also fininshing up our Master's degrees.
Belive me when I say that it was not an easy adjustment for me to juggle the kids, husband, work and the home. However, my husband shares responsiblilty of watching the kids when i need him too, he does the laundry and takes care of the home maintainence. I am responsible for the cleaning of the house and the other stuff.
As the kids get older it will get easier. I taught my kids to clean up after themselves and to clean their rooms since they were 2. Now the chores are not so bad.

[deleted account]

u work around family they be there wen u leave and there wen u get home .i been working 15yrs part time i have 4 kids age 8 13 .my 18 and 22 yr old live with they family they have kids of they own .i have 3 grankids now.witch i see everyweekend .i spend hours talking to my younger two about they day so i never lose out on wot they do

Susan - posted on 11/14/2009

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hi Nadia

Its true that you have to be highly organised, but i just wanted to say, you also need to learn to chill out and that chaos may reign but nobodys perfect and sometimes you just need to get a takeaway and take a breather and not feel guilty about it, thats the important thing. There is no right and wrong , and my philosophy is that if i cook 80 percent of the meals from scratch then ill let somebody else cook the other 20 ! good luck.

Stacy - posted on 11/13/2009

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Nadia, I'm a single working mother of 2. I've raised both of my teenage children on my own. It hasn't been easy but if I can do it alone, you can do it with your husband. It needs to be a team effort and trust me when I say that it gets easier as the children get older. Keep organized and please take care of yourself. It's like the airplane emergency plan, take care of you (eat healthy, let your husband take over sometimes, excercise,etc...), than you can take care of everyone else.

Kerri - posted on 11/13/2009

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At least everyone agrees that it is not easy! My husband and I both work full time and I also work a 2nd job on Sat nights. My best advice is don't sweat the small stuff. If the house isn't immaculate or you have to order take out for dinner, no worries. You have work to pay the bills so use your free time to Enjoy your kids and family, everything else will fall into place. As long as my kitchen is clean, I can go to bed and deal with the rest in the morning. Some nights I fall asleep with my boys and don't care what got done!
Most important, you need to get out for some time for yourself with your friends and no kids even if it is just coffee or a quick pedicure. It woks wonders for me!

Sylvia - posted on 11/13/2009

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Well, a lot depends on circumstances (time, finances, etc.), but I'd say the first thing you'll probably have to do is let go of the idea that it's your job to look after your husband (unless, of course, he is ill or has some kind of physical disability and you are in fact his caregiver). Different families work out different schemes for the division of labour, but YOU CANNOT DO IT ALL and you will go crazy if you try. Having a partner should mean less work for Mom, not more!

If you can afford it, hire someone to come and do the heavy cleaning (hoovering, scrubbing the bath, washing the floors, etc.) every couple of weeks; in between, learn to relax your standards. If you can't afford housecleaning help (I can't either) ... learn to relax your standards.

Accept any help that's offered you. If the helper doesn't do things exactly the way you would ... oh well. For instance, if your husband is willing to fold the laundry, but doesn't fold it to your satisfaction, suck it up: at least the laundry's folded. This will later apply to your kid or kids as well. (There's one big exception to this, of course: you don't accept "help" in the form of free babysitting from someone you know is likely to spank or otherwise abuse your kids. But that's kind of a no-brainer.)

If you have made a considered decision to return to work and have found child care you trust, good: stop second-guessing yourself about that decision, and learn to tune out all the people who will tell you you (a) are using the wrong type of childcare (everyone has their preferred option; people who think large centres are best will diss you for hiring a nanny, people who prefer home care will diss you for using a centre, etc.) or (b) should be staying home instead of working.

Being organized is good. Just make sure you don't fall into the trap of believing that you're so organized, you can do ANYTHING. You still have to set limits: when both parents work, family time is precious. Learn to say no to the things you don't really want to do but feel vaguely guilty about not doing.

