How do ya do it??

Nichole - posted on 11/02/2010 ( 18 moms have responded )

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Ok, currently I work part time and have a 13 1/2 month old. I'm also married. I'm looking for either a 2nd job or just 1 fulltime position, as well as looking to return to school part time to finish my degree. My husband is working fulltime and going to school fulltime. I feel like I never see him already, and feel like I'm missing out on time with my baby already. I can't imagine how you mom's out there with more than one work fulltime and/or go to school too. Just looking for encouragement and advice.

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Amber - posted on 11/08/2010

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Nicole, good for you, you are a strong woman, and your child is lucky to have you as a mom. I am a single mom of 4 kids (ages 12, 9, 7 and 6) my 7 year old has high functioning autism, which can make life a little crazy sometimes, but we're coping well.
I work full time, but have a great employer who has offered me flex time, I work on salary, and have to put in my hours, but typically I work while the kids are in school, and I'm home when they get home, then I work a few hours on Saturdays to make up my hours while the kids play at grandma's and grandpa's house.
Then I decided to get finish my degree, so I enrolled in an online university that offers the program I want, and gave me a lot of transfer credits from college diploma. Although it's a lot of work, and can be stressful, my children know they are loved, and are growing up with a good work ethic (my 12 year old son started selling chocolate bars for a children's charity to make some extra money for himself, he LOVES his job, and is gaining self esteem, self respect and a good work experience at a young age) and I can attribute this to showing my children that no matter what, you can accomplish anything if you put your mind to it, think it through, and take care of yourself.
My suggestions, take frequent breaks from homework, 15 minute breaks do wonders, not only for you, but for your precious little one, make it a point to take 15 minutes each hour of study time to connect with your child. If your little one is like my kids, they entertain themselves a lot, and they don't need me on top of them every minute, but by spending that 15 minutes connecting, it's done wonders for our family. Second, get plenty of rest, even if the homework isn't done, the dishes are still in the sink, and you have no idea where the remote is, go to bed on time.
Third, set up routines so that everyone knows what to expect at certain times of the day, this has really helped my 7 year old, and it's helped me too.
Good luck with your studies,

Ursula - posted on 11/06/2010

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Nichole,
My Husband and I work opposite shifts. We have 1 day off together. We make that one day family day and parents night. We are very close and always put our family first. Working is a necessity that we all too much understand. Just make sure you communicate with each other and make the little things count. We make it work with a schedule. Now not every moment is account for but things do have there time. Plus we have the support of my mother-in-law which helps. Hang in there. It does get easier. Take a day at a time, take deep breaths, give lots of hugs and kisses, and remember to say I Love You often!
Best of luck,
Ursula

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Nichole - posted on 11/07/2010

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Julie no kids don't care about square footage on thier house...but they sure need a house to live in & food to eat. That's why I work. I'm looking to finish school to get a better job so I could work less.

Julie - posted on 11/07/2010

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You have a baby. ENJOY. School will be there. There is plenty of time! relax. bond with your baby. Kids dont care about squre footage of thier house or year and make of their car... they just want love. Enjoy being a mom.

Nichole - posted on 11/07/2010

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My degree is in Psychology. I'm going to finish at the school I started, and they offer online courses. It's Southwest Baptist University.

Thanks for all the encouragement & advice!!

PATRICIA - posted on 11/06/2010

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It is not easy. I work 12 hour shifts in an ER and come home to my family. I have had to take my education on the back burner for a while and focus on my certifications as an RN to help further my education. Not to mention the extra shifts I have to work. I work at night and my husband works during the day. I work the weekends while he works during the week and my daughter is in school. It is hard, yet I am planning on going back to school part time and taking on-line courses. If you are able, not knowing what you are going to major in, there are several really good schools out there with on-line courses to help reach your degree goals. As for the family time, I have to admit that we plan every week for a evening when I am not working and able to spend time with family. It is not easy when I am emotionally and physically drained from work and just want to relax on my days off, but I always want to spend as much time with them as I can. I can agree with the not being able to spend enough time and feeling like time is just flying by. I have learned that if I spend time with my daughter doing things that we both like, no matter how small, it makes a difference for us both when I am working so much.

