I feel like my mom is charging me too much to watch my son. Opinions/advice?

Rebecca - posted on 04/22/2013 ( 42 moms have responded )

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I'm starting a full time temporary job this week after not having a job for several months. This job will only last three months. I will be working first shift, so she will need to watch him all day because my boyfriend works first shift too. She said that she will "only" charge me $2.50 an hour. That equals out to $400 a month and that is going to be one third of what I will be making! Do you think this is too much? Especially since she is my mother and this is her grandson that she's watching. I've checked into day cares in my area, and they are about $760 per month. Home day cares charge $400 a month, the same that my mom is going to charge me. I don't know how to ask her to charge me less, since I will not be making much money. Any advice or opinions would be appreciated. Thanks!

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Penny - posted on 05/06/2013

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Look at it positively. You will be getting personalized care from a trusted family member whom your child loves and who will look after your child even if he is sick (?). I pay more than that per child, my girls are one of 30 to a class, and they seem to have a different teacher everyday! The teachers call me to pick them up at a drop of a hat at least once a month (for which almost always turns out to be a false alarm), and I have to be there within 30 minutes - can you see my boss' face??!

Grandson or not, looking after a child is tiring, not to mention cooking and planning your day around them. I don't think it's fair to expect her to do it for less than what she's asking. If you really can't get past it, put your child in professional care and see how that goes - all the stuff they need to have will end up costing upfront tho...

Sounds like a lesson in the realities of life. Just be grateful you have your mother close enough to rely on - good luck with your work, btw :)

B - posted on 05/03/2013

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$400 a month for home day care? I told my mother that when she retires in a few years, I will pay her $100 a week to watch my daughter even though she had volunteered to do it for free. It would save me the ADDITIONAL $75/week that I pay now for a trustworthy (and relatively inexpensive) home daycare in my area (Western MA), which works out to $700 a month. At a center, "tuition" is closer to $1100 in my area. I don't know where you live or how much you make, but if I only had to pay $400 a month for daycare I would be psyched.

That said, I do understand that different areas have different income levels and child care rates. I didn't want this to just be a "you're actually lucky" comment. Maybe you could pay part in cash and the other part in barter; are there things you could do for her, cleaning, cooking, etc, that could be worth it to her lowering her rate?

Melanie - posted on 05/19/2013

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When my mother-in-law charged me the same as daycare I thought it was a great deal because at least I knew my daughter was getting one-on-one attention by someone who loved her as much as I did so for me it was worth it. Also, most of the money (if not all) went right back into my daughter. She was always buying her new outfits, diapers, toys, etc. If you'd rather pay a stranger the same rate go for it but it won't help you in any way. It's ok to tell your mom you can only pay say a 1/4 of your take home pay and see if she's willing to negotiate but just because she's your mom doesn't make her obligated to watch your kid for free or next to nothing. It's hard work and very tiring. You don't want to make her feel taken advantage of.

Angela - posted on 05/15/2013

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She will have to make personal sacrifices with her own time in order to care for your child. The child's age also impacts on the cost of care.

I can see that she doesn't want to be taken for granted - she does not "owe" you free or reduced rate childcare. Charging you ensures you don't take her for granted.

It's up to you whether you take this deal or go elsewhere. From what others have said her charges are not extortionate anyway.

Life isn't a free ride.

Aimee - posted on 05/07/2013

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You are getting one hell of a deal. I'd be happy with what she has offered. Most people pay at least $700 a month in my area. Also, Grandparents are not built in babysitters. They did their job by raising you and it isn't their responsibility to worry about what you can and can't afford. If you think you can do better elsewhere, maybe you should try.

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Kenya - posted on 07/25/2013

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I was wondering about that, too. Seems like the tradition in this country has been that the bride's family pays for the wedding and the groom's family for the rehearsal dinner when they can afford it. It happened that neither my husband's parents or mine were financially able to foot any of the bill and we paid for everything, but the earlier poster made it seem like parents paying was a foreign idea.

