How do you deal with a school bully aged 03???

Maria - posted on 01/12/2011 ( 6 moms have responded )

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my son just started school on 04th Jan 2011 and there's this girl in his class who from day one has pinched, scratched, bitten and called him names. The school teacher says she's an aggressive girl on the whole with other kids too. I think I'm the only parent who's come in to complain though, as Kenyan society is usually very passive, non-confrontational, some chalk it down to 'ah they'll grow out of it' others to 'let the kids play, we cant watch em all the time' one dad told me he'd teach his boy how to fight back, afterall, how can he be bullied by a girl!!! He told me to quit interfering with them coz I'd turn my son into a pansy!! I had to tell him to just drop it. First off, I was really pissed especially when I saw the bite marks on my son, but I wanna know, how to deal with this without turning into a bully of others myself. MT.

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Amy - posted on 01/12/2011

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I agree bite marks are not acceptable and I would be demanding to know what was going to be done to prevent it from happening in the future. There is a little boy in my son's class who was pushing (I know not the same) and my son told me about it. So I questioned my son about what the teacher did to stop the behavior from happening. I didn't want to jump right in and interfere because he has to learn to work through some stuff on his own but I asked questions to know that it was being addressed by the teacher. If I didn't think the teacher was addressing it properly, or if it continued to happen I would of had a conversation about what was going to be done in the future. However bite marks are different then pushing someone. My concern would be if you weren't notified that your child was bitten right away! IMO that deserves a call home notifying the parent of the situation. How many teachers are in your sons class? My son has 8 kids in his class and there is the teacher and a techers aide in the classroom. If there isn't adequate supervision to keep the kids safe I would notify the school that you plan on finding a school where your son will be safe!

Dora - posted on 01/12/2011

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Bite marks for me are never acceptable behavior or something that should just be dismissed. You have every right to be upset. The teachers in her class should really be handling the situation. It is up to them to make school a safe environment for all the children. I would definitely ask the teachers what they are doing about the negative behavior that is affecting all the kids. If you are not satisfied, I would start searching for another school. At 3yrs old your son shouldn't be exposed to such horrible behavior. Trust me I know kids will be kids but as parents we need to draw the line. Also the last thing you need as a parent to have your son start picking up on her actions especially the biting and name calling.

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Judy - posted on 01/18/2011

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Hopefully a teachers point of view will help. First if there were visible marks left on your son, the school should have written up an incident report (that you sign as well, then you get a copy). It is a way for the school to track how often the other child is being aggressive. Most schools do not go into detail of how another child is being managed, because that really isn't information you need. You do need reasonable reassurance they are doing something. I totally think you are right bringing it to the teacher and the directors attention. As for what you can do to help you son, teach him to stand up for himself, He needs to be able to look the other child in the eye and say with a firm voice "Don't hurt me!", Other phrases good for a child to have in their repertoire: "I'm not done with my turn, you can have it when I'm finished", "I don't like that", "Please don't stand so close to me".... you get the drift. Children need lots of help learning how to say these things to other children, They also need lots of help making eye contact with other children. Practice it at home, point out situations where those phrases could help as you read stories to your son. Also tell him it is ok to stay away from that child, teach him to walk away from her. I have to admit my daughter was a biter, It is a very common child behavior. But she learned pretty quickly that it is socially unacceptable when she was isolated and did not have any playmates because of that behavior. If it continues, and you don't feel the school is giving you proper support, I might look into switching schools.

Crystal - posted on 01/15/2011

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I'm not sure about there, but I do know that many schools and care centers will actually expel a child who is just too much of a problem. If there is enough support from other parents who point to this one child as being a problem, they may do the same. Of course, maybe having a talk with the parent... well, maybe whoever is over the school can do this when pressured by the other parents.

As for your son... if there a way to teach him to defend himself without actually hitting. I know many martial art techniques are focused solely on blocking, if you know what I mean. If she cannot get her frustrations out on him, she's more likely to leave him alone. Of course, this won't be an immediate solution as it would be time and practice, but it would eliminate the whole pansy issue altogether without getting him in trouble for fighting.

Maria - posted on 01/13/2011

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Thanks Dora, Amy & Tah. I did go to the school and even. I learnt that the parents are very much aware of her behavior and the mother cannot handle her. The father is the disciplinarian although I'm not sure what he does in that sense exactly. The school says she will be more vigilant especially when my son is playing around her. For the most part, they will keep them apart in class and in the school van so she doesn't get a chance to bully him. I guess this is a start. I looked at the little girl and I just didn't know what to say to her. But I just told her that when she picks on my son it makes me really sad! I'm not sure we understood each other though she said she was sorry for hurting him...
From what else I understand from the school, they are considering asking the parents to withdraw her because she's to rough with the other kids. You can imagine the damage that will be done by whichever kid will stand up to her. She could end up getting badly hurt herself. Anyways, thanks my good people.

MT.

Tah - posted on 01/12/2011

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Karate class for him, and a talk with the teacher, principal and parents, bite marks, nope, can't deal with that. She should be disciplined or removed.

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