How many of you would never want to be a SAHM?

Tamara - posted on 09/04/2012

I would never want to be a stay at home mother, because I love being independent and I want to contribute to society as a whole of my natural God-given talents...teaching math or working in accounting.

Alexis - posted on 06/29/2012

I would love to be able to not work as much and spend more time at home and with my kids. However it would drive me nuts to be a full time SAHM unless I had the financial and time means to keep a life of my own as well as enjoy the things I do with my kids now. I need to work to make ends meet but I would love a more balanced life then just work all the time and being exhausted during my time with my kids.

Allanna - posted on 06/29/2012

I would never want to be a SAHM, not because I don't like spending time with my children, because they are my world and I adore them, but because I NEED the balance in my life. I spent 4 of my 12 month maternity leave at home, then couldn't stand being stuck at home all the time without a healthy dose of adult interaction, not to mention I also wanted my own money, not to have to depend on anyone else (I've always been that way even before children). After 4 months on leave I went to college and back to work full-time in the evenings. I now work full time in a pediatric hospital and my spouse is a SAHD. I love what I do, and he loves what he does which works for us :-) non-traditional and I get to wear the pants ;-) lol

Caitlin - posted on 06/24/2012

Me....and it makes me feel a little guilty at times because my mom was a SAHM for me and my 3 siblings and she LOVED it. We were even home schooled. When people used to ask her why she did it she would say because she just loved being with us and being the primary one everyday to shape our lives. I respect her so much for that and am sooo thankful for her and the way she raised us, but I went to college (as did she) to do what I love and I didn't put all that time and money in it to quit after one year. Also, I have the excuse that there is absolutely no way that we could afford for me NOT to work. We literally couldn't pay all of our bills.

Angela - posted on 06/22/2012

I understand what you are saying. I just had my second child and a year at home is hard for me mentally. I love my boys but I enjoy my job and having my own identity outside of the home.

Maya - posted on 06/15/2012

Haha, there is ANOTHER option: a WAHM ;-)



It's not for the faint hearted however!



It is amazing how you (and the kids) adapt though.



As the primary bread winner, every other day I threaten to "go back to the office". But being able to see my kids in the middle of the day, when I collect them from school, is really great.

Lika - posted on 06/10/2012

I work part time. It's a good compromise for me. It's always good for mom to keep part of herself, because it just seems as if when we get married, we become Mrs. Husband's Name. Then we become Baby's Mom. Excuse me, but, before I married, I was Lika. Even now, after being married, motherhood, divorce, and remarried, the one constant is I am still Lika.

Keep part of who you are, regardless of if you work or not. Even as a SAHM, make sure you keep a hobby, be it book club, city symphony, gardening, community volleyball, what ever... Never give up everything.

Teresa - posted on 06/08/2012

I was one when my first son was born, and it was not what I envisioned. I am not a "Molllie McButter" and now I work part-time, with an 8 year old and 4 month old, but I am in nursing also. I can't just be a house mother, those areas do not inspire me.

Tia - posted on 06/08/2012

im a stay at home mom to a 4month old, & i love it!

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 06/07/2012

Aside from 2 bad baby sitters I've never had an issue with anyone watching my girls. Also my husband doesn't consider what he has in the account just his money. We're a couple so we pay the bills

Jasleen - posted on 06/07/2012

i love being a stay at home mom. the only thing i dont like is not having my own money to buy what i want for my daughter. since my husband is a nurse but doesnt give me money at all because he said he is paying the bills. other than that i prefer to take care of my baby. i dont trust anybody to look after my baby.

Diana - posted on 06/05/2012

I have always worked after having my 3 children and would not like to stay at home with any of them. I like to get out and work so my kids can have the things they want. Not everyone is married to a man who brings home the paycheck. I like working since it is the only time I see people outside the house beside going around town. If you can afford to stay home and wish to that you can do. Now my kids are teens and I don't need to be home to spend time with them. Most of the time they are running around with their friends.

Meg - posted on 06/01/2012

Totally on board with you... never, ever would I be any good to anyone if I stayed home instead of working. I am good at it, and I like the 'adult time' too. :) Thanks for sharing! Helps with the guilt of liking to work.