Heather - posted on 07/20/2013

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@Angela Barker: ok. You're British. Things are different over here regarding student loans. Here, my kids could have their tuition paid by me, my mom, the man on the moon and it wouldn't matter. It would be money that they wouldn't have to pay. Nowhere in any of my posts was I trying to sound above anyone. I have a great job where I can set money aside for my kids future to help them. That's where my parenting differs from yours. I just have an issue with you calling people who have family who help them financially, baby sitting wise, or any other way, entitled. And as far as the wedding issue, I absolutely agree that weddings are outrageously expensive and not worth it. My cousin's wedding was almost $30,000! Ridiculous, but whatever. Like I said, every parent/family is different and has their own way of helping each other out. And I'm all about teaching my kids responsibility. They do chores for an allowance every week. And while I may not charge them room and board while they are in school(including college) I have already told them that if they want to have a social life when they get a car at 16(yes, I will buy them their first car, a cheap one) then they will get a job after school and the weekends to put gas in said cars and have money for their social activities. If they don't work, they can look at the car in the driveway til they do. Let's put aside our differences and be the best moms that we can!

Angela - posted on 07/20/2013

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@ Heather Evans:

QUOTE: “Student loans are such a rip off and I don't want my sons graduating with that huge debt hanging over their head”

I’m British. Signing up to the student loan is a pre-requisite of being accepted as a full-time undergraduate at a UK University. Everyone has a student loan, Your parents can’t phone the Dean or Vice Chancellor of the University and say “We’ll pay for our son/daughter’s tuition fees & living expenses …. Don’t bother arranging the loan for him/her ….” And when a person graduates and gets employment, a small percentage is taken out of their salary at source, directly to pay back the student loan to the Government. You pay NOTHING back until your annual salary reaches a certain level, so if you’re in low-paid employment after graduation, you don’t pay. If you have no luck is securing work at all, you don’t pay. You only start paying when your salary reaches a certain level.

This puts everyone on an equal footing. What about parents that are too poor to sponsor their child through University? What about parents who don’t work or are disabled? Are their children less worthy of a University education? Most students work through University as well and have a job outside of lectures and seminars, many are employed by the University itself.

As for charging kids rent – any “child” that’s old enough to earn a living but still living in their parents’ home SHOULD pay towards their living expenses. If they’re a full-time student with no earnings and studying at a University in their home town (therefore living with their mother & father), then obviously they can’t pay. But most students are in paid work too.

As for kids who work and are NOT students, then they pay their way, wherever they live, whatever age they are. In the UK the minimum school leaving age is 16. Not everyone decides to go to College or University. Indeed, some employers train and educate their staff on the job – they earn whilst they learn – so they can still have a promising future with full education and training provided without the college education or University degree! So going straight into full time paid employment at 16 is quite normal. And it’s quite normal to pay your way when you’re earning a wage. That’s why it’s known as “earning a living”. It teaches young people responsibility and budgeting. I’m SO glad my own parents asked me for lodge money/rent when I was a young, working person! I certainly don’t regret asking my own children for it, nor do they resent me!

For me, parenting is essentially about teaching children about responsibility – and that’s a priceless lesson. Nothing whatsoever wrong with giving a helping hand financially, practically etc I’ve often done so and will continue to do so. …. But this must ALWAYS be the parent’s decision and not an expectation of the son/daughter.

Respect also comes into the equation. You say I should have paid 100% of my daughter’s wedding costs? You seem very confident she would’ve accepted the offer! I knew I wasn’t going to accept such an offer from my own parents and I was very clear on this, they picked up on my feelings and didn’t offend me by offering. Also – if it’s the “done thing” to pay for one’s children’s weddings, why would I have needed to pay 100%? My daughter married another person who also had parents!! My daughter works full time for a living and did so for a good while before she got married. So does her husband. She earns more than me and her husband earns more than mine. And her biological father is dead.

To say it’s “just etiquette and that's the old fashioned way of doing that” – with regard to paying for a daughter’s wedding (or a son’s wedding) – you’ve hit the nail on the head with your term “old-fashioned”. In old fashioned times, women didn’t work for a living. They were “kept” by their fathers who then handed them over to their new husbands upon marriage, who were expected to “keep” them. The last (somewhat ceremonial) way a man “kept” his daughter was to pay for the betrothal and marriage festivities – before handing her over to her husband who would then be the person who had financial responsibility. Nowadays women work, some women earn more than their husbands and frequently a young women might earn more than either parent.