Try to make time, even if it's just a little bit of time, to do something you enjoy. But don't feel guilty if there are some days or weeks when that doesn't happen!

Jasmine - posted on 11/13/2009

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your days off should be your major cleaning days and then days you work u can just do little things like vacume. It will be very hard to do if ur husband doesn't lend in a helping hand. If you work well together it will make it easier...

Sally - posted on 11/13/2009

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We made a family decision to include housekeeping in the budget. It makes a world of difference. It allows us precious family time. Priorities are individual for each family and don't let other's make you feel bad for decisions that are best for you and your family.

Helen - posted on 11/12/2009

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i work full time and have to bring alot of work home with me, my husband works over 90 hours a week so he cant help me with the house at all. The only time i can do house work is late at night. I am afraid what you have to do is give up any hope of having any time to yourself! ( have just had first morning to myself in 2 years!) just get really organised - i always have meals planned a week in advance and do the house work while baby is asleep.

Misty - posted on 11/12/2009

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The things we can do are amazing. Although I don't like it I work two jobs. I have two children that I would love to devote more time to but I also have to put a roof over their head and clothes on their back. My husband works too and we both take care of the house and the kids. It get very hectic especially when you add in sports and all the practices and games but we manage. If I could afford to have someone else clean my house I would in a heartbeat. If you can afford it have someone else do it. If you have to do that's fine too and even though it may be frustrating and you feel overwhelmed you will survive. If you forget something or miss something don't sweat it. Life goes on and don't be afraid to ask family for help if you need it. Make sure that you find some time for yourself to unwind or you will start to take your frustration out on your kids and your husband.

Melissa - posted on 11/12/2009

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I agree with the previous posts at the begining about getting organized. I have a big 2 month dry erase calander outside our bedroom doors on the wall. I keep everything on there. I would be lost without it. My son was in 3 different sports, but football ended and now he's down to 2 sports. And to keep track of those I need a calander. It is the best thing I ever bought. The date my bills are due are on there and my son's sports practices and games are on there. Family things are on there adn our personal things are on ther. So if anyone isn't sure what we have going on this week, they just have to look at the calander. As far as house work, my boyfriend and I just talked it over and we came up with jobs that we both have to do depending on our schedules. Best of luck!!

Crystal - posted on 11/12/2009

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you ladies are lucky, i love my husband but he doesnt do jack shit lol lately he has been helping out by cleaning off the dinner table, but even then all he does is dumps the food in the garbage and the dishes in the sink without rinsing lol

i work 30 hours a week and my hubby is full time, its a hard job! ive gotten to the point where i say the house will live. its usually a mess. but its not dirty if you know what i mean. i take one of my days off and dedicate it to just cleaning if my 2 year old lets me. and i find it easier when its a day daddy is at work. then i dont have to clean around the both of them.

good luck! its a never ending battle

Patricia - posted on 11/12/2009

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I am amazed at the women above who wakes up her husband and does all that work. And it makes me realize how lucky I am to have the partner I do. He does laundry, he cooks, he diapers, he dresses the baby, he does everything I do. When I said we take care of each other and the baby that is what I meant. We do everything together. The house is cleaned together, he takes one floor I take the other. I never feel like I have to be the traditional "mother/caretaker" I have a full partner in this family. Reading these posts have made me feel incredibly grateful for my guy. Thank you.

Sherry - posted on 11/12/2009

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A mom that works outside the home is considered to have 2 jobs. It isnt easy, You will need some help from your husband. I have been doing it my whole life and it isnt easy, at some points I have wanted to quit my home job (because I dont get payed for that one) I have 2 kids left at home 6 and 8. The older they get the better it gets. You have to explain to your husband that he will need to help now that you are going to be outside the house working as well as inside the house working.

Alison - posted on 11/11/2009

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Rest assured that you will find a way to make this work, as overwhelming as it may seem.