DeserRai - posted on 06/01/2012

I used to work full time as a Teacher Assistant for an Autistic School. Once my son came along, we decided we didn't want to put him in a daycare or have a sitter. I became and SAHM and while I do miss working (I LOVED my job and miss those kiddos) I am grateful that we can afford for me to stay and have at least one parent here for him and see all milestones. That was really important, we didn't want him to be "raised" by someone else. But I just started doing some work from home so we'll see how that goes.

Heather - posted on 05/26/2012

I know lots of women like you Melissa, and for a short time I was one of them. :) I used to be the career mom, working 60+ hrs a week. I left work 7 1/2 years ago with the intention of taking a break while planning our wedding, but have never gone back. We then had a third child and now we are actually having to homeschool the kids because the school system is failing them! So we've made a complete flip from where we were. Our kids are definately happier with me at home full time, and my husband is too. He feels a tremendous pride in saying that he earns a good enough living that I am able to stay home while he supports a family of five. All of that said, I know that each and every family is different, and as long as everyone is happy then you're doing a great job! :D

Stacey - posted on 05/22/2012

Sylvia,

You could work from home if you wanted to.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 05/22/2012

@ Sylvia- Drink a pot of coffee and run naked through the streets? I don't know, but I am sometimes tempted to do somthing interesting to lessen the tedium of being a SAHM. I nag DH already about putting his laundry away.

I was a care aide/ RA (resident assistant) My job wasn't 9-5 Monday through Friday. I worked 8 to 16hrs a day and worked weekends. I believe I enjoyed having time with my older daughter (I haven't worked full time since I had my one year old last March) when I worked because it was through working so much that I was able to afford to do fun things with her.

Sylvia - posted on 05/22/2012

I would love to work *less* (part-time hours, or even just a job where I clock in and clock out at set times and can forget about work by the time I get home). I wish I'd had a longer mat leave -- say, 2 years instead of just 1 year. But I wouldn't want to *not work*. Especially now that my kid is almost 10 and we're almost certainly not having another one :( -- what exactly would I do all day?

Karen - posted on 05/22/2012

I love Monday morning. I have twin 3 year old girls and they are wild and crazy. I don't have the energy or patience to spend that many hours with them. I enjoy my time with them more when I have a break from them!

Dana - posted on 05/21/2012

Sometimes the thought of staying home everyday with my girls sounds like it would be so much fun. I could have my house clean all the time, I would have time to cook a great meal every night, and we could do fun stuff all the time. Yep, just me and my 3 girls all day long. Wait....all day, everyday??? Just me and my 3 girls?? And then I snap out of it. Of course I love my girls...I shouldn't even have to say that. They are great kids! But I just don't think I would be that great of a SAHM. Maybe for the first month or two...but I would be locking myself in a closet once or twice a day after that. Nope, definately not for me. I admire those of you who have the ability to stay home and love it.

Heather - posted on 05/18/2012

I would LOVE to be a SAHM. While I work, all I can think of is all the time I am missing out on my son's life. I miss the mornings with him...getting him ready and off to school, then after school, picking him and spending those hours with him before I pick him up from the BGC. I hate that there are other people during the week who aren't family that get to see and spend more time with my son than I do. I love my job and my co-workers and the feeling like I am contributing to something and of course the paycheck, but nothing beats the contributions a parent has in their kids life. I envy some of my friends that get all that time with their children and if I could do it, I totally would!

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 05/18/2012

Allyson that's just rude. Just because a mom doesn't want to be a SAHM doesn't mean that she should ask herself why she wants to be mom in the first place. Do we ask dad's why they want to be dads in the first place if they have no desire to be SAHDs? Because part of being a dad is spending time with your kids as well. But no one gives a working dads crap for not wanting to at least consider being a SAHD. No one would give my husband a hard time for admitting that because of his ADHD he knows he couldn't be a SAHD Why should moms get told they should reconsider being moms simply because they admit they couldn't stay home all day?

Some moms just aren't cut out to be SAHMs. It doesn't make them bad moms or lacking in maternal instinct to admit that they couldn't be a SAHM and be with their kids doing housework all day long and having play dates for the sake of having adult conversation. I'm a SAHM because I'm waiting for my permanent resident visa to go through. I have passive ADD and stay at home with my 1 year old. The only time I really get out is to grocery shop and take my 7 year old to and from school. I used to consider the time I spent with my daughters special because it didn't always happen (I worked 60 hours a week sometimes as a care aide and a resident assistant) Now it's just something I do as part of the day. I know I'm not meant to be a SAHM, I know I have friends who are perfectly made for being a SAHM because they have more patience or what have you than I do. Does that make them better moms than me?