I repeat, any parent who WISHES to pay for their child’s wedding or help out financially or practically in other areas of their life has the right to do so, if they wish (and if their child also wishes and is willing to accept their help). But you claim that neither you nor your children are acting “entitled” and are just doing it the traditional way.

A lot of parents who do it the traditional way, do so in order to make a statement – especially to other parents and other young couples. It’s often a pride thing! Not saying that this would be your aim but so much of it is about showing off, one-upmanship and outdoing the family wedding of the next young couple. And that’s why I have EVERY respect for couples who say “Hey! You know what? We’re paying for it all ourselves! We can make it as inexpensive or as costly as we wish, we’ll make it memorable for ourselves regardless of how much or how little money we spend, it’s our money, our wedding and our choice.”

A wedding is just one day. It launches a marriage though. And if a couple are mature and focussed they’ll start their marriage on the right foot – by arranging, planning and paying for it themselves - as much as it's possible!

Baby - posted on 07/19/2013

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I agree with Veronika, family is lost. That's just sad for you, I'm sorry.. It's weird and creepy that she is charging you.

Veronika - posted on 07/18/2013

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I don't see this as entitlement or selfishness… I grew up in a culture and a family that helps each other out when necessary… without the expectation of reward, monetary or otherwise. My husband and I paid for our own wedding and our parents contributed with help… Both financial and emotional! I still feel that family helps family out… if it were a friend or acquaintance you were asking to watch your kids… yes, pay them…
But I guess that "family" is so lost now… everyone for themselves attitude is ruining our moral compass…

Heather - posted on 07/18/2013

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@Angela Barker: You can parent your kids your way, and I will do the same. I will never change my position about how YOU, as their parent, should absolutely pay for your child's college education. Student loans are such a rip off and I don't want my sons graduating with that huge debt hanging over their head. And I think that you should have paid 100% of your daughter's wedding. That's just etiquette and that's the old fashioned way of doing that. It's not that I or any other woman on here who agrees with me has a sense of entitlement. Nor will my children think that. But I had both my kids knowing they would be expensive and I would do anything to help them in life. I guess you think you should charge your kids rent after they turn 18, even if they are in school too huh? I think your attitude towards your children is pure selfishness and if you didn't want to do anything besides birth them and pay for their food and clothes for 18 years(if they're lucky), then maybe you shouldn't have had kids and had all your money for you and only you. Again, glad I'm not your daughter.

Angela - posted on 07/17/2013

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@ Heather Evans ….. Hey! How am I selfish? I never said that I wouldn’t pay anything towards the weddings of any of my children – I actually contributed towards my daughter’s wedding about a year ago ….. I’ll probably do the same if and when any of my sons get married too.

My issue is with children who have a sense of ENTITLEMENT about parents paying for their weddings, providing free babysitting and all the rest of it. It’s fine for those parents who want to help out either financially or practically – they have every right to, assuming their children are happy to accept it. They do not have a DUTY to do any of these things though!

My parents did NOT refuse to help pay for my wedding. I simply didn’t ask them – in fact we made it clear when discussing our plans with them, our ideas and our budget, that we were taking pride in making it our own special day and paying for the whole package ourselves. I think they got the message loud and clear that we were doing the whole thing OUR WAY and paying for it ourselves. Many parents who pay for their children’s weddings regard themselves as stakeholders to some extent in the event they’re helping to bankroll. That’s when you get issues with the guest list - and a few other things too! Not always, but certainly with some parents.

But your response does not surprise me – I’m British and the “Bank Of Mammy & Daddy” is a thriving resource over here as well. But “College” (Further Education) over here is free for young people and the unwaged. When you go to University (Higher Education), then there’s tuition fees and other expenses but guess what? They have student loans for every under-graduate. The responsibility of repaying the debt is with the individual who undertook the higher education, an interest-free long-term loan. It doesn’t matter if your parents are rich, poor or somewhere in the middle every student gets the same student loan based on the tuition fees of the particular University they go to and the cost of living in the area where it is. But if your academic achievements pre-University aren’t good enough, then you don’t get accepted. By removing parents from the equation, any student knows the true stakeholder in whether they get their degree/diploma/whatever is actually himself/herself.

