How u deal with miscarriage? has it happened to u bfore?

VILMA EVETTE - posted on 11/02/2010 ( 12 moms have responded )

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I had just posted that I was having my 2nd child after having my baby in sept 3rd 2008 and during this past weekend i had a very painful miscarriage and i do not know what to feel or how i am supposed to feel this is my 1st miscarriage and i feel so many different emotions that im kind of numb plus i was only like 5 weeks but i did feel pregnant so i miss ....well im not sure please i need feedback? :'(..............I do work more than 40 hrs a week and go to school full-time online and have a beautiful 2yr old lil man and this baby was our 1st child inside our marriage but we could have some more its just that i do not really feel anything right now...what do y'all think? or have experienced something like this before?

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Alison - posted on 11/04/2010

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Vilma, give yourself a little time to process the change in your family and for your hormones to regulate a bit. Every miscarriage is different and therefore your reaction can be any number of things.

When I was pregnant with my first my doctor explained to me that most miscarriages are caused naturally because the fetus/embrio was unhealthy. Your body recognizes it and terminates the pregnancy. I always found that a helpful way to view a miscarriage and it takes all of the guilt off of the mom.

I also found it helpful to know that miscarriages are VERY common and that one miscarriage by no means indicates that you are likely to miscarry again.

I wish you all the best for your future, but for now, take things one day at a time.

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Autumn - posted on 11/07/2010

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I was 36 weeks with my son and I had a miscarriage due to severe diabetes. I am sorry for your loss and it is normal for you to feel how you do. I feel as if a piece of me and my arms are empty. I hope you are coping and all I tell myself is to believe in the healing hands of time.

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I'm so sorry for your loss. I experienced a lot of hurt, depression, and anger over the 3 years of trying to conceive and the 3 miscarriages in between. I do understand how you feel, and even after my first loss, I still hated the little "cheer-me-ups" people offered becasue they don't know what else to say. I hated the phrases that included some form of religious prayer because I am not religious and found that condescending. I wanted to know WHY my body was rejecting pregnancies and there is nothing godly about that. I had a minor medical issue that was easily fixed by being on meds, but it was the fact that getting pregnant in the first place was a huge ordeal. It's overwhelming, planned sex, and downright depressing on so many levels. But through my expereinces, I did come to learn that early trimester pregnancy losses are more common, 1 in every 4 pregnancies. Many times a woman does not even know she is pregnant. But I did connect with a strong on-line support system through message boards and shared my expereinces with others. Trying to conceive boards and miscarriage boards were very helpful at the time. I also came to learn that my issue was no where as severe and profound as other women's infertility issues. I was at least able to get pregnant eventually, with medical assistance, keeping the pregnancy viable was a nother issue. There were women I came across who had much more severe medical issues impacting fertility. So as time spanned, I learned to accept my fate, read a lot of books, and try to give up the negativity. All teh best to you for a healthy future pregnancy.

Emily - posted on 11/07/2010

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I'm so sorry for your loss, I have had three miscarriages - I went through a very bad time in my life and had unprotected sex with several partners.
That doesn't change the pain and emotion that follows though.
Emotions flooded - I didn't know how to feel either. I didn't want to have a child at the time, I was only 18 and wasn't ready. My 2nd miscarriage happened after I had my son (another unplanned) - my son was 6 - I was 29 and dating the father for a very short time.
One thing I can say - let the emotions happen. Let the grieving process take its time and seek counseling if you feel you want/need to.
I wish I had more to say, give yourself some time to heal emotionally and physically. Take some time off work - that's what sick time is for. Do some relaxation techniques and let the grieving happen.
I wish you all the best.

PATRICIA - posted on 11/06/2010

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I am sorry for your loss. I have not had a miscarriage before, but working as a nurse in the ER I have cared for several women who have. It is a very hard time for them from the time is starts to the time it is over. I have cried with them and their husbands, held them, and just talked with them. There is no easy way emotionally to explain how they were feeling inside. Several of them were advised to go through some sort of grief counseling to help with the emotional aspects. Grieving is a process that takes many stages emotionally and physically. I would suggest taking one step at a time. I did almost loose my daughter at birth. That was not easy and it took a lot out of me during that time. The feeling is hard to describe. I have a feeling that you a strong woman and have the suport of your husband. I know one woman who had several miscarriges and every one of them she wrote a journal of her feelings daily about them which helped her to cope and accept the loss. Again, I am sorry for what you have had to go through. My prayers are with you and your family.