Amanda - posted on 11/06/2010

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Nichole, My husband and I both work fulltime and opposite shifts at that. We have three kids, two of which are in school. I'm tired. I'm stressed. But, I want to provide a great life for my kids. I want them to know the meaning of hard work. How will they learn if we don't show them? Ya, we spend family time separately most of the week. But it doesn't matter if 1 or both of us are there, we do our best to make it count. I'd give anything to go back to school. I can't right now because of other things. I gotta say, I'm a little jealous of you. It really sounds like when you and your husband are done with school, you and your family will be successful. If this is something you truly want, then do it, just don't forget your family too. Remember, it's not the amount of time spent, it's the quality of the time. Good luck.

Merri - posted on 11/05/2010

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I know where you are. I have to work to jobs and my husband works all the time plus we have a three year old. ITs hard. But It can be done. He does go to a sitter during the day and he is with my family while I work my second job. I try to spend all my non working time with him and take care of my household stuff later. It will get done when it gets done. I am lucky that i have a great support system while I am at either job they will bring him in so i can have dinner with him or have him call me if I am not home while he goes to bed. Also I made it a rule not to work Sundays. That is my day with him. And again I pick something that he loves and make sure we do that.When I get up in morning I just day to myself that I am doing all this for him. Even though its hard to be away I am doing it for him. You will find time. Good Luck

Nichole - posted on 11/05/2010

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Karen: I have Fibro, CFS, IBS, RLS, endometriosis, & issues with cysts on my ovaries. I was diagnosed with most of that about 8 years ago but the cyst thing is new. The fibro, CFS, IBS, & RLS used to be ALOT worse. Now I have days where I can't do much but generally just one or two in a row. But mostly I'm just always sore & tired, whether I'm out & about or relaxing at home. I've kinda made up my mind if I'm gonna be stuck feeling like this regardless of what I do (meds didn't help, the one that did help made me feel outside myself...creepy...) I'm just gonna live my life they way I dreamed I would. Just cuz I'm sick don't mean I'm unable. As for the "burn-out"....I don't think you understand the kind out people me and my husband are. When we get a goal in mind we work towards it until it's a reality. Then when we get there when celebrate, relax, reflect, and make new goals... Like when I was in high school I did it in 3 years and still got my high schools college prep award (24 high school credits) and 32 hours of dual enrollment and working 30-39 hours a week... Before my health took a poor turn, I was on a path to finish with my BS in 2 1/2 years!! But had to take a semester off, then when I returned I was still on pace to finish in 4 years....then I got pregnant, and felt it unwise to push myself during such a delicate time (turns out to be a wise choice, I ended up having a difficult pregnancy). Now I'm on pace to finish my bachelors with in 6 years. I'm crazy, but driven. Yes my health is a concern, which is why when it starts to get bad, my husband has me cut back until I'm well enough for whatever it is. Like I quit my job and stayed home from 21 weeks preggo until my son was 9 1/2 months old. Now I currently work a very unreliable 12-39 hours a week, looking for more reliable steady work for more like 40 hours. School will be 2 classes at a time online until next fall then I'll take 4 hours at school. This is just our plan, but things can be adapted if my health should need me to cut down (so far it don't), or should another baby comes along or should anything else arise. But for now getting ahead in life could help my family for if one of those does occur. Thanks for the advice though, sorry to be so defensive.

Karen - posted on 11/05/2010

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I undertand that. I also have CFS, and you made no mention of your health. I am a lot older than you, my eldest is 23 years. The point I was trying to make was that the stress you are putting yourself under is not doing you any good - but you know that as you have fibro, and being willing doesnt always work if your mind is and your body isn't. Mine was diagnosed 6 years ago after years of doing just what you are doing, and it will get worse. It's great that you and your husband have dreams - but sometimes to fullfil these dreams something has to give, please don't let it be your health any more. Not many of us can have our cake and eat it. I know lots of people with fibro and we are all different and affected differently. But if I overdo it now - I am in bed unable to move for upto a week, has been two weeks at one time.

Encouragement & advice:
Pace yourself
Enlist the help of family and friends
Make sure your medication is stable
Ask you gp about CBT course
Listen to your body
Don't overdo it
Work from home if you can
Be realistic
Set yourself achieveable goals

I am sorry if I offended you, but sometimes it takes someone to be frank and honest, and there is only so much a person can do in 24hrs without 'burn out'.