Some of the more recent replies on this thread suggest that quite a lot of young people have a real sense of entitlement on their parents' (and parents-in-law's) time & money!

Veronika - posted on 07/15/2013

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I believe Head Start is a great option… but please don't knock "daycare" of your list! I run a tremendously successful family daycare with curriculum, outside/inside play, and excellent philosophy… Although its not for everyone, Daycare is not just a place to "care" for babies, we foster learning, social skills, and exploration just like any center would! But you gave great advice for a parent who may need a low income option, and Head Start is an excellent choice!

Veronika - posted on 07/15/2013

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oh honey, I don't know how to advice you here! I am a childcare provider, and I've had my five year old niece with me from birth at no charge!!! I would be ashamed to ask for money when I have the opportunity to spend time with her!! Not only that but I have a five year old daughter myself and both take a "spot" at my daycare… My dad and stepmom who also have a daycare watched my son free of charge as well!!! She should feel blessed that she gets to spend time with her grandchild… and thank you for trusting her to do so!

JoAnne - posted on 07/15/2013

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WTFFFFFFFFFFF
WHY IS SHE EVEN CHARGING YOU? THAT IS HER GRANDCHILD?
Sorry for screaming, that just made me mad.

Cindy Marie - posted on 07/13/2013

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Omg...well I can't believe that she's charging you at all...I mean I would never be so presumptuous as to believe that she should do it for free but to take that much money from you when you won't be mad by much just doesn't seem right..my mom watched my son for free for about three months while I worked. She wouldn't take any money. I think that if you explain to your mother your money a situation she would agree to less. Good luck.

Shari - posted on 07/12/2013

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My mother law has been taking care of my kids since they were 3 months old. She should not charge you. They are here grand children. She should be happy to be in there lives. My mother law has been good to my kids . I wouldn't have had it ant other way . And she never chared me . That's how it should be. You need here help

Munique - posted on 07/11/2013

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Try Head Start/Early Head Start programs, they are free and set up for low-income families, plus it is a preschool-based curriculum, not just a Daycare.

They are a federal program so every state has them, you just have to find out who or where it is sponsored in your area and what the qualification amount is.


One thing someone else also mentioned about a preschool over grandparent/babysitter is the building of social skills and interactions. These concepts are crucial to child development, also a GOOD preschool or childcare program will ensure you child will play indoors & outdoors and learn.

I am lucky to have an Early Head Start program for my child, I know she learns a lot and enjoys her day (also here in Maryland they provide diapers and meals + snack. If she were being watched by her Grandmother it would cost us money we do not have & she would be parked in front of a tv or wandering around the house while Gramma chills on FB and gets absorbed in games.......

(Not that her grandmother does not love her, but she is NOT a reliable child-care resource, in our case-not every- EHS is the very best option!)

Stephanie - posted on 07/09/2013

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I think what she is charging is probably fair considering what she may be providing. If you are providing food along with diapers wipes, etc. she may do it for a little less. Also, let her know that she can write off any purchases she makes for the child on her taxes as babysitting costs like she's a business. So if she doesn't MAKE anything she'll actually get money back next year.

My mom keeps my son, and my niece and nephew. She says she charges for the 2nd child so my sister only pays her for my nephew basically. =) I provided her with diapers formula bottles, etc until she decided to start buying her own items because sometimes she likes what works for her and not what I buy and because she loves keeping them so she wants her house to be very child friendly! Through her accountant she was able to write off much of her grocery bill, internet/cable bill - because she does do learning activities with them and uses online resources, and some of her gas mileage when she takes them places like the park or library. So, I don't worry as much now about not paying her =)

Heather - posted on 07/03/2013

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@Angela Barker: Wow! I'm glad you're not my mother! You sound too selfish to even have a child. When my sister and I both got married and went to college, our parents paid 100% of both. Just because your parents didn't help you out in any way, apparently, doesn't mean that us girls (and boys) who actually have parents who help us with big expenses in life doesn't mean we are getting a "free ride". Btw, my wedding was only $5,000, and my parents are modest middle class. I fully plan on paying for both of my sons' rehearsal dinners when they marry, 100% of their college tuition, if they choose to attend, and I put money from my paycheck each week to help them with a down payment on a house one day. If that makes me a bad parent who is giving my kids a free ride, so be it!