C - posted on 05/16/2012

I would never wanna be a SAHM. I love and adore my children, but I'm a better parent when I am away. I am not a teacher because I know I don't have that kind of patience...so staying home to home school them an be with them every waking second - IMO- does not teach them independence...

Kitty - posted on 05/14/2012

i don't think i could stay at home with my two boys everyday. don't get me wrong. i love them very much but they would be too much for me if i had to do it everyday. i only work part time (like 25-30hrs a week). but i look forward to going to work and getting away for a couple hours. my boys are 3 1/2 months and 2 years old. my house is loud and crazy on a daily basis. i thank god for my husband. he works overnight so i'm able to work. on my maternity leave with the younger one i was counting the days left. i couldn't wait to go back. i give stay at home moms a lot of credit. i don't know how they do it. i need my time away from them. it makes me appreciate our time together more. i would go crazy if i couldn't work. i really like my job and the people there. i would miss that too much. now if i could just get a week at a spa for alone time i would truly be blessed. lol

Stephanie - posted on 05/12/2012

Haha that's me!!!

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 05/11/2012

Kelli, you're lucky your husband is a SAHD. My husband is a wonderful daddy, but with his ADHD he would make a terrible SAHD (he said so himself) I also have ADD which could be part of the reason I'm not very good at being a SAHM. I need change.

Kelli - posted on 05/11/2012

So, I have been a SAHM and hated every minute of it. I love working and love coming home to my kids fresh and renewed to do something different with them. I am very fortunate my kids have never gone to daycare and now my husband is a SAHD so it has worked out great for us. I am a much better mother to my children because I get to go to work and then get to come home to them. I love them immensely but I know my limits!

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 05/11/2012

Michelle, I replied to this in a SAHM post- you can't keep your kids safe just by keeping them home. My mom was molested by an uncle- how is that for safe?

I don't like being a SAHM- of course I don't exactly miss working 60hrs a week doing hospice and changing colostomy bags either. I need something in the middle of the road I guess. I like having time for my girls (and my husband I guess LOL) but I like going out and helping out with other people and having some of my independance.

Traci - posted on 05/10/2012

I love it , because i work from home.... and so i havet my job, making a great living and being able to spend time with my kids...

Michelle - posted on 05/08/2012

i'm a stay at home mom and i feel better this way. i know my kids are safer at home. yes, i like going out by myself too. but, my job is watching and taking care of my kids, not someone elses

Kitty - posted on 05/07/2012

YAAH and I miss just have the old routine were you planned out the day and waiting for each morning to come then the good ole Friday come and then it''s oh oh now what''....

Anastasia - posted on 05/07/2012

every time i have a crappy day at work I wish I were a SAHM but that has nothing to do with me actually wanting to stay home - just a crappy day at work!:-)

Kitty - posted on 05/07/2012

WELL I was a working and stay home mom so I DID BOTH... well it was happy doing both and now my kids are ALOT older.. and I am a house wife! with a disabilty now.!....

Rochelle - posted on 05/03/2012

I wouldnt want to be a SAHM. No WAY! I enjoy having friends, love my job, and like non kiddie activities. That said, I think I could have been a good stay at home wife since Im the socializing type. I'd be planning dinners and researching recipes.. kinda like I do now anyways :P Alas, Im a happily single mom with a very happy little boy.

YeeSin - posted on 05/03/2012

I stayed home with my DD for a year when she was a 1, and was able to take her to baby enrichment classes all the time. I truly enjoyed my time with her. But there's no way I can do it longer than 1 year! When she was an infant (newborn), during my maternity leave I was looking forward to go back to work. I felt so bad about it since a lot of my mom-friends told me how hard it was for them to take their babies to daycare every morning. I had to stay home when she was around 1 as I was laid-off but ended up enjoying my time off with her since she was a lot more interactive, and I was able to take her to a lot of toddler classes. I can't be staying at home for long period of time. We did something different everyday, ie. play play, story time, dance classes, etc. When she turn 2, I realize that she needs constant interactive with other kids and I am getting bored of staying home with her. I am glad that she is such an independent kid, and loves going to school everyday!

Carol - posted on 05/02/2012

If I had to be a SAHM I would do it with pride, but I enjoy going to work, and getting dressed for something everyday. I don't get excited to leave my son, I enjoy his company very very much.

