How do you get teenage boys to communicate with you?

Michelle - posted on 07/24/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I would like to get normal responses from my two older boys, but I seem to get grunts and moans and " I'm tired" or " I'm bored".

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Roisin - posted on 12/12/2013

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my teen is 15 and no longer chats to me the way he used to do...but what's the problem? - he's on his way to becoming an adult...he forgot my birthday, didn't have a card for me but while I was out at a movie he cleaned the bathroom - that's priceless...I don't get as many hugs as I used to but when I do get a hug it's really special...he'll do just fine and I'll be there on the sidelines along the way ready to give support and advice when its needed or wanted...

[deleted account]

I think it helps to ask open ended questions instead of yes or no answer questions.

DH and I DO things with our teens, which presents lots of conversation opportunities.

When we ask him questions it is less an interrogation and more about sharing interests and points of view. and we listen carefully to what he has to say.

I guess it starts with mutual respect. it has been like this his whole life.

I don't think you can expect a reticent teen to become a chatterbox, but I do think that if a foundation of love and respect is there then you can build on it. Remember, they are just kids- they behave in hurtful ways sometimes. We are the adults and it's our job to respond in love. Be persistent-



There is a good book called

"The Five Love Languages of Teenagers " by Gary Chapman

Excerpt:

"He just said, "Whatever." But he still wants to hear "I love you."



Believe it or not, it's possible to make teenagers feel loved without embarrassing them in front of their friends. Dr. Gary Chapman will help you connect with them emotionally, on their terms. There's never been a more important time to tell them you love them, and no tool will be as effective as their love languages. "



Testimonials

“I have been in the youth ministry for 8 years now and this is one of the best books that I have ever read for those who have teenagers…Many parents have found what Chapman says as invaluable information. We now even do a special discipleship class based around the material in this book. I highly recommend it to any parent who has a teenager...it will change the way you view your student and the way you treat them.”

–Nathan Hicks, Kentucky



“Every parent and person that works with youths should have this book. It is THE manual for understanding teenagers. Chapman does a fantastic job of explaining that a child's language does not change when they become a teenager, but they do adopt a different dialect. How fascinating! His advice and techniques are solid and effective. Get this book and watch the way it improves your relationship with all the children in your life. It is worth its weight in gold.”

–Nelson, New Mexico



“Where was this book when we were raising two teenagers? The fact that we did so well is a testimony to dumb luck and two very understanding and flexible youngsters. This is an invaluable book for any parent about to begin the teenage years with their children.”

–W. Kelpin, Kansas

[deleted account]

Aren't teenage boys wonderful!! My oldest who is 20 finally will have a conversation with me. There is hope!! I have gotten lots of grunts too through the years. My middle son is going through it right now and this time I am not overwhelming on it has I know it is a faze. Both my hubby and myself have found that rather than just sitting and trying and talking never seems to work. When we are doing something together we find we will get more information if it is brought up while we are working on something. They seem to open up more as I think they don't feel they are being interegated. This is true when the conversation is brought up not directly and when it is something that they are not fighting about doing. Just keep the lines of communication open and let them know that you are there for them. I have been very fortunate with my boys as we haven't had extreme difficulties and I have been told by others that they are very nice respectful boys. So at least I look at it that they are nice to others if they can't be nice to me!

Be patient and they will come back to you eventually!

Tricia - posted on 07/27/2009

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Tell them to include you in their lives or you will become a snoop! My 19 year old does not talk to me much but when he wants something he knows he better sit down and have a conversation with me. They still think they are smarter than we are so we just need to set them straight. :) I ask so many questions that he gets mad. Once he becomes angry I just let him know that if he spoke to me once in awhile I would pry so hard.

Sharon - posted on 07/25/2009

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I find it very hurtful also. But I have not and will not give up on him. I ask myself daily what happened to the boy I gave birth? Is he still in there some where? I know that he is and pray daily he will return. I still talk to him and tell him I love him even if he hates me and will not talk to me I know he knows that I love him and will always be there for him.

Trish - posted on 07/25/2009

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My son replies but is no longer the beautiful boy I used to know. I find this so hurtful, but I keep trying to maintain some sort of communication/relationship with him. Supposedly they grow out of this, but WHEN????

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