How Do You Balance Work, Kids, Husband?

Hannah - posted on 08/27/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My daughter just started full time kindergarten. At the same time, I got a very demanding morning job. Prior to, I was a stay at home fun loving mom.

My day starts like this: I get up at 4:30 a.m. and start work. (The part I thankfully get to do at home!) I then wake my husband up around 6:00, get his lunch ready and whatnot, and out the door by 6:30 a.m. I get back to work, wake my daughter up at 7:00 a.m., get her breakfast dressed ect give her a 30 minute tv break before school. I finish up my work then take her to school at 7:45ish...then I get to drive 15 minutes to where the other part of my job is. Work there until about 11:30 a.m. come home clean the house get things fixed up and whatnot. I take small breaks and I squeeze in exercise and lunch. I pick her up a little after 3, and come home exhausted and tired and try to play and whatnot until its "clean up time" for when daddy gets home (about 5) then I start dinner, we eat, clean up get her ready for bed ect. Then I get husband time--if i'm lucky, otherwise I'm so cranky and ready for bed I fall asleep around 9.

Well my church got ahold of me and asked if I could work mornings to help out until our Pastor comes back. Could be a month, a week, or two months. Now, I get to wake up at 2:30 a.m. start work, do the husband thing, do the kid thing, get everything ready drive 15 minutes drop her off at the bus so she can go BACK to town to sit at the school for an hour with the other bus kids, i work until 8 i come back do the church thing until 12. Come home clean like a mad woman. Cry. Feel like i'm failing my family because I have the workload of a housewife AND a working mom. I feel like I cannot please anybody. I'm always tired but they need me. I can't go to bed early because there's things that need to be done until at least 9:00. I am in no mood to play with our daughter after school, she doesn't have any friends in town, and i've always been the playmate (no lectures here haha)

I just am so overwhelmed and frustrated and exhausted and over it! "If mama aint happy aint nobody happy" is totally how its become and I hate it! I simply don't know what to do anymore, and I need to be that rock-the load bearing walls for my family! Otherwise its a disaster zone. And I hate it. Please someone give me advice on what to do here!! :) Thank you!

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Felicia - posted on 08/30/2012

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I totally understand what you are going through. My question to you would be have your routine as a SAHM changed now that you are a working mom? Or maybe you tried to fit working mom into your SAHM routine.



either way first find out why you have accepted these jobs. If having a job and running your household is not for you don't be afraid to say no and continue being a SAHM. However, if you have taken on these jobs because you need to whether it's financially or some type of independence then you need to start coming up with a plan to make this work.



1. Don't feel as if you have to do it all. Yes you may feel you are the rock but the rocks job is not to do everything. Like the previous person who commented said ask your spouse for some assistance. Maybe he needs to invest in an alarm clock and get himself out the door. The change will be hard, but the bottom line is he's use to you doing the husband thing.



2. Messy house guilt - This can be hard but you must get over it. If the place is not filthy and things aren't growing then you are okay (lol). Maybe I'm exaggerating. But I can't imaging your place being to messy where you have to clean up every single day. If it is, then it's time to start letting everyone pitch in. Including your daughter. My 4 year old like singing the clean up song (I don't even know it) and he loves to vacuum and help me with laundry.



3. Lastly set aside some designated daughter time, even if it's just 30 minutes. It's not about the amount of time you spend with you child but it's the quality of that time. Your child just wants to do stuff with you. Whether it's helping you do laundry, cook (which will all take longer when they are helping), or 30 minutes of daughter time where she gets to dictate the fun.



And in the midst of all of this don't forget to make an appointment with yourself for sanity time. This could be exercise, getting a mani padi, reading a book whatever.



If you are not happy then household isn't happy so your new life requires no tools and strategies to keep momma happy.



I hope this help!!

Laura - posted on 09/18/2012

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You are not alone. I get up about 5:30am, make lunches, if I have something to start in the crockpot, then I do that. I take my shower, dress, feed dogs, wake up hubby, help daughter get ready, then out the door by 7:05am (or we try to be anyway.) Drop daughter at daycare, drive to work. Work until 5:00pm. I work quite a ways from home, so I don't usually get back to get my daughter until around 5:45. Go home, cook or complete dinner, eat, homework, shower, bedtime, then clean house. I will usually try to fit a load of laundry in during the evening somewhere. My house is never pristine & never will be as long as I am working. I hardly ever have time for my hubby (being that he never helps with anything!) and definitely no time for me. I've realized I don't even have any friends anymore, just NO TIME. I will usually get to bed around midnight or a little before. My husband doesn't help with the child rearing or housework at all. He's usually asleep before our daughter. I'm at my wits end & we are about to go for marriage counseling. Don't let it get that far, ask for help now or learn to let your household work go for a day every once in a while. I have to do that on Tuesdays when my daughter has soccer practice. Good luck!

Melissa - posted on 08/28/2012

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The best advice I can give you is to ask your husband for a little help with the house work. He is used to you doing it all and that is not going to work anymore, trust me if you tell him how you are feeling he will be more than willing to help out. The more you 2 pull together and help each other the less stressed you will be plus you will have more time for fun.

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Allison - posted on 09/19/2012

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I know how you feel. I work a full time job during the week and a part time job on the weekend. My partner works full time as well. Luckily he does help out around the house and more times than not he is the one who cooks dinner. He washes his own clothes for the most part as well. And he takes as much care of the kids as I do. And even though my flow is a little easier, it does get overwhelming sometimes. I get up in the morning get the kids ready get them off on the bus, then I get ready then i take the dog out then i go work my 8 hours then pick the kids up from aftercare, come home do laundry, dinner, baths, homework. whatever house cleaning i can muster up the energy to do. But one thing that makes it easier, is I don't feel the need to clean my whole house every single day. i usually do that on the weekend after work. but setting aside one chore to do a day might help maintain the house and still leave you with time. Its hard to get time to yourself, and sometimes i'm up late just so i can enjoy some me time,but be sure to set aside time for you because whether you think you do or not, you deserve it. You don't have to always be in motion to be a good wife and mother. Your husband is a grown man and I believe that he could get himself ready for work, and maybe he only expects it because your so willing to do it. So talk to him and tell him that its causing you even more stress. Good luck!!

Christine - posted on 08/31/2012

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Just breathe and focus on the important things, your family! And ask the Hubby for some backup. I am a full time working Mom that also does all the house duties, etc. Once I learned to just ask for some help, the home routine flowed so much better.

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