Cydney - posted on 05/01/2012

I LOVE working! I am a first time mom of an 8 month old boy. I am almost 32 years old and have worked a full time job since I was about 17. I went to school full time as well so obviously I didn't have time to have a baby! I met my husband and after 3 years of being together (married for one year) we got pregnant. I don't think I would make a very good SAHM. I need my independent time and I enjoy making some money to contribute. I know there are wonderful SAHM out there that love that and could never imagine leaving to work a job outside the home. More power to them. I hope to eventually cut down to part time in the next couple of years but I'm not really in a big hurry. My husband and I make a good income together and even if I felt financially stable enough to stay home full time, I don't think I would. I love my son very much and enjoy seeing him play, laugh, and learn new things but I look forward to going to work and then spending a lot of quality time with him in the evenings and weekends. I also look forward to when he is old enough to do crafts, I can take him to the zoo, the art museum, etc...all reserved for the weekends or random days I may play "hooky" from work!

Patricia - posted on 04/30/2012

Sometimes its more about quality than quantity. I never had the option to stay at home due to our financial situation. However, I would have loved to have the flexibility to spend more time with my kids. We all need to find our right balance. Since we had financial issues, staying home meant not having options or balance. We would have been extremely restricted in our options, not being able to provide a good quality of life for our family and we would have been very unhappy in the process. If women have the abilty to have other options to create the right balance in their life they may feel differently about staying home.

Megan - posted on 04/30/2012

SAHM isn't for everyone, that's for sure. My mother in law said that she could barely handle being home for 3 weeks, she ended up going back to work early because it she knew and knew quickly that staying home wasn't the life she wanted.

I applaud the ones who know what they want and go after it. I am a stay at home mom that has a plan to stay home with the kids until they are all in grade school. Then I'll get a part time job so I am here when they get home, but I don't spend all day cleaning, cooking, and whatever, I can get a paycheck too. And as they go through school, I might transition into a full time job. But in the mean time, I love the time I get with my lil man. Yea, I get my fill and its usually before hubby gets home, but that's when I take off for the gym and work it out, coming back refreshed for the last bit of the day. I do work, but its only one day a week and its a 3 hour shift at my husband's store. I leave for work on Fridays at 4 (hubby comes home and then its BOYS TIME) and get to work, earn a small paycheck, interact with adults and other people, get my fill of the general public, then come home just after 7 and be ready to go back to interacting with someone I can disclipline for his naughty actions (if only we could do that with more adults...lol).

Its not for everyone and I have respect for working moms. I can't imagine how dropping your child off at day care and as many kids do, they start crying and getting upset that you are leaving (only to settle down soon after you leave), and then I'm betting you miss them during the day, sometimes counting down the minutes until you can pick them up and snuggle them again. You might not feel that you miss your kids as much, but I'm thinking that has more to do with how busy you are at work.

Different strokes, people.

Stacey - posted on 04/29/2012

I am in the same boat as you. I am on maternity leave with my second and it is killing me day by day. I feel horrible saying that I am not enjoying being home. I love my kids more then anything but I just LOVE being able to go to work and have an adult conversation every once in a while. I am working from home as well in my spare time and love that but wouldn't do it full time and stay home.

Loretta - posted on 04/29/2012

I've done both and am currently working full time w/a 3 year old. I'd be a SAHM anyday. I feel like I give the majority of my best waking hours to people that don't mean much to me next to my family. I'd really rather be pouring myself into the person of most value to me. My oldest are 19 and 22 now and there is nothing compared to the feeling of knowing that I traded those years of my life to contribute to the amazing people they became. Definitely harder in alot of ways being at home than on the job, but the joy pay back is 1,000x greater, in my experience. That said, even moms at home need breaks and there are many days that getting to an organized space at work feels like a refreshing breather from the chaos of home--especially when she was just a toddler! If you are a single mom and cannot tag-team w/someone when you're tired (I've been there too!), breaks are SO important!

Missy - posted on 04/28/2012

Ya, I wouldn't mind something different...It beats working 3 jobs and get to see my pumpking all day long!!!

Kelly - posted on 04/27/2012

Francine, why do you feel you could not get adult interaction during the day if you did not have a job? I get more adult interaction during my months as a sahm than my months as a working mom (I work half the year), so I am always interested in why women think they cannot interact with other adults unless they have a job.

