Husband is away working on merchant marine certification; advice?

Ariana - posted on 05/29/2016 ( 9 moms have responded )

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My husband left a little while ago on a mandatory 2 month trip: he's studying to be a merchant marine and this is essentially part of his training. I'm supportive, and I have my own career prospects to focus on, my own friends I can visit, but it just feels super horrible. I'm trying not to let on about it (because what'll it do except also make him feel shitty?). I'm pretty young (23) and we got married just about 10mo ago. We were dating for about 3yrs prior--I've known him since we were in high school. He's a wonderful person and one of the most ethically minded people I've ever met.
He was pretty good about calling for the first half of the trip, and I know he's on a ship sharing a few satellite cellphones with a few hundred other folks, but in the past few weeks, after his first landing he doesn't call quite so often, just an email saying that he misses me and that he's bored being on the ship. I'm not sure if it's my own stress making me nervous (work just got really intense lately), if he really just IS waiting for the time to be up, or if he may have cheated with someone when he landed for a few days... He has a friend who we've both known for a long time he wanted to visit--I like her, she's smart and wonderful, but she's completely his type and she hasn't really had any compunction about cheating on her boyfriends in the past. He hasn't called much since he visited with her (maybe a little over a week ago). I feel like I'm just completely paranoid. I figured if he would have cheated with her, he could have done it any number of times in the past...
He's a wonderful person, really old fashioned--he walked me home when it was late (both before and after we started dating each other), has always been supportive of my goals and ambitions in science, encourages conversation, likes to spend time with me and my in-laws as a group, has been great to my family, and is generally loving and happy to see me every time I talk to him. Frankly, I feel really lucky. This is why the anxiety about him being away feels so disquieting. Any advice? Should I just try and stop worrying? I guess I'm insecure about being forgotten about since we just got married and everything feels really new to the both of us.

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Ariana - posted on 06/05/2016

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Congrats on your pregnancy!
I know a lot of it is just anxiety... our stories sound really similar. So far he's been nothing but kind and trustworthy, so I think it's just me. It was really encouraging to read your note! Just a two weeks more, or as he's been calling it "One week and change". :)

Molly - posted on 06/03/2016

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Ariana, i know how you feel- i met my husband when we were 12 and 15-- obviously we did not date until much later. derek left for the AFA when i was 16 and he 19 he sent me lovely letters and those slowly turned into love letters, i went to college in indiana when he was finishing school and left to serve in michigan and overseas. we wed in sept 2010 when i was 22 and he 25--i was still in school until that December but we married so i could move to the base in michigan while he served at the US base in Bahrain. i moved to the base in january -he could not even attend my graduation. for our time on the base he would come and go months at a time and very rarely would i hear from him, letters, some email, no social media. i had the support of other families on the base and i also had my job and our church. i was a new bride--and all i got was a weekend honeymoon. i do know that feeling of how will we ever pick up where we last were or if one of us would be different? i never wanted derek to worry about me so i tried to be as positive as i could when we did talk
I guess i have rambled a bit but your feelings are normal-- keep asking for support and the time does pass- i kept a journal and i wrote to derek a lot (sometimes my mail would get backed up and he'd get a handful of letters at a time)
he has a civilian job now and we are coming up on 6 years married and after two miscarriages-- we are expecting twins. being apart made us a stronger couple-- it gave us both an opportunity to build trust and support the other when one was feeling a bit lost.

Sarah - posted on 06/03/2016

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Honestly I don't know.

Does not being in the merchant marine mean he is away from home weeks at a time anyway?

He just married you so I doubt he'll quickly forget you.

Ariana - posted on 05/30/2016

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Oh, uh, I can't call the satellite phone--there's no phone number. Only email.

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