how do you respond when your 14 year old son tells you he is no longer a virgin?

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Dashawn - posted on 05/20/2010

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You sit him down and have a talk with him about sex. Find out what he knows and tell him all the things he does not. Inform him of the responsibility that goes with having sex, express to him how you feel about him being sexually active at his age and give a shit load of condoms. You cannot stop him from having sex, but you can educate him about it and pray that he makes the best choices.

Michelle - posted on 05/14/2010

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Well, as hard as it may be, I would thank GOD he told you!!! Then I would ask him questions like "Did you use protection?" and "Was the girl you slept with a virgin too?". I know this is hard for you to deal with...but you have to stay calm....at least in front of your son.



You need to talk to him about sex. Tell him about STDs, HIV and AIDS, teen pregnancy, using protection...etc. Im sure you have already talked to him or at least are planning on it.



I think 14 is WAY too young to lose your virginity...but times have changed. Its sad really. But we have to be pro active in how we deal with it. Let your son know that you love him and that he can talk to you about anything. Tell him that if he has any questions to ask you. Just make sure he is well educated on this subject. You cant really punish him though. He is 14 and could rebel if you do. But at the same time, you can strongly suggest that he wait. I dont think you can stop him from having sex unfortunately....but talking to him is your best bet. I mean, he told you he wasnt a virgin...that speaks volumes on his part! So maybe what you have to say will sink in with him and he will take your advice. I would tell my son that I prefer he not have sex...at least until he is much older and more responsible...and preferably after marriage...but that IF he is going to have sex....to always use protection and that sleeping with many partners is just as dangerous as NOT using a condom. I would also let him know that he can still get an STD even if he uses a condom. I know this really upsets you...and you are in my thoughts. I think you will be just fine.

Ilene - posted on 05/20/2010

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It's good he told you. Now you have to tell him about the use of condoms. You can't punish him, but tell him about all the responsibilties about having sex and what could happen if he doesn't use protection. Also tell him that he should not be afraid to come to you about anything, always keep the lines of communication open.

Tanya - posted on 05/19/2010

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even though that you are very upset, please give him protection! you will never beable to keep him from sex, he will do it in secret and grow up to be ashamed of it! talk about too! no matter what age.

Molly - posted on 05/19/2010

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Be thankful he has that much trust in you that he would tell you Time for that old birds and bees talk never understood what they had to do with it Remind him he is a child still and that he can get a girl pg and his young adult life is ruined be sure if he is to continue make sure he uses protection.

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Sky - posted on 05/19/2010

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as a teen parent it is so hard. and i will continue to press the fact that no teenager wants a lecture. you can best prepare your son and yourself by sitting down casually and talk like you would to your friends, no teenager wants to be talked "at" or "down to", especially when he knows he just took a huge step into something that only "adults" are supposed to be doing. The other fact that you cannot ignore are the odds of him not doing it again, so providing real statistics for your state about teen pregnancy rates, the lies girls tell to keep a boy/man with them, and other important info like that will only help. you should take a sigh of relief knowing that your son feels close enough and safe enough around you to tell you, that is a blessing in disguise. good luck and know that you are in my prayers!

Josephine - posted on 05/19/2010

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That's when you scare the jajeeezzzus out of him by showing him what it's like in the life of a teen father.....and make sure he gets the right information on the facts of sex. The most important thing is to let him know you love him, and stating calm. Because if you don't he won't ever talk to you about anything again. And don't go telling the whole world, because he still wants his privacy.

Vicki - posted on 05/19/2010

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We have a program called Aid to Women in our town (it is also for men/boys by the way). As a parent I would be thanking God that he talked to me, but I would probably make a call to our organization called Aid to Women to get information and help from people who deal with these types of teen issues before I talked to my son/daughter. I would even see if he would be willing to talk to a 3rd party about teen sex and the consequences from being intimately involved as a teenager. One boy I knew went and talked to a person from Aid to Women, open discussion as to their hopes, goals, future plans, etc when he left their meeting they did not know if he was going to continue having sex or save himself for marriage. A couple years later he stopped by to thank them for taking the time to talk to him and he had not had sex since that time and he was planning on saving himself for marriage. Open communication between your child and yourself is a must, to get through these type of "grown up" issues.