I think you were bored during your illness because you were stuck at home too sick to do anything. I think anyone would get bored in that situation....

Francine - posted on 04/26/2012

Andrea don't be too hard on yourself, some of us are meant to stay at home with our kids full time and some of us just aren't. I was sick for 10 days back in March and stayed home on sick leave and let me tell you after the 4th day I was ready to go back, that's how bored I was at home and my youngest one was in school, my oldest one just finished his 1 year of university, I know it's off subject but am just so pround of him I had to mention it.

Andrea - posted on 04/26/2012

Wow, so many mothers feel the same way as me. What a relief! I thought I was seriously messed up.

Francine - posted on 04/26/2012

Personally I could not be a SAHM because I need the adult interaction during the daytime, don't get me wrong, my mat leaves were extremely good (we live in Canada) now back when I had my children our leave was 6 months with pay, now since 2001 the leave is 1 year with pay. After my 6 months at home with my babies I could not wait to get back to work and not talk baby talk all day. Taking of a household day in and day out was becoming too tedious for me and still is today, I find it does not fulfill me since I get bored very easily. I don't regret one bit of going back to work and would do it again in a second if I became pregnant for a 3rd time.

Kelly - posted on 04/26/2012

I know you love your breaks from your child--I think every good mother loves having a break from our children, and we should NEVER feel guilty or selfish, or anything negative about wanting or taking that time away from them. I think that a lot of society believes that mothers do not deserve time away from their children unless the mother is going to a paying job. I want to change that perception. ALL mothers need time away from their children, and they should not be judged whether they are going to a paying job or going to spend the day at a spa.

Comments like "I could never stay home all day every day with my child" irk the hell out of me because I don't believe ANY mother should have to do that, and quite honestly, any mother forcing herself to do so would probably be miserable, but it doesn't mean she has to get a job, it just means she needs to drop her children in a safe place and take some time to herself. I hate that people tend to think that sahms SHOULD spend all day every day at home with their kids. They shouldn't.

Tonya K - posted on 04/26/2012

Moms that are active with other things than their families are not really sahm at all....they are active/created people that just happen to be moms and choose not to work a traditional job. i actually see it as a type of self-employment....they get to choose what they do, when to do it, how long they do it, how often, take a day off from it, schedule their own hours for family or activity.....sure dont get all those benefits from a traditional job. The only thing I would have a problem with is there is no monetary pay at the end of the week and I got to get paid....some folks enjoy the satisfaction of service and that is pay enough...I tip my hat to you. I would like to work outside the home part time and then part time on other things related to home, family, kids, and community.....just want to be a part of both worlds without one or the other taking total control of my life, exhausting me out, and causing me to resent either. I respect both sahm, working moms, and active women that happen to be moms....its all hard work.

Melissa - posted on 04/26/2012

Thank you Kelly for your honest feelings you shared. I am actually in midst of a career change and back in school and following after a profession that will support the financial security I will need as a single mother. I do love being out of the house and at school because I love having my own time to myself, and yes as rude or as weird as this sounds, I do love the time I have away from my daughter sometimes. You see I don't have a partner who lives with me or who visits his daugther so since she was born It has been me all night waking up, 3-4 times a night *and going to school full time* and every thing else, including cleaning, cooking us meals, entertaining her and doing my home work. I have no guilt in saying that I do love the time away from her because I have always been someone who craves my lone time, Yet with that said I do love my daughter and LOVE being around her as well. I suppose it's hard to explain why the time I have on my own, even if its at work, is so valuable to me. Before school I had not even a second for a break, Including when I shower. Now I have the privilege to drop her at DC (day care) and run home for a quick *or long!* shower to myself, and enjoy a coffee before I hit the day in school. I hope I can sit back and say I LOVE MY JOB!!! I am still in the works of gaining my diploma, I in no way wanted to sound like a mom who doesn't want to be around her child, and I know you were in no way stating this either, but I do admit I do love my breaks away from her.... yes, I really do love my breaks away from every one sometimes, where I can relax. *ahhh*

Andrea - posted on 04/26/2012

Oh my husband is the SAME way!!! He is so good with our little girl and being with her energizes him. He would make a fantastic SAHD, but he happens to make more $$$ than me, so we both need to work. He keeps hoping I win the lottery or get some ludicrously high-paying job (keep dreaming, my dear!) someday so he could stay at home with her. LOLOL.