I do hope that things turn out as you wish.

Good luck and all the best.

Nichole - posted on 11/04/2010

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I have Fibromyalgia too. Yes it's stressful it's hard. I get that. I'm looking for advice & encouragement.... Not discouragement! My family needs me to work more, and I am willing despite my health issues. So ENCOURAGEMENT & ADVICE would be apreciated.

Karen - posted on 11/04/2010

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Nichole, it is tough! I had to give up my job earlier this year due to my health - fibromyalgia. They don't know the exact cause, but having years and years of stress is a main contributory factor. My years of stress, long working hours, mother, cook, housemaid, bottlewasher, nurse, taxi driver. I truly wouldn't do it if I was you. We needed extra income when I had to leave my salaried job, so we now do Avon between us, and are building a team. Which helps with the luxuries!

Nichole - posted on 11/04/2010

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Allison- No can't put off the work, we could use the money right now. Plenty of families have 2 fulltime working parents. And I need to finish school. I plan to finish my 13 of my hours online 3-6 hours at a time. My husband takes 12-15 hours at the local ju co, and he won't be finished until may 2012. Then he will be an AS-RN, and will possibly work towards his BS-RN which would be an additional 2 years. Then he's undecided but he may go to med school. So he may not be done for who knows how long. Depending on if he's just gonna be RN, CMA, PA, or MD. And my credits expire at my school in 2016. I only need 17 hours to have my BS in Psychology/counseling. Then I'll probably go to a local university for my MS in Mental Health Counseling so I can be a QMHP at our local mental health center. If I put off school I'll never finish. And we live off my husbands pay checks right now so he needs to finish school so he can have a better job. Maybe I am crazy, maybe we are. But our family works. Me and my husband make time for each other in our hectic scheduals and we take turns with our son. Just cuz we are a family doesn't mean all of us can't be working toward our dreams at once...we support each other. And when our baby gets big enough to share his dreams we'll help him reach them to. We'll fit in t-ball or peewee sports or whatever his passion is. I was looking for encouragement & advice, not discouragement!!

Alison - posted on 11/04/2010

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Two students with full-time jobs? Forget about couples time, there's no time there for parenting. In my books it's a recipe for disaster!

If you can stick with the part time work, your whole family will be in much better shape - even if the budget is tight. And put school off until he has finished and has a better paid job.

I find it is already too much when we both have full-time jobs - forget about the school.

Debra - posted on 11/03/2010

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its the hardest thing u will ever accomplish in your life it drives me crazy sometimes never enough time for anything an honestly it dosent get any better. e an my husband have become roomates we see each other 30 minutes a day an a few hrs on the weekends i have 6 kids total plus work fulltime an he works 2 jobs an our youngest just turned 3 in october we have adjusted to it but its very stressful at times but we know everything we do is worth it cause we r building a future for our children.

Nichole - posted on 11/03/2010

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Right now we need me to have the 2nd job or a fulltime. And finishing school (I only need 17 hours) would get me a BS which could help me get a better job. And in the end I want to get my Masters....if possible. Cuz I'd love to be a therapist when all the kids are in school. When my husband finishes school in May 2012, he should be able to get a job more than sufficient for me to stay home & by then I will be done with my BS, so I may go ahead and get my Masters while being a SAHM. It's just feels like a ton now, especiall when looking at the fact that we would like to have more kids before I hit 30.... I'm 22 now, so plenty of time, just feels like time is flying by.

Dora - posted on 11/03/2010

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I won't lie to you, it is one of the hardest things I have had to do. You definitely do miss out on a lot when it comes to your child. If you don't have to get a 2nd job or work full time for financial reasons, then I recommend that you don't do it.Try to be around for your little one as much as possible because the time flies by. There will be plenty of time for you to work when your child goes to school full time. My husband and I have been trying to get ourselves to the point I can stay home. My husband sees how unhappy I am and feels really bad. This alone causes stress. Financially we are not at that point yet. Trust me we have cut down on spending big time. It's the mortgage, property taxes and utilities that are taking a toll. Everytime we think we are that point, our property taxes go up or something major happens to one of our cars. It's crazy. I hope everything works out for you.

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