Marie-Christina - posted on 05/27/2013

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My dear, as someone who now lives overseas with my 2 children, I pay for the plane tickets for my mother to come stay with for months at a time us to help watch the kids, she does not pay for a thing while she is here and lives rent-free in our home in Canada when she returns. You cannot put a price tag on the love, care and attention a grandmother will provide to her grandchild. Your mother may have her own financial issues as well and having to look after your child will cost her as well. The work may turn into something permanent for you and your mind will be at ease knowing your daughter is being loved and not just looked after. I was also raised by my grandmother and had the same arrangement as my mother was an airline stewardess

Nicola - posted on 05/25/2013

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Yes I can understand where your coming from as its really hard to cope financially these days without some support from parents.

I'd be feeling upset to pay my mum for temporary babysitting given the situation that your trying to earn money to afford baby nessesities.

My mother would definitely do it for free as I would do the same if my daughter was struggling.

I agree that parents teach they're children not to take advantage of them, but this doesn't sound like one of situations.

I wish I lived near you because I'm just getting rid of a lot if baby itoms.

Angela - posted on 05/21/2013

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QUOTE:

"He also said if I ever got married that I'd have to pay for my own wedding"

Well, it would be your choice to marry, so surely you're the one who foots the bill? I don't get what you're saying! Do parents have some "duty" to pay for their offspring's wedding? I would have thought it was obvious that if a couple decide they're going to marry then surely they'll pay for that choice which they made on their own? Actually, I'm surprised he even commented that you should pay for it .... I thought that this would be the case without remarking on it! Then again, if you're wanting a free ride in life from your parents when you're an adult, maybe he thought it was a good idea just to remind you that your wedding and its cost would be down to you (and your prospective husband).

I got engaged to a guy a few years ago - who seemed to believe my parents (also his parents - but mainly mine) - would pay for our wedding. We never made it to the altar. I couldn't marry a man immature enough to expect someone else to pick up the tab.

Brandy - posted on 05/20/2013

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I think it really depends on your realtionship with your mom & rather the placing your son with your mom or daycare is the right thing.
My mom charged me $60.00 a week for my child. I brought food over & everything he needed. Although daycare was also $65.00 a week at the time & supplied food. I thought the same thing as others at least my child was with someone I can trust. She got selfish & wanted more & more everytime you turned around. I was barely making anything. Finally ended up putting my child in daycare at age 2. I have an only child so it was the best thing for me to do. My child got social skills rather then just with an adult all day. My mother is mad at me that I put my child in daycare. So should I of even let her watch him? Very mixed feelings about that. I guess at least they have a bond.
I know as a Grandma I will not charge my child anything for childcare. The Economy has gotten really high. Our parents usually are in a good postion to help out their children. Just like we will be there to help them out as they get older & they won't have much money possibly then. I won't have my hand out for money. Money is the root of all evil!! Family should always be there when they can!!

Heather - posted on 05/11/2013

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I know I will get a lot of flack for this but here it goes: your mother should not charge you anything. She's his grandmother! My mom and step-father watch my 2 sons from 4-9pm 5 days a week and they sometimes spend the night with her on Fridays since I work night shift and it gives my bf a break. I guess I have just been very, very fortunate to have a huge family where we literally watch each other's kids for free all the time.