Desire - posted on 05/19/2010

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I know it was very hard for you to hear...2 years a go my daughter came to live with me, she was 14yrs...she also told me me she was no longer a virgin as well, but her father did not know.
I sat her down and talked with her..told her everything...a lot she said she knew from school, but when asked she said she did at least use protection..Then later we got her put on birth control...Unfortunately she is one child with Bi-Polar and she is very promiscious...Now 2yrs have passed she is 16 now, but not as promiscious...She was recently saved and went into a contract to save herself until the day she gets married...so things that start out rough, as long as you don't make too big a deal out of it...it will pass in time..hopefully...I know its hard. It was for me explaining to my daughter as well, because she brought up the fact I was 16yrs when I got married...Times have changed...patience and an open line of communication is very important...now- she tells me everything!!...Hope this helps..Desire

Amanda - posted on 05/18/2010

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My oldest child is 6 but i would have a chat withhim and dicuss what he is doing and why and tell him about stds and birth controll methods and get him tested cause u never know and be thankful that he trust you enough to tell you about it good luck.

Amy - posted on 05/18/2010

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My son is two but I had him at 17 though I would never ask for me to not have him I wish I had waited while pregnant I was THE major spokes person among friends and young relatives for celibacy till marriage for two reasons one: I HAVE missed out on a lot though in ways it has been good for me (I defiantly got my act together) and the father to my child who did not step up to the plate has had his life changed too for the complete worse in his case as he doesn't even get the joys of being with our beautiful boy. and two I wish more than anything that I could have had my son with my husband same child too but he goes through a lot and is looked down on by a lot of peers for taking up such a huge responsibility to be with me. And I did it in a way that most would say was smart! I didn't give myself up till I thought I was going to get married to the one and we used a condom but nothing is one hundred percent my relationship with him was ruined when he broke my trust before I even found out I was pregnant and then of course I found out. Just remember when you talk to him that he came to you. Even I didn't do that chances are he feels ashamed and like he's let you down. Remind him first and for most that he is still your son no matter what and you will always love him but also tell him how proud you are he came to you and didn't try to hide it.

Denise - posted on 05/18/2010

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well i'm not there yet with my son he's 11 but my daughter is 14 and again i'm not there yet....knock on wood...but i would be calm and ask him if he's aware of dieases and hiv etc...make sure he wears a condom and make sure he's open and honest with you...i agree with michelle thank GOD he told you....good luck

Hendriena - posted on 05/18/2010

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im not in that position yet -my son is 7 but b glad he shared it with u -theres nothin else u can do about it but talk 2 him about the pros n cons by havin sex at such a young age-good luck and i hope that mine will b open enough aswell 2 come and talk 2 momand dad bout everythin -rather that than knowing nothing at all

Donna - posted on 05/17/2010

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Being a mother of a 15 yr old son and a 16 yr old daughter, thank God he told you. Some teenagers dont want their parents knowing what things they are experiencing with, or with whom. I thinks its wonderful that you and your son have the relationship where he feels confident with himself and the trust in you to talk to you. Talking about STD's and what if's would be a good thing. The generation growing up today arent like we were when we were their age. There are way too many things out there in the world for them to try. He could have been talked into it or just wanted to try it, maybe he was confused about it. But letting him know that you will always be there for him to talk to and about anything, I know first hand will go a very long way in the future. I think you should talk to him about the experience, and if hes going to be sexual, about protected sex, AIDS, and the results that if he doesnt do any of these, will be.

Tiffany - posted on 05/16/2010

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You should definitely be glad he came to you..maybe the experience confused him. How you handle this will probably determine whether or not he comes to you again in the future..so stay calm, ask questions, inform him, and most of all, really press upon him the benefits of WAITING to be so grown up in this way. Of course, you will love him no matter what. If you are a christian, impress upon him his moral responsibility to wait until marriage. Good luck..

Alana - posted on 05/16/2010

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from being young myself.. and going through that, i think the best thing you could do is sit down and talk to him, but also to listen. he wont want a lecture but he is more likely to listen to you if you just sit and talk and make sure you listen to. he must respect you a lot to be able to tell you, so make sure you show that you are very happy he told you, then he is going to be more inclined to tell you things in the future. dont tell him he cant have sex cause that is just going to make him want it more.

well good luck

Marcy - posted on 05/14/2010

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Well, I'm not there yet mine is only 4 years old but I think I would sit him down and ask him what he knows. He doesn't want a lecture...for sure! Then, I would have one of your friends come over with a baby and let him take care of it for awhile...change a diaper or 2 and let him see what its like. My best friends sons girlfriend is havingf a baby in a few weeks and they are both teenagers. While I don't doubt that they will be good parents the are going to miss so much. Good luck.

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