How do you distribute family and baby chores at home with your spouse/partner?

Monica - posted on 05/07/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I am full-time work mother. New mom actually. One of our major issue as a couple is to distribute chores. During pregnancy, I was overtired most of the time. My husband used to work from home, but he felt like he was doing too much. Now, once baby is with us, he still feels like he does too much.
Even though I am full-time, my work is relatively flexible (professor). I think that is one of the issue. I do research and for some people that is not work (because if I'm in front of my computer at home I may be just checking facebook, blogging or emailing).
The other source of issues comes from the difference in salaries. My salary is higher than his. At some point, he mentioned being a stay home dad. But it hasn't really materialized.
Being a non-traditional couple makes it hard to talk about house chores distribution. I have the idea that this would be easier if I were the one staying at home and do all with respect to the house.

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Kristin - posted on 06/25/2012

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When my spouse is home (he works out of town quite a bit) he will cook, do dishes, yard work, vacuum, mop floors, help with the kids, whatever needs to be done he will do. The only things he absoulutely will not do are laundry, bathing the kids and changing diapers. But since we both work full time we both have to share the housework. It is no longer just women's work. I would sit your husband down and make a list of chores for him to do. Lots of men have a honey do list so hes not alone lol Good luck

Bukeka - posted on 06/25/2012

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with most guys house work is too much my dear! i think for the sake of your relationship sit down and talk about it, find ways that will work for the two of you, if it means you should find a nanny do that bcoz believe u me looking after the baby is a full time job!

Cleaning the house, cooking, gardening etc that is another job, remember family time is very important also, you need time to connect with your family emotionally,spiritually etc.....

Enjooyyyyy mommy *tight hug*

Amy - posted on 05/07/2012

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I'm not sure what you mean by non traditional couple, but if he wants to stay at home I would explain that he needs to show he is capable of handling the household chores. Does that mean you never have to clean, no but the majority of the house keeping should be done by him. My concern is he "thinks he does too much", what exactly is too much are you helping at all?

My husband is out of work for medical reasons right now so he has been primarily cooking, he washes the dishes, washes and dries the laundry, and cleans the living room. He is also responsible for yard maintenance. While I'm at work he is the primary care giver for our 6 year old and 2 year old. At night he puts my 2 year old to bed and I put the 6 year old to bed, I typically do baths and stories with both. I vacuum, clean bathrooms, fold the clothes and put them away as well as keep the bedrooms clean.

When we are both working our routines are very different. He works till 2 am and I work retail so I'm kind of all over the place. If I'm closing I wake with the children in the morning and take care of them till I need to get ready for work then he takes over as primary care giver. If I open he's on his own and has to get up when my daughter does. He doesn't do a lot when he's working because he's so tired so I'm primarily responsible for everything, and I also have the kids to myself because he's at work. Although he still helps out with the kitchen, laundry, and still has to mow the lawn.

I think you both need to sit down and come up with a compromise. Set up a chore chart so you each know and switch off every week so you're not always stuck doing the same thing. Or on occasion we blitz clean and go room to room and do it together as a family. It goes so much quicker because we're racing to clean our half of the room first, this is great with the kids because they want to win and they are helping without even knowing!

Katherine - posted on 05/07/2012

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Why don't you make a list of what needs to be done and check off who does what? That way there is no confusion.

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