Candida - posted on 05/09/2013

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It depends if she is doing it for a job or just to have time with her grandson. Seems reasonable to me and you can always see if there's gov assistance to help pay her if your income isn't much. I did this with sons grandma and just asked her if she could give me a month to get finances in order or a little caught up. Sounds like you need more permanent job though. good luck

Marissa - posted on 05/05/2013

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Honestly she is charging you rather cheap. It is unfair of you to ask her to charge you any less because she is already charging you very little. I had to pay $6 per hour for my 9 month old and $4 per hour for my 5 year old. I understand it is hard to pay that much, but my husband was only making $10.50 per hour and we had to pay $10 per hour for child care. At least you are still making money. Just because she isthe grandmother doesn't mean she should work for almost nothing Just think of it this way, at least you are getting the very best with your money since you know she loves your daughter and will take great care of her.

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It sounds like she is giving you an unbelievably good deal to me. First off, she is only going to have your child--a home daycare provider is actually being paid tuition for several kids, which makes it worth their time. Would YOU work for $2.50/hour?? I wouldn't.
I don't understand why you feel she deserves less pay because she is your mother.

Jen - posted on 05/03/2013

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You're only paying $400 a month AND your kid is staying with someone you trust AND who loves your son??? That is a steal of a deal and to be blunt - if you're not happy with it you need to give your head a shake!!! Be grateful, and when you pay her, put it in a thank-you card :)

Lauren - posted on 05/03/2013

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Realistically, $2,50 is a steal. And the reality--sadly--is that a third of your income is commonplace if not more ... part of the reason I'll likely stay home and babysit for others when I have another child. My mom watches my son one day/week for free and then helps out occasionally for an hour or two with our other son after school. She started doing this for free because they were helping us to save up $ to buy a house at the time. I greatly appreciate that she does this, but my husband and I have already discussed what we'll do for her at a time when we have more $--plus it's only one day/week so it's special time for her.

Our babysitter, though, charges $40/day as long as he's there at least 4 hours, but he's typically there 6-8. This is the best rate I could find. Keep in mind, too, that your children are your most precious commodity. While I think it's terrible, a third of your salary really isn't that much when you compare.

Amanda - posted on 05/03/2013

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Too much is up to YOU as a mom. While she is your mom, taking care of her grandchild, you have to remember she's trading off flexibility, afternoon naps, and who knows what else for all of $2.50/hr.

That's a pretty low rate, considering a home day care would have more than one kid to recoup the time value ratio. If it is too much, then you can shop around, negotiate ways to bring the cost down. But in the end, you are the mom and have to decide what her time is worth. She's told you what she thinks her time is worth and likely she thinks it is worth more, but discounted it because it is her her grandchild.

Good luck.

Patricia - posted on 04/29/2013

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As for the cost, it is not too much. Especially because your son will be with someone that cares and loves him and you know he will be safe. As a mother, I found it very difficult to leave my children with strangers in their home. At least with your mother you know the quality of care he is receiving. The only way to ask your mother is to be direct. Remind her of your financial situation and try to offer alternatives to make things easier for her (such as preparing his meals in advance or helping her with house cleaning on your day off). If she is not willing to accept less than you should make your decision based on the situation you feel is best for the child.

Jennie - posted on 04/26/2013

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I live in Wi and the going rate of 2.50 is what I paid for my 13 year old 10 years ago. Day care is very expensive here compared to our salaries.. Most quality in-home day cares charge at least $4 per hour. Certified and inspected centers charge $200- $275 per week. I have 6 children total and for the first time in 9 years my husband's schedule prevents him from being a SAHD during the day. i am looking at 20 hours a week for my newbie in a few months at the start of the new school year when i go back to work. I have not found anywhere I would leave my daughter with that charges less than $400 a month for part-time care!!! As a teacher with an MA Ed in early child/ middle childhood education (birth to age 12 license) I have scene some pretty scary stuff in "good" centers.
If my mom was retired I would pay her $400 per month and kiss her feet :) for the sense of security alone! After school care for my 4 older daughters when they have to stay is $12 per hour for all of them and that is considered cheap!!!! Be grateful and pay the $ if nothing else the sense of security is worth every penny.

Ashley - posted on 04/26/2013

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I pay $250 a week for home daycare....I'd say you are getting off easy with $400 a month! Don't you want family to help you rather than a stranger? Your son will be at home and have complete attention instead of competing with other children.

Alisha - posted on 04/25/2013

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Say mom I really appreciate you wanting to help but right now I can only afford this amount per hour or per month. I would definitely prefer my mom over daycare, you know who's watching your child!