1) Try to splurge for a housekeeper every other week if you cannot afford it weekly. That way you know that your floors and bathroom WILL get cleaned.
2) Set up a daily routine that works for you. Try to get the dishes done and kitchen floor swept every night, and a load of laundry if needed.
3) You may have to lower your standards. Your house doesn't have to be impeccable and your meals don't have to be gourmet. Happiness comes from balance and quality time with those you love.

Good luck to you!

Heather - posted on 11/11/2009

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Good for you for working. Taking care of all of that is not an easy task. You must devote time to yourself to keep going. Asking for help when you need it is key also. Some men just don't get it and when asked they are so willing to help they just need verbal cues. You are giving our children a wonderful example of work ethics. And remember you don't have to do it all. The undone tasks will still be there in the morning for you to tackle.

Vicki - posted on 11/11/2009

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You need to be very good at time management, and you need to have your husband help you. Define a schedule for everyone and stick to it. For instance: you wake up at 5, start a load of laundry, wash the dishes, and put dinner in the crock pot. Jump in the shower and get yourself ready. Wake up your husband and get him to feed the baby while you make the beds and straighten up the rest of the house. Grab junior and head to work. When you get home, feed everyone dinner, play with the baby until his bedtime, and then pick just 1 room to deep clean - floors, furniture, etc. Head for bed and do it again the next day. That's the only way I found to keep my house half way decent, my kids happy, and not go crazy trying to do it all.

Moleboheng - posted on 11/11/2009

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It takes a lot out of us truly to keep the scale balanced but we can do it one step at a time and sorting priorities.

I have a fulltime helper and trully I am starting to realize I do not really need her fulltime with us because I end up doing things myself anyway. Also if I allow her to do everything, I sell my right as a woman. It is still important to bath my daughter, do the laundry and other household chores as part of your love service to your family.

We are multi-tasked enough to handle it though with caution.

Christine - posted on 11/10/2009

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it's hard,nt an easy thng.bt wth commitment on ur part u wil do it.God watches out 4 us women in a special way bcoz he knows al th responsibilties put upon us

Kaycey - posted on 11/10/2009

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Well, you can always do what I did...... Hire a housekeeper. Even one day a week makes all the difference in the world. There are not enough hours in the day to do it all and be happy.

Kate - posted on 11/10/2009

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If you are both working you need to split the household duties. I developed a chore chart and that helps remind everyone of their responsibilities. Although I do feel like I am constantly reminding everyone of their duties...My husband and I both work full time and our 2 year old goes to daycare. His 19 year old son also lives with us. The older son helps out minimally since he is working and going to college full time. (takes out the trash and does his own laundry and cleans his bathroom - with much prodding).
It is hard, but you have to create a plan and stick to it, otherwise you will become resentful.
Best of luck!

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Where are your priorities? Does your husband make enough money for your family to be above the red line? If so, I think you should become a stay at home Mom until your child goes to school. Then get a part time job with the same hours of his school.

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The first thing you should tell yourself is that the world will not end of you do not do it all. It is good to have a schedule or plan in place but it is OK if you go to bed without picking up toys or play with the baby instead of doing laundry every once in a while. Try not to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders and you will do a great job.

Michele - posted on 11/10/2009

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I agree with Elizabeth. You will become an amazing organizer and coordinator of family events. Have a family calender posted in your house so nothing is forgotten! It only gets worse with the kids get involved in sports, dance, ect......I still get overwhelmed at times but I have a great husband, mother, father and friends that help us out. REACH OUT...DON'T BE SHY!

Elizabeth - posted on 11/10/2009

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This is a very broad question and a lot depends on your circumstances. For example, will your husband be working as well? Can you afford a nanny or housekeeping services, or do you need to do it all yourself? Are you breastfeeding or bottle? Can you work flexible hours, or does it need to be a straight 9 to 5 job?



In any case, I recommend taking out a calendar and getting a schedule going for work hours and housekeeping hours, and (don't forget) relaxation + entertainment. Also, though it may seem unrelated, a budget will help manage the household.

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