Betty - posted on 11/06/2010

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I felt empty, angry, hurt, and very sad. It has been years since my last miscarriage, and there are times I grieve for my losses. You never forget, but you need to find some comfort. I love my four children, but I still think of my losses. Just pray to God to give you the strength to over come the hurt.

Elizabeth - posted on 11/05/2010

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I am sorry for your loss as well. I miscarried 3 years ago at somewhere between 5 and 8 weeks. My daughters were 8 and 11 at the time and we had no plans to have another baby. But, I finally accepted the pregnancy and began to be happy about it ... then miscarried. I cried a lot. Then, I cried a little when I people who had just heard I was pregnant asked about it. It's okay to cry, it's okay not to cry. For me, I still find myself thinking about the baby (who would be 2 1/2 now) at key times... near the time of the miscarriage, or my due date, or if I see a baby the age he would be (In my head, it was a boy). But, other people who miscarry at an early stage like this move on with little sadness. And that's okay, too.

Jennifer - posted on 11/04/2010

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I am very sorry - it took me a while to get over my first miscarriage. I got very tired of people saying "well at least you have children, you should be thankful". Well there was nothing to be thankful for at that moment in time, or when they said "you will miscarry an unhealthy baby so be thankful you didn't give birth to a sickly child", again seriously thankful?. I couldn't be thankful the next 4 times it happened either.

I just went to work, cried a lot and got on with life one moment at a time. Take a breath, let the tears flow when they need to.

I gave birth to baby #3 4 years later and am now expecting baby #4.

Have faith this will pass mourn your loss until it is time to stop mourning.

Shanetta - posted on 11/04/2010

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Hi Vilma,
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I also miscarried a child. I lost my dad 3 years ago and through all the stress, I found out I was pregnant. I was beside myself, but the stress of burying my dad caused a miscarrage. When the doctors told me there was nothing they could do to save my baby I was devastated. Now three years later I still think about him or her. I already have 2 boys, but I always wanted a little girl. I feel that I will not have another one and pray to God that I can have another baby before the "change" LOL. It is extremely hard, but little by little it gets better.

Shanna - posted on 11/04/2010

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Time will heal the pain. I have been there. It was 14 years ago. I cried this year when I realized my son would have been starting high school. So, what I am saying is that you will never forget. You just have to pick yourself up and look at the positive, your son, your husband and your ability to make another miracle. Apparently God wanted that one :)
Also, it is okay to have all the emotions that go with this pain, don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

Sarah - posted on 11/04/2010

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Hi Vilma, my husband and I lost a baby boy due to a heart disease, called Epstines Anomoly, with an absent pulmonary valve, it's two deseases in one, his case was the first or second in the whole U.S. I was 29 weeks when we lost him. So I delivered him still born. This was April of '06. Then I had two more children. The second was a girl, she was born in July 07. Then the third one was a boy, he was born in September of ' 08. but he has only one working kidney. Then for my health and for any future babies' health we decided that I would get my tubes tide, considering that I was going to have a c-section anyway. My daughter was breach so I had to have a c-section with her too. But I know where my first born is, He's up in Heaven with God. :) and I will get to see him again.
I hope this encourages you a little.:) my two year old son was born 9-5-08 :)
with your work schedule, i would try to take it a little more easier. especially since you are going to school full time too.
I'll talk to you later.
Sarah Hughes EFMT :)

Gotsome - posted on 11/04/2010

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Hi - first I am so sorry - I had a miscarriage earlier this summer at 5 weeks & it was my first as well. Everything you have described reminds me of what I went through. I found that my heart & head were very much at odds, my heart ached & my head tried to speak logic - needless to say I was more then confused & I chose to try and soldier on b/c I had a 10 month old at the time (now 14 mos). Reaching out is the only thing you can do & I did as well with little success. But you should know that I have come to realize after the fact that most women I know who have more then 1 child have experienced at least 1 if not 2 miscarriages between their 1st & 2nd children. So, you are by far not the only one & need to give yourself some space to figure it out. I realize now that it's not any different- regardless of how far along you are - then grieving someone/thing loved. Hang in there & let me know if I can do anything to make you feel less alone.

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