Enna - posted on 04/25/2013

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How old is your son? That can seriously change how much is acceptable to charge you. If he is younger than potty trained I don't think that's unreasonable.

My daughter's six and goes to Kindergarten half day, and I pay $130/week for daycare for the rest of the day, including a discount through my husband's work. It will be $220 a week once summer starts.

When my kids were little, my in-laws watched them because they were retired, and they never charged me anything. But as soon as they were walking they were in daycare because my in-laws just couldn't keep up with them.

I do think your best bet is to find another in home daycare and see if you can get your mom to come down in price. That will definitely show you whether she wants to watch him or not.

Sarah - posted on 04/25/2013

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I am a little torn. On one hand I am with you on this is your mom and your son's grandma. There should be a little give. But on the other hand, I do daycare and $2.50 is not a lot of $ for the work involved....and sometimes there is more work with just one child then there is with 5 kids. She will also lose some of her freedom too. She will no longer have the luxury of having lunch with her friends the same way she would have without babysitting. Sometimes this is a little thing, but a little thing can be huge. For her this is going to be work and I agree with paying her for the work she is doing. I would say talk with her. Let her know where you are at, but also acknowledge the work she will be doing. Then look at what options you have. Most people that have two people working are in the same boat as you with having 1/2 of one persons check going to day care. That is the reality of being a parent and having two people working. For me I would look at it as this is someone you know and trust to watch your child that is priceless to have that sense of security.

Tina Marie - posted on 04/25/2013

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I agree with Amy, and would add this in some manner. If Licensed daycares are charging the same amount for the access and advantages, of insurance, medical training, educational curriculum ects. that your relative is asking for, I would look elsewhere. It is possible that in your county and state you would qualify for lowered/adjusted childcare rates based on your income level. Usually if a relative is providing childcare without some form of written agreement and compensation it leads to all kinds of longterm discord and problems. Avoid it as much as you can.

Amanda - posted on 04/24/2013

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Goodness I don't think they are being fair to you u r at least trying in my opinion they should meet u half way its not like your trying to cheat them gosh you just need a little extra help and that's understandable but if other going to be like that I wouldn't ask them any more for no kind of help you would think they'd want to help you out not make u feel like a thief geeze I'm sorry hun

Rebecca - posted on 04/24/2013

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For some reason, the cost for daycare in Wisconsin is one of the highest in the country. The cost of living here is low and we don't make that much per hour on average.
I asked my mom today if she could charge me a little less, and she's already making me feel like a thief for asking. She said something like "how much little less would help?" I'm sure it's all my dad's doing, he's making her charge that much otherwise she'd do it for a lot less. I don't mind paying my mom, just not that much. My dad has always been and always will be a cheapskate. They're not in need of the extra money; my dad is retiring at 55! (he charged me $300 per month rent plus I had to buy my own groceries when I lived with them a few years ago and my dad still didn't think it was enough. He also said if I ever got married that I'd have to pay for my own wedding. That's the kind of person he is). This is their only grandchild. I have another baby on the way in September and I took the job to buy things for the new baby. I think next time I look for a job I'll make sure it pays more and put my kids in a home daycare. I don't want to ask them again after this.

Amy - posted on 04/22/2013

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Well it sounds like your mom isn't to keen on watching your son since she will be charging the same as a home daycare. Since you're going to have to pay the $400 anyway you should just tell her that you've thought about it and you will be going with a home daycare, maybe even one with preschool like curriculum. Then at that point it's up to her if she wants to charge less, you can even spin it by saying "mom it's going to cost me the same to have you watch x as a home daycare so I've decided I'm going to go with home daycare that offers preschool curriculum, that way you don't feel like you're losing your freedom to do what you want when you want".

I know where I live the cost of living is higher but I wish I only had to pay $400 a month, mine is twice as much!

Amanda - posted on 04/22/2013

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Wow that's what I paid for daycare Id ask her to lower that a bit goodness I'm shocked to know daycare is that much where u live home daycare is bout 300 here and daycares are 400 or lil more but that's in n.c

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